Not nice.

[northern]

He doesn't think I'm a nice person.

And maybe I'm not. Maybe I never was. Maybe I've always been selfish, and needy, and just not nice.

It's possible that I've been wrong to assume that I was the wronged one.

Maybe... it really isn't me.

Maybe I have always been the mean one, the one who was doing wrong. Not the other way around.

Maybe I am not the victim.

I wasn't the victim with her, back when we were what we were. Before the 'break-up'. Before we found the crucial balance. I was mean, knew where to hit so it would hurt the most. And I used all the intimate knowledge I had of her to hurt her.

Maybe I really am not a nice person.

I didn't think I was the one hurting him, but maybe I am.

All I ever come away thinking is that I will always be... a stupid little girl, who will always be flawed, and who will never, ever be good enough as she is. And all the changes that ever happen, are only ever for the bad.

I thought I was a nice girl, thoughtful and kind and at least a little bit selfless, some of the time. I thought I could be pleasant and enjoyable.

But maybe all I really am is loud and obnoxious and demanding.

Maybe it's time for me to just shut up and stop.