EEEMMMOOOO
it doesn't seem as evil if you turn it into a 'moo'
so i just spent the better part of an hour myspace stalking people that i went to DCAD with whom i'm not in contact with anymore.
i sent a couple of them messages in the spring and fall, and never got any back. so i figured they'd rather avoid.
stinky ratfinks.
also, it seems like more than a few people are feeling stuck in wherever they are and not feeling like they're progressing (that's you, chunk, bonaia, and sometimes wife)
but it seems like more the majority than not. i feel like things are pushing me to be more ready than i am. and its weird cause when i think about it, it seems like i actually AM stuck and not progressing... but i'm not looking for that kind of progressing?
this whole entry is stupid, i think i just complained in my last one about not progressing.
look, i'm not ready to be a mom, i'm not ready to make 'my art' a specific distinctive way, i'm not ready to commit to a real job, i'm not ready to take on my parents' emotional problems, i'm not ready for any of that crap. and i KNOW it's not like i'm rushing into it, and i KNOW i just take longer and need to take more time.
its just really frustrating to feel like i need to explain myself to family, or to random people you catch up with like once every three years who really don't care WHAT you're doing, they're just trying to make their little weird connections again so they can tell the people they know that they finally saw so-and-so and they're doing whatever and isn't that weird?
it's NOT weird, you ballsacks, its just delaware, and i'm sorry i don't have a linear progression.
so i'm behind at school.
so i'm better at making mistakes than making progress.
aren't mistakes progress?
i think things will just feel a LOT better when i'm not around the mom to remind me of all the ways i'm not succeeding.
this year is looking surprisingly good.
i know enough people that i'll still have people to hang out with, but not so many that i won't be staking out in the studio doing weird nonsense things, i'm living on my own with my cat, it looks like i'll get my office job back, and i know these profs well enough to know that me being unsure of what i'm doing, but being sure that i WANT to be unsure, is OKAY, even if its not okay by them.
i'll have beer money and visiting liam money, and my friends are offering to spoil me post-birth.
i don't have any reason for a little rant other than horomones.
i love my cat, i love my boyfriend, i love my wife, i love painting, and i'm not afraid of loving painting even if sometimes i'm afraid to paint.
its okay to not want to paint sometimes, i don't want to be obsessed with painting to the point that i'm obsessed with money and doing alka seltzer commercials (cough cough, salvador dali, cough cough). its okay that i'm obsessed with going on roller coasters and spending too much money on travelling and with having milkshakes and being simple.
SUCK IT TREBEK
so i just spent the better part of an hour myspace stalking people that i went to DCAD with whom i'm not in contact with anymore.
i sent a couple of them messages in the spring and fall, and never got any back. so i figured they'd rather avoid.
stinky ratfinks.
also, it seems like more than a few people are feeling stuck in wherever they are and not feeling like they're progressing (that's you, chunk, bonaia, and sometimes wife)
but it seems like more the majority than not. i feel like things are pushing me to be more ready than i am. and its weird cause when i think about it, it seems like i actually AM stuck and not progressing... but i'm not looking for that kind of progressing?
this whole entry is stupid, i think i just complained in my last one about not progressing.
look, i'm not ready to be a mom, i'm not ready to make 'my art' a specific distinctive way, i'm not ready to commit to a real job, i'm not ready to take on my parents' emotional problems, i'm not ready for any of that crap. and i KNOW it's not like i'm rushing into it, and i KNOW i just take longer and need to take more time.
its just really frustrating to feel like i need to explain myself to family, or to random people you catch up with like once every three years who really don't care WHAT you're doing, they're just trying to make their little weird connections again so they can tell the people they know that they finally saw so-and-so and they're doing whatever and isn't that weird?
it's NOT weird, you ballsacks, its just delaware, and i'm sorry i don't have a linear progression.
so i'm behind at school.
so i'm better at making mistakes than making progress.
aren't mistakes progress?
i think things will just feel a LOT better when i'm not around the mom to remind me of all the ways i'm not succeeding.
this year is looking surprisingly good.
i know enough people that i'll still have people to hang out with, but not so many that i won't be staking out in the studio doing weird nonsense things, i'm living on my own with my cat, it looks like i'll get my office job back, and i know these profs well enough to know that me being unsure of what i'm doing, but being sure that i WANT to be unsure, is OKAY, even if its not okay by them.
i'll have beer money and visiting liam money, and my friends are offering to spoil me post-birth.
i don't have any reason for a little rant other than horomones.
i love my cat, i love my boyfriend, i love my wife, i love painting, and i'm not afraid of loving painting even if sometimes i'm afraid to paint.
its okay to not want to paint sometimes, i don't want to be obsessed with painting to the point that i'm obsessed with money and doing alka seltzer commercials (cough cough, salvador dali, cough cough). its okay that i'm obsessed with going on roller coasters and spending too much money on travelling and with having milkshakes and being simple.
SUCK IT TREBEK