where were you when i needed you the most

[not2subtle]

were you at home watching tv?
were you with your boyfriend?
were you too many miles away?
were you getting drunk?
were you mingling with others that don't care?
were you too busy with finding out who's dying?

this isn't a poem... this applies to those in my life.

not such a great night this evening. terribly long day at work and i feel like i have nothing to show for it. is it so bad to want a pat on the back from those that should matter to me?

i miss chris... i miss megan.... both when we were all all we had. when i could just laugh away my problems over a cup of cheap coffee and a shortstack at ihop. when all i needed was some dollars in change to go out to dennys with megan and talk about dumb things that didn't even matter.

i'm living a life that isn't mine. does that make any sense? i have a family that's a psuedo family who i love and hold dear. but they aren't really mine.
i haven't had a family in forever. i have my sister but she has her own life and really we could never relate to eachother.

comfort in nothing is what i find the most.

i can't wait till things change. i know i'm the only one that could make it happen.