And again..
The last real entry here was a decade ago. Seems that periodically reminding myself of where i once was continues to be a healthy occupation of mine from time to time. I wrote on LJ between 2001 to 2007, and they were some of the best years of my life. But fuck they are harrowing to read as a middle aged man with very different eyes that they see the world through.
Remembering when i ran wildly through the streets oblivious to the damage i was causing - not only to myself, but to everyone around me.
Sometime i read this entries and they make me smile and laugh at my free rambling excitement for everything in the world and the manner that i seemed to drink in everything around me. I know at the time i was finally living a life that i had always wanted but was always afraid of.
But more often i read these entries and i want to stop this man. Stop him, hold him tight and tell him to just slow down. To listen more. To stop being so reckless with other people in his life. To be a better judge of character. To trust himself. To stop thinking that love is something found in a glance instead of through time and trials and trust. To stop trying to do what others feel is best for him and start living genuinely. Oh this man. He is a whirling dervish of hypomania, hypersexuality, and seemingly endless creativity. God i miss that creativity. It seemed to disappear after they were gone.
Oh he had so much to learn. And the chapters will be painful. I just wish i could tell him to "Slow down my friend, take care. Slow down."