Mar 05, 2006 05:43
So I was going to update a while ago. Then I didn't. Then I was going to again, but I waited. But it can wait no longer.
So the orignal update I didn't do was to say, "Hey I met a girl." But I decided, "No, wait. Don't jinx. Wait and see what happens." So I did.
Then I was gonna update again to say that we were gonna hang out. But we didn't. So I didn't update.
Well, we hung out today and I must say, well, I can't say 'cuz I'm at a loss for words (In a good way or in a bad way is what you are asking yourself right now.) Well, I honestly don't know and that why I'm at a loss for words. I guess it's in a bad way, but I think that it's mostly my being pessimistic. I think I like to create "problems" for myself sometimes. Seriously, I was trying to put off calling her at first. I don't know why me, ME of all people would want to do this. Am I a pussy? Yes. Can I talk to girls? No. But the most important question is do I want to get some? And the answer is Hells yes. So I got over it and call her (This is in the begining not today).
I ask her to come party with us. She says she's out in bufu and doesn't want to. Ok fine far away, I understand. Then I started stressin' about how she lives far away and it'll never work out and all that bullshit.
Then we were gonna go see a show after I got off of work today. And first I ask my boss to get out early and she pretty much just said no. But I got out at a reasonable time anyway and called her. She didn't answer, I started driving toward where the show was gonna be, I get halfway there and she calls me and says her and her friends are someplace else and aren't gonna go, but we can all still chill anyway. So we do. BUT IT WAS 20 FUCKING MILES AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. I know this cuz I had to fill up on the way home and reset my odometer dealie. 20 FUCKING MILES!!! Fuck that. And she's weirder than I am!!! At first I was diggin' it 'cuz she was all acting crazy like I do, but she got crazier and crazier. And she's a total nerd. Which in some cases is ok, but I found it lame. Lord of the Rings nerd!(Sorry Derek)
So on the way home, I was pissed off, but I didn't feel pissed off and it just felt like I forgot how to be angry. And now with the this whole situation I'm totally confused 'cuz I don't know if I want it to work out or not and it's really really complicated and the more I think about it, the more I keep picking my own brain and I'm really starting to get on my own nerves.
But I'll try to sum up how I feel in an ever-confusing-but-hopefully-amusing chain: First I was happy I met a girl, then I was all stressin about not having time, not having emotional connection, hoping for physical connection, then I'd get over it, be happy for a second, then not want to start anything, realized I'm trying to sabotage myself, got angry at that, then I didn't care and tried to shrug it all of(Hakuna Mutata), then we finally hang out and I'm all pissed off in some wierd way I don't understand, and I don't know what the hell is going on.
In other news: SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1.5 weeks, THANK GOD.