just one more issue..
RainShm: i fucking knew you were going to do that to me K, i knew it. argh so goddamn transparent and i just fucking convinced myself it was nothing.. but i fucking saw that a mile away.. always has been about you.. always.
kkf77: what are you talking about
kkf77: gary whether you like it or not, you are moving to BOYS TOWN...what about that don't you understand?
kkf77: YOU YOU YOU...this is about YOU...and what YOU need...
RainShm: um why are you capitalizing that like it is a big deal...
kkf77: because i am pissed off
kkf77: why can't you just own up to this?
kkf77: because its a big fucking deal ok
RainShm: whatever K.. all about me.. i find that hard to beleive that you are overtly concerned with what i need.. seems to me you are wanting to cut ties to get what you want...
RainShm: what is abig fucking deal? what...
kkf77: what will i get out of this?
RainShm: i am MOVING so goddamn what...
RainShm: so what..
kkf77: how could this possible be about me?
RainShm: i mean you act like you have my whole goddamn life figured out, like YOU have ANY possible IDEA what i NEED.. you think you do, but has ANYONE bothered to ask me what i want? HUH? have you?
kkf77: yes you are moving to boys town. and you know what, i give you a year.
RainShm: fuck you K..
RainShm: what ever
kkf77: alright, thanks gary
RainShm: you are so damned convinced you never bothered to look in my goddamn soul
kkf77: you want honesty but you can't handle it
kkf77: yes i have and i see someone who lies to themself
RainShm: no you have your own sense of what reality is about me.. but i don't think you really have any idea who the hell i am.
kkf77: you know what but you don't see what i see!
kkf77: you only see your perception..
RainShm: you think you know what i need, you think you see right into me.. but you fail to understand me..
kkf77: and when the clues start adding up you just turn away and ignore them
RainShm: all reality is about perception dear.. seems to me i have opened up mine.. while you have kept your black and white one...
RainShm: no i didn't ignore them.. but you know what..
RainShm: frankly i don't care if i am ever with a man.. i could care less. i don't really even wnat to be in aphysical way.. i love to fuck women.. okay, i love to hold women, i love to talk to women.. plain and simple.
kkf77: sorry, i think you are riding the fence...i didn't want to believe it, i wanted it to be true...but it isn't and i realize that now...
kkf77: im sorry gary...
RainShm: you just ahve one of those attitudes that you always have the answers.. and you don't K.. you don't, not about me.. you kept your walls up soo much you have no idea. what i am about..
kkf77: that isn't true and you know it
RainShm: ah how is that dear? how are YOU so sure now...
RainShm: oh bullshit its not true...
RainShm: what do you feel about me K.. i mean honestly.. what is it?
kkf77: THAT I REALLY LIKE YOU, YOU ARE REALLY COOL AND THAT YOU ARE GAY AND TOO AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!
kkf77: thats what i think!
kkf77: and i am done now/
kkf77: goodbye
RainShm: i don't need people telling me who i am when they never got past making this own judgements.. playing their own games with my head.. good bye k, i love you girl, but you never even cared to see me for real.. goodbye
kkf77: you know what the really sad thing is gary...i am not the first to see through you and i won't be the last..you can continue to fool others but it doesn't fool me...i don't know why you insist on playing this game...and if you thought i never cared you are fucking wrong..because i wanted to be wrong...i wanted to have everything with you..but i will not let myself be hurt again by someone...one time and i will never do it again...
RainShm: I AM NOT MIKE FOR GOD SAKE.. QUIT FUCKING PUTTING ME IN THAT GODDAMN SHADOW... JUST FUCKING STOP IT DAMMIT... I FUCKING LOVE YOU OKAY AND YOU JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT FACT THAT A MAN CAN BE LIKE ME AND STILL WNAT TO BE WITH WOMEN.. OKAY.. JUST FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.. I AM WHO I AM AND IT IS NOT DEFINED BY SEXUALITY ALONE.. I AM JSUT GODDAMNED GARY.... FUCKKKKKKKKKK
RainShm: I AM NOT CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT I LIKE, I AM NOT.. I LOVE BEING WITH WOMEN.. I CANNOT IMAGINE A MAN EVERY, EVER.. MAKING ME FEEL THAT WAY...
RainShm: EVER... I HAVE NEVER BEEN PHYICALLY ATTRACTED TO A MAN IN A SEXUAL WAY.. ONLY EMOTIONAL MANNERS.. SO JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!!
RainShm: oh and i know.. Mike says that once i have that i will make a realization and blah blah blah..
kkf77: yeah well what happens when you meet someone just like you gary?
kkf77: hmm
RainShm: just deal with that fact that i put little emphasis on exteriors.. i am not hung up on them like most ppl.. shades of grey, and i thank you for letting me allow that out.. i just find it sad that the one thing you helped me release is the one thing you are using a barrier between us...
kkf77: what happens if you meet this guy who likes the same things you do and is sensitive and caring and gentle?
RainShm: just like me? fuck they would probably annoy the hell out of me to be honest.. lol
kkf77: what is the difference between him and me?
kkf77: lol
kkf77: thanks for making me smile!
kkf77: i needed that
RainShm: you are bitch but i still love that bitch.. argh.. you need to do what you want to do.. but this is a catch-22 and you know it.. i am doomed from the start.
RainShm: because if i don't do it, then you will say i never allowed it and therefor i can never have you...
RainShm: and if i do it..
kkf77: well..you need to have free reign and i am giving it to you whether you like it or not
kkf77: then you may find out i am right.
RainShm: i come back going that is not what i want you won't beleive me anyhow.. so i am just screwed.. you are permanently on the unattainable list, congratulations.
kkf77: and then what?
kkf77: lol
kkf77: im sorry...
kkf77: i shouldn't be laughing
RainShm: no your not..
kkf77: the congrats just got me..
kkf77: yes i am..sorry that i can't be what you need
kkf77: but i can't
kkf77: i just can't
RainShm: this is a plot, a wide spread conspiracy of 28 years.. to fuck with Gary's emotional makeup as much as possible until he ends up asexual, refusing to love or express anything to anyone..
RainShm: you are right about that one thing..
kkf77: i need a truly heterosexual man to get me over this...
kkf77: yes that i can't be what you need.
kkf77: so then why be mad at me?
kkf77: if I am not what You need then there is no reason to be mad right?
kkf77: ok so settled..
RainShm: you cannot be what i need.. because what i need is to feel like i am the center of attention for one person, just for a while, just for part of their life.. and you cannot do that for me.. in that way we will always be lopsided...
kkf77: you are rejecting me and that makes it all easier
RainShm: actually i wrote that yesterday
RainShm: you just cannot see it..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am tired of ppl always thinking they know what is best for me, thinking they know me when all they see is their conceptions. and well K, you look around and are so blinded by black and white you cannot even stop to realize that life is not like that...my life is a shade of grey.. about most everything..
kkf77: what are you talking about
kkf77: gary whether you like it or not, you are moving to BOYS TOWN...what about that don't you understand?
kkf77: YOU YOU YOU...this is about YOU...and what YOU need...
RainShm: um why are you capitalizing that like it is a big deal...
kkf77: because i am pissed off
kkf77: why can't you just own up to this?
kkf77: because its a big fucking deal ok
RainShm: whatever K.. all about me.. i find that hard to beleive that you are overtly concerned with what i need.. seems to me you are wanting to cut ties to get what you want...
RainShm: what is abig fucking deal? what...
kkf77: what will i get out of this?
RainShm: i am MOVING so goddamn what...
RainShm: so what..
kkf77: how could this possible be about me?
RainShm: i mean you act like you have my whole goddamn life figured out, like YOU have ANY possible IDEA what i NEED.. you think you do, but has ANYONE bothered to ask me what i want? HUH? have you?
kkf77: yes you are moving to boys town. and you know what, i give you a year.
RainShm: fuck you K..
RainShm: what ever
kkf77: alright, thanks gary
RainShm: you are so damned convinced you never bothered to look in my goddamn soul
kkf77: you want honesty but you can't handle it
kkf77: yes i have and i see someone who lies to themself
RainShm: no you have your own sense of what reality is about me.. but i don't think you really have any idea who the hell i am.
kkf77: you know what but you don't see what i see!
kkf77: you only see your perception..
RainShm: you think you know what i need, you think you see right into me.. but you fail to understand me..
kkf77: and when the clues start adding up you just turn away and ignore them
RainShm: all reality is about perception dear.. seems to me i have opened up mine.. while you have kept your black and white one...
RainShm: no i didn't ignore them.. but you know what..
RainShm: frankly i don't care if i am ever with a man.. i could care less. i don't really even wnat to be in aphysical way.. i love to fuck women.. okay, i love to hold women, i love to talk to women.. plain and simple.
kkf77: sorry, i think you are riding the fence...i didn't want to believe it, i wanted it to be true...but it isn't and i realize that now...
kkf77: im sorry gary...
RainShm: you just ahve one of those attitudes that you always have the answers.. and you don't K.. you don't, not about me.. you kept your walls up soo much you have no idea. what i am about..
kkf77: that isn't true and you know it
RainShm: ah how is that dear? how are YOU so sure now...
RainShm: oh bullshit its not true...
RainShm: what do you feel about me K.. i mean honestly.. what is it?
kkf77: THAT I REALLY LIKE YOU, YOU ARE REALLY COOL AND THAT YOU ARE GAY AND TOO AFRAID TO ADMIT IT!
kkf77: thats what i think!
kkf77: and i am done now/
kkf77: goodbye
RainShm: i don't need people telling me who i am when they never got past making this own judgements.. playing their own games with my head.. good bye k, i love you girl, but you never even cared to see me for real.. goodbye
kkf77: you know what the really sad thing is gary...i am not the first to see through you and i won't be the last..you can continue to fool others but it doesn't fool me...i don't know why you insist on playing this game...and if you thought i never cared you are fucking wrong..because i wanted to be wrong...i wanted to have everything with you..but i will not let myself be hurt again by someone...one time and i will never do it again...
RainShm: I AM NOT MIKE FOR GOD SAKE.. QUIT FUCKING PUTTING ME IN THAT GODDAMN SHADOW... JUST FUCKING STOP IT DAMMIT... I FUCKING LOVE YOU OKAY AND YOU JUST CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT FACT THAT A MAN CAN BE LIKE ME AND STILL WNAT TO BE WITH WOMEN.. OKAY.. JUST FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.. I AM WHO I AM AND IT IS NOT DEFINED BY SEXUALITY ALONE.. I AM JSUT GODDAMNED GARY.... FUCKKKKKKKKKK
RainShm: I AM NOT CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT I LIKE, I AM NOT.. I LOVE BEING WITH WOMEN.. I CANNOT IMAGINE A MAN EVERY, EVER.. MAKING ME FEEL THAT WAY...
RainShm: EVER... I HAVE NEVER BEEN PHYICALLY ATTRACTED TO A MAN IN A SEXUAL WAY.. ONLY EMOTIONAL MANNERS.. SO JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY!!!
RainShm: oh and i know.. Mike says that once i have that i will make a realization and blah blah blah..
kkf77: yeah well what happens when you meet someone just like you gary?
kkf77: hmm
RainShm: just deal with that fact that i put little emphasis on exteriors.. i am not hung up on them like most ppl.. shades of grey, and i thank you for letting me allow that out.. i just find it sad that the one thing you helped me release is the one thing you are using a barrier between us...
kkf77: what happens if you meet this guy who likes the same things you do and is sensitive and caring and gentle?
RainShm: just like me? fuck they would probably annoy the hell out of me to be honest.. lol
kkf77: what is the difference between him and me?
kkf77: lol
kkf77: thanks for making me smile!
kkf77: i needed that
RainShm: you are bitch but i still love that bitch.. argh.. you need to do what you want to do.. but this is a catch-22 and you know it.. i am doomed from the start.
RainShm: because if i don't do it, then you will say i never allowed it and therefor i can never have you...
RainShm: and if i do it..
kkf77: well..you need to have free reign and i am giving it to you whether you like it or not
kkf77: then you may find out i am right.
RainShm: i come back going that is not what i want you won't beleive me anyhow.. so i am just screwed.. you are permanently on the unattainable list, congratulations.
kkf77: and then what?
kkf77: lol
kkf77: im sorry...
kkf77: i shouldn't be laughing
RainShm: no your not..
kkf77: the congrats just got me..
kkf77: yes i am..sorry that i can't be what you need
kkf77: but i can't
kkf77: i just can't
RainShm: this is a plot, a wide spread conspiracy of 28 years.. to fuck with Gary's emotional makeup as much as possible until he ends up asexual, refusing to love or express anything to anyone..
RainShm: you are right about that one thing..
kkf77: i need a truly heterosexual man to get me over this...
kkf77: yes that i can't be what you need.
kkf77: so then why be mad at me?
kkf77: if I am not what You need then there is no reason to be mad right?
kkf77: ok so settled..
RainShm: you cannot be what i need.. because what i need is to feel like i am the center of attention for one person, just for a while, just for part of their life.. and you cannot do that for me.. in that way we will always be lopsided...
kkf77: you are rejecting me and that makes it all easier
RainShm: actually i wrote that yesterday
RainShm: you just cannot see it..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am tired of ppl always thinking they know what is best for me, thinking they know me when all they see is their conceptions. and well K, you look around and are so blinded by black and white you cannot even stop to realize that life is not like that...my life is a shade of grey.. about most everything..