I hate that all posts now have to have a subject! I don't want to write a stupid subject!
Really must try to update more, but it's all so mundane to me, go to lectures, work, cook, wash, sleep....all in an incredably boring and monotonous loop, punctuated by CU and smallgroup, which are great
two weeks till easter hols now! this week I only have two lectures (one left!) and a workshop, next week I only have one lecture, on friday so I can't come home early :( but it means I'll get more work done as my work rate at home is abysmal, thanks to u lot :p
anyway
today I had small group, we're doing the pure course at the moment which is really interesting, but kinda hard for me, every week I come home feeling depressed and like my life is going to be one long tedious....well, life
today was especially hard, because we were looking at 1 Cor 7, the verse containing the stuff about mariage and singleness, which are the ones that God revealed his plans to me through. So we were talking about marriage and singleness (more about the former than the latter...as usual) and all the caracteristics of 'marriage' that were thought of were positive (companionship, support, love...babies) and all those for singleness were negative (lonelyness, having to make all the decisions yourself etc), which doesn't make me feel any better about my life.
Why do people not faced with it describe singleness as a 'gift'. They have no idea. The pain and lonelyness I feel in this house is awfull already, because emiley has gone home and I am now the only single person left, so I get kinda forgotten and left out, when the other three are out with their boyfriends or planning what to do. I hardly see amanda or amber anymore, and when I do they have a male hanger on and I can't have proper chats, not that I don't like their boyfriends (though Amber's Mat is a bit unfriendly at times), but I wish I wasn't the third wheel at times.
I doesn't help that they're always laughing and having fun (how dare they! :p) when I'm working (Amanda NEVER has any work!) and running about squealing outside my door. While here I am sitting alone in my room trying to do work.
I think I just miss having someone to myself for a change, who doesn't have to hurry off to work or to go out with someone else. But then I don't think I'd like a boyfriend cos he'd just get in the way :p and it's not what God wants for my life. I just want to feel special. A different special to friends, that special that comes from somone going out of their way to see you, dropping everything or making a special time to come to you and ask you how your doing. I seem to spend so much time trooping round plymouth to meet or visit people, or to spend time with them while they wait for a bus home or a lecture.
Ok, I shall go back to eating my hot cross buns in my room, by myself, before going to bed to get up tomorow and do more work...*sigh* And I have to cook something for the 'food and fellowship' at CU tomorow night, or as it's now called 'bring and share'. I baked a cake on sunday but it still needs icing, and I want to make something savoury, because we're a threesome at least going along I feel we should take more food. Not that the others bother, too busy with their boyfriends *bitter*
On friday there's Jen Marraner's Hen night, we're going out to the HaHa bar for a meal then going back to her house for puddings and girlie chat. Should be good, but means I have to get dressed up. Not that I really feel like it. And I never have anything that I want to wear.
Anyway I really am going now :-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
two weeks till easter hols now! this week I only have two lectures (one left!) and a workshop, next week I only have one lecture, on friday so I can't come home early :( but it means I'll get more work done as my work rate at home is abysmal, thanks to u lot :p
anyway
today I had small group, we're doing the pure course at the moment which is really interesting, but kinda hard for me, every week I come home feeling depressed and like my life is going to be one long tedious....well, life
today was especially hard, because we were looking at 1 Cor 7, the verse containing the stuff about mariage and singleness, which are the ones that God revealed his plans to me through. So we were talking about marriage and singleness (more about the former than the latter...as usual) and all the caracteristics of 'marriage' that were thought of were positive (companionship, support, love...babies) and all those for singleness were negative (lonelyness, having to make all the decisions yourself etc), which doesn't make me feel any better about my life.
Why do people not faced with it describe singleness as a 'gift'. They have no idea. The pain and lonelyness I feel in this house is awfull already, because emiley has gone home and I am now the only single person left, so I get kinda forgotten and left out, when the other three are out with their boyfriends or planning what to do. I hardly see amanda or amber anymore, and when I do they have a male hanger on and I can't have proper chats, not that I don't like their boyfriends (though Amber's Mat is a bit unfriendly at times), but I wish I wasn't the third wheel at times.
I doesn't help that they're always laughing and having fun (how dare they! :p) when I'm working (Amanda NEVER has any work!) and running about squealing outside my door. While here I am sitting alone in my room trying to do work.
I think I just miss having someone to myself for a change, who doesn't have to hurry off to work or to go out with someone else. But then I don't think I'd like a boyfriend cos he'd just get in the way :p and it's not what God wants for my life. I just want to feel special. A different special to friends, that special that comes from somone going out of their way to see you, dropping everything or making a special time to come to you and ask you how your doing. I seem to spend so much time trooping round plymouth to meet or visit people, or to spend time with them while they wait for a bus home or a lecture.
Ok, I shall go back to eating my hot cross buns in my room, by myself, before going to bed to get up tomorow and do more work...*sigh* And I have to cook something for the 'food and fellowship' at CU tomorow night, or as it's now called 'bring and share'. I baked a cake on sunday but it still needs icing, and I want to make something savoury, because we're a threesome at least going along I feel we should take more food. Not that the others bother, too busy with their boyfriends *bitter*
On friday there's Jen Marraner's Hen night, we're going out to the HaHa bar for a meal then going back to her house for puddings and girlie chat. Should be good, but means I have to get dressed up. Not that I really feel like it. And I never have anything that I want to wear.
Anyway I really am going now :-) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx