Tomorrow, the loss of vision in order to gain it
Tomorrow is it. Despite extra unexpected expenses I've built up (read the last post), I'm going to go through with the lasik/prk. It's tomorrow afternoon. Since I'll have PRK rather than normal lasik, the recovery will take a bit of time. A part of me is more nervous about feeling helpless and depending on others for a few days rather than possible larger (although much less likely) risks. Wish me luck, think happy thoughts, and/or say a prayer or two. As my vision slowly returns over the next 3-4 days, I won't be able to do many things (I'm specifically told not to watch tv or read). So, maybe it'll be a good time to chat with friends and catch up. Feel free to give me a call. However, be sure to identify yourself right away since I won't be able to read the caller id, and I'll be a bit out of it on drugs. On the other hand, I may make a few calls. However, I think that will mean asking someone else to dial the number for me (damn that whole vision thing).
Damn, this is kind of really scary. I mean, the risks aren't that likely (at least not the major ones), but it's still scary - they're my eyes for crying out loud. But I've thought about this... and while on many, many things, I can be indecisive... a few times in my life, I've made a decision and it truly felt right (albiet possibly scary, etc)... on the flip side, I've avoided things because at the moment they didn't seem right for me (and looking back, I'm glad)... heck, even on a less serious note - bungee jumping, that was still incredibly crazy, but I had wanted to do it for a long time... I just didn't expect that day to sneak up on me like it did when Jesse helped talk me the rest of the way into it... and while I was terrified, it still felt right. And I'm glad I did it. So, maybe this is kind of like that... I'm scared, but I've thought about this for over 8 years... knowing that someday I would want to do this... and tomorrow is the day, and it's scary, but in a crazy way it feels right. And I'll trust my gut and go with it. Sure, I reserve the right to still back out (especially if a few extra major questions aren't adequately answered tomorrow), but I'm pretty sure this is it. Unless someday presbyopia (needing reading glasses from a natural weakening of the eye -lens-) kicks in, this is it... this is the last night I'll wear glasses. Craziness... but it sounds like such freedom, being able to see... having just my face and nothing else on it... just me. Hopefully no need for contacts that get old and uncomfortable and dry out the eyes as the night wears on, no need to remember to take them out before relaxing on the couch to watch a movie... no need to have broken glasses that don't quite fit right. No need to have speckles of drops on the lens while walking in the rain or having them fog up in winter. Vision, pure and simple (and complicated) vision.
I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this. Tomorrow.
If I don't talk to you in a couple days... hopefully I'll write in this come Monday or Tuesday evening when I'm well on my way to recovery. 'Til then.
Damn, this is kind of really scary. I mean, the risks aren't that likely (at least not the major ones), but it's still scary - they're my eyes for crying out loud. But I've thought about this... and while on many, many things, I can be indecisive... a few times in my life, I've made a decision and it truly felt right (albiet possibly scary, etc)... on the flip side, I've avoided things because at the moment they didn't seem right for me (and looking back, I'm glad)... heck, even on a less serious note - bungee jumping, that was still incredibly crazy, but I had wanted to do it for a long time... I just didn't expect that day to sneak up on me like it did when Jesse helped talk me the rest of the way into it... and while I was terrified, it still felt right. And I'm glad I did it. So, maybe this is kind of like that... I'm scared, but I've thought about this for over 8 years... knowing that someday I would want to do this... and tomorrow is the day, and it's scary, but in a crazy way it feels right. And I'll trust my gut and go with it. Sure, I reserve the right to still back out (especially if a few extra major questions aren't adequately answered tomorrow), but I'm pretty sure this is it. Unless someday presbyopia (needing reading glasses from a natural weakening of the eye -lens-) kicks in, this is it... this is the last night I'll wear glasses. Craziness... but it sounds like such freedom, being able to see... having just my face and nothing else on it... just me. Hopefully no need for contacts that get old and uncomfortable and dry out the eyes as the night wears on, no need to remember to take them out before relaxing on the couch to watch a movie... no need to have broken glasses that don't quite fit right. No need to have speckles of drops on the lens while walking in the rain or having them fog up in winter. Vision, pure and simple (and complicated) vision.
I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this. Tomorrow.
If I don't talk to you in a couple days... hopefully I'll write in this come Monday or Tuesday evening when I'm well on my way to recovery. 'Til then.