I can't think of anything funny...today was pretty bland, I must admit.

Dec 29, 2005 02:22


Sooo, this Christmas break has been a little crazy. Not drunken stuper crazy...but series of events crazy. I really have been enjoying being a lazy ass again and not having to worry about what I have to do tomorrow...and dear God, sleeping in my bed! I honestly believe I have one of the most comfortable beds on this planet. I don't even sleep late because I'm still sleepy, I just sleep to take advantage of the wonderful bed I have for my last few weeks here. I've been having so much fun w/my best friends and my family is awesome. The only good thing about El Paso is that all of them are here...at least on break we're all together, because w/out them I think I would go insane here. I have come to the realization that there's nothing here for me anymore. If there ever was in the first place. So much has changed, and we can't go denying it. I have grown so much as a person...I've realized how much I can accomplish when I set my mind on it, and how much more is out there for me. I am so lucky that I am strong willed and have been blessed w/every opportunity that has been set in front of me. Believe me, I've made plenty of mistakes in my life...but nothing to life threatening and I thank God for that.

Let me just say this much. I am so glad to know what I know, even though it was always there in the back of my head...I always knew it was true, but stupid me was "in love." Ha. I hate to sound cocky, but I am so much better than that, I am going to the best school in Texas...and aren't doing too shabby I might add, I am having the time of my life in Austin and I am 100% sure there are much more to come, I am surrounded by such amazing people who really do care about my well being and love me. Why did I ever deal with it? Why did I lower myself? How dare you get mad at me for cheating on you...you have no right to say anything about me ever again. I'm not even hurt, it's just shock. I really don't even care about it anymore, and I'm glad that I can say I have another person who can back me up in saying you really are the biggest ass hole ever. You wanna know why I was grumpy on the phone the last couple of days? Because you make me grumpy...did you ever think of that? Everyone around me said you were bad news, and I should've listened. You live and you learn, and I defintely did learn...and I'm so glad it wasn't the hard way. Things could've turned out a million times worse. The part of my life that you once were has been erased permanently. It's so sad that I could've even look back at it and smile...I look back on it w/disgust. You swore up and down that all you wanted was to never lose me from you life, no matter what the circumstances. You just did.

On the brighter note, things are going well w/me. I'm looking forward to Snags...wondering if anything could possibly happen in EP...I think the upper hand can come down considering the circumstances lately. I am only human, and fuck...I think I deserve it. Definitely looking forward to New Years...crazy drunken stuper maybe? Would be nice. I just know that once all is said and done, I have come out a better person...and I quote...



i am heaven sent, don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me what's it like to have myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..

i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something they can't diagnose,
don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh it's so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
'cause you can't keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe in us.

oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart. (It's true!)
and it's all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldn't stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason you're alone,
this is the rise and the fall.

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