Fic: Crushing a Crush
THE START
Whenever Neville visited St. Mungo’s, he watched for Katherine Bundy with painful anticipation. Three years older, out of Hogwarts and a trainee Healer, she seemed so far out of reach that he never thought of her except by her first and last name combined. But he still looked for her.
On those days when he couldn’t catch sight of her, he was disappointed, and everything seemed grey and useless, but when he did see her, the world blurred and faded until she was the only clear and bright sight in the general fog. The whole side of his body facing her felt hot and aware as if she had touched him. When she was around, he dropped things, banged into things, tripped, and stuttered, and did it a lot even for him. The only thing that kept him from knocking over half the ward was his complete and thorough familiarity with the hospital. He’d been coming to St. Mungo’s for so long he had the place memorized, which considering that he was the one doing the memorizing, was a testimony to how much time he had spent at St. Mungo’s.
The first time he saw Katherine Bundy, dressed in her trainee-robes, walk into the Janus Thickey ward along side his parents’ Healer, he stared in shock. A girl from Hogwarts was in the ward just a few days after Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Ron. Years had gone by, without Neville meeting one kid his age in the ward let alone someone he knew, but in less than a week he saw five students from Hogwarts. It seemed unfair.
He recognized the trainee-girl immediately. He had noticed her a lot at school, because she was easy to notice. She was beautiful. He didn’t think it was just him; anyone would think she was beautiful. She had been a Hufflepuff, and Neville had seen her often with Cedric Diggory; so often that until Cedric started dating Cho, Neville had assumed she was his girlfriend.
Neville hung back while she and the Healer first examined his parents and then stood in consultation with his grandmother. He was never welcome at those meetings. He pulled the privacy screen around his parents section of the ward, unsure if this new girl was Healer enough to be allowed to see what his parents were like. He grabbed some Droobles bubble gum and blew a great big bubble for his mum and dad, who watched with wonder as the blue-bell colored balloon floated around them. Neville did this often, but still they looked as though they could not remember seeing one before. Knowing them, maybe they couldn’t. He gave them each a piece of gum and they chewed mightily, before trying unsuccessfully to blow bubbles of their own.
The game was useful because it allowed him to think while he played it. Really, he needed to get used to seeing people he knew from school in the ward. Probably it was going to happen more and more as everyone got older and had jobs and family to visit in the hospital. Meeting people here was going to be a normal experience. He was just going to have to accept it, he decided.
He needed to stop thinking about her visit. Why would she remember him, a much younger boy from another house, who most noticed only when he made a fool of himself? Maybe while she was at Hogwarts she hadn’t known he existed. She barely paid any attention to him now.
But later that day, when he was standing in the hospital lobby waiting for his grandmother to finish consulting with yet another Healer, she walked up to him and just started talking as if she remembered who he was, as if their briefly shared time at Hogwarts had given them a connection. She introduced herself, telling, no, reminding him, that her name was Katherine Bundy, but not asking his. Apparently she spent a lot of time with his parents, because she was specializing in wounds created by Dark Magic. Apparently she liked them.
“Your mother is very sweet.” she said.
While he digested that comment she added, “We all think the world of you and your grandmother. You come often and you’re very good with them. I’d like some pointers myself. I want to be comfortable with all sorts of patients.”
While Neville struggled to put words together to say to this girl, Oliver Wood walked up obviously intending to meet her. The question of how she knew Neville Longbottom and even more, the question of why she was talking to Neville Longbottom was written all over Oliver’s face.
Another Quidditch player, Neville thought stupidly. She must fancy Quidditch players.
She started to introduce them and then stopped, commenting that surely they knew each other already, since both of them were Gryffindors. Her eyes sharpened as Neville nervously nodded and Oliver opened his mouth, looking like a man about to ask an important question.
She grabbed Oliver’s arm saying, “If introductions are unnecessary, I believe we will move on. You won’t mind Neville, I hope? I’m hungry and exhausted.” She took a determined step away from Neville and when Oliver followed, she turned and gave a simple wave good-bye.
As Neville watched her leave, her voice floated back to him. “I met him in the lobby - I’ve known his family for ages.”
He smiled. She was keeping his secret, which was nice of her. He was still smiling when his grandmother finally returned. He felt very happy. A beautiful girl had talked to him and had even sought him out. She thought his mother was sweet. He didn’t have anyone outside of the family who would see having parents like his as anything but bizarre, who would think his mother was sweet. Harry, Hermione and the others thought she was pathetic, frightening, off-putting, disturbing, sad, anything but sweet, but this girl did.
Well, his mum was sweet.
She seemed to recognize him a little from school, though he couldn’t imagine why. Was he such an obvious pillock that even Hufflepuff seven years noticed him and remembered him a year after leaving school? That thought hit like a bludger to the head, but she didn’t seem to think he was ridiculous. She had been friendly, even complementary. The memory warmed him all the way home.
He looked for Katherine Bundy after that. Most often he glimpsed her walking with a team of Healers through the halls of St. Mungo’s, leaving or entering wards. Sometimes she was in the ward at the same time he was, and they even had a few conversations. Once she joked that she had had a crush on Cedric, but he had never been interested in her. He marveled that anyone, even Cedric, could chose someone else if they could have her, but still he had a qualm when he heard. He guessed that she could talk to him this way, because her new adult self felt so far removed from Hogwarts and her old childish foolishness. It made her seem even older and even farther away.
He developed a flaming crush on Katherine Bundy, which he nurtured mercilessly. It was brilliant -- she was three years older, beautiful, smart and dated Quidditch players. There was no possible way she would ever fancy him, so there was no way he could mess it up. No one from Hogwarts ever saw him around her, so they couldn’t take the mickey out of him. He loved being in love with her.
He started asking his gran if he could visit St. Mungo’s more often. She was pleased that he took such a strong interest in his parents. He felt a twinge of guilt that she was giving him credit he didn’t deserve, but he didn’t know how to tell her the truth.
His gran never figured out why he wanted to visit St. Mungo’s so much, which was a good thing. Tense after the escape of his parent’s attackers from prison and worried over his OWLS, Gran sniped at him with growing irritation. God help him if she thought he was begging trips to St. Mungo’s to catch a glimpse of a girl.
THE FINISH
Just as she was coming off a very long shift, Katherine saw Neville sitting by himself on a bench outside his parents’ ward. She sat down to join him. After she talked for awhile he asked her what made her decide to become a Healer. He asked in a very careful way, as if he had planned the conversation, as if he decided that because people enjoyed talking about themselves she would enjoy talking about herself and had come up with a question accordingly, a personal but not too personal question. He was a very sweet kid.
“I always knew I wanted to be a Healer,” she told him. “So I read all the Hogwarts library had - the medical magazines, the papers. Even before Cedric died, I was interested in damage from the Dark Arts. That’s how I found out about your parents. They’re a famous case.”
He didn’t like that bit of news; she could tell from his face, though he was a person who mostly hid his feelings. She felt for him; she wouldn’t want her parents to be written up all over medical journals.
“Anyway”, she added, “After my meeting with Sprout - you know, the one fifth year - She set up a job for me as an intern at St. Mungo’s during hols, so I could see what magical medicine was like.” She laughed. “Sprout liked to keep her Muggle-borns close to the Wizarding World even when they were home with their parents.”
She smiled at him. She felt a bond with this kid who carried such burdens. “That’s how I knew who you were. I met your parents at St. Mungo’s and then at school I saw you and realized.”
Knowing about his parents had made her worry about him. She would find herself looking for him in the crowd at the Gryffindor table, watching him, checking to see if he was doing all right.
“My last year, I saw you at the Yule Ball with a pretty red-headed girl.” She had been so pleased to see that the girl had been pretty. It seemed a good sign some how.
_________________________________________________________________________
“Ginny,” Neville answered automatically.
He didn’t know which was worse; his original idea that she had recognized him because he was such a pillock or his new suspicion that she had noticed him because of his parents.
He understood that she had always been kind to him. He accepted that she thought of him as an imitation little brother, (it made sense, after all) but that she thought of him as a kind of patient was impossible.
His beautiful crush was ruined.
But no matter how distant he tried to be, no matter how much he tried to withdraw from her, he still found himself searching the halls of the hospital for a sight of her and when he saw her, he still felt overwhelmed as if she had touched him.
Whenever Neville visited St. Mungo’s, he watched for Katherine Bundy with painful anticipation. Three years older, out of Hogwarts and a trainee Healer, she seemed so far out of reach that he never thought of her except by her first and last name combined. But he still looked for her.
On those days when he couldn’t catch sight of her, he was disappointed, and everything seemed grey and useless, but when he did see her, the world blurred and faded until she was the only clear and bright sight in the general fog. The whole side of his body facing her felt hot and aware as if she had touched him. When she was around, he dropped things, banged into things, tripped, and stuttered, and did it a lot even for him. The only thing that kept him from knocking over half the ward was his complete and thorough familiarity with the hospital. He’d been coming to St. Mungo’s for so long he had the place memorized, which considering that he was the one doing the memorizing, was a testimony to how much time he had spent at St. Mungo’s.
The first time he saw Katherine Bundy, dressed in her trainee-robes, walk into the Janus Thickey ward along side his parents’ Healer, he stared in shock. A girl from Hogwarts was in the ward just a few days after Harry, Hermione, Ginny and Ron. Years had gone by, without Neville meeting one kid his age in the ward let alone someone he knew, but in less than a week he saw five students from Hogwarts. It seemed unfair.
He recognized the trainee-girl immediately. He had noticed her a lot at school, because she was easy to notice. She was beautiful. He didn’t think it was just him; anyone would think she was beautiful. She had been a Hufflepuff, and Neville had seen her often with Cedric Diggory; so often that until Cedric started dating Cho, Neville had assumed she was his girlfriend.
Neville hung back while she and the Healer first examined his parents and then stood in consultation with his grandmother. He was never welcome at those meetings. He pulled the privacy screen around his parents section of the ward, unsure if this new girl was Healer enough to be allowed to see what his parents were like. He grabbed some Droobles bubble gum and blew a great big bubble for his mum and dad, who watched with wonder as the blue-bell colored balloon floated around them. Neville did this often, but still they looked as though they could not remember seeing one before. Knowing them, maybe they couldn’t. He gave them each a piece of gum and they chewed mightily, before trying unsuccessfully to blow bubbles of their own.
The game was useful because it allowed him to think while he played it. Really, he needed to get used to seeing people he knew from school in the ward. Probably it was going to happen more and more as everyone got older and had jobs and family to visit in the hospital. Meeting people here was going to be a normal experience. He was just going to have to accept it, he decided.
He needed to stop thinking about her visit. Why would she remember him, a much younger boy from another house, who most noticed only when he made a fool of himself? Maybe while she was at Hogwarts she hadn’t known he existed. She barely paid any attention to him now.
But later that day, when he was standing in the hospital lobby waiting for his grandmother to finish consulting with yet another Healer, she walked up to him and just started talking as if she remembered who he was, as if their briefly shared time at Hogwarts had given them a connection. She introduced herself, telling, no, reminding him, that her name was Katherine Bundy, but not asking his. Apparently she spent a lot of time with his parents, because she was specializing in wounds created by Dark Magic. Apparently she liked them.
“Your mother is very sweet.” she said.
While he digested that comment she added, “We all think the world of you and your grandmother. You come often and you’re very good with them. I’d like some pointers myself. I want to be comfortable with all sorts of patients.”
While Neville struggled to put words together to say to this girl, Oliver Wood walked up obviously intending to meet her. The question of how she knew Neville Longbottom and even more, the question of why she was talking to Neville Longbottom was written all over Oliver’s face.
Another Quidditch player, Neville thought stupidly. She must fancy Quidditch players.
She started to introduce them and then stopped, commenting that surely they knew each other already, since both of them were Gryffindors. Her eyes sharpened as Neville nervously nodded and Oliver opened his mouth, looking like a man about to ask an important question.
She grabbed Oliver’s arm saying, “If introductions are unnecessary, I believe we will move on. You won’t mind Neville, I hope? I’m hungry and exhausted.” She took a determined step away from Neville and when Oliver followed, she turned and gave a simple wave good-bye.
As Neville watched her leave, her voice floated back to him. “I met him in the lobby - I’ve known his family for ages.”
He smiled. She was keeping his secret, which was nice of her. He was still smiling when his grandmother finally returned. He felt very happy. A beautiful girl had talked to him and had even sought him out. She thought his mother was sweet. He didn’t have anyone outside of the family who would see having parents like his as anything but bizarre, who would think his mother was sweet. Harry, Hermione and the others thought she was pathetic, frightening, off-putting, disturbing, sad, anything but sweet, but this girl did.
Well, his mum was sweet.
She seemed to recognize him a little from school, though he couldn’t imagine why. Was he such an obvious pillock that even Hufflepuff seven years noticed him and remembered him a year after leaving school? That thought hit like a bludger to the head, but she didn’t seem to think he was ridiculous. She had been friendly, even complementary. The memory warmed him all the way home.
He looked for Katherine Bundy after that. Most often he glimpsed her walking with a team of Healers through the halls of St. Mungo’s, leaving or entering wards. Sometimes she was in the ward at the same time he was, and they even had a few conversations. Once she joked that she had had a crush on Cedric, but he had never been interested in her. He marveled that anyone, even Cedric, could chose someone else if they could have her, but still he had a qualm when he heard. He guessed that she could talk to him this way, because her new adult self felt so far removed from Hogwarts and her old childish foolishness. It made her seem even older and even farther away.
He developed a flaming crush on Katherine Bundy, which he nurtured mercilessly. It was brilliant -- she was three years older, beautiful, smart and dated Quidditch players. There was no possible way she would ever fancy him, so there was no way he could mess it up. No one from Hogwarts ever saw him around her, so they couldn’t take the mickey out of him. He loved being in love with her.
He started asking his gran if he could visit St. Mungo’s more often. She was pleased that he took such a strong interest in his parents. He felt a twinge of guilt that she was giving him credit he didn’t deserve, but he didn’t know how to tell her the truth.
His gran never figured out why he wanted to visit St. Mungo’s so much, which was a good thing. Tense after the escape of his parent’s attackers from prison and worried over his OWLS, Gran sniped at him with growing irritation. God help him if she thought he was begging trips to St. Mungo’s to catch a glimpse of a girl.
THE FINISH
Just as she was coming off a very long shift, Katherine saw Neville sitting by himself on a bench outside his parents’ ward. She sat down to join him. After she talked for awhile he asked her what made her decide to become a Healer. He asked in a very careful way, as if he had planned the conversation, as if he decided that because people enjoyed talking about themselves she would enjoy talking about herself and had come up with a question accordingly, a personal but not too personal question. He was a very sweet kid.
“I always knew I wanted to be a Healer,” she told him. “So I read all the Hogwarts library had - the medical magazines, the papers. Even before Cedric died, I was interested in damage from the Dark Arts. That’s how I found out about your parents. They’re a famous case.”
He didn’t like that bit of news; she could tell from his face, though he was a person who mostly hid his feelings. She felt for him; she wouldn’t want her parents to be written up all over medical journals.
“Anyway”, she added, “After my meeting with Sprout - you know, the one fifth year - She set up a job for me as an intern at St. Mungo’s during hols, so I could see what magical medicine was like.” She laughed. “Sprout liked to keep her Muggle-borns close to the Wizarding World even when they were home with their parents.”
She smiled at him. She felt a bond with this kid who carried such burdens. “That’s how I knew who you were. I met your parents at St. Mungo’s and then at school I saw you and realized.”
Knowing about his parents had made her worry about him. She would find herself looking for him in the crowd at the Gryffindor table, watching him, checking to see if he was doing all right.
“My last year, I saw you at the Yule Ball with a pretty red-headed girl.” She had been so pleased to see that the girl had been pretty. It seemed a good sign some how.
_________________________________________________________________________
“Ginny,” Neville answered automatically.
He didn’t know which was worse; his original idea that she had recognized him because he was such a pillock or his new suspicion that she had noticed him because of his parents.
He understood that she had always been kind to him. He accepted that she thought of him as an imitation little brother, (it made sense, after all) but that she thought of him as a kind of patient was impossible.
His beautiful crush was ruined.
But no matter how distant he tried to be, no matter how much he tried to withdraw from her, he still found himself searching the halls of the hospital for a sight of her and when he saw her, he still felt overwhelmed as if she had touched him.