Story Time!
Once upon a time, there was a girl who was stupid enough to join a CD club. Let's for giggles, because we're internally 12, say it had the same initials as Bite Me, Goatf*ckers.
Our heroine decided after a period of time that the CD club was broken, this is bullsh*t, because they kept claiming not to have gotten her notifications she didn't want the crappy selection of the month, sending them to her, and then she would have to send them back. So she finally told them to kiss a**, dumped her last unwanted and unordered selections-of-the-month back in the mail, and called it done.
Fast-forward to not-quite-6-years-later (this is important later), when our heroine has put in a purchase agreement on a house and had a hard credit check run by her lender. A company with the same initials as Notorious Cockbite Scavengers had her account SERIOUSLY PAST DUE, SUBMITTED FOR COLLECTIONS, and her previously Decent Credit Rating had plummeted to "Uh-oh...let's rethink your interest rate. And you wanted to borrow how much again?"
As you might imagine, our heroine was a little gobsmacked. She had never received any communications from Notorious Cockbite Scavengers before about owing them money, and although they claimed they opened her account in January, it hadn't been on her credit report pulled in April for her preapproval with Nice Banker Guy. What is this about? she wondered. So she filed a dispute with the credit reporting agency, and called Notorious Cockbite to see what was up.
Seems what happened was, Bite Me Goatf*ckers had claimed our heroine kept and never paid for the CDs she sent back, and Notorious Cockbite Scavengers had subsequently bought that claim because they are bottomfeeding zombie junk debt collectors. And our heroine replied "yes, I did send them back, wtf?" Notorious Cockbite said that didn't matter, she couldn't PROVE that she had neither ordered nor kept them, so Bite Me Goatf*ckers got the benefit of the doubt. And $163 in late fees. Minnesota ages debts off in 6 years; it hadn't quite been that amount of time, and wouldn't be until 2011.
Our heroine didn't know what to do. She called her lender, and Mr. Nice Banker Guy said "well, I don't think that's a problem, I believe you, but I honestly can't tell you what the underwriters will say when we set your interest rate, or how your seller's lender will feel about it." And Experian said "30 to 45 days to examine and make a judgement" which means, if THEY decided to side with Bite me Goatf*ckers and Notorious Cockbite, it would take months longer to fix our heroine's credit, during which time the sellers might reject our heroine's offer because of it, or the bank refuse to honor the decent interest rate she had negotiated with her preapproval.
So, our heroine called Notorious Cockbite Scavengers back and said, "If you're going to f*ck me, I insist on dinner first." By which I mean to say, she asked for assurances that this would indeed be deleted from her credit report, as Jim at Extension 102 said on Wednesday, June 16th at 1:00 PM, and Brandi at Extension 118 at 8:48 AM today verified, and not just 'marked paid' which doesn't help much. Even though that basically constitutes admission of a debt she didn't owe. She hopes she did the right thing; if not, she intends to sue.
The moral of the story; don't get messed up with Bite Me Goatf*ckers Music Service; if you have the poor luck to already be, insist, when you terminate your membership, on documentation that your accounts are in good standing, and just pay the assh*les if they say they're not, even if it is for things you didn't want, didn't order, and sent back. Or conversely, things they claim to have sent you and you never got. Just pay it. You'll be happier. Also, our heroine learned that credit reporting agencies sell LISTS of people who are applying for loans to junk debt collectors like National Cockbite Scavengers, who then cheerfully report debt to them! Does that sound like a conflict of interest to anyone else? It sure did to our heroine! Does it mean that the credit reporting agency has more of an interest in keeping its customers happy than protecting consumers' well-being? Sure seems like it! And if someone were to google those initials, they'd get an eyeful!
So, how's by all y'all?
Our heroine decided after a period of time that the CD club was broken, this is bullsh*t, because they kept claiming not to have gotten her notifications she didn't want the crappy selection of the month, sending them to her, and then she would have to send them back. So she finally told them to kiss a**, dumped her last unwanted and unordered selections-of-the-month back in the mail, and called it done.
Fast-forward to not-quite-6-years-later (this is important later), when our heroine has put in a purchase agreement on a house and had a hard credit check run by her lender. A company with the same initials as Notorious Cockbite Scavengers had her account SERIOUSLY PAST DUE, SUBMITTED FOR COLLECTIONS, and her previously Decent Credit Rating had plummeted to "Uh-oh...let's rethink your interest rate. And you wanted to borrow how much again?"
As you might imagine, our heroine was a little gobsmacked. She had never received any communications from Notorious Cockbite Scavengers before about owing them money, and although they claimed they opened her account in January, it hadn't been on her credit report pulled in April for her preapproval with Nice Banker Guy. What is this about? she wondered. So she filed a dispute with the credit reporting agency, and called Notorious Cockbite to see what was up.
Seems what happened was, Bite Me Goatf*ckers had claimed our heroine kept and never paid for the CDs she sent back, and Notorious Cockbite Scavengers had subsequently bought that claim because they are bottomfeeding zombie junk debt collectors. And our heroine replied "yes, I did send them back, wtf?" Notorious Cockbite said that didn't matter, she couldn't PROVE that she had neither ordered nor kept them, so Bite Me Goatf*ckers got the benefit of the doubt. And $163 in late fees. Minnesota ages debts off in 6 years; it hadn't quite been that amount of time, and wouldn't be until 2011.
Our heroine didn't know what to do. She called her lender, and Mr. Nice Banker Guy said "well, I don't think that's a problem, I believe you, but I honestly can't tell you what the underwriters will say when we set your interest rate, or how your seller's lender will feel about it." And Experian said "30 to 45 days to examine and make a judgement" which means, if THEY decided to side with Bite me Goatf*ckers and Notorious Cockbite, it would take months longer to fix our heroine's credit, during which time the sellers might reject our heroine's offer because of it, or the bank refuse to honor the decent interest rate she had negotiated with her preapproval.
So, our heroine called Notorious Cockbite Scavengers back and said, "If you're going to f*ck me, I insist on dinner first." By which I mean to say, she asked for assurances that this would indeed be deleted from her credit report, as Jim at Extension 102 said on Wednesday, June 16th at 1:00 PM, and Brandi at Extension 118 at 8:48 AM today verified, and not just 'marked paid' which doesn't help much. Even though that basically constitutes admission of a debt she didn't owe. She hopes she did the right thing; if not, she intends to sue.
The moral of the story; don't get messed up with Bite Me Goatf*ckers Music Service; if you have the poor luck to already be, insist, when you terminate your membership, on documentation that your accounts are in good standing, and just pay the assh*les if they say they're not, even if it is for things you didn't want, didn't order, and sent back. Or conversely, things they claim to have sent you and you never got. Just pay it. You'll be happier. Also, our heroine learned that credit reporting agencies sell LISTS of people who are applying for loans to junk debt collectors like National Cockbite Scavengers, who then cheerfully report debt to them! Does that sound like a conflict of interest to anyone else? It sure did to our heroine! Does it mean that the credit reporting agency has more of an interest in keeping its customers happy than protecting consumers' well-being? Sure seems like it! And if someone were to google those initials, they'd get an eyeful!
So, how's by all y'all?