Let's Play Lufia 2: Rise of the Sinistrals.
Chapter 14: The Pimpin' Piper of Hameln.
"As opposed to... uh, using my hands?"
"Well, this got awkward real fast."
"I thought only girls were into the kind of shipping that comes with woodies."
"Touché. I guess I should return to the drawing board. Those stories about you and Guy doing the wooden pole dance aren't going to write themselves."
"Well, we don't HAVE to, but..."
"Maybe we can just head over to the inn and sleep for three days straight."
"That would ensure that we're all very well rested."
"I... don't know what to say to that kind of skillset bragging."
"Well, he's good at cutting in."
"Into what?"
"Eh, hell if I know."
"Selan, I married you because I love you, but... did you feel it had been too long since you said something dumb?"
"Well, I did score the jackpot, didn't I? I mean... I could have gone for the socially inept guys here, or I could go for useless twits who never seem to get any better regardless of how long I train them."
"I guess I must have missed the memo saying a man can only relax in a bar normally patroned by chefs."
"At least it's not a bar patroned by Village People cosplayers."
"And we're about to join the navy too, aren't we?"
"No butts shall be left untouched."
"No, you will not. And take your hands out of my pants."
"Maybe it's just me, but all the people here talk in the language of questionable suggestions."
"Or innuendo. Or slang words for... uh... wing wongs. Trouser snakes. The leaning towers of..."
"OK, I get it. Enough, already."
"You do what all the time? Stand around on mountains until somebody drops by to kill whatever lions are guarding that very specific tree you want to use?"
"Which was a piece of cake, by the way. I can't see how you could have any problems with it. I mean... you did make it up that mountain by your lonesome, and I doubt you went searching for the very specific key and solved all the puzzles and burned all the bushes before getting there."
"Heh. 'Burned all the bushes', huh? I bet they've never used THAT one in this town before."
"Well, sorry for interrupting you from your very meaningful life, but we got a boat to ride."
"Besides, we're short on seamen, so kindly board this ride right now."
"I think we need to leave. This town's sickness is rubbing off on us. Or rubbing on. Maybe."
"Well, that's what you get when your 'special skill' is 'jamming your hand into someone's pants'."
"Or up someone's skirts. Dr. MacDoo was not amused."
"That sounds like a fun place."
"It's like they cornered the market of hand mirrors, and then stole all of them so that they could stand around admiring themselves."
"I guess we could really go anywhere we liked now, right? Any chance of us actually doing that?"
"We could, but we'd just be stuck at this state of completion until we get to where Idura is in the vain hope that we get to kill him this time, because lord knows everyone loves a boss enemy that just won't die, right?"
"Maybe he was against censorship."
"Yes, I... what?"
"Well, you can't expect them to show the actions of every ax-crazed lunatic out there."
"Yes, whatever. Anyway, Idura's an incompetent villain, isn't he? Not only does he not kill anyone, but nobody got hurt? Really?"
"And this is bad... how?"
"Well, it's not, but... villains need to do evil stuff so that our murdering them will be justified. If they aren't going to do anything but ineptly kidnap babies or destroy boats, it's going to reflect badly on us if we go for the 'sword up bum' punishment, isn't it?"
"Sounds like we're all speaking English to me. Is there a hidden dialect that people won't be able to read in us that give our westernness away?"
"Well, I defy all that. I wear my westernness like a badge of honor."
"Oh, we know."
"AND WE HAVE OUR DIRECTION!"
"One Direction?"
"Eugh, no. Spare us from the attention of hastily assembled boy bands with the life expectancy of around one season of 'America's got too many goddamn people who want to be famous'."
"Oh, come on. It wasn't that bad."
"Everyone's a critic in this town."
"They're probably just bitter about the boats."
"Hmm. Funny thing, that's where we have to go as well."
"Well, at least whoever's playing the flute isn't playing 'Go West'."
"With all the boats destroyed, that would just be town mass murder."
"Well, that seems weirdly specific for a flute effect."
"Maybe he was playing Bella's Lullaby or something."
"Or whatever else these darn kids are listening to these days."
"So, Selan.... you a Twilight fan?"
"I... don't care to answer that question."
"Hah! I knew it."
"OK, OK; I was young and stupid. That's kind of what helped me make the decision to become the main Commander of the Parcelytian armies. I wanted to distance myself from the girl I was."
"Well, if you're going to be all sensible about it...."
"But, bottom line here, someone's playing a flute, and all the pretty girls just clear out of town like puppets on a string."
"So, this town is full of unmarried women? That's what you're saying?"
"Hey! No picking on plot holes here."
"Guy, this isn't a 'plot hole'. It's just me refuting your stupid comment, because it wasn't necessary. I was just wondering why I'm not influenced by this melody, because it's honestly puzzling me. I'm happy about it, don't get me wrong."
"Maybe it's a virgin thing."
"Oh, shut up!"
"You... what... I just..."
"Looks like Selan's saying we need to go our separate ways."
"Yep. Me and Maxim's gonna separate from the idiot group and go by ourselves. Come see us again when you grow a pair."
"You don't say."
"I would be more worried if they were walking weird AFTER they return from the tower."
"You just HAD to take that comment to the next step, didn't you?"
"And was she walking weird?"
"EWWWW, DEKAR!"
"Yeah, that's the only thing missing in this here town; Crazy Old Conspiracy Guy."
"By his weird walk, you can tell he's already been on HIS first visit."
"Because he already got.."
"STOP EXPLAINING THE JOKES, DAMN IT!"
"First rule of Tower of Sacrifice Club: don't walk on the carpet."
"Dragonian? Well... I guess that name makes sense."
"Hey, wanna try just standing here and seeing how long they can keep flying?"
"Great idea. Maybe they'll commit seppuku if their feet touch the... well, the carpet that isn't here anymore."
"Wait, there's a line now?"
"Well, they can't all fight us at once."
"Unfortunately."
"Eesh, this got pretty ridonkulous."
"It's like 'The Mask' times four."
"As long as they don't start to dance the rhumba, that's fine with me."
"Or they whip out clusters of gun barrels as if they were trying to woo Lady Death."
"....."
"...uh."
"I have no idea if this is silly, adorable or freaking metal."
"They say that if you chop the head off a chicken, the body will still continue to run around, but, come to think of it, they never go into what the head will do."
"Adapt a fire mohawk and pick fights, it seems. Which is kind of badass, I have to admit."
"OK, so the lumpy thing push you away. At least that was mildly educational."
"At least we know what the theme of this tower will be. Now to figure out this INCREDIBLY DIFFICULT PUZZLE HERE OMG!"
"Levers again?! NOOOOOOO!"
"Don't sweat it, Max. I'll take care of the levers from now on."
"This reminds me; we were talking about seppuku a while back, weren't we?"
"Yes, we were. Why?"
"Oh."
"Ochi Warrior? What did he do? Show up in a QB Finest video?"
"I don't think so. Only ladies were allowed to show up there."
"....."
"Uh oh."
"What?"
"I just realized why the music only attracted young, attractive, single females."
"What the..."
"That's not an octopus at all."
"Maybe the crabs got him."
"Well, that's what he deserved for putting his tentacles where they don't belong."
"Well, lookie lookie. Do we want to fight some more chicken heads?"
"If possible, I'd rather not."
"It's the key that loves itself so much."
"It won't accept ANY doors. It'd much rather just unlock itself."
"Or... not, I guess?"
"Well, this is just disappointing."
"And speaking of which."
"So, the weird spooky eyes hardhat moles also push pushable stuff. Imagine that."
"And so; TADAAAA!"
"I'm so proud of you."
"Reverse the... huh?"
"Well, it's not the ship's polarity, that's for damn sure."
"So how do we reverse panels anyway?"
"What else? With BOMBS, of course."
"He's the champion of safety at work."
"Well, at least I hope so, because I got enough weird sexual innuendo back in that town we just visited. Honestly, I'm hesitant about rescuing the girls. I mean... what if they are as weird as the guys from that town? There's no telling what they might come up with once they grow comfortable with the strangers in their midst."
"Well, maybe some more crabs will take care of that."
"Wow, it's been a while since I heard that line."
"....."
"Uh... I mean...."
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"
"Oh, shut up. You never had to work with a lot of useless guys who, when failing to become adept fighters, tries to impress me in... other ways."
"OHGODPLEASESTOPWECAN'TBREATHE!"
"Hmmm. That gives me an idea."
"Oh... oh... you are an evil, evil woman."
"Maybe, but you were still able to breathe again before the fight started."
"And look, it's an actual octopus this time around.... referred to as a fish, but still...."
"Good thing they marked it as an evil fish too. Otherwise, I might feel guilty about stabbing it to death."
"So, this room has squares that are pushed on each side of the hallways we walk through? How does THAT make any sense?"
"You mean aside from us fighting FISH inside a completely dry area?"
"Well... yes?"
"Hell if I know."
"Well, that felt... pointless."
"Oh, look. Here's Mr. Romantic out being unfaithful again. I'd say the girls have many things to worry about."
"Yeah, that's easy for you to say, Mr. Never Had A Girlfriend And Never Will."
"It sure is."
"....."
"Guys, can we please focus on the task at hand?"
"Well, I count seven heads. With... uh, four girls? Wait, those are all the females that town had?"
"If that's supposed to be an even share, that means eight people -- or maybe seven or nine -- live in that town. It's a freaking metropolis."
"Anyway, seven heads? Who are we missing now?"
"Mmmm hmm? Four sinistrals, huh? Since you're obviously not one..."
"HEY!"
"Well, you aren't, are you? So with Gades taken out, that leaves three. Or was Gades the fifth?"
"Oh, shut up. I will not allow you to confuse me into letting you loose."
"Ugh! I got outsmarted by Dekar. That really... smarts."
"What can I say? I'm a hit with all the ladies."
"You are going to live on this one single victory for ever and ever, aren't you? It's your apology post for every single screwup you'll ever make from now on."
"Yep."
"Hrrrrrgh!"
"That's not quite how it works, but whatever."
"You can win all the ladies too... if the PRICE IS RIGHT! Because that's how we all work, right?"
"I mean... I hope you realize that you just annulled your one big scene, the ONE single thing you could have lorded over me like a pathetic drunkard who lives vicariously through his one big accomplishment."
"I know, I know. Curse it all."
"Man, do I feel like I'm trapped in some kind of terrible play."
"I know, right? It's like... it takes all the energy out of doing anything. If the Sinistrals master this, we really will be screwed."
"Um... Dekar, what are you doing?"
"Oh, God, please don't tell me he's going to succeed in..."
"Yep, he did it. This is even worse than when he first outsmarted the trap, because with this, he won through something completely meaningless."
"YES! my victory has returned. I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!"
"I'm... not sure how to feel about this anymore."
"And please stick around this time, because I don't want to have to run after you again."
With Idura finally cornered, there is nothing to do but fight. This is where Idura will make his last stand. Where it's mano a mano... a mano... a womano? Well, something like that. So, how does the fight go?
"D'OH!"
"I shall heretofore call him... Sir Robin."
*sigh* "And do we really have to track him down?"
"I don't really want to, but I'm sure we'll face him again regardless."
"How about starting a betting pool on whether we'll really get to kill him or not?"
"Tempting, but... no."
To be continued....
Onwards to the next chapter....
Back to the beginning....