--Vongola Road Warriors
'Driving a car,' Shamal says, with absolute and utter conviction, 'is like getting to know a girl.'
Next to him, Gokudera resists the urge to shove a stick of dynamite down the doctor's throat.
'Every bump in the road, every curve and turn, it's something new and exciting each time,' he continues. 'Naturally it doesn't compare to the thrill of really good sex, but seeing as you're still a virgin and probably not going to get laid any time in the next ten years, I'd say this would be the next best thing for you.'
'What the-'
'Well, are you, or not?'
'That's none of your fucking business, old man! You've spent all day talking to yourself, are you going to teach me how to drive or not?!'
There's a short lull in the conversation, before Shamal shrugs. 'I was teaching you how to drive, but since you're such a smart boy, you can probably work out the rest yourself.'
And then Shamal promptly opens the door and gets out- or more correctly, jumps out.
While the engine is still running.
It's Gokudera's good fortune that he really does learn very fast, especially when his life is at stake and what the fuck is that a fucking tree coming up to meet him this is so not fucking good-
---
Dino walks into the garage humming, he's in a good mood today (or at least, this is as good as it's going to get). Kyoya'd been sent over by the Vongola on God-only-knew-what business, he'd not bothered to ask and the teenager hadn't bothered to tell. At the very least, it hadn't involved Dino fighting him or training him or anything of that ilk, and for that alone, the Cavallone Don was grateful.
But Kyoya was still a teenager, that was the one fact Dino still couldn't really shake.
Kids really grew up fast these days, didn't they?
All that aside, though, there really wasn't anything too wrong with his world and all its confines, his family and his friends. So it's with a half-smile on his face that he enters his garage, looks around for a while-
'Romario,' he says. 'Where'd my car go?'
There is, from his right hand man, complete silence.
Dino is not of the Vongola blood, although he considers himself allied with them. And what some would call the Vongola Intuition, Dino would label as experience, as insight born out of knowing the situation and figuring out the likeliest possibility. So it's his own brand of common sense that's telling him that now is perhaps not the best time to panic. Romario was there and one of his men had probably taken it out, that was all.
'I'm sure it was here this morning, right-'
And then the remaining switches flip and he thinks: no, wait, someone would have told me, if that was all. But Romario's still silent and Dino is nothing if not perceptive about his men. And this, all this, leaves only one other really good explanation, which leads him to the one conclusion which he knows is correct and which he very wants to be wrong about.
'-Oh, damn,' he says. 'Do we have enough money to bribe every traffic cop in Palermo?'
---
They're using the sushi van for this, and while it's a bashed, beaten up old model, it's still in decent enough shape and, both of them figure, good enough for this purpose. If you couldn't use the thing to teach a kid to drive, then what was the point of having one, anyway?
Besides, once Yamamoto Takeshi learned how to, he'd be able to take over the deliveries and leave his father with a bit more free time on his hands, something that Yamamoto Tsuyoshi doesn't find himself at all unhappy with the idea of.
'I'll show you how to do it once, and then you can have a go at it,' his father says with a grin.
'Okay,' Yamamoto replies.
Fortunately for them, there are no walls for Yamamoto to crash into, which is why absolutely nothing unexpected happens. Apart, of course, from Yamamoto somehow displaying enough skill in one hour to drive the van almost as well as his father can.
But then again, this is Yamamoto, natural born assassin and baseball star. Learning how to drive a car's not too far beyond his capabilities.
Thankfully.
---
This is not how it should be happening, Tsuna thinks wretchedly. He should have been learning how to drive in a nice, ordinary manner with a nice, ordinary teacher who'd have showed him how to do things nicely and normally and without beating the shit out of the other people in the car.
'Haha, anyway I think you're supposed to step on that, Tsuna-'
'Do you want us all to die, baseball freak? That's the fucking accelerator! Tenth, don't listen to this idiot, just depress the clutch pedal first.'
He's not even sure if he should ask which one the clutch pedal is. There are knobs and levers everywhere and what if it blows up in real life, what if Reborn's wired it up so that if he does something wrong they all die, he wouldn't put it pass him-
'So, No Good Tsuna's finally learning how to drive?' the assassin says, seated quite comfortably in the front passenger seat. Yamamoto and Gokudera both break off their argument to greet the baby, while Tsuna simply gawks.
'What- Re- Reborn? How did you get in here?!'
'I thought I'd lend you a hand. You're still my student, after all, and since I discovered some of my old bullets the other day...'
'Old wh-'
Tsuna starts, but never gets to finish, since Reborn's just shot him in the face.
'-LEARN TO DRIVE AS IF I WERE TO DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.'
---
OMAKE, or, WHAT THEY NEVER KNEW:
'One day,' Shamal says, smugly.
'One afternoon,' Dino winces, trying not to remember the details.
'One hour,' Tsuyoshi counters with a shrug.
They look over at Reborn, who holds up a gun and a Dying Will Bullet.
'One second,' he says. 'Now, pay up, all of you.'