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ok, I know I mess up a lot. I know I'm freaking stupid. but why is it necessary, with all the shit that I've been through the last couple of weeks, to yell at me about the fucking shoes I wore to graduation.
I hate fashion in the first place, I hate how people think soo much about what they look like, and how society is judged by what they are wearing, and most of all I hate formal events!!!!!!!!
so graduation wasn't exactly my cup of tea. well the dressing up part, anyway. so I was proud of myself when I found a pair of nice, matching flipflops to go with my nice pink sundress. I thought I looked nice. so why, over a week later, do my parents decide to yell at me about how I looked like shit and that they were embarassed and ashamed to call me their daughter?!! fucking honestly, a week down the road, does it matter?! geeez.
and I figured it out. when I was born, they unconsiously made this list for my life:
1. grow up well
2. get good grades
3. be in band
4. have nice GIRL friends
5. graduate
6. go to a university/get a degree
7. get a job
8. get married
9. have kids
okay something like that, give or take a few. and it drives them absolutely crazy if I put one toe out of their perfect little plan for my life. I don't get it. it seems like everything that makes me happy pisses them off.
They think that everytime I don't go with their list, its my own way of seeking revenge on them or intentionally trying to make their lives a living hell. they think I am a screw up. that I am not capable of acheiving anything.
did they ever stop and think that I'm not their little robot? that I actually have a brain and am fully capable of doing what I think is right for me? I mean, I need sanity too! I need something, or someone, who likes me just the way I am. who doesn't expect anything from me but myself. and now I've found that person, and predictably, they hate every minute I spend with him. again, the plan doesn't allow for someone like that! gah it irks me how they do that. I find a little sanity, and I have to fight for it. its not right.
I hate fashion in the first place, I hate how people think soo much about what they look like, and how society is judged by what they are wearing, and most of all I hate formal events!!!!!!!!
so graduation wasn't exactly my cup of tea. well the dressing up part, anyway. so I was proud of myself when I found a pair of nice, matching flipflops to go with my nice pink sundress. I thought I looked nice. so why, over a week later, do my parents decide to yell at me about how I looked like shit and that they were embarassed and ashamed to call me their daughter?!! fucking honestly, a week down the road, does it matter?! geeez.
and I figured it out. when I was born, they unconsiously made this list for my life:
1. grow up well
2. get good grades
3. be in band
4. have nice GIRL friends
5. graduate
6. go to a university/get a degree
7. get a job
8. get married
9. have kids
okay something like that, give or take a few. and it drives them absolutely crazy if I put one toe out of their perfect little plan for my life. I don't get it. it seems like everything that makes me happy pisses them off.
They think that everytime I don't go with their list, its my own way of seeking revenge on them or intentionally trying to make their lives a living hell. they think I am a screw up. that I am not capable of acheiving anything.
did they ever stop and think that I'm not their little robot? that I actually have a brain and am fully capable of doing what I think is right for me? I mean, I need sanity too! I need something, or someone, who likes me just the way I am. who doesn't expect anything from me but myself. and now I've found that person, and predictably, they hate every minute I spend with him. again, the plan doesn't allow for someone like that! gah it irks me how they do that. I find a little sanity, and I have to fight for it. its not right.