Wow. This is amazing. Listen, it's a long fic (What?! No! Yes!!) which is SUCH an impressive accomplishment all on its own, but it's gonna take me a bit to read through, particularly since it's so emotionally hard-hitting. So I'm gonna fb in parts, as I go along, okay? Okay.
First of all, the pictures you've drawn here are visually gorgeous. I love that you set this at the beach, and I can imagine his big house right by the water, kind of empty with the ghosts of Stella and the failed marriage (which makes me sad, sad, sad that they couldn't bridge that gap and make a better go of it, you know?). And Vecchio rattling around in that space, working through all this massive STUFF, until Fraser, Kowalski, Frannie and the kids come and mess it all up, fill it with life and laughter. That's wonderful, and it makes me happy for him.
It's also really beautiful how you've made Vecchio so aware of Kowalski's body, so drawn to him. Seeing him through Vecchio's eyes in that light is wonderful. I like that you started us off with that scene of just the two of them interacting on the beach, and I like how gentle Kowalski is with Vecchio. You've done a lovely job of conveying poor Vecchio's anxiety and pain, too.
And of course, you have such beautiful lines in here:
The kids loved Kowalski, no matter what the freak did. The kids loved him, Fraser loved him. Ray was pretty sure Stella'd liked him better, too. The new, improved Ray.
He turned back to the sea, looking for the swimmers.
Fantastic. I don't have enough superlatives. And, sadly, I'd never though of this! The other side of the coin of Kowalski's insecurites about replacing this guy, this amazing guy, is the guy who got replaced. I know, I know. I'm a little dim sometimes. But you captured it beautifully.
He had looked drunk, or drugged... Fraser had dug his fingers into Kowalski's shoulders, pulling their bodies closer together, like Fraser was afraid Kowalski would slip away if he didn't hold him as tight as he could.
Oh, Nos, this is vibrant and gorgeous and poignant, too. Vecchio's whole exploration of their relationship, the almost-myth of it, is fascinating.
He looked like he'd been cut out of a block of wood: something natural, something stronger, more resilient, than anything that tried to chip away at him.
What a fabulous simile!!!!!!! Something natural.
Kowalski always seemed to be searching for Benny, like a compass needle swinging north
Did I say your imagery is gorgeous? It's gorgeous.
And you know, I'm so glad you've structured this the way you have, with the okayness of the present-day reality to tide me over through the flashbacks of awfulness and pain. You really drew out the tension there, with the phone numbers that didn't work, his inability to talk to his wife, his fear of Falcone and his waiting, like one of those animals hipnotized into stillness, no effective movement, almost like he *wanted* to get caught just to get it over with, get over the waiting.
An amazing, richly layered accomplishment of a story, kiddo. I'll be back when I've built up my defenses a bit.
Dess, I am thrilled and flattered to be the recipiant of such kind, thoughtful and articualte feedback, in whatever form it comes, or as long as your energy holds out or your interest in the story remains strong. FB in parts is GREAT. I'm so glad you liked the opening - it sat on my HD for nearly nine months, and it was handwritten in a journal much longer than that.
The kids loved Kowalski, no matter what the freak did. The kids loved him, Fraser loved him. Ray was pretty sure Stella'd liked him better, too. The new, improved Ray.
That was actually j_s_cavalcante's contributions: she suggested the line and I thought it was absolutely brilliant, because yes. So much about Vecchio feeling sad and anxious about this tremendous guy who replaced him. She is a smart cookie, that one.
Vecchio's whole exploration of their relationship, the almost-myth of it, is fascinating.
I love what you've said here, and I was really hoping someone would pick up on it. This story is all about storytelling: the lies these characters tell themselves, the truths they hide from each other, that act of writing over old pain and old scars with a new and better meaning - it's all there. Thematically jumbled, I know (for that is how I role) but I'm so glad you picked up on the way Vecchio regards the F/K relationship in this story. It's a bit like how I see it, too, filtered through Vecchio's perspective. I was trying hard to convey that, and it is so great to know you saw that in the story. You give the BEST feedback.
And you know, I'm so glad you've structured this the way you have, with the okayness of the present-day reality to tide me over through the flashbacks of awfulness and pain.
I promise promise PROMISE to write something really light and happy and cheerful next time. This is a heavy story, you're right - I did try to mitigate the pain with those structural choices, but damn. It's kind of dark, isn't it? So please, take your time. I think I tend to lose perspective on how upsetting my stories really are. By draft three I was actually starting to think I'd pulled too many punches and that the story wouldn't have much of an emotional impact. So, um, I guess I was wrong? :-)
First of all, the pictures you've drawn here are visually gorgeous. I love that you set this at the beach, and I can imagine his big house right by the water, kind of empty with the ghosts of Stella and the failed marriage (which makes me sad, sad, sad that they couldn't bridge that gap and make a better go of it, you know?). And Vecchio rattling around in that space, working through all this massive STUFF, until Fraser, Kowalski, Frannie and the kids come and mess it all up, fill it with life and laughter. That's wonderful, and it makes me happy for him.
It's also really beautiful how you've made Vecchio so aware of Kowalski's body, so drawn to him. Seeing him through Vecchio's eyes in that light is wonderful. I like that you started us off with that scene of just the two of them interacting on the beach, and I like how gentle Kowalski is with Vecchio. You've done a lovely job of conveying poor Vecchio's anxiety and pain, too.
And of course, you have such beautiful lines in here:
The kids loved Kowalski, no matter what the freak did. The kids loved him, Fraser loved him. Ray was pretty sure Stella'd liked him better, too. The new, improved Ray.
He turned back to the sea, looking for the swimmers.
Fantastic. I don't have enough superlatives. And, sadly, I'd never though of this! The other side of the coin of Kowalski's insecurites about replacing this guy, this amazing guy, is the guy who got replaced. I know, I know. I'm a little dim sometimes. But you captured it beautifully.
He had looked drunk, or drugged... Fraser had dug his fingers into Kowalski's shoulders, pulling their bodies closer together, like Fraser was afraid Kowalski would slip away if he didn't hold him as tight as he could.
Oh, Nos, this is vibrant and gorgeous and poignant, too. Vecchio's whole exploration of their relationship, the almost-myth of it, is fascinating.
He looked like he'd been cut out of a block of wood: something natural, something stronger, more resilient, than anything that tried to chip away at him.
What a fabulous simile!!!!!!! Something natural.
Kowalski always seemed to be searching for Benny, like a compass needle swinging north
Did I say your imagery is gorgeous? It's gorgeous.
And you know, I'm so glad you've structured this the way you have, with the okayness of the present-day reality to tide me over through the flashbacks of awfulness and pain. You really drew out the tension there, with the phone numbers that didn't work, his inability to talk to his wife, his fear of Falcone and his waiting, like one of those animals hipnotized into stillness, no effective movement, almost like he *wanted* to get caught just to get it over with, get over the waiting.
An amazing, richly layered accomplishment of a story, kiddo. I'll be back when I've built up my defenses a bit.
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The kids loved Kowalski, no matter what the freak did. The kids loved him, Fraser loved him. Ray was pretty sure Stella'd liked him better, too. The new, improved Ray.
That was actually j_s_cavalcante's contributions: she suggested the line and I thought it was absolutely brilliant, because yes. So much about Vecchio feeling sad and anxious about this tremendous guy who replaced him. She is a smart cookie, that one.
Vecchio's whole exploration of their relationship, the almost-myth of it, is fascinating.
I love what you've said here, and I was really hoping someone would pick up on it. This story is all about storytelling: the lies these characters tell themselves, the truths they hide from each other, that act of writing over old pain and old scars with a new and better meaning - it's all there. Thematically jumbled, I know (for that is how I role) but I'm so glad you picked up on the way Vecchio regards the F/K relationship in this story. It's a bit like how I see it, too, filtered through Vecchio's perspective. I was trying hard to convey that, and it is so great to know you saw that in the story. You give the BEST feedback.
And you know, I'm so glad you've structured this the way you have, with the okayness of the present-day reality to tide me over through the flashbacks of awfulness and pain.
I promise promise PROMISE to write something really light and happy and cheerful next time. This is a heavy story, you're right - I did try to mitigate the pain with those structural choices, but damn. It's kind of dark, isn't it? So please, take your time. I think I tend to lose perspective on how upsetting my stories really are. By draft three I was actually starting to think I'd pulled too many punches and that the story wouldn't have much of an emotional impact. So, um, I guess I was wrong? :-)
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