Once again I find myself in a mindset that I really wish I could avoid. Somehow, I have convinced myself that there is some possibility that Kellie and I could become friends again, and possibly more
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For the most part, I agree with you, Len. And for the record, it completely surprised me when your comment popped up. You were the last person I expected to hear from. Well... third to last...
Primarily, I wrote this post as a way to get thoughts off my chest. Like I said, I have no intention of trying to talk to Kellie, just as I have no intention of trying to talk to Rachel. It may have taken me a while to come to these conclusions, but here I am.
By making the statement that my thoughts were no good, I was simply trying to re-plant the idea in my own head that would lead me back to the conclusions that I had previously reached.
I am well aware that my actions are my own, and what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do to fix anything anymore. Hence why I say that it would have to be her who decides to initiate anything.
I agree that I am probably over-playing the heartbreak. When I told her that I still liked her, and then when she subsequently decided that I was trying to pursue her (which, for what it's worth, I wasn't), that was probably the point when any lingering thoughts that she may have had about still feeling any positive feelings toward me went away.
Now forgive me for becoming a little defensive, but making comments about having dismal prospects is just low. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that a big part of why I tend to be clingy is because I have a relatively low sense of self confidence which leads me to sometimes think that it will be difficult to find someone new.
Another reason is because I do tend to become very attached to those things that I have, and when I lose them, it is extremely difficult for me to sever that attachment. However, I wouldn't call that smothering. But hell, that's just semantics, I guess. You only say it that way because you're attempting to make me feel bad, because you can't be comfortable unless you convince yourself that I'm the bad guy.
I will not ask you any questions, because yes, you've already answered a lot of them. But I will say that you are wrong when you say I have not changed. There is no way for me to convince you of that, though, so I won't even try.
Primarily, I wrote this post as a way to get thoughts off my chest. Like I said, I have no intention of trying to talk to Kellie, just as I have no intention of trying to talk to Rachel. It may have taken me a while to come to these conclusions, but here I am.
By making the statement that my thoughts were no good, I was simply trying to re-plant the idea in my own head that would lead me back to the conclusions that I had previously reached.
I am well aware that my actions are my own, and what's done is done, and there's nothing I can do to fix anything anymore. Hence why I say that it would have to be her who decides to initiate anything.
I agree that I am probably over-playing the heartbreak. When I told her that I still liked her, and then when she subsequently decided that I was trying to pursue her (which, for what it's worth, I wasn't), that was probably the point when any lingering thoughts that she may have had about still feeling any positive feelings toward me went away.
Now forgive me for becoming a little defensive, but making comments about having dismal prospects is just low. Yes, I have come to the conclusion that a big part of why I tend to be clingy is because I have a relatively low sense of self confidence which leads me to sometimes think that it will be difficult to find someone new.
Another reason is because I do tend to become very attached to those things that I have, and when I lose them, it is extremely difficult for me to sever that attachment. However, I wouldn't call that smothering. But hell, that's just semantics, I guess. You only say it that way because you're attempting to make me feel bad, because you can't be comfortable unless you convince yourself that I'm the bad guy.
I will not ask you any questions, because yes, you've already answered a lot of them. But I will say that you are wrong when you say I have not changed. There is no way for me to convince you of that, though, so I won't even try.
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