Samhain Night
It's dark. Not 7 pm yet, and dark as the inside of a black sack.
All day I've struggled with anxiety.
For awhile I thought it was 'about' packing for the Vision Fast, the trip beginning at sunrise on Friday morning. I packed once, got the weight and bulk about right, but need to reorganize -- the heaviest stuff needs to be lower and more forward in the frame pack. So this afternoon I've done that, or most of it. The anxiety is still here.
Perhaps it's about Samhain observance ... I still don't have a 'plan' for what to do, but know I will do 'something' to mark the day, honor the Beloved Dead. Yes, I co-led the Notes to the Dead service on Sunday; yes, I've written my Notes and burned them. Clearly there is more.
My body is tired and achey, though I've done lots this week toward making it feel sturdy, flexible, strong. Sleep has been elusive -- lots of uncharacteristic 'stuff' rising to the surface as soon as I turn off the light.
Packing continues to feel like bouncing between two extremes rather than finding a compromise or balance. At some moments I want to take 'everything' -- enough clothes for a week instead of three days, or for weather extremes that are highly unlikely, or else just go in whatever I'm wearing that morning, plus a parka. Same with tools and toys -- one moment I want to take paints AND beads to string AND a flute AND colored markers AND a sun-dyeing project AND the wood-carving tools. The next moment I want to go as empty-handed as possible, just a knife and a pen.
I seek to be guided by the work I will be doing ... but I still don't see 'what' exactly. I see 'why' and 'topic', but not 'what actions will I take during the time' ... and I'm not sure I want to have much of a plan for that, beyond keeping warm and hydrated and focused and conscious and aware.
What is the work that wants to come forward? Is Samhain Night part of the same work as this coming weekend's Vision Fast? Is Mercury retrograde part of it? Is Samhain Night work for me to do alone? with my mate? with my journal?
Listen to the music; drink the tea; dance the dance; be Present.
I would know myself in all my parts. I would know the steps in this next phase of the Dance.
Blessed Be.
..
All day I've struggled with anxiety.
For awhile I thought it was 'about' packing for the Vision Fast, the trip beginning at sunrise on Friday morning. I packed once, got the weight and bulk about right, but need to reorganize -- the heaviest stuff needs to be lower and more forward in the frame pack. So this afternoon I've done that, or most of it. The anxiety is still here.
Perhaps it's about Samhain observance ... I still don't have a 'plan' for what to do, but know I will do 'something' to mark the day, honor the Beloved Dead. Yes, I co-led the Notes to the Dead service on Sunday; yes, I've written my Notes and burned them. Clearly there is more.
My body is tired and achey, though I've done lots this week toward making it feel sturdy, flexible, strong. Sleep has been elusive -- lots of uncharacteristic 'stuff' rising to the surface as soon as I turn off the light.
Packing continues to feel like bouncing between two extremes rather than finding a compromise or balance. At some moments I want to take 'everything' -- enough clothes for a week instead of three days, or for weather extremes that are highly unlikely, or else just go in whatever I'm wearing that morning, plus a parka. Same with tools and toys -- one moment I want to take paints AND beads to string AND a flute AND colored markers AND a sun-dyeing project AND the wood-carving tools. The next moment I want to go as empty-handed as possible, just a knife and a pen.
I seek to be guided by the work I will be doing ... but I still don't see 'what' exactly. I see 'why' and 'topic', but not 'what actions will I take during the time' ... and I'm not sure I want to have much of a plan for that, beyond keeping warm and hydrated and focused and conscious and aware.
What is the work that wants to come forward? Is Samhain Night part of the same work as this coming weekend's Vision Fast? Is Mercury retrograde part of it? Is Samhain Night work for me to do alone? with my mate? with my journal?
Listen to the music; drink the tea; dance the dance; be Present.
I would know myself in all my parts. I would know the steps in this next phase of the Dance.
Blessed Be.
..