An insight to the thoughts of Sarah
So I think its about time for a long entry on my thoughts. I keep thinking about how hard it is for me to put words to my emotions, but writing them seems soo much easier. I havent been very happy lately and I know a few have noticed. Maybe I should just write down whats goin through my mind at the moment. Soo Here we go.
The last summer we had was one of the best in the history of ever. Im constantly thinking about how much fun I had and how much I would love for this summer to be like that one. But nothing is ever the same. I was debating on going back to camp, Ive REALLY been thinking about it, but I think that maybe I should spend my summer with my friends that I may never see after this year. Perhaps for one week Ill be a volunteer. Maybe.
Its like after that summer, things havent been going just right. I know Ive become more dependant on those that are close to me, and I know they probably resent it... maybe even to the point of avoiding me, but they didnt say anything. As time goes by it just gets worse. If I need to back off just tell me. Seriously. Perhaps one day when everyone ceases to know each other we will look back on this and smile. Silly Sarah, trying to cling on to something. EVERYONE knows that nothing lasts.
Ive been thinking about religion alot lately. The end, in almost all religions is utterly final and unavoidable. I dont know how anyone can think about it and not go insane! Seriosly, after you die... what is there? Heaven..? Vast Emptiness...? do you cease to exist all together and all that you loved and lived for was absolutely moot? I have begun to believe in Reincarnation. Within the vast amount of lives one may live, there is always love and opertunities, living for eternity without knowing it. I think I cling to the hope that we are born again once we die because Im afraid of NOT being. It scares the crap out of me. Perhaps those that surround you now may surround you in your next life.
It feels like those that I care about are already preparing to leave. The distancing is pretty much obvious. I dont want to hold back anyone either. If its something you want to do, than do it!!! I am not here to be your ball and chain. If you want to leave now, do it. Dont drag my emotions along for the ride.
Being left is what I have to go through eventually so I should start dealing with it or something.
The last summer we had was one of the best in the history of ever. Im constantly thinking about how much fun I had and how much I would love for this summer to be like that one. But nothing is ever the same. I was debating on going back to camp, Ive REALLY been thinking about it, but I think that maybe I should spend my summer with my friends that I may never see after this year. Perhaps for one week Ill be a volunteer. Maybe.
Its like after that summer, things havent been going just right. I know Ive become more dependant on those that are close to me, and I know they probably resent it... maybe even to the point of avoiding me, but they didnt say anything. As time goes by it just gets worse. If I need to back off just tell me. Seriously. Perhaps one day when everyone ceases to know each other we will look back on this and smile. Silly Sarah, trying to cling on to something. EVERYONE knows that nothing lasts.
Ive been thinking about religion alot lately. The end, in almost all religions is utterly final and unavoidable. I dont know how anyone can think about it and not go insane! Seriosly, after you die... what is there? Heaven..? Vast Emptiness...? do you cease to exist all together and all that you loved and lived for was absolutely moot? I have begun to believe in Reincarnation. Within the vast amount of lives one may live, there is always love and opertunities, living for eternity without knowing it. I think I cling to the hope that we are born again once we die because Im afraid of NOT being. It scares the crap out of me. Perhaps those that surround you now may surround you in your next life.
It feels like those that I care about are already preparing to leave. The distancing is pretty much obvious. I dont want to hold back anyone either. If its something you want to do, than do it!!! I am not here to be your ball and chain. If you want to leave now, do it. Dont drag my emotions along for the ride.
Being left is what I have to go through eventually so I should start dealing with it or something.