[Avengers] Last of Days (fanmix)
LAST OF DAYS
A Tony Stark Fanmix
Disclaimer: All characters are © Marvel Comics. No profit is being made from this work.
Dedicated to the people of cap_ironman, because I've been AWOL from TEH PLAGUE (I have asked Tro to return it to Stark for me) and from severe exam stress. My only defence is that I've been keeping up on the comics and the technical comm stuff, and I plan to catch up on what I've missed. And I'm making you guys more icons. =D?
Anyway, this mix sort of has a weird 557-word drabble pieced into it. I didn't really notice it until I looked at the amount of 'notes' I'd written for the songs and was like, "Hey, that's a lot." So, um. Yes. And regarding the "back" cover image: never let it be said that I don't have a sick sense of humour.
LAST OF DAYS
[a Tony Stark fanmix]
o1 . left and leaving ;; the weakerthans
My city's still breathing (but barely, it's true)
Through buildings gone missing like teeth
The sidewalks are watching me think about you
All sparkled with broken glass
I'm back with scars to show
Back with the streets I know
They never take me anywhere but here
The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand
These strangers whose faces I know
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say, "I wanted it this way."
And wait for the year to drown
...
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest; the best parts of 'lonely'
[lyrics . download]
(none of the pro-registration heroes who knew steve are dealing well with his death, but at least they aren't falling apart. you hold it together on the outside, though, because you have no other choice, and because you owe it to him. but you feel it. you see it. the two of you, this was your city. he always loved that park. you fought the wrecking crew together in that plaza. that was your favourite café, and he almost always ordered the blueberry cobbler. it's the little things that cut into you. every breath is another memory.)
o2 . alone ;; ben harper
This empty room, it fills my mind
Freedom, it leaves me so confined
Every single bone has cracked
But in this life, you can't turn back
I don't want to live
I don't want to live here alone
As these words part with my tongue
I question why they're even sung
I promise but I lie
I don't even know myself inside
I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be here alone
Today and tomorrow have become one
Every single thing has become undone
Human nature is a beast
What I've done the most, to show I have the least
Please don't leave me here
[lyrics . download]
(you've screwed up again, but this time, steve isn't there to shield you with his infallible belief in people, even people like you. but you knew that they were more steve's family than yours, didn't you? you knew it would happen eventually, that you'd be finally left alone. you were the emotional charity case. they tolerated you and all of your mistakesnot because of your money, the way some people think, but because steve wouldn't let you go, no matter how many times you fell to pieces and dragged everyone else down with you. he loved you once, you know that, but you'll never know why.)
o3 . last of days ;; a fine frenzy
Traffic's slow with broken boats
Heading for the sky
And I'm an island
...
The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
The sun is in the east
Rising for the beasts
And the beauties
I wish that I could tear it down
Plant it in the ground to warm your face
I built myself a castle on the beach
Watching as it slid into the sea
...
The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
[lyrics . download]
(everything you've fought for is nothing in the face of what you've lost. what the world has lost. there's a hole inside of you that will never, never close. the alternatives were worse, so much worse. you knew it then and you know it now, and you know how high the death toll would have been if you hadn't committed. but all you can think about is how he asked you to join him, and that maybe if you'd said yes, even if the world had burned down around you, he'd still be a part of it. you hate yourself for that, for wishing you'd given in. you hate yourself for walking away.)
o4 . my immortal ;; evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
...
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
...
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[lyrics . download]
(he's there when you sleep. sometimes he yells at you, the way he's sometimes done in the past, when you've spectacularly failed to live up to the expectations only steve ever seemed to have for you. sometimes he'll strike out at you. it hurts you down to your soul, even in the dreambut always, always you let it happen, because it means he's there. but you still have to wake up. you still have to look at your hands and see all the blood that won't come off. he was everything to you.)
o5 . easier to run ;; linkin park
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played
...
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past
...
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
It's easier to run
If I could change, I would; take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change, I would; take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could stand up and take the blame, I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
[lyrics . download]
(you don't want to wake up anymore. it's not so much that you want to die as it is that you want the hurting to stop. you want to pretend that you'll hold on, that you won't give in, but you're so tired. you're so damned tired. you've killed the only people who were too stubborn to see the sense in walking away from you, and the blood on your hands is creeping up your arms, as deep in it as you are. so is it selfish to wish that at least one person would still be on your side? is it selfish to want someone to give half a damn? yes. you destroy everything you touch. you've tried so hard, but there's nothing else you can do that won't make things worse. you don't want to hurt anyone else. you don't want to hurt anymore.)
o6 . april 8th ;; neutral milk hotel
There is no use in waiting
Offer up your steps so I can climb
Show me all your figure paintings
Etched in the middle of the night
Let me stretch upon your carpet
Let me hear the rain tap on your street
Knowing I am safe on the inside
Blankets wrapped and drifting off to sleep
[lyrics . download]
( . . . )
[ download . zip ]
{ all songs, cover art, text }
A Tony Stark Fanmix
Disclaimer: All characters are © Marvel Comics. No profit is being made from this work.
Dedicated to the people of cap_ironman, because I've been AWOL from TEH PLAGUE (I have asked Tro to return it to Stark for me) and from severe exam stress. My only defence is that I've been keeping up on the comics and the technical comm stuff, and I plan to catch up on what I've missed. And I'm making you guys more icons. =D?
Anyway, this mix sort of has a weird 557-word drabble pieced into it. I didn't really notice it until I looked at the amount of 'notes' I'd written for the songs and was like, "Hey, that's a lot." So, um. Yes. And regarding the "back" cover image: never let it be said that I don't have a sick sense of humour.
LAST OF DAYS
[a Tony Stark fanmix]
o1 . left and leaving ;; the weakerthans
My city's still breathing (but barely, it's true)
Through buildings gone missing like teeth
The sidewalks are watching me think about you
All sparkled with broken glass
I'm back with scars to show
Back with the streets I know
They never take me anywhere but here
The stain in the carpet, this drink in my hand
These strangers whose faces I know
We meet here for our dress-rehearsal to say, "I wanted it this way."
And wait for the year to drown
...
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest; the best parts of 'lonely'
[lyrics . download]
(none of the pro-registration heroes who knew steve are dealing well with his death, but at least they aren't falling apart. you hold it together on the outside, though, because you have no other choice, and because you owe it to him. but you feel it. you see it. the two of you, this was your city. he always loved that park. you fought the wrecking crew together in that plaza. that was your favourite café, and he almost always ordered the blueberry cobbler. it's the little things that cut into you. every breath is another memory.)
o2 . alone ;; ben harper
This empty room, it fills my mind
Freedom, it leaves me so confined
Every single bone has cracked
But in this life, you can't turn back
I don't want to live
I don't want to live here alone
As these words part with my tongue
I question why they're even sung
I promise but I lie
I don't even know myself inside
I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be here alone
Today and tomorrow have become one
Every single thing has become undone
Human nature is a beast
What I've done the most, to show I have the least
Please don't leave me here
[lyrics . download]
(you've screwed up again, but this time, steve isn't there to shield you with his infallible belief in people, even people like you. but you knew that they were more steve's family than yours, didn't you? you knew it would happen eventually, that you'd be finally left alone. you were the emotional charity case. they tolerated you and all of your mistakesnot because of your money, the way some people think, but because steve wouldn't let you go, no matter how many times you fell to pieces and dragged everyone else down with you. he loved you once, you know that, but you'll never know why.)
o3 . last of days ;; a fine frenzy
Traffic's slow with broken boats
Heading for the sky
And I'm an island
...
The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
The sun is in the east
Rising for the beasts
And the beauties
I wish that I could tear it down
Plant it in the ground to warm your face
I built myself a castle on the beach
Watching as it slid into the sea
...
The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
[lyrics . download]
(everything you've fought for is nothing in the face of what you've lost. what the world has lost. there's a hole inside of you that will never, never close. the alternatives were worse, so much worse. you knew it then and you know it now, and you know how high the death toll would have been if you hadn't committed. but all you can think about is how he asked you to join him, and that maybe if you'd said yes, even if the world had burned down around you, he'd still be a part of it. you hate yourself for that, for wishing you'd given in. you hate yourself for walking away.)
o4 . my immortal ;; evanescence
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
...
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
...
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
[lyrics . download]
(he's there when you sleep. sometimes he yells at you, the way he's sometimes done in the past, when you've spectacularly failed to live up to the expectations only steve ever seemed to have for you. sometimes he'll strike out at you. it hurts you down to your soul, even in the dreambut always, always you let it happen, because it means he's there. but you still have to wake up. you still have to look at your hands and see all the blood that won't come off. he was everything to you.)
o5 . easier to run ;; linkin park
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played
...
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past
...
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
It's easier to run
If I could change, I would; take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made
It's easier to go
If I could change, I would; take back the pain, I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made, I would
If I could stand up and take the blame, I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
[lyrics . download]
(you don't want to wake up anymore. it's not so much that you want to die as it is that you want the hurting to stop. you want to pretend that you'll hold on, that you won't give in, but you're so tired. you're so damned tired. you've killed the only people who were too stubborn to see the sense in walking away from you, and the blood on your hands is creeping up your arms, as deep in it as you are. so is it selfish to wish that at least one person would still be on your side? is it selfish to want someone to give half a damn? yes. you destroy everything you touch. you've tried so hard, but there's nothing else you can do that won't make things worse. you don't want to hurt anyone else. you don't want to hurt anymore.)
o6 . april 8th ;; neutral milk hotel
There is no use in waiting
Offer up your steps so I can climb
Show me all your figure paintings
Etched in the middle of the night
Let me stretch upon your carpet
Let me hear the rain tap on your street
Knowing I am safe on the inside
Blankets wrapped and drifting off to sleep
[lyrics . download]
( . . . )
[ download . zip ]
{ all songs, cover art, text }