Prompt Post No. 1
Announcement: Norsekink Round 1 is now closed to new prompts!
Attention: All new and continuing fills for this round are to be posted in the Overflow Post, not in this round.
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Attention: All new and continuing fills for this round are to be posted in the Overflow Post, not in this round.
( Read more... )
No.
That's not entirely true.
In the very beginning Loki didn't think he was missing anything at all.
He lived his life, went through the motions and rituals of each day devotedly. He didn't enjoy competitions of physical prowess, so he made his own fun with words, magic, lies, deception and mischief which earned him a title and a reputation he would occasionally carry with pride.
Though the fun was momentary and the pleasures faded, he never minded the fact as knew that he would always be able to create more. Though he never knew the feeling of constant happiness, it was an element of life he understood to be undefeatable. He reassured himself with the knowledge that true happiness is rare.
He learned to be content with himself, and he made sure it would be enough.
When he watched Volstagg envelop Hogun in a giant hug, when Sif placed an affectionate kiss on Thor's cheek, Loki never gave those actions a second thought. Such things were merely part of the Asgardian culture, and Loki never had the reason to think he was missing out on anything truly substantial.
He knew that displays and declarations of affection were surely, truly unnecessary and overrated, for it was something he never experienced. He was still happy, content without it.
No, in the very beginning Loki didn't think he was missing anything at all.
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Everything changed, however, on a chilly Autumn day.
Loki sat under a tree, in a place far far away from the palace, hidden in a quiet corner of the garden. his head bent forward as he read from the book in his lap, engrossed by a display of mysteries and paradoxes which claimed to be unsolvable.
The girl could not have known who he was, and similarly Loki never did learn her identity.
Suddenly without warning, Loki started as a pair of arms had wrapped itself around Loki's frame. A warm body was pressing to his back, and a head rested on his shoulder. Loki sat still in suprise and confusion for a long time before he turned his head to look at the other person.
As the person moved away from Loki, the trickster saw was a pair of shining hazel eyes and then a young girl with tawny hair and a crooked grin. The girl stared at him with wide, happy eyes, her expression open and eager.
The places where the girl had touched Loki felt cold.
"Why did you do that?" he asked, genuinely bewildered.
The little girl shrugged simply. "You looked like you needed it."
Loki stared silently as the little girl turned and ran away, and when she was gone he turned his attention back to the book. Yet he couldn't focus, his eyes were stinging, and his body trembled for reasons he really didn't want to consider.
There were voices coming from far away. It was probably time for him to leave.
Loki resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself, and left.
.
For a long time afterwards, Loki started to notice.
The way Volstagg greeted Hogun and Fandral with an open hug.
The way Odin wrapped his arm softly around Frigga's shoulders.
The way Thor would chase and tackle Sif, pick her up and spin her around and around until she squealed.
Loki noticed none of this ever happened to him.
.
He knew that the reason it never happened must have been because he never gave anyone a reason to.
.
Then he wondered what it was he did so differently.
.
(He wouldn't know, wouldn't even suspect the real reason until much, much later, when his father would be unreachable, his brother far away, the realm of Asgard falling under his control.)
So Loki tried.
He started small. A touch here. Resting a hand on Thor's shoulder as he explained something, two hands holding the Thunder God back from doing something rash and ridiculous. Taking his mother's hand when he reassured her that Thor and him would be fine going into the forests for a few weeks. They'd have the warrior's three and Sif by their side.
Loki didn't try to analyse the small jolts of pleasure whenever he got away with this, and instead wondered if he'd not been doing enough of it to begin with.
(He tried to touch Sif's arm once during a conversation, but she shrunk away the moment his hand made contact with her skin (it's not like he burnt her?). The action was unconscious, and Loki was too well-practiced to let any dissapointment show.)
Even after a long time, so long that Loki had learnt every subtle influence a well-timed touch or movement had on the others, nothing changed. He even learnt to practice with his clones, he reveled in catalogued the ways which their hugs, kisses, touches made him feel and experimented on his friends, on others. But they didn't seem to have the same effect.
.
Eventually, he hugged Thor.
(Loki hadn't meant for all his experiments to become so centred on his brother, but in his time of experimentation only Thor was the one who didn't seem to reject his touch.)
Yet Thor's body was stiff, his posture awkward, and the moment Loki allowed it he softly pushed Loki back.
.
In the end Loki decided it must just be him.
(which was mostly true)
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But everything was okay. Loki still had himself.
.
No changes to the inhabitants of Asgard in many days.
Loki sat under a statue, on a balcony far far away from the feasting hall, hidden in a secret corner of the palace. His head bent forward as he read from the book in his lap, engrossed by a display of mysteries and paradoxes which claimed to be unsolvable.
He knew precisely who it was, and similarly Loki had no need to conceal anything from himself.
This time, Loki relaxed as a pair of arms had wrapped itself around his frame. A warm body was pressing to his back, and a head rested on his shoulder. Loki sat still for a quiet moment, before he leaned back in the other person’s arms, resting his head in the crook of his neck.
This person would never move away from Loki. As the trickster turned his head he saw a pair of bright green eyes and then a young man man with black hair and a crooked grin. The man stared at him with warm and gentle eyes, his expression soft and inviting.
Loki let himself melt completely into the man's arms.
"Why do I keep doing this?" he asked, mildly curious.
The man shrugged simply as he nuzzled Loki's neck. "You felt like you needed it."
Loki stared silently up at the starlit sky, and when the stars were gone he turned his attention back to the book. Yet he couldn't focus, his eyes were stinging, and his body trembled for reasons he really didn't want to consider.
He turned his head, and placed a soft kiss on the cheek of his other self.
There were voices coming from far away, but he didn't want to leave.
Loki let him wrap his own arms around himself, and read on.
.
He would be the only one to catch himself, should he ever fall.
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Anon apologises for any mistakes, this was written in one go because the prompt reminded me of a personal experience and wouldn't let go. Another apology to the OP because I have a feeling this was not what you wanted, however I hope so much angst is a goodt thing?! Please enjoy. :)
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I'm terribly sorry for the broken sentences and poor grammar, and apologies to the anon also since I took your prompt somewhere entirely different.
Once again, thanks so much for the comments! It means a lot. =D
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Anon, this broke my little fangirl heart. Poor, poor, lonely Loki.
Captcha: edishied prejudice
EVEN CAPTCHA AGREES!
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the loneliness is felt
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I would give you a hug if I could, Loki!
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seriously, this fill made my eyes tear up. seriously amazing conveyance of emotion!
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