Fic: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 6/?
Title: Well Maybe What You Want is Right Here 6/?
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. Takes place a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Thank you to my readers! Your comments are all very appreciated :)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Callie
I spend the rest of the evening working with Alex; turned out his kid really did have a nasty break, and we managed to get him into the OR right away by some stroke of luck. It was an easy surgery, all things considered, but it still felt good to be doing something to keep my mind off Arizona and that new resident.
“So Arizona and...Dr. Gillis...are they close or?” I tried to be casual about my questioning as we scrubbed out, clearing my throat a little, “I’m just curious. She seems...uh, kinda...cool.”
Way to be lame, Torres.
“Robbins and Gillis? They’re friendly I guess, yeah. That’s not really what you’re asking though, is it.”
Alex rinses his arms and looks over at me pointedly. He never was one to mince words. I finish rinsing my own hands and sigh, releasing the foot petal and turning the water off. I had every right to be jealous; Arizona and I had gone on a date, we’d decided to try things again! And now she decides to go off and flirt with another young, hot woman like it was no big deal. Maybe I’d missed my chance; maybe this was all a waste of time.
“Dude, come on. They were flirting. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal, Alex! I thought we were fixing things...we talked...I mean, maybe I shouldn’t even bother if she wants to date other people. That’s fine.”
I grab a towel and dry my hands and arms roughly, feeling frustrated and more than a little discouraged. I head towards the door to exit the scrub room, tugging my cap off, but the other surgeon steps in front of me and pushes the door shut.
“Torres, listen. You think Robbins wants to date other people? If she’d wanted to, I’m sure she woulda had no trouble picking up women the last three months. She wants to date you. She actually liked being married to you. You’re the one who decided to toss in the towel, you know.”
My jaw clenches slightly as I try to push past him, unsuccessfully. He may be Arizona’s friend, but this was not his business.
“Alex, you don’t know anything that went on between us. Shut up.”
The younger man gives me an incredulous look, crossing his arms to reinforce his stance in front of the door.
“Oh yeah? Whose shoulder do you think she cried on? Who do you think gets to listen to her be all sad and crazy after she plows through half my beers? You know I live with her, right? I swear, between her and Mere I’m a freakin' certified shrink by now.”
His words give me pause, and I fumble internally for what to respond. I never...I never pictured what Arizona had gone through after we’d separated. I guess I’d chosen not to picture it, honestly. I thought she'd feel better not being tied down.
“She cried?”
Clearly not the wisest words to spring from my mouth, because Alex gives me a look of utter disbelief...and a little disgust. He's more protective of her than I'd thought.
“Yeah. So you don’t get to be jealous here because you saw her flirting with another chick. If you’re serious about her, then you show her. Until then, she’s gonna live her life, Torres. She had to figure out how to do that without you.”
He turns and yanks the door open, heading out and leaving me standing there to contemplate his words.
I need to show her.
*
Arizona
I’m sitting in a lovely little restaurant, with a gorgeous, funny, engaging woman in front of me, and...I can’t stop thinking about how wrong it feels. Because I'm thinking about Callie. I close my eyes for a brief moment and set my wine glass down, unintentionally interrupting my date's next sentence.
“I’m sorry, I’m not being fair to you.”
She pauses, looking over at me curiously.
“What?”
Letting out a soft breath, I figure I may as well lay all my cards on the table.
“I’m not being fair to you. I can't do this. I shouldn’t have agreed to dinner tonight, to...” I motion my hand between us vaguely, “to a date. Because let’s face it, that’s definitely what this is. The truth is, I’m still very much in love with my ex-wife, and we may or may not be starting to reconcile...and just honestly? That’s what I want, not this. You’re a beautiful, smart woman, and I’m not going to do this to you.”
I cut off my slightly harried ramble -- I hadn't really intended to share that much with this woman who was practically a stranger -- and just shake my head a little, watching her.
“So I should probably just go.”
Her hand darts out to land on top of mine, and I look down at it, staring.
“Arizona, wait. You don’t have to go.”
I look up and meet her eyes, and although I expected to see annoyance and maybe even anger, she just gives me a half smile instead.
“I get it. People...” she pauses a little, almost sheepishly, “people gossip a lot around the hospital. I know you and Dr. Torres were together for a long time. And you have a kid, right? I get that that's a big deal."
I just nod a little, letting out a sigh.
"We have a little girl. I miss her."
Laura smiles sympathetically and squeezes my hand.
"I mean if I’m being honest here? Yeah I hoped the gossip was wrong and you’d maybe be interested in me. I mean....you’re hot.”
She pulls her hand away, laughing. Probably at my stunned look.
“You’re really hot. And I mean, you're kind of amazing from what I've heard. So I had to try, right? But I get it.”
I laugh a little now too, feeling kind of embarrassed, but also just relieved at her completely unexpected reaction after I basically blew her off.
“I am sorry though, really. If circumstances were different I definitely would have been enjoying this date," I tell her. And it's true -- six years ago this would have been an entirely different story.
She grins at me, flipping her hair back a little.
“Oh, I know. And hey, if you wanna make the ex jealous, I’m still totally game....” she waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
I let out a half laugh again, sitting back in the chair.
“I’m not sure that would help me any. But I’m flattered by the...um..offer?”
Laura gives me a teasing smile again before reaching for her glass, sliding it over to wrap her hands around it. She watches me for a minute and then all sexy confidence aside, she speaks cautiously.
“Can we...I’d like to be friends, though. At least professionally. I really did come out to Seattle mostly because of you - I’ve followed your career, and the things I read about you, well...you really have been an inspiration, Dr. Robbins. I hope this won't make things weird now.”
The younger woman sounds earnest in her request, and I find myself glad that this hasn’t become as awkward as it could have been.
“Of course we can,” I smile, and she returns it happily, “And you can still call me Arizona, you know."
*
I try calling Amelia on my way home from dinner, but after getting her voicemail for the third time I leave a frustrated message and drop the phone into the bottom of my purse. I glance down at it, briefly contemplating calling Callie, but I think better of it and just pull into the driveway at Alex’s house silently, the darkness engulfing the car as I park. I’ll dissect this on my own, I’m better at that anyway. I climb out tiredly; I hadn't realized it until tonight, but the emotions of the last few days are starting to take their toll. Good emotions, mostly, but a little overwhelming all the same.
I head in towards the house but stop at the porch when I see the woman sitting on the top step. Callie is there, a sleeping Sofia resting in her arms, and she rises to her feet when she sees me.
“I need to say something.”
“Callie...?” I make my way up the steps and lean around to see my daughter’s sleeping face, running my hand over her hair. I kiss her cheek softly, not wanting to wake the girl, and lower my voice, “What are you two doing here? It’s late. Is everything ok?”
“I need to say something,” she repeats, turning to meet my eyes, “and I need you to listen, please. I couldn’t wait.”
I stand back and nod, watching her under the dim lights of the porch, studying her face. It's almost 11 o'clock at night -- I can't help but wonder how long she's been out here.
“I love you, Arizona. I love you - like huge, sweeping, shout it from the rooftops, fireworks kind of love. I love the way your eyes change when you smile at me...and the way you say my name, the way you make it sound beautiful. I love the way you always wake up with incredibly messy and adorable bed hair...it's so incredibly sexy...and I love the way you used to leave me messages in the steam on the mirror after my shower. And the little post-it notes you stick to the side of my night stand when you have to leave before me in the morning, or in the middle of the night. So I see them first thing when I roll over.”
She pauses, shifting her hold on Sofia a little, and wipes at her eyes.
“I love, love the way you are with our daughter. You’re such an amazing mother. I love that you took Spanish classes because you wanted her to grow up speaking both. And how you check for monsters without her even asking. And the way you treat your patients...like they were your own kids. How you make every one of them feel safe,” she looks at me, her eyes filled with tears now, a shy smile grazing her lips, “And I love that you always play with your necklace when you’re thinking, or reading, or just lost in thought over something.”
I am shocked at her declarations, and I’m sure my face betrays it as I stare at the beautiful brunette in front of me. I glance down and realize my fingers have been searching for an absent necklace along my chest...I never even noticed that habit myself.
“Callie...”
“I’m in love with you, Arizona. I should have told you these things a long time ago. Every day. I should have told you a lot of things.”
I swallow back tears of my own, determined not to let them fall. This all feels so overwhelming. The last week...and now this, her declarations of love that I so desperately wanted to hear when we were in therapy, but that she could seemingly never bring herself to speak out loud. I don’t...I don’t know that I’m ready to hear them right now.
“Please say something.”
I look up from where I had my gaze trained on Sofia, my thoughts suddenly interrupted. Callie’s eyes are dark with emotion, the porch lights illuminating her pleading face. She looks utterly spent and heartbroken.
“I need you to listen, Callie. Okay?” I step closer, sliding my hand onto her arm, “It’s getting cool out here, so we’re going to take Sofia inside, and then we’re going to sit down and I need you to listen to me. No restaurants, no dates, no...therapists. Just right here like this. No pretenses.”
She gives me a tiny nod, and I carefully take Sofia from her, knowing the girl has to be getting heavy in her arms - she’s been growing so fast. I settle her weight against me, murmuring soothingly to her when she shifts and presses her tiny face to my neck.
“Come on,” I unlock the door and guide Callie inside quietly, unconsciously letting my hand slip to her lower back. A rush of emotion floods my mind at the familiar action, and I let out a breath to try and calm myself.
I’m not really sure what's going to come next.
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want until we just know. Takes place a day or two after the scene in 11x08. Timeline may not be perfectly canon.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Thank you to my readers! Your comments are all very appreciated :)
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Callie
I spend the rest of the evening working with Alex; turned out his kid really did have a nasty break, and we managed to get him into the OR right away by some stroke of luck. It was an easy surgery, all things considered, but it still felt good to be doing something to keep my mind off Arizona and that new resident.
“So Arizona and...Dr. Gillis...are they close or?” I tried to be casual about my questioning as we scrubbed out, clearing my throat a little, “I’m just curious. She seems...uh, kinda...cool.”
Way to be lame, Torres.
“Robbins and Gillis? They’re friendly I guess, yeah. That’s not really what you’re asking though, is it.”
Alex rinses his arms and looks over at me pointedly. He never was one to mince words. I finish rinsing my own hands and sigh, releasing the foot petal and turning the water off. I had every right to be jealous; Arizona and I had gone on a date, we’d decided to try things again! And now she decides to go off and flirt with another young, hot woman like it was no big deal. Maybe I’d missed my chance; maybe this was all a waste of time.
“Dude, come on. They were flirting. Big deal.”
“It is a big deal, Alex! I thought we were fixing things...we talked...I mean, maybe I shouldn’t even bother if she wants to date other people. That’s fine.”
I grab a towel and dry my hands and arms roughly, feeling frustrated and more than a little discouraged. I head towards the door to exit the scrub room, tugging my cap off, but the other surgeon steps in front of me and pushes the door shut.
“Torres, listen. You think Robbins wants to date other people? If she’d wanted to, I’m sure she woulda had no trouble picking up women the last three months. She wants to date you. She actually liked being married to you. You’re the one who decided to toss in the towel, you know.”
My jaw clenches slightly as I try to push past him, unsuccessfully. He may be Arizona’s friend, but this was not his business.
“Alex, you don’t know anything that went on between us. Shut up.”
The younger man gives me an incredulous look, crossing his arms to reinforce his stance in front of the door.
“Oh yeah? Whose shoulder do you think she cried on? Who do you think gets to listen to her be all sad and crazy after she plows through half my beers? You know I live with her, right? I swear, between her and Mere I’m a freakin' certified shrink by now.”
His words give me pause, and I fumble internally for what to respond. I never...I never pictured what Arizona had gone through after we’d separated. I guess I’d chosen not to picture it, honestly. I thought she'd feel better not being tied down.
“She cried?”
Clearly not the wisest words to spring from my mouth, because Alex gives me a look of utter disbelief...and a little disgust. He's more protective of her than I'd thought.
“Yeah. So you don’t get to be jealous here because you saw her flirting with another chick. If you’re serious about her, then you show her. Until then, she’s gonna live her life, Torres. She had to figure out how to do that without you.”
He turns and yanks the door open, heading out and leaving me standing there to contemplate his words.
I need to show her.
*
Arizona
I’m sitting in a lovely little restaurant, with a gorgeous, funny, engaging woman in front of me, and...I can’t stop thinking about how wrong it feels. Because I'm thinking about Callie. I close my eyes for a brief moment and set my wine glass down, unintentionally interrupting my date's next sentence.
“I’m sorry, I’m not being fair to you.”
She pauses, looking over at me curiously.
“What?”
Letting out a soft breath, I figure I may as well lay all my cards on the table.
“I’m not being fair to you. I can't do this. I shouldn’t have agreed to dinner tonight, to...” I motion my hand between us vaguely, “to a date. Because let’s face it, that’s definitely what this is. The truth is, I’m still very much in love with my ex-wife, and we may or may not be starting to reconcile...and just honestly? That’s what I want, not this. You’re a beautiful, smart woman, and I’m not going to do this to you.”
I cut off my slightly harried ramble -- I hadn't really intended to share that much with this woman who was practically a stranger -- and just shake my head a little, watching her.
“So I should probably just go.”
Her hand darts out to land on top of mine, and I look down at it, staring.
“Arizona, wait. You don’t have to go.”
I look up and meet her eyes, and although I expected to see annoyance and maybe even anger, she just gives me a half smile instead.
“I get it. People...” she pauses a little, almost sheepishly, “people gossip a lot around the hospital. I know you and Dr. Torres were together for a long time. And you have a kid, right? I get that that's a big deal."
I just nod a little, letting out a sigh.
"We have a little girl. I miss her."
Laura smiles sympathetically and squeezes my hand.
"I mean if I’m being honest here? Yeah I hoped the gossip was wrong and you’d maybe be interested in me. I mean....you’re hot.”
She pulls her hand away, laughing. Probably at my stunned look.
“You’re really hot. And I mean, you're kind of amazing from what I've heard. So I had to try, right? But I get it.”
I laugh a little now too, feeling kind of embarrassed, but also just relieved at her completely unexpected reaction after I basically blew her off.
“I am sorry though, really. If circumstances were different I definitely would have been enjoying this date," I tell her. And it's true -- six years ago this would have been an entirely different story.
She grins at me, flipping her hair back a little.
“Oh, I know. And hey, if you wanna make the ex jealous, I’m still totally game....” she waggles her eyebrows suggestively.
I let out a half laugh again, sitting back in the chair.
“I’m not sure that would help me any. But I’m flattered by the...um..offer?”
Laura gives me a teasing smile again before reaching for her glass, sliding it over to wrap her hands around it. She watches me for a minute and then all sexy confidence aside, she speaks cautiously.
“Can we...I’d like to be friends, though. At least professionally. I really did come out to Seattle mostly because of you - I’ve followed your career, and the things I read about you, well...you really have been an inspiration, Dr. Robbins. I hope this won't make things weird now.”
The younger woman sounds earnest in her request, and I find myself glad that this hasn’t become as awkward as it could have been.
“Of course we can,” I smile, and she returns it happily, “And you can still call me Arizona, you know."
*
I try calling Amelia on my way home from dinner, but after getting her voicemail for the third time I leave a frustrated message and drop the phone into the bottom of my purse. I glance down at it, briefly contemplating calling Callie, but I think better of it and just pull into the driveway at Alex’s house silently, the darkness engulfing the car as I park. I’ll dissect this on my own, I’m better at that anyway. I climb out tiredly; I hadn't realized it until tonight, but the emotions of the last few days are starting to take their toll. Good emotions, mostly, but a little overwhelming all the same.
I head in towards the house but stop at the porch when I see the woman sitting on the top step. Callie is there, a sleeping Sofia resting in her arms, and she rises to her feet when she sees me.
“I need to say something.”
“Callie...?” I make my way up the steps and lean around to see my daughter’s sleeping face, running my hand over her hair. I kiss her cheek softly, not wanting to wake the girl, and lower my voice, “What are you two doing here? It’s late. Is everything ok?”
“I need to say something,” she repeats, turning to meet my eyes, “and I need you to listen, please. I couldn’t wait.”
I stand back and nod, watching her under the dim lights of the porch, studying her face. It's almost 11 o'clock at night -- I can't help but wonder how long she's been out here.
“I love you, Arizona. I love you - like huge, sweeping, shout it from the rooftops, fireworks kind of love. I love the way your eyes change when you smile at me...and the way you say my name, the way you make it sound beautiful. I love the way you always wake up with incredibly messy and adorable bed hair...it's so incredibly sexy...and I love the way you used to leave me messages in the steam on the mirror after my shower. And the little post-it notes you stick to the side of my night stand when you have to leave before me in the morning, or in the middle of the night. So I see them first thing when I roll over.”
She pauses, shifting her hold on Sofia a little, and wipes at her eyes.
“I love, love the way you are with our daughter. You’re such an amazing mother. I love that you took Spanish classes because you wanted her to grow up speaking both. And how you check for monsters without her even asking. And the way you treat your patients...like they were your own kids. How you make every one of them feel safe,” she looks at me, her eyes filled with tears now, a shy smile grazing her lips, “And I love that you always play with your necklace when you’re thinking, or reading, or just lost in thought over something.”
I am shocked at her declarations, and I’m sure my face betrays it as I stare at the beautiful brunette in front of me. I glance down and realize my fingers have been searching for an absent necklace along my chest...I never even noticed that habit myself.
“Callie...”
“I’m in love with you, Arizona. I should have told you these things a long time ago. Every day. I should have told you a lot of things.”
I swallow back tears of my own, determined not to let them fall. This all feels so overwhelming. The last week...and now this, her declarations of love that I so desperately wanted to hear when we were in therapy, but that she could seemingly never bring herself to speak out loud. I don’t...I don’t know that I’m ready to hear them right now.
“Please say something.”
I look up from where I had my gaze trained on Sofia, my thoughts suddenly interrupted. Callie’s eyes are dark with emotion, the porch lights illuminating her pleading face. She looks utterly spent and heartbroken.
“I need you to listen, Callie. Okay?” I step closer, sliding my hand onto her arm, “It’s getting cool out here, so we’re going to take Sofia inside, and then we’re going to sit down and I need you to listen to me. No restaurants, no dates, no...therapists. Just right here like this. No pretenses.”
She gives me a tiny nod, and I carefully take Sofia from her, knowing the girl has to be getting heavy in her arms - she’s been growing so fast. I settle her weight against me, murmuring soothingly to her when she shifts and presses her tiny face to my neck.
“Come on,” I unlock the door and guide Callie inside quietly, unconsciously letting my hand slip to her lower back. A rush of emotion floods my mind at the familiar action, and I let out a breath to try and calm myself.
I’m not really sure what's going to come next.