Fic: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 8/?
Title: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 8/?
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. And sometimes we realize that certain things are worth fighting for. Starts a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: Thank you to my readers and those who leave comments! The comments are super appreciated and they just make my day - you’re all lovely! I still can't believe this went from being a one-shot to being this...hopefully you continue to enjoy it. :)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Callie
When I wake up the next morning it takes me a minute to blink the sleep from my eyes and remember where I am.
I'm in Arizona's bed.
Except - I roll from my stomach to glance at the other side of the bed - she's not here. I pull her pillow over tentatively and burrow my nose into it, the familiar scent sending a wave of calm through me. It's cool to the touch, so I'm guessing she slipped out awhile ago. I can't blame her for wanting to avoid any morning awkwardness. This is going to be weird enough if I run into Alex or Jo.
I roll over to climb up from the bed, and my eyes land on something that makes my heart skip a beat - a pink post-it note is stuck to the side of the nightstand. Smiling widely, I reach out and pluck it off.
Hope you slept well - I know I did. I took Sofia to preschool. See you soon.
I run my thumb over the familiar handwriting and think about everything that happened last night. It feels like we had a real, genuine conversation for the first time in...well, years, if I'm honest. I wish we hadn't screwed things up this badly - I wish we didn't need to fix things. I'd known from the beginning that Arizona would be my one great love, had felt it after only a few months, and when I think of all the time we've wasted it makes me physically ache.
Rubbing a hand over my face I climb out of bed, sticking the post-it to the back of my phone. I actually did sleep really well; it's been awhile since that happened too. I quickly change back into my jeans, and grab a brush from the dresser to tame my hair back into a ponytail. Photos of Sofia litter the surface of the dresser - some framed and some just stuck along the edge of the mirror. Her favourite picture of Tim resides there too now, the two siblings smiling brightly on Arizona's med school graduation day. This has really become her home.
Setting the brush back down, I notice the small glass dish holding a few pieces of Arizona's jewelry. Sitting in the bottom, side by side, lay her wedding ring and the sapphire I gave her when we moved into the house. I reach in and pick up the wedding band, fingering the cool metal between my fingers for a minute as I recall the day we got these.
"Plain bands or would you like something more ornate?"
Arizona looks at me as the saleswoman pulls out various styles of rings, smiling as she slips her hand around my waist.
"What do you think, Calliope? I was picturing somewhat plain bands. Simple."
Smiling happily, I gaze at my fiancée, then down at the rings out on display.
"I was too," I pick out a few different rings from the velvet casing, inspecting them, and linger on the last one for a moment, "Something like these, maybe...a few diamonds along the band?"
She takes it from me and inspects it, then lifts my left hand to slide it on, nestling it against the engagement ring she'd given me on the night we took Sofia home. It's too big on my finger, but other than that I think it looks perfect.
"This is the one."
I drop the ring carefully back into the dish, absently running my thumb along my bare ring finger, and I realize that this can't be about winning my wife back - because I gave her up. And this can’t be about fixing our marriage, because that marriage is over. This, what we're doing now? This is about making her want to marry me all over again.
*
I walk into the attendings’ locker room an hour later, and am surprised to see a familiar blonde figure alone by the last row of lockers. It’s been rare lately to see the Peds surgeon without her mentor or Amelia Shepherd trailing nearby. She looks over at the sound of the door and offers me a small smile, quickly pulling a new scrub top down over her head.
“Hey,” I smile back, heading to my own locker across from hers, “how was your surgery this morning?”
I pause, feeling a little bit sheepish at the fact that I’d pretty well memorised her schedule.
“I, ah...saw it on the board yesterday.”
She pulls her lab coat from the shelf and shrugs it back on.
“It was more complicated than we expected. But we’re hoping mom and baby should still be okay.”
“Good,” I nod, stuffing my bag into my own locker and pulling out the dark blue scrubs, “thanks for taking Sofia in this morning, by the way. I hope she was ok for you?”
I glance over in time to see a grin light up her face, and she leans back against the row of lockers to face me.
“She was fine. And the whole way there I heard about Megan? Her...girlfriend, apparently?”
The look on her face is enough to make me burst into giggles, but I retain my composure best I can and nod seriously.
“Oh, yeah. Megan is her girlfriend; it’s very serious. They’ve been together about a week.”
Arizona just laughs at my dead-pan reply, but it quickly turns into a look of consternation and a slight groan as she leans her head back against the lockers.
“I am not nearly ready to even think about the day she starts dating.”
I turn my back to her and quickly slip off my jeans, pulling the scrub pants on and tightening the tie at the waist.
“It’ll be ok, I can literally break every bone in her potential dates’ bodies. In the most painful way. And you can pull out the daughter-of-a-marine thing. I definitely wouldn’t mess with you.”
I pull my top down, flipping my hair out from underneath, and I can feel her eyes on me even though she’s gone quiet. It’s both welcome and... making me feel a little self-conscious. I slip my stethoscope around my neck and glance over my shoulder to see that she’s taken a few steps closer and she’s watching me, blue eyes bright and studious, and her tone has completely changed when she speaks suddenly.
“I need to know that you’re 100% sure about this.”
I pause slightly, but I know what she’s talking about. I thought last night made it obvious enough, but I meet her eyes and hold them without hesitation.
“Arizona, I am 100% sure.”
“Because I can’t...if you’re not sure, then I can’t do this,” she takes another step closer, eyes still searching mine, “You are the love of my life, Callie,” she sighs almost imperceptibly, gaze never wavering, “I can’t lose you again...I just...I can’t do this if I’m going to lose you again...”
“Arizona,” I watch as she licks her lips slightly, her expression unreadable, “I know I’ve said this before, but I have never been more sure of anything.”
The words have barely left my mouth when strong hands reach up to grasp the back of my head and suddenly she’s right there, body flush against mine and her scent enveloping me, her breath warm on my lips as she utters a single word.
“Good.”
Her lips crash into mine and her deft fingers thread through my hair as she presses me against the lockers behind us. There’s no hesitation as she deepens the kiss, the sudden overwhelming taste of her breaking through my initial shock. I kiss her back, impassioned, my hands coming up to grip her lab coat and pull her even closer. I feel her hands slide down to cup my jaw, and a small groan escapes my throat as she continues her exploration, soft tongue stroking mine as she kisses without abandon - kisses like she’s never going to stop.
But only a few minutes later the shrill sound of a pager bursts the bubble and she pulls back quickly, only one hand leaving my face as she reaches down and glances at the tiny screen before silencing it.
“I have to go,” she murmurs, pressing her lips against mine again in a heated, lingering kiss, her fingers trailing softly down my neck before she steps back entirely.
She grabs her stethoscope and hooks it around her neck, and shooting me a last glance over her shoulder, she’s gone.
And I am grinning like an idiot.
*
Several hours later I find myself sitting in the cafeteria, half eaten lunch in front of me and still thinking about this morning. I’m probably smiling to myself like a crazy person - but I find that I really don’t care. Arizona kissed me. And there is nothing I want more in the world than for her to continue to do so.
A tray slides onto the table across from me and I look up with a grin, expecting to see the blonde in question. I’m surprised to see that it’s actually the younger doctor Shepherd who’s unceremoniously dropping into the seat, an amused smile on her face.
“This seat taken? It’s Callie, right?”
“Uh...yeah. And no, it isn’t. You’re fine.”
The brunette just grins, popping open the pre-packaged container of salad in front of her.
“I thought we should get to know each other. I mean, we may end up working together at some point, obviously, but mostly because you and Arizona were a thing,” she glances at me, as if watching for my reaction, “ -are? Possibly again going to be a thing...? At any rate, you’re Sofia’s mom and I figure between hanging out with Meredith and Zola, and hanging out with Arizona, I’m bound to see your kid around too. So,” she flashes me a smile, stabbing a cherry tomato, “Amelia Shepherd. Nice to meet you.”
I’ve really only seen Amelia in passing up until now - we haven’t had any patients together, and aside from hearing the hospital gossip and witnessing that one painful scene in the emergency room during her first week I can’t say I know much about her.
“Right...okay. Callie Torres, nice to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you from Owen, and Meredith. It’s good to have you here.”
“Thanks,” she eats a bite of salad, “it’s good to be here. It’s turning out better than expected.”
“So you and Arizona have been hanging out? I guess with the whole Herman thing.”
“Hm? Oh, we go back ages - it was a nice surprise to find out she worked here actually. She was probably my best friend during our residency.”
My eyes snap up, a slight frown pulling at my lips.
“Her brother Tim was her best friend.”
Amelia shrugs a shoulder, taking another bite nonchalantly.
“Yeah, he was. And I was her closest...non-childhood, non-related, female friend. Roommate too. Does that count?”
I scan my memory for any mention of...I do vaguely recall Arizona mentioning an Amy, and occasionally an Amelia now that I think about it. I never would have thought it was this Amelia though. I’d never seen pictures. Or heard her mentioned between Arizona and Derek. Weird.
The other woman interrupts my thoughts again, her voice a little less brash this time.
“She still doesn’t talk much about her residency, does she?”
I shake my head a little, taking a small bite of my own lunch, more for something to do with my hands than anything else.
“Hardly ever. It was...a rough few years for her.”
She nods in understanding.
“Yeah. I mean we were just getting started, fresh off the intern boat when....after that, she kind of became a horror show. I mean don’t get me wrong; brilliant, star of the freakin’ hospital - and all the surrounding hospitals - but definitely kind of a horror show. She buried herself in research and surgeries and girls, and frankly I was a little surprised she came out the other side unscathed.”
I really haven’t heard much about those years from Arizona - I’d asked, but it was never something she wanted to talk about. Or she would tell me something, but then skirt around the conversation and divert it to something else. I’d never pushed.
“Thank god she didn’t have my coping mechanisms at least, right?” she gives a self-deprecating laugh.
Offering her a tight smile, I pick up my water and take a drink. Who even is this woman?
“Oh come on,” she leans her elbows on the table, “After your second time through rehab you’re allowed to joke about it. Everyone knows about it now anyway.”
I study her for a minute - I mean, if she and Arizona are friends, she can’t be that bad, right?
“I just never realized you guys were friends. Like you said...she doesn’t talk about it very much. How come you lost touch?”
The neurosurgeon leans back and shrugs a little, a contemplative look striking her eyes.
“Stuff happened. She came out here, I went back to New York, and then L.A. It was hard to keep in touch a lot. Busy, you know how it is.”
I find myself immediately wanting to know what “stuff” was - and feeling a rising curiosity as to just how close this woman was to my ex-wife.
“So how close were you guys?”
A teasing grin breaks out over Amelia’s face, and she laughs.
“You’re asking if I know her in a biblical sense? That would be a no. Well,” she pauses, thoughtful, “actually just the once. But it was purely for comfort on her part and it was experimental on mine. I can tell you I definitely swung right back the other way. Didn’t do much for me.”
“I don’t see how that’s even possible.”
The words leave my mouth before I catch myself, and I feel a blush immediately rising over my skin. Amelia just laughs again good-naturedly, pointing her fork in my direction.
“She was right about you. You’re great.”
She finishes the last couple bites of her salad, checking the time on her phone.
“Listen, unfortunately I have to run, but I’m serious, we should get to know each other. You seem funny. And Arizona really likes you, so it’d be nice. Besides, if nothing else I can tell you some fantastic drunk stories about her.”
I watch as the brunette pushes her chair back and gathers her tray, piling her cup and plastic lid on top.
“And I know I wasn’t around to witness the full story between you guys, but I see the way you’ve been looking at her, Callie. And I don’t think you’re stupid. So I guess what I mean is that I hope I have a good reason to get to know you.”
I mull over our conversation as I watch her leave the table, but my eyes are soon drawn to the blonde surgeon herself entering the cafeteria, laughing about something with her mentor. My eyes trace over her form, taking in the confident way she’s carrying herself, the radiance she used to emanate on a daily basis. It was missing for a long time but the more I pay attention, the more I see that’s coming back. It is back.
Or maybe I just chose not to see it before because I was too wrapped up in myself.
She catches my eye and gives me a smile, and that’s really all it takes. I just need that smile for the rest of my life.
*
Arizona
It’s just about 8 o’clock when I finally find myself back in the locker room, ready to head home for the night. Our schedule promises another early start tomorrow, but at least the rest of tonight is free. Although honestly, I’ll probably grab some books and some takeout and head home to study some more anyway. As I go to grab my clothes from the locker though, I see a slip of paper sitting on top of them, messy handwriting that I know all too well. Smiling to myself, I pick it up and read the message, which simply states “Are you free tonight? Meet me in the lobby.”
Maybe tonight will be more interesting than studying after all.
I hadn’t seen the brunette all day except for a glimpse in the cafeteria, and part of me was starting to wonder if too much had been said last night. It had felt good though - more therapeutic in a way than any of the therapy had.
I change into my street clothes and let my hair out of its ponytail, glancing in the mirror to try and make it look at least halfway decent. I swipe some coloured lip gloss on and figure that’s about as good as it’s going to get. I don’t know why the prospect of meeting Callie makes me feel so fluttery and self-conscious - it’s not like she hasn’t seen me at basically every stage of unkempt and unattractive already. I let out a breath though and smile in the mirror, shaking my head and grabbing my bag. This almost - almost - feels normal.
*
When I step out into the lobby I immediately head toward the windows at the front, because that’s where we always used to wait for each other. I like to be able to watch people coming and going while I wait, and it just became our place after awhile. She sees me first, and then she’s on her feet walking towards me...with a single red rose in her hands.
“I know I didn’t really ask in advance...and I have to be home by 11 for the sitter...” she holds out the flower and offers me a gorgeous smile, “but I’m hoping you’d like to have dinner with me again.”
There’s no way I could ever say no to that.
“I’d love to.”
I take the flower when she gives it to me, and run my fingers over the delicate petals. Red for romance. I like to think that means something.
“So where are you taking me on our second date?” I grin as she automatically places a hand at the small of my back, leading me out of the hospital. She obviously had time to go home and clean up because she looks incredible - dark jeans, a simple, flowing red top, and her hair falling straight around her shoulders. She smells incredible too.
“Actually, I thought we could go to the park - if that sounds okay to you. I picked up food from that gourmet-to-go place, and it’s a gorgeous night.”
Surprised at the romantic notion of a meal in the park, something I’d always loved, I turn to look at her.
“You did have this planned.”
She gives me a slightly cheeky grin this time as we get to her car.
“Okay, yeah I kind of started thinking about this the minute I woke up. I wanted to surprise you.”
I just squeeze her arm and climb into the car, the delicious aroma from the back seat even further cementing my love for this idea.
“This is the kind of surprise I like.”
*
We talk about Sofia and her “girlfriend” on the short drive to our favourite park - the one that overlooks the harbour - and I laugh as Callie regales me with the story of how she skipped out of school happily holding hands with her new friend last week, and as they approached Callie and the other girl’s mother, Sofia proudly proclaimed Megan to be her girlfriend just like that and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. Ah, to be three-going-on-four. Relationships are so simple.
Callie offers me a hand out of the car when we get there, which I take, and after grabbing the bag of food and a blanket she silently twines her fingers through mine again as we walk towards a spot on a small hill, lit by numerous park lights and with a clear view of the water.
“How’s this?”
I take the blanket from her and unfold it, spreading it over the grass.
“This looks perfect, let’s sit.”
She sets the food down and we settle onto the ground before she pauses momentarily, looking around at the tree-lined park in the rapidly fading light.
“It only strikes me now that this may not be the safest date idea I’ve ever had....”
I turn my head to study her profile in the dusky light, and I lean back on my hands, giving her a reassuring smile.
“It’ll be fine. Besides, I still have Mark’s pepper spray.”
She laughs, and I grin with her, both of us remembering the way Mark had presented us with the keychain canisters while Callie had been pregnant, proudly proclaiming that he had to keep the mothers of his child safe at all times. At the time, I’m sure I had rolled my eyes in annoyance, but thinking back on the moment...I know it had been a gesture of honest affection. And well, he did convince me shortly after that to take some kickboxing classes with him too. Which I agreed to. Partially for self-defense but also partially because I had done it as a teenager and it meant I could kick his ass...
My stomach rumbles hungrily, so we dive into the food and the talk comes easily between us. The laughter does too, even more than our first date last week. As we share stories about work, and updates about our families and Sofia’s newest quirks, it’s almost easy to forget that we haven’t always been like this - that we went through a time of not even being able to talk to each other at all, all while living under the same roof. We used to have this easy banter between us, right from day one, and even though it got lost somewhere in the middle it feels nice to see that re-emerging.
“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Erica had never left? What your life would be like?”
We’ve finished the dessert she brought and I’m lying back on my elbows watching her, and watching the stars that are faintly visible away from the lights of downtown. I don’t really know where that question came from.
Neither does she, apparently, because she looks down at me with a look of utter confusion.
“I’ve never actually thought about it.”
I watch as she shifts to lay beside me, leaning back on her elbows in a similar fashion and crossing her legs comfortably at the ankle. She turns to meet my eyes in the dim light from the park lamps, and gives a half shrug.
“Honestly, I just...haven’t. I mean, maybe for those first four months...when I was wallowing...but then I met you, Arizona, and it pretty well all made sense soon after that.”
Curious, I watch her face as she speaks. But all I see is honesty.
“What made sense?”
Callie smiles softly then, tilting her head to look back up at the stars.
“Why she left. I think...Erica was supposed to be a catalyst for me, but I was never supposed to be with her. We would never have worked as a couple.”
I lean up a bit, reaching over to brush some silken hair from her face as a breeze tosses it about.
“She had to walk away...in order for me to meet you,” she looks over, smiling then, “in order for you to come out of nowhere and kiss me in a bar bathroom.”
I smile too at that memory - remembering how I’d seen a moment and decided to go after what I wanted. And remembering the look of utter shock and delight on her face when I did.
“And if I could call her up and thank her for breaking my heart and leaving me in that parking lot,” she laughs a little, no trace whatsoever of sadness in her voice, “then I absolutely would. I’d send a fruit basket. And mini-muffins.”
I laugh at the slight ridiculousness of that statement as I shift onto my side to face her, letting my fingers trail through the dark hair hanging off her shoulder.
“Even after everything I've...we've put each other through...you really never wish it had turned out differently with her?”
“Arizona,” she looks at me once more, and I hold her gaze as she speaks, a quiet seriousness in her tone, “the reason everything that happened with us hurt so much was because you made me happier than anyone had ever done before. You make me happier. I could never, ever wish that our paths hadn’t crossed. Now more than ever, I know I was meant to find you.”
I break our eye contact and look out at the stars, and at the scattered lights of boats traversing the harbour below. I process what she’s said, and although I was never one to believe in fate...as I always tell my kids, I do believe in a little bit of magic.
I look down to see her dark eyes watching me and I lean in, cupping her cheek and kissing her softly. And that is the most magical feeling in the world.
"And I think I was looking for you, too.”
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: M
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. And sometimes we realize that certain things are worth fighting for. Starts a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
A/N: Thank you to my readers and those who leave comments! The comments are super appreciated and they just make my day - you’re all lovely! I still can't believe this went from being a one-shot to being this...hopefully you continue to enjoy it. :)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Callie
When I wake up the next morning it takes me a minute to blink the sleep from my eyes and remember where I am.
I'm in Arizona's bed.
Except - I roll from my stomach to glance at the other side of the bed - she's not here. I pull her pillow over tentatively and burrow my nose into it, the familiar scent sending a wave of calm through me. It's cool to the touch, so I'm guessing she slipped out awhile ago. I can't blame her for wanting to avoid any morning awkwardness. This is going to be weird enough if I run into Alex or Jo.
I roll over to climb up from the bed, and my eyes land on something that makes my heart skip a beat - a pink post-it note is stuck to the side of the nightstand. Smiling widely, I reach out and pluck it off.
Hope you slept well - I know I did. I took Sofia to preschool. See you soon.
I run my thumb over the familiar handwriting and think about everything that happened last night. It feels like we had a real, genuine conversation for the first time in...well, years, if I'm honest. I wish we hadn't screwed things up this badly - I wish we didn't need to fix things. I'd known from the beginning that Arizona would be my one great love, had felt it after only a few months, and when I think of all the time we've wasted it makes me physically ache.
Rubbing a hand over my face I climb out of bed, sticking the post-it to the back of my phone. I actually did sleep really well; it's been awhile since that happened too. I quickly change back into my jeans, and grab a brush from the dresser to tame my hair back into a ponytail. Photos of Sofia litter the surface of the dresser - some framed and some just stuck along the edge of the mirror. Her favourite picture of Tim resides there too now, the two siblings smiling brightly on Arizona's med school graduation day. This has really become her home.
Setting the brush back down, I notice the small glass dish holding a few pieces of Arizona's jewelry. Sitting in the bottom, side by side, lay her wedding ring and the sapphire I gave her when we moved into the house. I reach in and pick up the wedding band, fingering the cool metal between my fingers for a minute as I recall the day we got these.
"Plain bands or would you like something more ornate?"
Arizona looks at me as the saleswoman pulls out various styles of rings, smiling as she slips her hand around my waist.
"What do you think, Calliope? I was picturing somewhat plain bands. Simple."
Smiling happily, I gaze at my fiancée, then down at the rings out on display.
"I was too," I pick out a few different rings from the velvet casing, inspecting them, and linger on the last one for a moment, "Something like these, maybe...a few diamonds along the band?"
She takes it from me and inspects it, then lifts my left hand to slide it on, nestling it against the engagement ring she'd given me on the night we took Sofia home. It's too big on my finger, but other than that I think it looks perfect.
"This is the one."
I drop the ring carefully back into the dish, absently running my thumb along my bare ring finger, and I realize that this can't be about winning my wife back - because I gave her up. And this can’t be about fixing our marriage, because that marriage is over. This, what we're doing now? This is about making her want to marry me all over again.
*
I walk into the attendings’ locker room an hour later, and am surprised to see a familiar blonde figure alone by the last row of lockers. It’s been rare lately to see the Peds surgeon without her mentor or Amelia Shepherd trailing nearby. She looks over at the sound of the door and offers me a small smile, quickly pulling a new scrub top down over her head.
“Hey,” I smile back, heading to my own locker across from hers, “how was your surgery this morning?”
I pause, feeling a little bit sheepish at the fact that I’d pretty well memorised her schedule.
“I, ah...saw it on the board yesterday.”
She pulls her lab coat from the shelf and shrugs it back on.
“It was more complicated than we expected. But we’re hoping mom and baby should still be okay.”
“Good,” I nod, stuffing my bag into my own locker and pulling out the dark blue scrubs, “thanks for taking Sofia in this morning, by the way. I hope she was ok for you?”
I glance over in time to see a grin light up her face, and she leans back against the row of lockers to face me.
“She was fine. And the whole way there I heard about Megan? Her...girlfriend, apparently?”
The look on her face is enough to make me burst into giggles, but I retain my composure best I can and nod seriously.
“Oh, yeah. Megan is her girlfriend; it’s very serious. They’ve been together about a week.”
Arizona just laughs at my dead-pan reply, but it quickly turns into a look of consternation and a slight groan as she leans her head back against the lockers.
“I am not nearly ready to even think about the day she starts dating.”
I turn my back to her and quickly slip off my jeans, pulling the scrub pants on and tightening the tie at the waist.
“It’ll be ok, I can literally break every bone in her potential dates’ bodies. In the most painful way. And you can pull out the daughter-of-a-marine thing. I definitely wouldn’t mess with you.”
I pull my top down, flipping my hair out from underneath, and I can feel her eyes on me even though she’s gone quiet. It’s both welcome and... making me feel a little self-conscious. I slip my stethoscope around my neck and glance over my shoulder to see that she’s taken a few steps closer and she’s watching me, blue eyes bright and studious, and her tone has completely changed when she speaks suddenly.
“I need to know that you’re 100% sure about this.”
I pause slightly, but I know what she’s talking about. I thought last night made it obvious enough, but I meet her eyes and hold them without hesitation.
“Arizona, I am 100% sure.”
“Because I can’t...if you’re not sure, then I can’t do this,” she takes another step closer, eyes still searching mine, “You are the love of my life, Callie,” she sighs almost imperceptibly, gaze never wavering, “I can’t lose you again...I just...I can’t do this if I’m going to lose you again...”
“Arizona,” I watch as she licks her lips slightly, her expression unreadable, “I know I’ve said this before, but I have never been more sure of anything.”
The words have barely left my mouth when strong hands reach up to grasp the back of my head and suddenly she’s right there, body flush against mine and her scent enveloping me, her breath warm on my lips as she utters a single word.
“Good.”
Her lips crash into mine and her deft fingers thread through my hair as she presses me against the lockers behind us. There’s no hesitation as she deepens the kiss, the sudden overwhelming taste of her breaking through my initial shock. I kiss her back, impassioned, my hands coming up to grip her lab coat and pull her even closer. I feel her hands slide down to cup my jaw, and a small groan escapes my throat as she continues her exploration, soft tongue stroking mine as she kisses without abandon - kisses like she’s never going to stop.
But only a few minutes later the shrill sound of a pager bursts the bubble and she pulls back quickly, only one hand leaving my face as she reaches down and glances at the tiny screen before silencing it.
“I have to go,” she murmurs, pressing her lips against mine again in a heated, lingering kiss, her fingers trailing softly down my neck before she steps back entirely.
She grabs her stethoscope and hooks it around her neck, and shooting me a last glance over her shoulder, she’s gone.
And I am grinning like an idiot.
*
Several hours later I find myself sitting in the cafeteria, half eaten lunch in front of me and still thinking about this morning. I’m probably smiling to myself like a crazy person - but I find that I really don’t care. Arizona kissed me. And there is nothing I want more in the world than for her to continue to do so.
A tray slides onto the table across from me and I look up with a grin, expecting to see the blonde in question. I’m surprised to see that it’s actually the younger doctor Shepherd who’s unceremoniously dropping into the seat, an amused smile on her face.
“This seat taken? It’s Callie, right?”
“Uh...yeah. And no, it isn’t. You’re fine.”
The brunette just grins, popping open the pre-packaged container of salad in front of her.
“I thought we should get to know each other. I mean, we may end up working together at some point, obviously, but mostly because you and Arizona were a thing,” she glances at me, as if watching for my reaction, “ -are? Possibly again going to be a thing...? At any rate, you’re Sofia’s mom and I figure between hanging out with Meredith and Zola, and hanging out with Arizona, I’m bound to see your kid around too. So,” she flashes me a smile, stabbing a cherry tomato, “Amelia Shepherd. Nice to meet you.”
I’ve really only seen Amelia in passing up until now - we haven’t had any patients together, and aside from hearing the hospital gossip and witnessing that one painful scene in the emergency room during her first week I can’t say I know much about her.
“Right...okay. Callie Torres, nice to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you from Owen, and Meredith. It’s good to have you here.”
“Thanks,” she eats a bite of salad, “it’s good to be here. It’s turning out better than expected.”
“So you and Arizona have been hanging out? I guess with the whole Herman thing.”
“Hm? Oh, we go back ages - it was a nice surprise to find out she worked here actually. She was probably my best friend during our residency.”
My eyes snap up, a slight frown pulling at my lips.
“Her brother Tim was her best friend.”
Amelia shrugs a shoulder, taking another bite nonchalantly.
“Yeah, he was. And I was her closest...non-childhood, non-related, female friend. Roommate too. Does that count?”
I scan my memory for any mention of...I do vaguely recall Arizona mentioning an Amy, and occasionally an Amelia now that I think about it. I never would have thought it was this Amelia though. I’d never seen pictures. Or heard her mentioned between Arizona and Derek. Weird.
The other woman interrupts my thoughts again, her voice a little less brash this time.
“She still doesn’t talk much about her residency, does she?”
I shake my head a little, taking a small bite of my own lunch, more for something to do with my hands than anything else.
“Hardly ever. It was...a rough few years for her.”
She nods in understanding.
“Yeah. I mean we were just getting started, fresh off the intern boat when....after that, she kind of became a horror show. I mean don’t get me wrong; brilliant, star of the freakin’ hospital - and all the surrounding hospitals - but definitely kind of a horror show. She buried herself in research and surgeries and girls, and frankly I was a little surprised she came out the other side unscathed.”
I really haven’t heard much about those years from Arizona - I’d asked, but it was never something she wanted to talk about. Or she would tell me something, but then skirt around the conversation and divert it to something else. I’d never pushed.
“Thank god she didn’t have my coping mechanisms at least, right?” she gives a self-deprecating laugh.
Offering her a tight smile, I pick up my water and take a drink. Who even is this woman?
“Oh come on,” she leans her elbows on the table, “After your second time through rehab you’re allowed to joke about it. Everyone knows about it now anyway.”
I study her for a minute - I mean, if she and Arizona are friends, she can’t be that bad, right?
“I just never realized you guys were friends. Like you said...she doesn’t talk about it very much. How come you lost touch?”
The neurosurgeon leans back and shrugs a little, a contemplative look striking her eyes.
“Stuff happened. She came out here, I went back to New York, and then L.A. It was hard to keep in touch a lot. Busy, you know how it is.”
I find myself immediately wanting to know what “stuff” was - and feeling a rising curiosity as to just how close this woman was to my ex-wife.
“So how close were you guys?”
A teasing grin breaks out over Amelia’s face, and she laughs.
“You’re asking if I know her in a biblical sense? That would be a no. Well,” she pauses, thoughtful, “actually just the once. But it was purely for comfort on her part and it was experimental on mine. I can tell you I definitely swung right back the other way. Didn’t do much for me.”
“I don’t see how that’s even possible.”
The words leave my mouth before I catch myself, and I feel a blush immediately rising over my skin. Amelia just laughs again good-naturedly, pointing her fork in my direction.
“She was right about you. You’re great.”
She finishes the last couple bites of her salad, checking the time on her phone.
“Listen, unfortunately I have to run, but I’m serious, we should get to know each other. You seem funny. And Arizona really likes you, so it’d be nice. Besides, if nothing else I can tell you some fantastic drunk stories about her.”
I watch as the brunette pushes her chair back and gathers her tray, piling her cup and plastic lid on top.
“And I know I wasn’t around to witness the full story between you guys, but I see the way you’ve been looking at her, Callie. And I don’t think you’re stupid. So I guess what I mean is that I hope I have a good reason to get to know you.”
I mull over our conversation as I watch her leave the table, but my eyes are soon drawn to the blonde surgeon herself entering the cafeteria, laughing about something with her mentor. My eyes trace over her form, taking in the confident way she’s carrying herself, the radiance she used to emanate on a daily basis. It was missing for a long time but the more I pay attention, the more I see that’s coming back. It is back.
Or maybe I just chose not to see it before because I was too wrapped up in myself.
She catches my eye and gives me a smile, and that’s really all it takes. I just need that smile for the rest of my life.
*
Arizona
It’s just about 8 o’clock when I finally find myself back in the locker room, ready to head home for the night. Our schedule promises another early start tomorrow, but at least the rest of tonight is free. Although honestly, I’ll probably grab some books and some takeout and head home to study some more anyway. As I go to grab my clothes from the locker though, I see a slip of paper sitting on top of them, messy handwriting that I know all too well. Smiling to myself, I pick it up and read the message, which simply states “Are you free tonight? Meet me in the lobby.”
Maybe tonight will be more interesting than studying after all.
I hadn’t seen the brunette all day except for a glimpse in the cafeteria, and part of me was starting to wonder if too much had been said last night. It had felt good though - more therapeutic in a way than any of the therapy had.
I change into my street clothes and let my hair out of its ponytail, glancing in the mirror to try and make it look at least halfway decent. I swipe some coloured lip gloss on and figure that’s about as good as it’s going to get. I don’t know why the prospect of meeting Callie makes me feel so fluttery and self-conscious - it’s not like she hasn’t seen me at basically every stage of unkempt and unattractive already. I let out a breath though and smile in the mirror, shaking my head and grabbing my bag. This almost - almost - feels normal.
*
When I step out into the lobby I immediately head toward the windows at the front, because that’s where we always used to wait for each other. I like to be able to watch people coming and going while I wait, and it just became our place after awhile. She sees me first, and then she’s on her feet walking towards me...with a single red rose in her hands.
“I know I didn’t really ask in advance...and I have to be home by 11 for the sitter...” she holds out the flower and offers me a gorgeous smile, “but I’m hoping you’d like to have dinner with me again.”
There’s no way I could ever say no to that.
“I’d love to.”
I take the flower when she gives it to me, and run my fingers over the delicate petals. Red for romance. I like to think that means something.
“So where are you taking me on our second date?” I grin as she automatically places a hand at the small of my back, leading me out of the hospital. She obviously had time to go home and clean up because she looks incredible - dark jeans, a simple, flowing red top, and her hair falling straight around her shoulders. She smells incredible too.
“Actually, I thought we could go to the park - if that sounds okay to you. I picked up food from that gourmet-to-go place, and it’s a gorgeous night.”
Surprised at the romantic notion of a meal in the park, something I’d always loved, I turn to look at her.
“You did have this planned.”
She gives me a slightly cheeky grin this time as we get to her car.
“Okay, yeah I kind of started thinking about this the minute I woke up. I wanted to surprise you.”
I just squeeze her arm and climb into the car, the delicious aroma from the back seat even further cementing my love for this idea.
“This is the kind of surprise I like.”
*
We talk about Sofia and her “girlfriend” on the short drive to our favourite park - the one that overlooks the harbour - and I laugh as Callie regales me with the story of how she skipped out of school happily holding hands with her new friend last week, and as they approached Callie and the other girl’s mother, Sofia proudly proclaimed Megan to be her girlfriend just like that and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. Ah, to be three-going-on-four. Relationships are so simple.
Callie offers me a hand out of the car when we get there, which I take, and after grabbing the bag of food and a blanket she silently twines her fingers through mine again as we walk towards a spot on a small hill, lit by numerous park lights and with a clear view of the water.
“How’s this?”
I take the blanket from her and unfold it, spreading it over the grass.
“This looks perfect, let’s sit.”
She sets the food down and we settle onto the ground before she pauses momentarily, looking around at the tree-lined park in the rapidly fading light.
“It only strikes me now that this may not be the safest date idea I’ve ever had....”
I turn my head to study her profile in the dusky light, and I lean back on my hands, giving her a reassuring smile.
“It’ll be fine. Besides, I still have Mark’s pepper spray.”
She laughs, and I grin with her, both of us remembering the way Mark had presented us with the keychain canisters while Callie had been pregnant, proudly proclaiming that he had to keep the mothers of his child safe at all times. At the time, I’m sure I had rolled my eyes in annoyance, but thinking back on the moment...I know it had been a gesture of honest affection. And well, he did convince me shortly after that to take some kickboxing classes with him too. Which I agreed to. Partially for self-defense but also partially because I had done it as a teenager and it meant I could kick his ass...
My stomach rumbles hungrily, so we dive into the food and the talk comes easily between us. The laughter does too, even more than our first date last week. As we share stories about work, and updates about our families and Sofia’s newest quirks, it’s almost easy to forget that we haven’t always been like this - that we went through a time of not even being able to talk to each other at all, all while living under the same roof. We used to have this easy banter between us, right from day one, and even though it got lost somewhere in the middle it feels nice to see that re-emerging.
“Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Erica had never left? What your life would be like?”
We’ve finished the dessert she brought and I’m lying back on my elbows watching her, and watching the stars that are faintly visible away from the lights of downtown. I don’t really know where that question came from.
Neither does she, apparently, because she looks down at me with a look of utter confusion.
“I’ve never actually thought about it.”
I watch as she shifts to lay beside me, leaning back on her elbows in a similar fashion and crossing her legs comfortably at the ankle. She turns to meet my eyes in the dim light from the park lamps, and gives a half shrug.
“Honestly, I just...haven’t. I mean, maybe for those first four months...when I was wallowing...but then I met you, Arizona, and it pretty well all made sense soon after that.”
Curious, I watch her face as she speaks. But all I see is honesty.
“What made sense?”
Callie smiles softly then, tilting her head to look back up at the stars.
“Why she left. I think...Erica was supposed to be a catalyst for me, but I was never supposed to be with her. We would never have worked as a couple.”
I lean up a bit, reaching over to brush some silken hair from her face as a breeze tosses it about.
“She had to walk away...in order for me to meet you,” she looks over, smiling then, “in order for you to come out of nowhere and kiss me in a bar bathroom.”
I smile too at that memory - remembering how I’d seen a moment and decided to go after what I wanted. And remembering the look of utter shock and delight on her face when I did.
“And if I could call her up and thank her for breaking my heart and leaving me in that parking lot,” she laughs a little, no trace whatsoever of sadness in her voice, “then I absolutely would. I’d send a fruit basket. And mini-muffins.”
I laugh at the slight ridiculousness of that statement as I shift onto my side to face her, letting my fingers trail through the dark hair hanging off her shoulder.
“Even after everything I've...we've put each other through...you really never wish it had turned out differently with her?”
“Arizona,” she looks at me once more, and I hold her gaze as she speaks, a quiet seriousness in her tone, “the reason everything that happened with us hurt so much was because you made me happier than anyone had ever done before. You make me happier. I could never, ever wish that our paths hadn’t crossed. Now more than ever, I know I was meant to find you.”
I break our eye contact and look out at the stars, and at the scattered lights of boats traversing the harbour below. I process what she’s said, and although I was never one to believe in fate...as I always tell my kids, I do believe in a little bit of magic.
I look down to see her dark eyes watching me and I lean in, cupping her cheek and kissing her softly. And that is the most magical feeling in the world.
"And I think I was looking for you, too.”