Let's Play Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals.
Chapter 26: The Ladies in the Water.
"OK, so we're not entirely finished here. What's holding us up?"
"You don't know?"
"Loot, man. Loot."
"One miracle? Well, that is totally worth it."
"Oh, we're just getting started."
"By... uh, getting back to where we started on this long trek? I didn't think you'd go at it quite so literally."
"Well, this is new. So, where are we going, and why didn't we notice this before?"
"Because you ain't got the look."
"The look?!"
"Yep. The look for loot."
"......"
"What?!"
"And what would that be? Giving Guy some common sense?"
"Making Maxim's balls drop?"
"Making Guy appreciate his girlfriend better?"
"Having humans make sense?"
"Heeeey.
"Stairs? That's not much of a trick, is it?"
"Uh... I don't think that's it."
"You sure?"
"Pah!"
"Well, either way, let's get this maniacal stair puzzle out of the way."
"A block puzzle? That IS devious."
"Come on. Don't be square."
"......"
"WHAAAAAT?!"
"I am going to slap you so hard."
"Well, we are on an urgent mission to find the Sinistrals and stop their... uh, sinister plan... but eh, I'm going to solve this if it takes me forever."
"That's... not necessarily a good idea."
"Don't sweat it. I'll have this done in a jiffy."
"I'll believe that when I see it."
"I... don't believe it."
"HEEEY! You promised!"
"Seeing really is believing, huh?"
"That's what I thought at first, but..."
"Oh, whatever. You'll come around eventually."
"NO WAY! CYNICS FOREVER!"
"Thank you. Indeed. I moved the stick until everything fell into place. Probably not. I will when Selan stops being such a grouch about this."
"The middle one; I'm still wondering."
"Who cares. Let's loot."
"Oh, fine."
"Oookay, let's see. Mega Shield!"
"The big block! Check."
"Holy Robe."
"Holy diver. Check."
"Legend helm."
"It was, until we found it. Check."
"Aaaaand... uh... Lizard blow?"
"......"
"I'm not touching that."
"See, once I wield this sword, being a lizard is going to blow. Get it?"
"And you people are giving me a hard time over MY jokes?"
"Looks like we're not quite done yet."
"S to the M, man. S to the M."
"......"
"...uh..."
"This is just a human thing, nothing you need to wrap your mind around. This is just a human thing, nothing you need to wrap your mind around. This is just a human thing, nothing you need to wrap your mind around...."
"Alright, last one."
"Hidora rock? What does it go. Give us more heads?"
"......"
"OK, this is just getting silly. Can we drop the sex talk for a while? Please?"
"What? What did I say?"
"I'm never listening to you guys when you complain about my jokes again."
"The mountain in the south has ALWAYS been quiet. It was the dragon inside of it that made the ruckus."
"I don't think she meant that literally, Maxim."
"It was also a volcano."
"Hmm. Both are cranky and temperamental, and both of them vomit fire and explosions when they're pushed over the edge."
"Oh, that is rich coming from you people. Could I ask you when you last left your freaking house?"
"We are kids who have a kid. It's... kind of creepy when you think about it, huh?"
"To elves, you all are kids."
"Yes, thank you for sharing your snotty opinion."
"Don't be a hater. You've got little enough left of your life as it is to waste on that."
"Let's have a round of applause for Mister Sinister over here. Always ready with a few select words to bring everyone down."
"I'm feeling just fine."
"Of course you are."
"Yes, I can see how this is such a secret that it only stays in this town. No blabbermouths to make sure it spreads to other towns."
"And given how rumor-happy everyone we've met so far is, that's kind of amazing."
"I hope that's the sword we're looking for, and not some kind of euphemism. I haven't forgotten that look you gave me back in the cave."
"Ahaha, silly kid. Yes, of course it's about a sword. No, it's about THE sword."
"....OK, I'll bite. Spill it."
"....."
"Ow."
"Well, look who boarded the euphemism train now."
"That's just random information, not a legend. You can't just spruce up a story by calling it a legend."
"The elder of Chaed. Storyteller. Salesman."
"Pervert."
"Just because I like looking at peoples' butts...."
"EWWWW!"
"Is that a legend too? Or just another story?"
"Starting to sound more like a newspaper to me."
"And a scandal rag at that."
"MERMAIDS REALLY EXIST! WE HAVE THE BLURRY PHOTOS TO PROVE IT!"
"Aww, Crescent Island is sad."
"It's Pac Man's hangover. If we head a little to the southwest, we will reach Porcelain Throne Island, I bet."
"OK, so... we're basically entering his mouth and diving into his digestive tract?"
"I can already imagine the front page of the next issue of Chaedology Monthly; Island swallows mermaids. We have the baseless theories that proves everything."
"I wish Lexis was still here. I'd love to hear his thoughts on all of this."
"Oh man, that's the sort of thing that keeps one up all night. Why did you have to go and say that?"
"We arrived on a boat."
"Which you can see just behind us. Is poor eyesight a mermaid trait or something?"
"Whoa, Selan; you so rude."
"Well, if patterns are to be believed, I'm sure these mermaids will have lots of good things to say about us humans."
"I can't stop thinking that comment was directed at me."
"See?"
"Yeesh. Did we DO something to the mermaids or something? I'd like to know where this carte blanche permission to just heap on verbal abuse comes from."
"Well, our pants are already wet, so..."
"Yeesh, the water almost reach the top of the bed. I hope there's no tide or anything."
"The glass of water near the bedstand is a nice touch, though."
"Well, I wouldn't want to drink mermaid butt water."
"Look who's all racist and stuff now."
"Yep. Not so fun to be on the receiving end, is it?"
"I bet old man Chaed wouldn't mind some mermaid butt, though."
"We've seen several mermaid girls here. Wanna be more specific, even though you all kind of look the same?"
"Blue hair must be some kind of curiously appropriate fashion statement down here."
"Get straight to the point, why don'tcha?"
"We wasted enough time in the big volcano cave, lootapalooza or not. Besides, I want me a good sword."
"So, the ability you have is to ramble endlessly and make tenuous links of logic?"
"OK, I get it. We need to be a bit less rude. Enough already."
"Nonono. I don't have much time on this planet, so I need to make sure I get all of this out of my system before I go."
"Touché; I guess."
"Other than the sword, yes?"
"What sights we'll see when we get there."
"I smell a trap."
"I smell a fight opportunity."
"And I smell what the Rock is cooking."
"She loves to... swim around that cave?"
"You people don't get out very often, do you?"
"Besides, if it's just a matter of water, she'll be fine inside for the time being."
"Yeah. Anyone who takes the time and effort to actually leave their home town is probably fully able to look after themselves."
"Yeah. Just because she's a Princess doesn't mean she's useless and needs rescuing all the time."
"....oooookay, I'm getting second thoughts on the whole rescue thing now. That sounds like a bit much for one person."
"Well, I guess we've still got some time to mount up a plan to do a rescue mission after all."
"Or maybe not. Goddamn it!"
*sigh* "So much for the damsel in distress thing. Now we've got two of them."
"Well, the last time we rescued an old guy, so let's just leave it alone this time."
"Oh, fine."
"Oh God...."
"Welp! Into the cornhole of the ocean we go."
"YOU JUST HAD TO PUT THAT TO WORDS, DIDN'T YOU?!"
"Humans..."
"I guess this is what we'd call 'going against the flow'."
"Or WITH the flow, but eh... who's keeping track?"
"You. Far too often."
"Except we do, but whatever..."
"If I don't get to fight something big real soon, I'm going to run on this goddamn water."
"Didn't we just fight a huge, explosion-spewing dragon not long ago?"
"Yes, but I want more. MORE! MOOOOORE!"
"I never thought about fighting as an addiction. That's... kind of worrying."
"I think he's just being 'special'."
"Will this do?"
"Uh... well... I guess."
"So, we're fighting a ship?! Damn it, if only we bought some woodsman axes..."
"It even brought friends."
"Well, if you can call flaming swords and skulls 'friends', then sure."
"Storm clouds... they gather."
"Well, it's... scenic."
"All the better to slice and dice you with, grandma?"
"EAT WATER DRAGON!"
"So, who is the REAL water dragon; the one we cast or the one joining our fights?"
"Maybe they're related?"
"I... don't think so."
"RELEASE THE... UH, BIG.. FLOATING BALLS!"
"Did we really need the clouds for dramatic effect?"
"Who cares? STABBY TIME!"
"Stabbing a boat. Well... that'll sink it, I guess."
"Well... now it really IS a ghost ship."
"Not nearly enough. Let's ghost it up some more."
"Possibly. I still kind of feel like a bully and an intruder, though."
"All this fighting getting to you, Max? Just let it go and revel in it like I do."
"Somebody seriously need to grow up here."
"They did conveniently show up as soon as the fight was done, though."
"Well, that's on par, I guess. Never mind that one of us isn't exactly keen on outsiders butting in on our fights."
"And for once, the 'one of us' thing wasn't directed at me."
"That's right, Mr. Martyr. It's not all about you."
"Yeah, I can vouch for the 'can't do anything' part."
"Story of MY life, and I'm training those suckers."
"Yep, you're training them to... JUMP AROUND!"
"HOUSE OF PAIN IN THE HOUSE, YO!"
"...OF PAIN!"
"It's like a Moebius strip of name comedy."
"IT NEVER ENDS!"
"You know, like Princesses that go swimming with the ghost ships."
"Or little elf girls who steal plans instead of just informing the people in charge about a serious problem."
"OK, OK, we get it."
"You're not giving up on that, are you, Arty?"
"Heck, no. I'm going to hold on to smug superiority as much as I can."
"Well, that's one way of putting it. Then again, I never thought elves could be so racist, so... I guess that makes us even in a weird way."
"Well... this WAS a watery dead end, so curiously enough, it's a good thing this happened. Even if we have to go rescue the Princess and her entourage. Again."
"And the Queen. How often does THAT happen?"
"I guess Queens aren't the rescuable type. Normally, at least."
"Human laws are weird."
"Um... that's not..."
"We're diving into the hole inside the hole."
"Let's not go there."
"We aren't. We're taking the boat."
"This better not turn into some kind of motorboating joke."
"And it's a temple. Isn't that all kinds of convenient."
"You know what that means."
"Because they always are. And it's always about energy, because what else are we going to base our 'over 9000' jokes on?"
"Yes, like those mermaids who... aren't really destroyed at all. They're still here, alive and well."
"Not that they aren't trying their darnedest to get into trouble. Which actually puts them above the massive amounts of absolutely useless people in this world. And I'm not saying that you have to know how to fight or go adventuring. Just... doing anything other than standing in place telling us where we need to go."
"Well... OK, maybe some of them got wasted."
"Also, Selan, you're getting far too used to putting people to sleep to save them from dealing with... potentially fatal issues."
"Yeah, maybe I should have kept that habit out of my training regiment back home."
"....yes. You should."
"Well, we got some asskicking to do, which is basically our role in life, it seems."
"Stop complaining. It's fun."
"We're the ones with pert bottoms and sleek, oily pecs."
"...uh.."
"Is THIS a human thing?"
"Just kidding."
"Someone is obviously a Cho Aniki fan."
"Hey, don't blame that on me. You all were far too happy to join me on this. Especially you, Guy."
"I didn't say anything."
"So, what does the Queen have to say about this?"
"I guess we'll never know."
"Well, I had to stop her. She was going to head into the temple and face this evil."
"We had to stop someone who was about to take matters into her own hands. I... wonder if this is the sort of attitude heroes like us have fostered over the years. No wonder everyone is so useless, then."
"Hookay, it's not just an underwater temple, it's one we have to TELEPORT into. That's... fine, I guess. You guys ready?"
"I was born ready."
"You were also born naked. Does that mean you'll undress now?"
"Har har. Your sense of logic never fails to make me wish I was NEVER born. Naked."
"Something's... not right here."
"I'll say. Someone forgot to put the light on."
The sword of destiny near, our heroes pressed on. After all that jogging around, after all the random dungeons that added absolutely nothing, the Dual Sword was almost within our heroes' grasp. But first, they had to find the light switch.
"Guh! What the..."
"Turn it off, turn it off, TURN IT OFF!"
To be continued....
Onwards to the next chapter....
Back to the beginning....