Lonely.
And I begin to wonder if it's just my human condition. That there will never be enough; love, life, companionship, for me to be content.
In the pit of my stomach something always feels wrong. Like a long time ago I went the wrong way.
But I like my life. I love my friends, and Trodayne who is now so far away, and my family who make me crazy. I love my cat, and I'm happy with books, and movies and TV shows, and games to feed my imagination.
But still in the very center of me, somewhere deeper than I know how to describe, is a restlessness I can't ignore. It bites and claws at me, and sometimes it just scratches, hesitant.
And it's always been this feeling, this one thing, that has driven me to stupidity. I can handle drama, without resorting to my very private drama. (and if you understand that than you know me better than anyone should) But this, this everyday nagging, I can't take that.
This, and this alone, will make me crazy. Maybe it already has.
I am discontent. I don't want to remain that way.
There has to be something.