I guess today went well
Although I do wish I could do more to help some people. Ahh, where to begin :'(
Anyways, the good stuff. A lie in, and a pleasant surprise in that the dull but essential looking module I started at uni doesn't look too bad at the moment...though I still don't see why its 30 credits! Well, I do, it was meant to be run by that Professor guy we all hate till we made sure he wouldn't teach us again. That looks like the best thing we ever did cause his replacement seems a far more affable chap with his head actually attached to his shoulders. Its 30 credits cause the original guy has jumped up ideas about how important things are. This module is about learning how to suck up to editors basically. My two semester long course on qualitatative methods and statistics is only 20 credits!
This is a minor pleasure however. The first surge of euphoria came soon after. While I have little to do I'm working on my thesis to get a head while I can. I spent pretty much all of yesterday trying to think up a good experiment, but they ranged from being too simple that they showed nothing to overly complicated behemoths that I'm not sure all the statistics in the world would clear up. So today I figured I'd try something new. its called 'Go home and listen to some music and see if inspiration hits'. It did. Before I even got home. Its so damn simple too. I'll be sending the idea off to my supervisor tomorrow to see if she agrees with me. I'd say what it is but I'll probably be hoping some of you guys will take part when the time comes (I probably wont start running participant till June...that's how keen I am to get ahead, hehe). its such a damn good feeling though, when an idea pops in your head, theres a second of 'there might be something too this', then a real genuine excitement, then you panic and start trying to pick any holes in it you can...and when you don't find any you pat yourself on the back, write it down as fast as you can and wait for someone to rubbish it the next day....lets hope that doesn't happen!
After that my mood was maintained by some Zebrahead (I get excited by occasional fleeting footage of Newcastle in the Broadcast to the World DVD) but so much more so by a couple of conversations on msn. I generally hate msn but now and then I venture on and I think I did some good. The main event for me though was my chat to Lyndsay. Keen stalkers will remember a while ago on my facebook a status along the lines of 'Steven is trying to do the right thing' or some such. Seems I did. The story behind this regards me recent rereading of this very journal. I decided to start from just before me and Lyndsay go together, assuming given my state of mind at the time that to do otherwise would be emotional suicide. What I found was actually quite uplifting for me, and yes, a little of a tug on the old heartstrings. I found it interesting that as time moved forward she'd sneak into more posts as my rather well disguised but still quite plain to see infatuation grew. The fact remains that I never fancied her in the simple sense though. I never really looked at her and tough 'yes, I demand to see you naked!'. Thats a rather fleeting sort of love anyway. I just mean that in my early posts as well as calling her Lindsey, she's only ever described as fun. later on she's called Lyndsay and described as fun, but more frequently. Of course this is what I fell in love with in the end. I still cant have a bad time around her.
By now you're probably wondering where I'm going. Well, having read all of this I couldn't sleep that night with largely positive thoughts running through my head so I send her a rather lengthy message only just the right side of 1am. In this message I revealed at last that I had a journal (but did not say it was online, that would be suicide, this is too easy to find and words cannot express how pissed she'd be if she knew it was public!). I told her I had been reading it, and what I've put here, only well, with less pissing about frankly. I told her that it had really shown me that for near four years now she has been an almost constant positive influence in my life and that we had been such good friends for a far longer time than its seemed to me. I more or less gave a mission statement to her. It admitted that I wasn't yet quite over her, but that I could now see exactly where I wanted us to get. I told her I was determined for us to end up back just as close as we were before we were together and I don't see any reason why we couldn't get there. It was a largely nice and positive message. but I was also very honest and there was pleanty there that could have upset her.
A few days passed and no reply, so I sent her a text to say it was there. She said she'd look when she had a chance...I still had nothing before today. Anyway, I got chatting to her on msn and I mentioned she had been ignoring this message and she says that she didn't ignore I, she just couldn't reply. Admitting she's not good at the old expression of the emotions (she can say that again, hehe). So I asked if it upset her, because it was meant to be a nice message. She says nope, it made her very happy indeed, she just didn't know what the hell to say to me. So then we get talking about stuff, some serious, some more silly. All in all very productive. We both admitted a few things, but mostly it was just a chat between friends. In this respect it was much like Saturday. I think we really are getting to where I want to be. Where we're both a part of each others lives, a significant part, but far from the centre of it. Hopefully soon I wont have to quite force such a smile when I see little emo boys running after her.
So yeah, I'm feeling quite positive today and have done rather well at spreading it today I think. Damn shame I cant make everyone feel good. Sometimes you have to know when to leave people alone though, and I think this is one of those times....but its so easy to get that one wrong.
Anyways, the good stuff. A lie in, and a pleasant surprise in that the dull but essential looking module I started at uni doesn't look too bad at the moment...though I still don't see why its 30 credits! Well, I do, it was meant to be run by that Professor guy we all hate till we made sure he wouldn't teach us again. That looks like the best thing we ever did cause his replacement seems a far more affable chap with his head actually attached to his shoulders. Its 30 credits cause the original guy has jumped up ideas about how important things are. This module is about learning how to suck up to editors basically. My two semester long course on qualitatative methods and statistics is only 20 credits!
This is a minor pleasure however. The first surge of euphoria came soon after. While I have little to do I'm working on my thesis to get a head while I can. I spent pretty much all of yesterday trying to think up a good experiment, but they ranged from being too simple that they showed nothing to overly complicated behemoths that I'm not sure all the statistics in the world would clear up. So today I figured I'd try something new. its called 'Go home and listen to some music and see if inspiration hits'. It did. Before I even got home. Its so damn simple too. I'll be sending the idea off to my supervisor tomorrow to see if she agrees with me. I'd say what it is but I'll probably be hoping some of you guys will take part when the time comes (I probably wont start running participant till June...that's how keen I am to get ahead, hehe). its such a damn good feeling though, when an idea pops in your head, theres a second of 'there might be something too this', then a real genuine excitement, then you panic and start trying to pick any holes in it you can...and when you don't find any you pat yourself on the back, write it down as fast as you can and wait for someone to rubbish it the next day....lets hope that doesn't happen!
After that my mood was maintained by some Zebrahead (I get excited by occasional fleeting footage of Newcastle in the Broadcast to the World DVD) but so much more so by a couple of conversations on msn. I generally hate msn but now and then I venture on and I think I did some good. The main event for me though was my chat to Lyndsay. Keen stalkers will remember a while ago on my facebook a status along the lines of 'Steven is trying to do the right thing' or some such. Seems I did. The story behind this regards me recent rereading of this very journal. I decided to start from just before me and Lyndsay go together, assuming given my state of mind at the time that to do otherwise would be emotional suicide. What I found was actually quite uplifting for me, and yes, a little of a tug on the old heartstrings. I found it interesting that as time moved forward she'd sneak into more posts as my rather well disguised but still quite plain to see infatuation grew. The fact remains that I never fancied her in the simple sense though. I never really looked at her and tough 'yes, I demand to see you naked!'. Thats a rather fleeting sort of love anyway. I just mean that in my early posts as well as calling her Lindsey, she's only ever described as fun. later on she's called Lyndsay and described as fun, but more frequently. Of course this is what I fell in love with in the end. I still cant have a bad time around her.
By now you're probably wondering where I'm going. Well, having read all of this I couldn't sleep that night with largely positive thoughts running through my head so I send her a rather lengthy message only just the right side of 1am. In this message I revealed at last that I had a journal (but did not say it was online, that would be suicide, this is too easy to find and words cannot express how pissed she'd be if she knew it was public!). I told her I had been reading it, and what I've put here, only well, with less pissing about frankly. I told her that it had really shown me that for near four years now she has been an almost constant positive influence in my life and that we had been such good friends for a far longer time than its seemed to me. I more or less gave a mission statement to her. It admitted that I wasn't yet quite over her, but that I could now see exactly where I wanted us to get. I told her I was determined for us to end up back just as close as we were before we were together and I don't see any reason why we couldn't get there. It was a largely nice and positive message. but I was also very honest and there was pleanty there that could have upset her.
A few days passed and no reply, so I sent her a text to say it was there. She said she'd look when she had a chance...I still had nothing before today. Anyway, I got chatting to her on msn and I mentioned she had been ignoring this message and she says that she didn't ignore I, she just couldn't reply. Admitting she's not good at the old expression of the emotions (she can say that again, hehe). So I asked if it upset her, because it was meant to be a nice message. She says nope, it made her very happy indeed, she just didn't know what the hell to say to me. So then we get talking about stuff, some serious, some more silly. All in all very productive. We both admitted a few things, but mostly it was just a chat between friends. In this respect it was much like Saturday. I think we really are getting to where I want to be. Where we're both a part of each others lives, a significant part, but far from the centre of it. Hopefully soon I wont have to quite force such a smile when I see little emo boys running after her.
So yeah, I'm feeling quite positive today and have done rather well at spreading it today I think. Damn shame I cant make everyone feel good. Sometimes you have to know when to leave people alone though, and I think this is one of those times....but its so easy to get that one wrong.