then ask me what its like to have myself so figured out....i wish i knew
An uninsured dickhead driving his brother's uninsured porsche caused an accident with me and my car is totalled. I'm getting $2,763 for it and my dad decided that I am going to get a brand new car AKA I am using that money as a down payment and paying off the rest monthly. Fabulous, more money I have to spend that I DONT have.
Nikki and Fred are like dating and thus because I dont like doing the NorthEast thing, I am completely out of that friend group I guess. Allison is home but obviously she will only be with Ant, who will only be around Fred who will ONLY be around Nikki. Sweet.
I am not going back to Arcadia in the fall and I own my own gelato business now. It makes me really happy and I love my new friends there. I really do love it but honestly, I had one good weekend of sales and now I am seriously getting scared this wont work because it will be one more "I told you you're a fuck up" from my dad. He is giving me the apartment over the garage and I should be in by the end of July at the latest. It is free, thank god.
My dad has sunk back into one of his fabulous alcoholic states. I have to tell him things 5 times and he still wont remember and he will continue asking me. He sits in his office/den all day drinking gin and watching tv. The other day I went out in the morning and came home an hour later around 11am and my dad was walking up to the house from the car carrying some bags. I asked him if he had gone to the Acme and he said "yeah" but when I looked at the bags they were both from the state store. It is really starting to get to me because he will be drunk by noon every day and since my mom is away on her business trips, she doesnt even really know. And when she is home, all they do is fight. And really, there is no question as to why I am such an alcoholic.
I really feel alone right now even though I know I have plenty of people I can talk to about whatever and they will be there for me blah blah blah, I hate doing that. As wierd as it sounds, I actually feel better keeping it all inside. I told my best friends in the entire world something about the past the other night and they were blown away at how I could keep that inside and not let it out. Sometimes it does feel better, but for the most part, I'd rather not have anyone knowing too many things about me. As alone as I am in my head, I guess I try to make up for it by doing my best to never be alone.
This post probably doesnt make sense to anyone but me because it is every thing that is floating around in my head. Yes, I go from sad to happy and back down and then up. I'm pretty sure that I am crazy. The only thing that is keeping me semi-sane is my favorite music by my favorite band.
I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.
I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my Father's work.
Well Take me out tonight,
The ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.
I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.
I used to know the name of every person I kissed.
Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.
Nikki and Fred are like dating and thus because I dont like doing the NorthEast thing, I am completely out of that friend group I guess. Allison is home but obviously she will only be with Ant, who will only be around Fred who will ONLY be around Nikki. Sweet.
I am not going back to Arcadia in the fall and I own my own gelato business now. It makes me really happy and I love my new friends there. I really do love it but honestly, I had one good weekend of sales and now I am seriously getting scared this wont work because it will be one more "I told you you're a fuck up" from my dad. He is giving me the apartment over the garage and I should be in by the end of July at the latest. It is free, thank god.
My dad has sunk back into one of his fabulous alcoholic states. I have to tell him things 5 times and he still wont remember and he will continue asking me. He sits in his office/den all day drinking gin and watching tv. The other day I went out in the morning and came home an hour later around 11am and my dad was walking up to the house from the car carrying some bags. I asked him if he had gone to the Acme and he said "yeah" but when I looked at the bags they were both from the state store. It is really starting to get to me because he will be drunk by noon every day and since my mom is away on her business trips, she doesnt even really know. And when she is home, all they do is fight. And really, there is no question as to why I am such an alcoholic.
I really feel alone right now even though I know I have plenty of people I can talk to about whatever and they will be there for me blah blah blah, I hate doing that. As wierd as it sounds, I actually feel better keeping it all inside. I told my best friends in the entire world something about the past the other night and they were blown away at how I could keep that inside and not let it out. Sometimes it does feel better, but for the most part, I'd rather not have anyone knowing too many things about me. As alone as I am in my head, I guess I try to make up for it by doing my best to never be alone.
This post probably doesnt make sense to anyone but me because it is every thing that is floating around in my head. Yes, I go from sad to happy and back down and then up. I'm pretty sure that I am crazy. The only thing that is keeping me semi-sane is my favorite music by my favorite band.
I used to be such a burning example,
I used to be so original.
I used to care, I was being cared for.
Made sure I showed it to those that I love.
I used to sleep without a single stir,
'Cause I was about my Father's work.
Well Take me out tonight,
The ship of fools I'm on will sink.
A millstone around my neck,
Be my breath, there's nothing I wouldn't give.
I used to pray like God was listening.
I used to make my parents proud.
I was the glue that kept my friends together,
Now they don't talk and we don't go out.
I used to know the name of every person I kissed.
Now I made this bed and I can't fall asleep in it.