creature from THE PIT
We begin as K-9 reads Peter Rabbit to the Doctor. Romana has read it as well and totally spoilers the Doctor. Romana looks at string while the Doctor shoves his hand down his trousers.
"What are you possibly going to do with the old jawbone of an ass?"
"Don't be a philistine, that jawbone's been about a bit, you know."
Romana finds a bit of TARDIS that picks up calls from Gallifrey and the like. "I was never in distress. Well, not often. Not what you'd call often." They plug it in and everything falls over. Have you ever noticed that Lalla has no tits? You know who has tits? Mary. And Catherine Tate. Catherine Tate is not in this.
Out comes the teaspoon, DW's biggest fic archive. The Doctor uses it to establish that part of the set is a metal egg.
"Stands to reason. Why doesn't it lie down to reason? It's easier to reason lying down." Bits of set move towards Four and Romana has vanished. Oh noes the Doctor is covered in vibrating vegetation. An old woman saves the Doctor from death. THE PLACE OF DEATH, it is called THE PLACE OF DEATH. Because they kill you if you go there. Romana has introduced herself as the Doctor's commander. As she is. Anyway, they are captured. OH GOD NOT THE STEREOTYPE ROBBERS PLEASE GOD NO. They steal off with Romana and all the metal. But then I always just thought they were being cockney or something, it took other people to explain that they're Jewish. I sux at stereotypes.
Meanwhile the episode tries to appeal to people who like Four!bondage. I am not one of those people.
Yay, the Lady Adrasta! "I suppose you could say the yoke's on him if you were the sort of person who says that sort of thing, which fortunately I'm not." Yet.
"I couldn't see a man of your obvious talents in a subordinate position," lies Adrasta. Someone is sent to find Romana. But Romana is okay. She uses the Power Of Awesome to take over the situation. I WANT TO BE HER. OR BE HER WIFE. EITHER/OR. She produces a dog whistle from between her no breasts and summons K-9.
"This man is being facetious!"
"He's quite right!"
A teaspoon and an open mind, yay! (Yeah, this is where the archive got its name. In case you were wondering.) Oh noes, the man is to be... thrown into the pit?
"We call it... The Pit."
K-9 is got by green things and Romana has a cry at this awful event. The Doctor touches Romana some and then jumps into The Pit.
CLIFFHANGER!