Re: Creeping Ice 5/?
anonymous
September 6 2012, 12:53:54 UTC
Sometimes Loki wonders whether his parents really thought through this not-telling him idea.
Thor can be such an dunderhead sometimes that if Loki didn't know he isn't Aesir and though he might have duties to the realm he doesn't have any authority over it and could never ever be King, he actually think he could make a better King than Thor. Especially given he'd probably act differently not knowing that Asgard really dosen't want to see him.
Loki realises Thor is unaware of what he is and doesn't understand why Loki's different and wants his brother join him and his friends in their activities.
Additionally he understands that given Thor's martial abilities and general embodiment of Asgardian virtues that he's probably been awaiting the time to go his own quest since before Loki discovered his own nature.
This really does not excuse Thor coming to ask Loki if he will come and join Thor and his friends on some unsanctioned excursion to another realm.
Why Thor can't just wait for Father to allow him to do so, Loki just can't understand.
Does Thor have no concept of the punishment they will incur for such a trip?
Never mind the potential upsetting of the tenuous political situations.
And the dangers the all the group, most especially Thor, the only heir to the throne. Something his brother is admittedly unaware of yet given he wants Loki to come too, that really isn't an excuse.
Father's immortality makes it easy to forget such matters but Loki knows his father worries about leaving the rule to the Council when he the Odinsleep comes upon him and that he seeks a more permanent successor.
Besides Thor's plan dosen't even make sense. How exactly are they planning to get past Heimdall.
Re: Creeping Ice 5b/?
anonymous
September 6 2012, 15:23:38 UTC
At first Loki worries that his refusal is going to provoke a massive argument.
When he points out the large Heimdall-shaped-flaw in the plan though Thor seems to accept it.
Sadly his brother seems entirely unaware of the fact that Loki actually had no desire to "embark on an adventure". Of course Loki thinks he might actually have to go, if they did, to keep Thor from grievously injuring himself too much.
At least the friends his brother has found should hopefully be useful when it comes to that. They are both ridiculously loyal to his brother and worth while to have in a fight.
In fact Loki thinks Thor could do worse than marry Sif if no better alternatives present themselves. Not that he's sure his brother is actually aware Sif is a girl. Which is impressive given personally Loki thinks she's sort of pretty. Not that his opinion is important.
Of course, it turns out Thor is perfectly capable of getting himself in trouble in Asgard.
Loki isn't really shouldn't be surprised by this.
Perhaps Thor did notice Loki didn't want to come as for whatever reason Thor didn't invite him along this time. Possibly because Loki isn't actually sure he went out with anything more in mind than visiting parts of the city with his friends. Albeit parts of the city Thor probably wasn't supposed to actually be in.
Although that might be way. Loki does have a tendency to tell their parents everything. Well, except that he knows.
After all he can't be certain of parental benevolence.
Re: Creeping Ice 5c/?
anonymous
September 6 2012, 18:58:00 UTC
Loki doesn't know what he's going to use as an excuse for this.
Generally he doesn't get angry at Thor. Thor is Aesir, Thor is Asgard's future King, Thor is better than Loki in every-way possible.
Loki does as he's supposed to and stays his shadow. He even overcomes his instincts to avoid Thor as to not contaminate him by association just so he can try and improve Thor's ability to rule Asgard.
Then Thor has the audacity to tell Loki that he got into this fight defending him.
Making Loki doubly responsible for his brother's injury and unlike Thor, he can't rely on their parents benevolence.
Loki finds Thor's reasoning ridiculous.
Loki wasn't even there.
He never asked to be defended. Loki is quite good at avoiding confrontations and simply not being there to provoke them in the first place.
Besides Loki hears what people say about about him and the grand majority of it is more confused concern rather than any actual malevolence.
If people are taking enough notice of him to say anything problematic to his family that's Loki's failure and his job to fix. He can't believe his brother tried to involve himself.
Thor needs to keep himself safe and uninjured as Odin's only heir.
Yelling most of this at Thor was probably not his brightest moment.
To respond to Thor's impassioned upset reply that perhaps Loki should show himself in public more then and actually act like the Royal Prince he is given he's Odin's other heir with the oh, so, obvious act that a frost giant can't sit on the throne of Asgard definitely was not.
Especially as their parents, no doubt attracted by their shouting, choose that moment to enter the chamber.
Re: Creeping Ice 6a/?
anonymous
September 7 2012, 12:57:37 UTC
Staring at their faces Loki can see exactly what he's feared over the years. They've understood exactly what his last sentence meant. They know he knows. Surely now they'll ask how and why and how long and for once he dosen't know how whether to tell the truth or lie. Loki doesn't have any defence for being in the chamber and that he's covered it up for so long.
He can't believe he's been so stupid. To hide something for centuries then trip up in one small argument with his brother. Loki knows he argues less with Thor than most would do with their brother but he never suspected this might actually be a disadvantage.
For once in his life Loki has no idea what the best path is to take. It feels unnervingly similar to when he discovered this originally. He feels lost and he has to force himself not to flee the room knowing to do so would be an admission of guilt more than anything Loki could say.
The only small speck of hope lies in the fact that no one has spoken yet. In fact everyone seems lost over what to do. Thor, of course has no idea of what's going on. Not doubt his Mother is worrying that Loki might choose to embrace his monstrous identity as a Jotun. He supposes he was correct in his original surmise that Father hasn't planned for him to find out without being told.
There might still be some way for Loki to get through this.
Re: Creeping Ice 6b/?
anonymous
September 7 2012, 13:59:28 UTC
Loki doesn't find himself surprised when after his mother's aborted attempt to say something more than his name his father decides it's best they speak to Loki in private without Thor. After all it wouldn't do to besmirch his brother with their family's dirty little secret.
It doesn't really surprise him that Father's first words to him once they arrive there are "You Know", the intonation wavering somewhere between a statement and a question.
Loki answers in the affirmative for all that it is only confirming something they already know. Now, it's all coming out he feels much calmer than he expected.
The natural next question is "How?" and so it is.
Loki outlines his visit to the Chamber. After some equivocation he explains why before they can ask. Such explanation does of course also pinpoint exactly when it happened but even though that means telling them just how long he's kept this secret Loki is hoping that his youth at the time and the parallel to Thor's actions (who after all did it first) will buy him leniency.
At first they seem confused. Then Mother asks that surely Loki dosen't mean the that time Thor got frostbite from the casket when they were still young children.
At the dawning comprehension on his father's face Loki realises that they'd almost forgotten the incident. What had been a life-changing day to Loki had for all their worry at the time simply been yet another Thor-injures-himself-doing-something-he-shouldn't episode. He thinks that where his future not so reliant on this interview he'd almost be amused.
When he again confirms this he sees horror dawning on his parents faces. Perhaps Loki truly has thrown their plans off course. Maybe they never did mean him to know.
The next question Loki expects is "Why didn't you tell us?". In fact what he get's is Mother's "That long?"
For once his parents seem easy to read and Loki feels terrible that he's the reason for the anguish in his mother's voice.
The question he'd expected comes next, from Father this time.
Loki isn't sure what to say. He doesn't know what his parents want to hear so he can't say it. Should he admit that he feared for his life?
That might only enrage Father, or, even put the idea in his mind.
If he weakens his answer and just says that he fears punishment he will come off as a coward. Which, for all that it may be the truth is not how he wants his parents to see him. Especially given that it's something the Asgardians tend to say is a Frost Giant trait.
Instead he details his confusion, he mentions his fear but not of what, how eventually it was too late to say anything.
Unfortunately Father is more perceptive than Loki has perhaps given him credit for and remarks that Loki was too scared of what he would do to tell him. Loki can tell he has upset his father with his lack of courage.
Indeed it falls to his mother to ask if this is why Loki has been so solitary and so rarely happy. She dosen't quite manage to say it so succinctly sounding as if she's struggling as she chooses and says each word but that is the gist of her query.
For once he says nothing and just nods.
It seems the least difficult way to agree.
After a while he adds "in part"
Because, yes, Loki did make decisions and he did have something of a plan he followed but he likes to think his distaste for martial skills and talent at Seidr are something intrinsic to him.
Re: Creeping Ice 6c/?
anonymous
September 7 2012, 15:14:10 UTC
Loki stands there waiting for them to pronounce his future. In a way it's a relief. He's gone through so much of his life without knowing what his purpose that the idea of knowing his fate, even in the short term, even if it's not exactly what you'd call nice, well, it's tempting.
The last thing Loki expects is for his mother to sweep and up in a hug and apologise to him. Apologise for not telling him. Apologise for not knowing what was wrong. Apologise for not doing more.
To tell him she loves him.
And as much as that last statement fills him with warmth Loki doesn't understand. Why is she apologising?
She's adopted a Frost Giant into her family and actually probably spent more time over the years with him than Thor. He should be grateful to her and he's the one who's messed it all up.
Then his father chimes in telling Loki that Loki should have told him but it's his own failure he didn't and that Loki is his son.
And Loki just doesn't understand.
They say they love him and he wants to believe it but he just doesn't understand why in Asgard, in this family in the first place.
So, he takes a chance. And asks.
And Father spins some tale of finding an abandoned baby in a temple and being weary of war, of one death too many, of the bond he felt to the babe, and of taking this baby home.
Taking him home.
Loki wants to believe it. He does. Really. Yet, pity for a baby justified not killing him, maybe even justifies bringing him back to Asgard but does it really justify raising him as his son, a Prince.
Loki doesn't know.
He wishes he could just take this words as the truth without any hidden meanings but Loki listens too much and his seen too much of his father's ruling to accept such a simple explanation.
But for now, he will.
Because, Loki's pushed his luck already and so far his parent's response had been better than anything he's ever expected.
Yet, somehow, Father seems to realise and starts saying how maybe he did have plans for Loki once, but he abandoned them long ago and now he just wants Loki to grow up well.
Re: Creeping Ice 7a/?
anonymous
September 8 2012, 16:38:42 UTC
Loki isn't really sure what he's supposed to do now. Apparently he's been living most of his life under a mistaken belief. Truth be told if when he believed himself to be Aesir is included then he's lived his whole live under false ideas of himself. Two different ones admittedly. He's re-imagined his whole purpose in life once, surely it is not too difficult to do so again?
He was so much younger before though. Young enough to change.
Loki's not unable to act differently. It's not as if he's an ensorcelled set of armour. He acted differently in Alfheim. That was but a short length of time though. He doesn't know if he can readjust permanently.
He has to though. He doesn't want to upset his parent's more.
Since yesterday they've hardly let him out of their sight. For all Loki thought he craved more Odin's attention he actually finds it rather wearisome. After all given that Loki attempted to avoid most everyone Frigga especially actually did pay him more attention than Thor. Besides Loki's used to peace and being able to go where he wishes.
Loki has no idea how to act more like a Prince of Asgard than he is given to doing. He's hardly going to copy his brother. Loki will never be Thor.
The realm is used to Loki not being there. Now, he doesn't know if his parents will allow that.
His parents.
Loki thinks he would happily go through more upheaval for the knowledge that they consider themselves his parents and they love him.
Yet, despite this knowledge Loki wonders how much has really changed. After all, he's still a Frost Giant, how ever much his parents may love him he's not a candidate for the throne. His own behaviour has only reinforced this. Loki has never quite fitted Asgard's norms. He's never tried to as he knows given who he is that he can't. He's accepted this years ago, so really it's probably best he dosen't seek the spotlight now anyway.
The dread of his future is at least gone. Admittedly the uncertainty remains. Quite what he will be he is not sure. Thor's councillor perhaps. He is at least not going to be thrown into Jotunheim as he's always feared.
Yet in a way he wonders if he'd be better somewhere that isn't Asgard. It might make it easier to see who he wants to be. Loki can see Father's hints of being an Ambassador of some sort as the alternative it is.
Surely he think, only a Frost Giant could discover his family loves him one day and think of leaving them the next.
Re: Creeping Ice 7b/?
anonymous
September 9 2012, 17:43:15 UTC
Loki doubts Thor would have this issue.
Their parents have told Thor. In a way he's glad he was there at the time. He's not sure if he wants to know what Thor's reaction was at the time. Sadly this does mean Loki doesn't actually know what they said to him.
Thor had came and sat down with him and told Loki that Loki was his brother and that this changed nothing.
Of course that was under Father's watchful eye. Loki doesn't know what they've drilled into Thor.
Of course, he recalls that Thor is somewhat simple minded. Not stupid but he isn't really one for questioning things. Well, unless they interfere with his fun. It's possible that Thor does think Loki is his brother.
That doesn't mind he accepts Loki what Loki is really.
After all Loki tries to change his brother because while he envies the fact that Thor is brave, noble, martially skilled and supremely talented at commanding loyalty, Loki also knows his brother is too rash among other flaws and it's hardly as if he hasn't tried to change him. Sometimes he even thinks he succeeds. Thor is less easily read than he once was for a start.
He knows that their father sees him do it and for once he knows it's actually something Father approves of. Before, when Loki was trying to be a good tool and earn Father's love it was one of the things he took pride in.
Loki is almost darkly amused at the fact that he's always viewed Thor's tendency to protect those smaller and weaker than himself as a flaw. After all look at the trouble it just got him in. As King of Asgard he can't just interfere with other realms because he feels sorry for one of them. It seems perhaps that Father would actually approve given he took in Loki.
If that was Father's only reason.
Loki has no idea what his parents actually want from him. Perhaps he is their son and he is loved but that does not mean he doesn't have a role to play.
If Loki knew what it was. Well, then maybe he could change. He could act in a way that doesn't hurt them. Well, he amends mentally, within reason, there Asgard does have expectations for how he acts. It's not just as if he can suddenly change.
He isn't actually sure he wants to.
Maybe he'll start small.
Actually interact with people on the next trip Thor asks him on perhaps.
Re: Creeping Ice 7c/?
anonymous
September 11 2012, 11:57:57 UTC
Once he decides to make such changes the only problem is going about them.
Loki likes to think he's good at reading people. It doesn't follow that he's actually good at interacting with people. Avoiding people or not giving offence is easy enough. He can even flatter people. A rather useful skill when one isn't sure if their safety. He's never been able to understand friendship though. Oh, it's not as if Loki dosen't know what other people say in such situations but it just doesn't work when Loki tires it. Now, he hopes that this is mainly out of a lack of practice. He decided long ago to not to actually try after all.
Or it know be because he's a frost giant. After all Loki wasn't good at making friends even before he knew. Some instinctual revulsion perhaps.
Loki doesn't actually want friends. He's not really sure what you're supposed to do with them and he's quite well adapted to not having them. Despite Thor's example he's not sure a prince can really have friends, he's read that equality is supposed to be part of the package.
But.
He did say he was going to change and besides his parents might actually let him out of their sight (or Thor's) sight if he's with another person.
Still, if Thor is going to follow him around all the time perhaps Loki should ingratiate himself into his little gang.
Of course Loki has taken precautions before so that they don't actually dislike him. After all he has needed to be there to restrain his brother. If Loki is going to be a more permanent feature though he's going to have to do something more. For now, He thinks for the most part they pity him. Pity he can work with.
In the end he asks Hogun to spar with him. It's not an activity Loki enjoys but he admits it's one he could improve in. Loki chooses Hogun since he won't ask too many questions.
Loki thinks he sees his father smile when he announces his plans for the day at breakfast.
Creeping Ice 8b/?
anonymous
September 16 2012, 14:00:31 UTC
If Thor is hardly subtle then their father is no better. Thankfully in public at least it his further inclusion of Loki in his work comes off as no more than attempt to consolidate his youngest son's postion or provide Thor with an actually competant loyal advisor. In private however Father's tendency to not only tell more tales of his youth but segue from stories of derring do into those of the achievements of Jotunheim are his attempts to help Loki, who Father seems to believe has some issues with his self-worth. Loki does not have issues with this. He is completely aware of his own worth. He just happens to realise that it might be somewhat lower than the rest of his family. The rest of Asgard however is a different matter.
Thankfully, his mother has had more sense. Once she calmed down after she found out. She has only continued to treat Loki much as she did before. If perhaps he' slightly more open with her when they talk. Well, maybe there are some advantages to the truth. Plus, Loki needs someone to complain of his brother and father to.
However if Loki is to be honest with himself then he admits that he doesn't really mind everything. In fact he sort of enjoys it, it's nice knowing that you are wanted after all.
He knows he might never be what Asgard expected of him but honestly right now he doesn't care. He has his family and that's more than he ever really thought he would.
Re: Creeping Ice 8a/?
anonymous
September 15 2012, 11:24:37 UTC
Generally Loki believes that once again his plan has been a success. Sif and the Warriors Three seem to have accepted happily enough that Loki's spending more time with them.
Partially perhaps because they enjoy having someone to actually train. Sif, he thinks particularly enjoys that part. Of course, Loki is never going to be a mighty warrior and despite everything in a way he's still as proud of that now as he was as a child. He may be part of this family but he can't deny being less like a Frost Giant certainly helps.
He still doesn't really enjoy training but he can see the advantages. For all Loki is given to using seidr and shadows to fight his way being able to not necessarily be at a physical disadvantage is certainly a useful skill to have.
Oddly they've never actually rebuked him for using spellcraft. Loki isn't quite sure if it's because they actually understand it's use or because Thor has said something to them.
It is true that after Loki's shadows had saved them on Vanaheim, Fandral had actually thanked Loki and told him that they were glad to have him there.
Loki wasn't quite sure what to do with that. The idea that someone is actually pleased by his presence is an odd one. Of course, he supposes that his parents want him there, given they took him in the first place and Thor certainly has always sought his companionship but given they are his family and have decided they love him it's not quite the same.
Loki isn't completely convinced it isn't something Thor has said though. The fact is Thor says things rather a lot. At first Thor had seemed to decide that as Loki was his brother and raised in Asgard Loki wasn't really a Frost Giant. Loki likes to think this himself. Still, at some point he'd still decided that any insult to Jotunheim was an insult to Loki and had became rather verbal in his defense.
At least, Loki supposes, since his family found out Thor hasn't decided to make his defense physical yet.
Thor has always been one to defend those weaker than him and currently he seems to have decided this includes the entirety of the Frost Giants. Loki finds this somewhat amusing but it does mean they are unlikely to be going to Jotunheim soon at least.
Loki does wish his brother could be more subtle though. Sadly, it's a skill he's never been able to teach Thor. He's surprised the whole court hasn't put the pieces together yet.
Actually. Loki isn't. He's watched Asgard for long enough to realise that they expect all to be a certain way and struggle to grasp anything which does not match their viewpoint. The idea that Loki is anything other than as a Aesir would never occur to them.
So Asgard is at least generally unsuspecting.
Alone of the his brother's friends he sometimes sees Sif staring at him in suspicion. It is perhaps to be expected though, she is almost of an age to Thor and alone of the four knew Loki before the discovery and change.
Of course, if Hogun had any such suspicions Loki would never now. The man's face is impressively impenetrable and he speaks what is only what is actually relevant. Loki has been hoping some of this will eventually rub off on Thor but alas, his hopes have yet to be fulfilled.
Thor can be such an dunderhead sometimes that if Loki didn't know he isn't Aesir and though he might have duties to the realm he doesn't have any authority over it and could never ever be King, he actually think he could make a better King than Thor. Especially given he'd probably act differently not knowing that Asgard really dosen't want to see him.
Loki realises Thor is unaware of what he is and doesn't understand why Loki's different and wants his brother join him and his friends in their activities.
Additionally he understands that given Thor's martial abilities and general embodiment of Asgardian virtues that he's probably been awaiting the time to go his own quest since before Loki discovered his own nature.
This really does not excuse Thor coming to ask Loki if he will come and join Thor and his friends on some unsanctioned excursion to another realm.
Why Thor can't just wait for Father to allow him to do so, Loki just can't understand.
Does Thor have no concept of the punishment they will incur for such a trip?
Never mind the potential upsetting of the tenuous political situations.
And the dangers the all the group, most especially Thor, the only heir to the throne. Something his brother is admittedly unaware of yet given he wants Loki to come too, that really isn't an excuse.
Father's immortality makes it easy to forget such matters but Loki knows his father worries about leaving the rule to the Council when he the Odinsleep comes upon him and that he seeks a more permanent successor.
Besides Thor's plan dosen't even make sense. How exactly are they planning to get past Heimdall.
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When he points out the large Heimdall-shaped-flaw in the plan though Thor seems to accept it.
Sadly his brother seems entirely unaware of the fact that Loki actually had no desire to "embark on an adventure". Of course Loki thinks he might actually have to go, if they did, to keep Thor from grievously injuring himself too much.
At least the friends his brother has found should hopefully be useful when it comes to that. They are both ridiculously loyal to his brother and worth while to have in a fight.
In fact Loki thinks Thor could do worse than marry Sif if no better alternatives present themselves. Not that he's sure his brother is actually aware Sif is a girl. Which is impressive given personally Loki thinks she's sort of pretty. Not that his opinion is important.
Of course, it turns out Thor is perfectly capable of getting himself in trouble in Asgard.
Loki isn't really shouldn't be surprised by this.
Perhaps Thor did notice Loki didn't want to come as for whatever reason Thor didn't invite him along this time. Possibly because Loki isn't actually sure he went out with anything more in mind than visiting parts of the city with his friends. Albeit parts of the city Thor probably wasn't supposed to actually be in.
Although that might be way. Loki does have a tendency to tell their parents everything. Well, except that he knows.
After all he can't be certain of parental benevolence.
And Loki wasn't there to stop it happening.
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Generally he doesn't get angry at Thor. Thor is Aesir, Thor is Asgard's future King, Thor is better than Loki in every-way possible.
Loki does as he's supposed to and stays his shadow. He even overcomes his instincts to avoid Thor as to not contaminate him by association just so he can try and improve Thor's ability to rule Asgard.
Then Thor has the audacity to tell Loki that he got into this fight defending him.
Making Loki doubly responsible for his brother's injury and unlike Thor, he can't rely on their parents benevolence.
Loki finds Thor's reasoning ridiculous.
Loki wasn't even there.
He never asked to be defended. Loki is quite good at avoiding confrontations and simply not being there to provoke them in the first place.
Besides Loki hears what people say about about him and the grand majority of it is more confused concern rather than any actual malevolence.
If people are taking enough notice of him to say anything problematic to his family that's Loki's failure and his job to fix. He can't believe his brother tried to involve himself.
Thor needs to keep himself safe and uninjured as Odin's only heir.
Yelling most of this at Thor was probably not his brightest moment.
To respond to Thor's impassioned upset reply that perhaps Loki should show himself in public more then and actually act like the Royal Prince he is given he's Odin's other heir with the oh, so, obvious act that a frost giant can't sit on the throne of Asgard definitely was not.
Especially as their parents, no doubt attracted by their shouting, choose that moment to enter the chamber.
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He can't believe he's been so stupid. To hide something for centuries then trip up in one small argument with his brother. Loki knows he argues less with Thor than most would do with their brother but he never suspected this might actually be a disadvantage.
For once in his life Loki has no idea what the best path is to take. It feels unnervingly similar to when he discovered this originally. He feels lost and he has to force himself not to flee the room knowing to do so would be an admission of guilt more than anything Loki could say.
The only small speck of hope lies in the fact that no one has spoken yet. In fact everyone seems lost over what to do. Thor, of course has no idea of what's going on. Not doubt his Mother is worrying that Loki might choose to embrace his monstrous identity as a Jotun. He supposes he was correct in his original surmise that Father hasn't planned for him to find out without being told.
There might still be some way for Loki to get through this.
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It doesn't really surprise him that Father's first words to him once they arrive there are "You Know", the intonation wavering somewhere between a statement and a question.
Loki answers in the affirmative for all that it is only confirming something they already know. Now, it's all coming out he feels much calmer than he expected.
The natural next question is "How?" and so it is.
Loki outlines his visit to the Chamber. After some equivocation he explains why before they can ask. Such explanation does of course also pinpoint exactly when it happened but even though that means telling them just how long he's kept this secret Loki is hoping that his youth at the time and the parallel to Thor's actions (who after all did it first) will buy him leniency.
At first they seem confused. Then Mother asks that surely Loki dosen't mean the that time Thor got frostbite from the casket when they were still young children.
At the dawning comprehension on his father's face Loki realises that they'd almost forgotten the incident. What had been a life-changing day to Loki had for all their worry at the time simply been yet another Thor-injures-himself-doing-something-he-shouldn't episode. He thinks that where his future not so reliant on this interview he'd almost be amused.
When he again confirms this he sees horror dawning on his parents faces. Perhaps Loki truly has thrown their plans off course. Maybe they never did mean him to know.
The next question Loki expects is "Why didn't you tell us?". In fact what he get's is Mother's "That long?"
For once his parents seem easy to read and Loki feels terrible that he's the reason for the anguish in his mother's voice.
The question he'd expected comes next, from Father this time.
Loki isn't sure what to say. He doesn't know what his parents want to hear so he can't say it. Should he admit that he feared for his life?
That might only enrage Father, or, even put the idea in his mind.
If he weakens his answer and just says that he fears punishment he will come off as a coward. Which, for all that it may be the truth is not how he wants his parents to see him. Especially given that it's something the Asgardians tend to say is a Frost Giant trait.
Instead he details his confusion, he mentions his fear but not of what, how eventually it was too late to say anything.
Unfortunately Father is more perceptive than Loki has perhaps given him credit for and remarks that Loki was too scared of what he would do to tell him. Loki can tell he has upset his father with his lack of courage.
Indeed it falls to his mother to ask if this is why Loki has been so solitary and so rarely happy. She dosen't quite manage to say it so succinctly sounding as if she's struggling as she chooses and says each word but that is the gist of her query.
For once he says nothing and just nods.
It seems the least difficult way to agree.
After a while he adds "in part"
Because, yes, Loki did make decisions and he did have something of a plan he followed but he likes to think his distaste for martial skills and talent at Seidr are something intrinsic to him.
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The last thing Loki expects is for his mother to sweep and up in a hug and apologise to him. Apologise for not telling him. Apologise for not knowing what was wrong. Apologise for not doing more.
To tell him she loves him.
And as much as that last statement fills him with warmth Loki doesn't understand. Why is she apologising?
She's adopted a Frost Giant into her family and actually probably spent more time over the years with him than Thor. He should be grateful to her and he's the one who's messed it all up.
Then his father chimes in telling Loki that Loki should have told him but it's his own failure he didn't and that Loki is his son.
And Loki just doesn't understand.
They say they love him and he wants to believe it but he just doesn't understand why in Asgard, in this family in the first place.
So, he takes a chance. And asks.
And Father spins some tale of finding an abandoned baby in a temple and being weary of war, of one death too many, of the bond he felt to the babe, and of taking this baby home.
Taking him home.
Loki wants to believe it. He does. Really. Yet, pity for a baby justified not killing him, maybe even justifies bringing him back to Asgard but does it really justify raising him as his son, a Prince.
Loki doesn't know.
He wishes he could just take this words as the truth without any hidden meanings but Loki listens too much and his seen too much of his father's ruling to accept such a simple explanation.
But for now, he will.
Because, Loki's pushed his luck already and so far his parent's response had been better than anything he's ever expected.
Yet, somehow, Father seems to realise and starts saying how maybe he did have plans for Loki once, but he abandoned them long ago and now he just wants Loki to grow up well.
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*waits patiently for the next update*
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He was so much younger before though. Young enough to change.
Loki's not unable to act differently. It's not as if he's an ensorcelled set of armour. He acted differently in Alfheim. That was but a short length of time though. He doesn't know if he can readjust permanently.
He has to though. He doesn't want to upset his parent's more.
Since yesterday they've hardly let him out of their sight. For all Loki thought he craved more Odin's attention he actually finds it rather wearisome. After all given that Loki attempted to avoid most everyone Frigga especially actually did pay him more attention than Thor. Besides Loki's used to peace and being able to go where he wishes.
Loki has no idea how to act more like a Prince of Asgard than he is given to doing. He's hardly going to copy his brother. Loki will never be Thor.
The realm is used to Loki not being there. Now, he doesn't know if his parents will allow that.
His parents.
Loki thinks he would happily go through more upheaval for the knowledge that they consider themselves his parents and they love him.
Yet, despite this knowledge Loki wonders how much has really changed. After all, he's still a Frost Giant, how ever much his parents may love him he's not a candidate for the throne. His own behaviour has only reinforced this. Loki has never quite fitted Asgard's norms. He's never tried to as he knows given who he is that he can't. He's accepted this years ago, so really it's probably best he dosen't seek the spotlight now anyway.
The dread of his future is at least gone. Admittedly the uncertainty remains. Quite what he will be he is not sure. Thor's councillor perhaps. He is at least not going to be thrown into Jotunheim as he's always feared.
Yet in a way he wonders if he'd be better somewhere that isn't Asgard. It might make it easier to see who he wants to be. Loki can see Father's hints of being an Ambassador of some sort as the alternative it is.
Surely he think, only a Frost Giant could discover his family loves him one day and think of leaving them the next.
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Their parents have told Thor. In a way he's glad he was there at the time. He's not sure if he wants to know what Thor's reaction was at the time. Sadly this does mean Loki doesn't actually know what they said to him.
Thor had came and sat down with him and told Loki that Loki was his brother and that this changed nothing.
Of course that was under Father's watchful eye. Loki doesn't know what they've drilled into Thor.
Of course, he recalls that Thor is somewhat simple minded. Not stupid but he isn't really one for questioning things. Well, unless they interfere with his fun. It's possible that Thor does think Loki is his brother.
That doesn't mind he accepts Loki what Loki is really.
After all Loki tries to change his brother because while he envies the fact that Thor is brave, noble, martially skilled and supremely talented at commanding loyalty, Loki also knows his brother is too rash among other flaws and it's hardly as if he hasn't tried to change him. Sometimes he even thinks he succeeds. Thor is less easily read than he once was for a start.
He knows that their father sees him do it and for once he knows it's actually something Father approves of. Before, when Loki was trying to be a good tool and earn Father's love it was one of the things he took pride in.
Loki is almost darkly amused at the fact that he's always viewed Thor's tendency to protect those smaller and weaker than himself as a flaw. After all look at the trouble it just got him in. As King of Asgard he can't just interfere with other realms because he feels sorry for one of them. It seems perhaps that Father would actually approve given he took in Loki.
If that was Father's only reason.
Loki has no idea what his parents actually want from him. Perhaps he is their son and he is loved but that does not mean he doesn't have a role to play.
If Loki knew what it was. Well, then maybe he could change. He could act in a way that doesn't hurt them. Well, he amends mentally, within reason, there Asgard does have expectations for how he acts. It's not just as if he can suddenly change.
He isn't actually sure he wants to.
Maybe he'll start small.
Actually interact with people on the next trip Thor asks him on perhaps.
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Loki likes to think he's good at reading people. It doesn't follow that he's actually good at interacting with people. Avoiding people or not giving offence is easy enough. He can even flatter people. A rather useful skill when one isn't sure if their safety. He's never been able to understand friendship though. Oh, it's not as if Loki dosen't know what other people say in such situations but it just doesn't work when Loki tires it. Now, he hopes that this is mainly out of a lack of practice. He decided long ago to not to actually try after all.
Or it know be because he's a frost giant. After all Loki wasn't good at making friends even before he knew. Some instinctual revulsion perhaps.
Loki doesn't actually want friends. He's not really sure what you're supposed to do with them and he's quite well adapted to not having them. Despite Thor's example he's not sure a prince can really have friends, he's read that equality is supposed to be part of the package.
But.
He did say he was going to change and besides his parents might actually let him out of their sight (or Thor's) sight if he's with another person.
Still, if Thor is going to follow him around all the time perhaps Loki should ingratiate himself into his little gang.
Of course Loki has taken precautions before so that they don't actually dislike him. After all he has needed to be there to restrain his brother. If Loki is going to be a more permanent feature though he's going to have to do something more. For now, He thinks for the most part they pity him. Pity he can work with.
In the end he asks Hogun to spar with him. It's not an activity Loki enjoys but he admits it's one he could improve in. Loki chooses Hogun since he won't ask too many questions.
Loki thinks he sees his father smile when he announces his plans for the day at breakfast.
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Thankfully, his mother has had more sense. Once she calmed down after she found out. She has only continued to treat Loki much as she did before. If perhaps he' slightly more open with her when they talk. Well, maybe there are some advantages to the truth. Plus, Loki needs someone to complain of his brother and father to.
However if Loki is to be honest with himself then he admits that he doesn't really mind everything. In fact he sort of enjoys it, it's nice knowing that you are wanted after all.
He knows he might never be what Asgard expected of him but honestly right now he doesn't care. He has his family and that's more than he ever really thought he would.
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Partially perhaps because they enjoy having someone to actually train. Sif, he thinks particularly enjoys that part. Of course, Loki is never going to be a mighty warrior and despite everything in a way he's still as proud of that now as he was as a child. He may be part of this family but he can't deny being less like a Frost Giant certainly helps.
He still doesn't really enjoy training but he can see the advantages. For all Loki is given to using seidr and shadows to fight his way being able to not necessarily be at a physical disadvantage is certainly a useful skill to have.
Oddly they've never actually rebuked him for using spellcraft. Loki isn't quite sure if it's because they actually understand it's use or because Thor has said something to them.
It is true that after Loki's shadows had saved them on Vanaheim, Fandral had actually thanked Loki and told him that they were glad to have him there.
Loki wasn't quite sure what to do with that. The idea that someone is actually pleased by his presence is an odd one. Of course, he supposes that his parents want him there, given they took him in the first place and Thor certainly has always sought his companionship but given they are his family and have decided they love him it's not quite the same.
Loki isn't completely convinced it isn't something Thor has said though. The fact is Thor says things rather a lot. At first Thor had seemed to decide that as Loki was his brother and raised in Asgard Loki wasn't really a Frost Giant. Loki likes to think this himself. Still, at some point he'd still decided that any insult to Jotunheim was an insult to Loki and had became rather verbal in his defense.
At least, Loki supposes, since his family found out Thor hasn't decided to make his defense physical yet.
Thor has always been one to defend those weaker than him and currently he seems to have decided this includes the entirety of the Frost Giants. Loki finds this somewhat amusing but it does mean they are unlikely to be going to Jotunheim soon at least.
Loki does wish his brother could be more subtle though. Sadly, it's a skill he's never been able to teach Thor. He's surprised the whole court hasn't put the pieces together yet.
Actually. Loki isn't. He's watched Asgard for long enough to realise that they expect all to be a certain way and struggle to grasp anything which does not match their viewpoint. The idea that Loki is anything other than as a Aesir would never occur to them.
So Asgard is at least generally unsuspecting.
Alone of the his brother's friends he sometimes sees Sif staring at him in suspicion. It is perhaps to be expected though, she is almost of an age to Thor and alone of the four knew Loki before the discovery and change.
Of course, if Hogun had any such suspicions Loki would never now. The man's face is impressively impenetrable and he speaks what is only what is actually relevant. Loki has been hoping some of this will eventually rub off on Thor but alas, his hopes have yet to be fulfilled.
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