waaaait, waaaait, waaait, whaaaaat?
in this day and age, really?
Now, I don't mean to be Pollyanna. Criminals look for targets, and not to acknowledge that is just dumb. But Being. Raped. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Period. Just like having your belongings stolen, not your fault. Being beaten up for being in the wrong neighborhood at the wrong time with the wrong people? Not your fault. Are there things you could do to MAYBE make that less likely? Yes. But is it your FAULT? Never.
"First, you were a victim of your poor judgment." No. No, Amy, she wasn't. Her poor judgement did not drag her into a room, close the door, and violate an incapacitated and terrified person. I don't give a happy monkey fuck if the guy was drunk. If you are too drunk to hear someone say no repeatedly? You're too drunk to be having sex. See how that works? His fault. "You need to involve him in what happens next." Um, unless that was a STUNNINGLY poor way to say 'and you need to CHARGE him,' NO. No, she doesn't. She doesn't need to ask him "hey, you know, when I said "no" repeatedly, were you possibly suffering from transitory deafness? because I would hate to charge you with a crime if you were just funnin'."
The only person whose RESPONSIBILITY it is here is the rapist's not to rape, not the victim's not to BE raped. You need to not stick any of your body parts in anybody else's body parts unless you're sure they want you to. When in doubt? DON'T. When they haven't said yes? ASK. Look, see how many rapes that prevents? ALL OF THEM.
Yeah, I know Ask Amy isn't a therapist, or a cop, but when you have a bully pulpit that brings you to a million people as some sort of authority? I think it behooves you to well, not blame the damn victim. I'm told she has a college-age daughter. If her daughter called her up the night after a party she knows damn well she was underage drinking and had no business at, crying and saying "Mom, I think I was raped," is the first thing she's going to come back with "well, hon, I told you about going to frat houses, now go find the boy and ask him, maybe you just need to say no LOUDER next time, oh and bite and kick more." I'm pretty sure that would not be her response.
Edited to add: yes, I know false rape accusations happen. My answer to that is, gee, that's a really damaging thing to happen to someone, something that could damage their trust in others and have painful consequences for years! Maybe then men should take responsibility to protect themselves from it by only associating with NICE girls, in public places, with a buddy, or in broad daylight! And if they are falsely accused--oh well. Probably did something to deserve it, no smoke without fire, right?
Now, I don't mean to be Pollyanna. Criminals look for targets, and not to acknowledge that is just dumb. But Being. Raped. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Period. Just like having your belongings stolen, not your fault. Being beaten up for being in the wrong neighborhood at the wrong time with the wrong people? Not your fault. Are there things you could do to MAYBE make that less likely? Yes. But is it your FAULT? Never.
"First, you were a victim of your poor judgment." No. No, Amy, she wasn't. Her poor judgement did not drag her into a room, close the door, and violate an incapacitated and terrified person. I don't give a happy monkey fuck if the guy was drunk. If you are too drunk to hear someone say no repeatedly? You're too drunk to be having sex. See how that works? His fault. "You need to involve him in what happens next." Um, unless that was a STUNNINGLY poor way to say 'and you need to CHARGE him,' NO. No, she doesn't. She doesn't need to ask him "hey, you know, when I said "no" repeatedly, were you possibly suffering from transitory deafness? because I would hate to charge you with a crime if you were just funnin'."
The only person whose RESPONSIBILITY it is here is the rapist's not to rape, not the victim's not to BE raped. You need to not stick any of your body parts in anybody else's body parts unless you're sure they want you to. When in doubt? DON'T. When they haven't said yes? ASK. Look, see how many rapes that prevents? ALL OF THEM.
Yeah, I know Ask Amy isn't a therapist, or a cop, but when you have a bully pulpit that brings you to a million people as some sort of authority? I think it behooves you to well, not blame the damn victim. I'm told she has a college-age daughter. If her daughter called her up the night after a party she knows damn well she was underage drinking and had no business at, crying and saying "Mom, I think I was raped," is the first thing she's going to come back with "well, hon, I told you about going to frat houses, now go find the boy and ask him, maybe you just need to say no LOUDER next time, oh and bite and kick more." I'm pretty sure that would not be her response.
Edited to add: yes, I know false rape accusations happen. My answer to that is, gee, that's a really damaging thing to happen to someone, something that could damage their trust in others and have painful consequences for years! Maybe then men should take responsibility to protect themselves from it by only associating with NICE girls, in public places, with a buddy, or in broad daylight! And if they are falsely accused--oh well. Probably did something to deserve it, no smoke without fire, right?