(no subject)
Well, AJ, Zina, Tim, and Steph came over tonight. AJ made a lot of sense of some things I couldn't understand. He's smart as hell, and probably one of my closest friends. We had some liquor (well, me, AJ, and Tim). I did my first start-off tequila shots. I've done them before, but never first.
I found out that I'm unhappy right now because I made my own feelings obsolete, and made Alyssa's feelings my paramountcy; I anagolized her's with my own. Now she's gone, and I don't know how to feel. I haven't had feelings of my own for 1½ years. That's a long time, day by day. 545 days. That's a long time at age 20. 13.4% of my life, 14.2% of hers.
AJ says that she'll most likely want to get back together with me in >1 year (dispite what she says), and I shouldn't, but odds are I will. If I do, I'll make every effort to make her happy, and fix all the problems that we had. She promised me a life together with her, and I'll make her the happiest girl in the world.
I love her, but dispite what I believed for 18 months, I do kinda like another girl. I'm not gonna tell many people who it is, because she's a friend on this journal. I'm as surprised as any thô. I don't know how we'd be as a couple. She's been my friend for a long, long time. I have a little trouble thinking of her as anything different, and I doubt she can.
I decided a Star Wars marathon was in order. I've watched Empire Strikes Back and Yoda just died in Return of the Jedi. Tomorrow, I'll finish ROTJ and probably watch Attack of the Clones. I hope Alyssa wants to watch Revenge of the Sith with me. She promised she would, but that doesn't mean much at this point. She's broken every other promise, but I hope she decides I'm important enô for her to keep the promise to me. I still love her, but I don't know if she respects me enô to keep it, or the other promises she's made to me.
Well, it's 3:38. It's 49° out, I'm off to bed. Too cold and poor to have a cigarette. Maybe if I can afford a pack later.
I found out that I'm unhappy right now because I made my own feelings obsolete, and made Alyssa's feelings my paramountcy; I anagolized her's with my own. Now she's gone, and I don't know how to feel. I haven't had feelings of my own for 1½ years. That's a long time, day by day. 545 days. That's a long time at age 20. 13.4% of my life, 14.2% of hers.
AJ says that she'll most likely want to get back together with me in >1 year (dispite what she says), and I shouldn't, but odds are I will. If I do, I'll make every effort to make her happy, and fix all the problems that we had. She promised me a life together with her, and I'll make her the happiest girl in the world.
I love her, but dispite what I believed for 18 months, I do kinda like another girl. I'm not gonna tell many people who it is, because she's a friend on this journal. I'm as surprised as any thô. I don't know how we'd be as a couple. She's been my friend for a long, long time. I have a little trouble thinking of her as anything different, and I doubt she can.
I decided a Star Wars marathon was in order. I've watched Empire Strikes Back and Yoda just died in Return of the Jedi. Tomorrow, I'll finish ROTJ and probably watch Attack of the Clones. I hope Alyssa wants to watch Revenge of the Sith with me. She promised she would, but that doesn't mean much at this point. She's broken every other promise, but I hope she decides I'm important enô for her to keep the promise to me. I still love her, but I don't know if she respects me enô to keep it, or the other promises she's made to me.
Well, it's 3:38. It's 49° out, I'm off to bed. Too cold and poor to have a cigarette. Maybe if I can afford a pack later.