The Dark I Know Well [S/A]
Title: The Dark I Know Well
Author: Shazi
nosebleed_seats
Rating: PG-15
Pairings: Joncer
POV: Third
Summary: Spencer doesn't say no to the people he loves. How could he?
Disclaimer: In no true reality does this story exist. Title belongs to Spring Awakening, the musical.
Author Notes: At the end.
Spencer doesn't know what it's like to be raped. He doesn't know that feeling of despair, the sudden realization of what just happened or feeling dirty. He doesn't know the irrational fear, he'll never experience the aftermath. Of course, he doesn't wish to.
But he knows a feeling close enough.
Jon's usually drunk. When it started, Jon was always drunk. He'd go looking for Spencer for some reason - Spencer never asked why. He always found Spencer, all alone somewhere. Spencer liked parties, sure he did, but by the end of the night, he was always somewhere on his own. Sometimes he didn't even remember how he'd gotten there, when he'd gone, where he was. He didn't know how to explain it, so he never told anyone. He'd usually find his way out and go home eventually anyway, so it didn't quite matter.
But lately, Jon's gone looking for Spencer when he disappears and he finds him, no matter where Spencer's gone. It always starts with Jon babbling about some nonsensical thing and Spencer pretending to listen, nodding his head when he needs to. Then Jon always comments on how easy it is to talk to Spencer and how he always listens. Then there's a tentative but sloppy kiss on Spencer's cheek.
Spencer remembers he recoiled the first time, staring at Jon with wide eyes. But Jon just put a finger over his own lips and kissed Spencer again - this time on the lips. Spencer made a whine of protest the first time, but Jon kept kissing and Spencer found himself giving in. What could he do otherwise? Saying no crossed his mind; he had thoughts of pushing Jon away violently and then ratting on him to Cassie, but Spencer knew he couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. Not to Jon.
So Jon kept kissing and pretty soon it got too heavy, but it kept escalating and the next thing Spencer knew, Jon was on top of him, struggling with his belt buckle.
Spencer knew Jon wasn't a sleaze. He knew that Jon would never, ever mean to hurt him - drunk or sober. But here he was, underneath an inebriated Jon who was about to -
Spencer didn't say anything, he didn't stop Jon, he didn't do anything. And when Jon came and then left Spencer feeling lonelier and colder than he had before, Spencer cried as silently as he could. Then he cleaned himself up and left, hoping he wouldn't catch too much attention on his way out.
The next day, Jon complained about his way-too-big-for-his-head hangover and Spencer forced a comforting smile. Jon didn't remember. Not a single thing.
But it became a routine for them, almost. Jon got drunk, found Spencer, they fucked. Spencer realized that's all they were: drunk fucks. He could never change that, no matter how much he wanted to. But as time went on, he grew more used to it. He flinched less and played along more, responded more. Jon seemed to like it and Spencer would never forget the night Jon orgasmed, calling his name.
Jon would though. He "forgot" every night.
But then Jon broke up with Cassie and that night he didn't get drunk. But he did find Spencer. And Spencer - submissive Spencer - Spencer who was always there for everybody - Spencer who never said no - Spencer didn't expect it.
That night, after he came, Jon didn't leave. He didn't leave and Spencer had to bite his lip so he wouldn't cry. Jon fell asleep, cuddled up next to Spencer and Spencer only cried when he was sure Jon was asleep.
Love's a hard thing to deal with.
Author Notes
1. This is the continuation of my 8th drabble that I said I would post. Hope you liked it! ;]
2. Sorry for all the angst. It's the only thing I'm good for.
Author: Shazi
nosebleed_seats
Rating: PG-15
Pairings: Joncer
POV: Third
Summary: Spencer doesn't say no to the people he loves. How could he?
Disclaimer: In no true reality does this story exist. Title belongs to Spring Awakening, the musical.
Author Notes: At the end.
Spencer doesn't know what it's like to be raped. He doesn't know that feeling of despair, the sudden realization of what just happened or feeling dirty. He doesn't know the irrational fear, he'll never experience the aftermath. Of course, he doesn't wish to.
But he knows a feeling close enough.
Jon's usually drunk. When it started, Jon was always drunk. He'd go looking for Spencer for some reason - Spencer never asked why. He always found Spencer, all alone somewhere. Spencer liked parties, sure he did, but by the end of the night, he was always somewhere on his own. Sometimes he didn't even remember how he'd gotten there, when he'd gone, where he was. He didn't know how to explain it, so he never told anyone. He'd usually find his way out and go home eventually anyway, so it didn't quite matter.
But lately, Jon's gone looking for Spencer when he disappears and he finds him, no matter where Spencer's gone. It always starts with Jon babbling about some nonsensical thing and Spencer pretending to listen, nodding his head when he needs to. Then Jon always comments on how easy it is to talk to Spencer and how he always listens. Then there's a tentative but sloppy kiss on Spencer's cheek.
Spencer remembers he recoiled the first time, staring at Jon with wide eyes. But Jon just put a finger over his own lips and kissed Spencer again - this time on the lips. Spencer made a whine of protest the first time, but Jon kept kissing and Spencer found himself giving in. What could he do otherwise? Saying no crossed his mind; he had thoughts of pushing Jon away violently and then ratting on him to Cassie, but Spencer knew he couldn't do that. He wouldn't do that. Not to Jon.
So Jon kept kissing and pretty soon it got too heavy, but it kept escalating and the next thing Spencer knew, Jon was on top of him, struggling with his belt buckle.
Spencer knew Jon wasn't a sleaze. He knew that Jon would never, ever mean to hurt him - drunk or sober. But here he was, underneath an inebriated Jon who was about to -
Spencer didn't say anything, he didn't stop Jon, he didn't do anything. And when Jon came and then left Spencer feeling lonelier and colder than he had before, Spencer cried as silently as he could. Then he cleaned himself up and left, hoping he wouldn't catch too much attention on his way out.
The next day, Jon complained about his way-too-big-for-his-head hangover and Spencer forced a comforting smile. Jon didn't remember. Not a single thing.
But it became a routine for them, almost. Jon got drunk, found Spencer, they fucked. Spencer realized that's all they were: drunk fucks. He could never change that, no matter how much he wanted to. But as time went on, he grew more used to it. He flinched less and played along more, responded more. Jon seemed to like it and Spencer would never forget the night Jon orgasmed, calling his name.
Jon would though. He "forgot" every night.
But then Jon broke up with Cassie and that night he didn't get drunk. But he did find Spencer. And Spencer - submissive Spencer - Spencer who was always there for everybody - Spencer who never said no - Spencer didn't expect it.
That night, after he came, Jon didn't leave. He didn't leave and Spencer had to bite his lip so he wouldn't cry. Jon fell asleep, cuddled up next to Spencer and Spencer only cried when he was sure Jon was asleep.
Love's a hard thing to deal with.
Author Notes
1. This is the continuation of my 8th drabble that I said I would post. Hope you liked it! ;]
2. Sorry for all the angst. It's the only thing I'm good for.