this is green cuz i'm scene.
i make no promises because whenever i do that it makes life seem more hectic then it is...
i feel dumb. there is someone out there who is so intelligent that i feel belittled and almost insignificant like the people i turn my nose up to every day.
i'm somewhat elitist towards a class of people who i see as followers... that's getting old... i should stop putting other people down in my head because i'm probably no better.
yay for not making sense..
i haven't seen any of my friends in a long time.
i've been dating steven for almost six months and we have not spent a day apart.
there are always hurdles to jump over.
i miss my friends and i know it's my own fault i don't take the time for them.
my throat hurts a lot. on the right side where my tongue seemingly ends.
i hate hip hop. for the most part, but i love putting words together that rhyme and making people laugh with the randomness of my rhymes.
i love making people laugh. it makes me feel happy when i know i can make others smile.
i get scared when i'm alone in dark basements...
i watched too many horror films when i was a kid and it fucked me up royally. (thanks, nana)
i feel like i don't have too long to live and then i find that that's just youth's excuse for not doing anything productive.
i feel like i hate home a lot because my mom is a drunk. a bad drunk. it wasn't always like that and i haven't totally come to terms with it yet... it's hard..
i'm hungry right now but don't know what to eat. i feel like i eat too much... but i know i don't.
i don't like that my best friend from forever has also become a drunk and i don't like that when she says certain things, i cringe and think 'where did that come from' we used to feel like sisters from different misters and now it feels like i don't even know her.
i want to own a dog again. i want a small dog... a boston terrier or a pug.
i have the worst demon in the world to face, that demon is jealousy, i'm the most jealous person i know... i can't deal with trusting people because the people that i were supposed to never have to work to trust (my family) gave me no reason to believe in trust.
i'm a downright cynic... i'm bitter... i'm crazy.
simply put.
i'm crazy.
BUT
i do believe i am the nicest cynic ever created.
i don't know why i wrote all this but what the hell it is my journal.
i feel dumb. there is someone out there who is so intelligent that i feel belittled and almost insignificant like the people i turn my nose up to every day.
i'm somewhat elitist towards a class of people who i see as followers... that's getting old... i should stop putting other people down in my head because i'm probably no better.
yay for not making sense..
i haven't seen any of my friends in a long time.
i've been dating steven for almost six months and we have not spent a day apart.
there are always hurdles to jump over.
i miss my friends and i know it's my own fault i don't take the time for them.
my throat hurts a lot. on the right side where my tongue seemingly ends.
i hate hip hop. for the most part, but i love putting words together that rhyme and making people laugh with the randomness of my rhymes.
i love making people laugh. it makes me feel happy when i know i can make others smile.
i get scared when i'm alone in dark basements...
i watched too many horror films when i was a kid and it fucked me up royally. (thanks, nana)
i feel like i don't have too long to live and then i find that that's just youth's excuse for not doing anything productive.
i feel like i hate home a lot because my mom is a drunk. a bad drunk. it wasn't always like that and i haven't totally come to terms with it yet... it's hard..
i'm hungry right now but don't know what to eat. i feel like i eat too much... but i know i don't.
i don't like that my best friend from forever has also become a drunk and i don't like that when she says certain things, i cringe and think 'where did that come from' we used to feel like sisters from different misters and now it feels like i don't even know her.
i want to own a dog again. i want a small dog... a boston terrier or a pug.
i have the worst demon in the world to face, that demon is jealousy, i'm the most jealous person i know... i can't deal with trusting people because the people that i were supposed to never have to work to trust (my family) gave me no reason to believe in trust.
i'm a downright cynic... i'm bitter... i'm crazy.
simply put.
i'm crazy.
BUT
i do believe i am the nicest cynic ever created.
i don't know why i wrote all this but what the hell it is my journal.