ADAM LAMBERT, WHAT ELSE? (EXCEPT IN HAMMOND, INDIANA)
Please note that this entry was composed by the INCREDIBLE indyakasha who not only opened her home and heart to me, but took my scribbled notes and turned them, magically, coherent. Thank you, bb, for EVERYTHING. This trip was way more than I could have anticipated.
Chapter 1: What’s a little B&E between friends?
Our journey began on Wednesday, happily and uneventfully, at least at first. We went out on Wednesday evening, and returned to find that my husband, who lost his keys a week ago, had gone out and neglected to leave the house key in its hidey-hole for us to get back in. Now, my husband is a creature of habit, so after poking around outside the house in the dark hoping to find an open door or window - which would be unlikely as I keep them all carefully locked so as to prevent anyone getting in without a key, and isn’t irony a bitch- we got back in the car and headed to the local allegedly Irish pub. Hubby goes there often, but I had never set foot in this place that calls itself as a great place for live music and is actually a hole in the wall with a concrete floor and a jukebox. We go in and find hubby, who insists that he left the key under the mat. We insist that he certainly did not. He searches his person and turns up no clues as to the key’s whereabouts. Kim and I plan to leave so that we can go break into my house. Hubby somehow inadvertently (yeah, suuuuuuure, icu hubby) gropes the ass of the cute blond guy beside him. We decide to stay. Somehow the 2 of them end up drunkenly referring to themselves as asshole (blond guy) and dickboy (hubby) - because, according to them, an asshole is the natural sidekick of a dickboy. Idek, but my husband has suddenly become infinitely more interesting. We laughed, we danced, Kim got hit on by a baker who tried to woo her with his delicious looking buns, and his pastries weren’t bad, either *ba-dum ching!* Eventually we dragged ourselves back home where the breaking and entering portion of the evening began. We began checking windows, hoping for one that could be forced open, yet certain we’d have to break one. And then, hallelujah! Kim discovered a window that could be wiggled open. Thankfully, she is little, and hubby boosted her up and through the window, including a hilarious moment where she is balanced with her feet through the window and her ass on his head. He turns to me with this utterly perplexed look in his eyes that says “I just met this woman, why is her ass on my head?” She wiggles through the window and right into the kitchen sink, then lets us in where we immediately spy the prodigal key, on the counter, just inside the door. And thus the tone for our adventure was set.
Chapter 2: Oh really now; aka The Interloper.
The next morning, after a restful 90 minutes of sleep, I got up, sucked down 4 cups of coffee, and went to work, where I continuously looked at my watch and calculated the number of hours until show time, a constant dialogue of “Adam minus 8 hours and counting.” Finally, after finishing a class so slow it was moving in sloth time, students staring blank-eyed back at me until finally we waded through the day’s material and I headed home in unusually heavy traffic, people driving half the speed limit, the world intent on keeping us there, 169 miles from Adam. When I got home, Kim and hubby had gone out for lunch, and I set about Glamming and Adamizing my makeup. Approximately 9 seconds after entering my house, however, there came a knock at the door. I opened it to find my neighbor, who will hereafter be known by her more appropriate moniker, Crazy Lady. I had no more than opened the door when Crazy Lady leans in and says, “Your man, was right here,” she says, gesturing to my front porch, “with another woman.” So after I reminded Crazy Lady that her business was not, in fact, on my porch, but across the street at her own house where I strongly encouraged she return her nosy ass to, I called hubby to see when he’d be returning Kim so that I might whisk her away. He answered his phone “hey baby, we’re just over at the Motel 6.” He’s a cheap bastard, apparently, and I told him he could’ve at least sprung for a classier place. They came home and Kim and I finally set out for Hammond, glittery and fabulous, and utterly impressed that Kim had broken into my home and run off with my husband in less than 24 hours and I was perfectly happy with both events.
Chapter 3: The Road.
The homewreckin’ hussy and I ;) finally got on the road and had a very pleasant drive to Hammond, about 3 hours from Indy. We tinhatted, flailed, and glamberted all over the car, checked into the motel and got busy adding colored hair extensions, more glitter, more liner, more jewelry, and some very high heels. It was now nearly 6pm, the doors were opening at 6:30, and we just knew we’d end up in the absolute back of the venue unable to see anything. We discovered that the motel shared a shuttle with the Ramada next door, and we got a free ride to the casino that we weren’t expecting (yay)! We were only about 10 minutes away, and both of us were feeling giddy and giggly and a little bit shaky by the time we got there. I think I legit squeed when we passed the casino entrance and saw a huge sign saying “Adam Lambert TONIGHT” in sparkly blue!!
Chapter 4: We Refuse to be Cockblocked!
Little did we know, we’d have to fight for our right to rock out. We entered the casino and had to pass a security checkpoint. They asked if we were there for the concert, and I wanted so badly to ask how they guessed - was it the glitter or the blue and fuschia hair extensions or the loads of bling? They weren’t checking anything but ID for entry to the casino - we could’ve walked in with a gun if we wanted, but ID was apparently very important! Since we weren’t driving, both of us had left our IDs in the hotel!!! D: I SWEAR TO RA my heart stopped. They were adamant that we couldn’t get in without ID, and we thought we were going to have to go back to the hotel, get them, come back, probably miss Orianthi entirely, and be a mile from the stage. I told the security guy that I didn’t see anything stating that ID was required. He said it was because of the age requirement. I told him I’m 34, we’re good. He said he needed proof. Kim told him I’m a professor, I’m clearly over 21. He still wouldn’t budge. I told him I had my credit cards with my name on them, and our tickets also with my name on them. Kim gave him sadface and told him how she’d travelled all the way from Texas and would cry if we couldn’t get in. He asked to see the tickets, saying the ID requirement should be printed on them. I handed them over, he inspected, we gave puppy dog eyes (and I’m quite sure he could see the imminent carnage if he didn’t let us in), and he finally…FINALLY…gave us the nod to go through, warning us to stay away from any other security posts until after the show. I’m quite sure he didn’t want to deal with the mess of glitter and snot and tears we’d have dissolved into if he hadn’t let us in!! We thanked him about 8643 times and then took off before he could change his mind! We set out in search of the venue…conveniently called “The Venue” because apparently their fancy names budget was meager, and after several up and down escalators (which I am fucking petrified of and which Kim had a ball making fun of me about) and brief pauses to stare at pretty Adam’s pretty promo pic on the casino screens, we finally reached our destination!
Chapter 5: Giant Drinks and Diversity
We made our way to the Venue entrance where our tickets were checked and we were unnecessarily told where the “floor” area was… unnecessary because it was pretty obvious that the floor was…well…the floor. We were given exceptionally green paper bracelets, and the ticket taker found great amusement in positioning them carefully so as to not cover the armfuls of bracelets we were both wearing. We went in and stopped in wander and awe. It was nearly 7pm - and the floor was maybe 1/4th filled. We found a spot we liked, just right of center stage, maybe 10 rows back and flailed for 2 full minutes about how close we were! We were SO late and STUNNED to get such an awesome spot! I held the position and tried to look intimidating - not that tough in 4.5 inch stripper shoes, I gotta say - while Kim found us some BIG ASS DRINKS made with a SHIT TON OF GOOD VODKA. We spent a few minutes looking at the slowly assembling crowd - women in their 60s with leggings and high heels and long sparkly tops. Drunk girls in their early 20s who were just determined to get into a catfight. Couples of every age, and race, and orientation. Lots and lots of pretty sparkly boys. One very tall, very pretty boy with Adam’s hair and makeup and style. One tall cute guy behind me who was screaming I LOVE YOU ADAM 10 minutes before even Orianthi hit the stage. He was legit flailing and I feared he’d just collapse in a heap when he actually got to see Adam. And speaking of tall, are Adam’s fans all giants? I’m 5’9… and had on huge shoes… and still couldn’t see over the woman in front of me who was in flats.
Chapter 6: Our New Friends, the Glam Nation Virgins.
While we settled into our little piece of Venue floor and sipped our drinks, we struck up a conversation with 2 absolutely adorable gay boys with the most amazing tattoos. One had chain links and other things all the way down one very nicely toned arm; the other had piano keys, clefs, and music scales from shoulder to wrist. They were brothers from Chicago, and had brought their great-grandmother to gamble while they were at the concert. We learned that one of them was a singer who auditioned for AI season 9 and was known as the “T-Mobile” guy because he had come from his job at T-Mobile straight to the audition. He says he plans to audition again next season, so keep an eye out for Julian! The other brother was a makeup artist and fashion designer, and we had an in-depth discussion about applying liner to the waterline, and Kim was the lucky recipient of an eyeliner touchup by his skilled, professional hands! We also had in-depth discussions about Adam’s pretty, Adam’s clothes, Adam’s makeup, oil spills and Obama (how did that get in there?) gender, sexual orientation, attraction, and appreciation of beauty, and then attention was switched to my nails which were proclaimed to be fierce.
During the intermission, one of our new friends turned to me and said “I can’t wait to see what he’s wearing!” After a second to process this, I asked if he hadn’t seen any pics, YouTubed vids, etc, and he said “oh, no baby, we were waiting to see it in person!” We squeed and flailed and were a little too excited at the prospect of getting to see these boys see it for the first time! I swear it was like watching your kids open their Christmas presents. More on that later.
Chapter 7: Orianthi
Orianthi was GORGEOUS. She is amazing. Stunning. She rocked and shredded and wailed, she played pop and rock and blues, she covered Prince, she was all over the stage, and did I mention she was GORGEOUS? The guy behind me - the one I was sure was gonna pass out over Adam - nearly passed out over Orianthi. He didn’t know who she was until she played a song he knew, at which point he totally lost his shit, screaming “OHMIGODOHMIGOD SHE DOES THIS SONG??? O-M-G I LOVE THIS SONG!! THIS IS MY JAM!!!” There were some minor sound problems during her set, but she was still phenomenal. By this time, the rest of the crowd had arrived, and the entire floor was full by the end of her set.
Chapter 8: DEJKLSDFGHJKERTJIXDCFGVBHJNKGFHJKAUIOTRFJKSADAMM!!
Orianthi’s performance ended and the crew started bringing in Adam’s set. The entire crowd collectively took several steps forward and erupted at every recognizable piece of the set. They set up Adam’s mic at the front of the stage, and I think Kim and I both kept staring at it, stunned that in a few minutes, Adam was going to be RIGHT. THERE.
It seemed to take days for the crew to finish. A giant picture of Adam in cd-cover regalia appeared on the projection screen. Crowd went nuts. Crew kept working. Adam’s stairs were set up. Crowd went nuts. Crew kept working. The lights went down. The Brad Walsh FYE remix came on, and the temperature in the venue went up about 10 degrees. The dancers took their positions on the stage (holy hell Terrence has a great bod). The band came out. And then Adam appears at the top of the stairs, looking 10 feet tall and completely otherworldly in tophat and fringed jacket.
Adam. What can I say about Adam? There are no words for Adam. They haven’t been invented yet. Hell, a new language needs to be invented to describe Adam. The second he stepped on the stage, the crowd just surged and erupted and the entire venue started to shake and vibrate. He is so beautiful, and so magnetic. He has his own gravitational force. I think for the first 2 songs we stood with our mouths hanging open, just could not process what we were seeing. The one thing I took away from those first 2 songs, other than “OMG he’s amazing and UNFFFFFF” was how incredibly happy he looked. His smile when he came to the front of the stage was just pure joy. It must be a great feeling for him to look out into a sea of people in glitter and rhinestones and know that it’s all for him, and - warning - this may be the cheesiest, most glamberty thing I’ve ever said - even though my shoes made my feet hurt, and the 6 pounds of glitter on my eyes irritated my skin, it was so worth it to dress up in sparkles and colored extensions and tons of jewelry and come together with this giant group of people, all buying into his vision of peace and love and partying together, and be part of something that puts that smile on his face.
Then the pure dripping sex of Ring of Fire finally jarred me from my stupor. Dear Lord that man is walking, talking, sex on legs and I kinda had a ~moment when I realized, I am in the same room, 30 feet away from THOSE PANTS. I tried to take pictures during the show, but my camera sucks and it was evident nothing was going to come out very well, so before long I gave up and just soaked up everything. When ROF ended, I remembered to glance over at our friends, the Glam Nation Virgins, to see how they were holding up. One had his hand over his mouth, which was hanging open, and the other had a hand pressed to his chest like he was trying to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest. I thought through most of the show that these boys were just pretty chill, but the look on their faces afterwards - it wasn’t “chill,” it was more like they were having a religious experience!
Some moments that stood out: Sure Fire Winners: Those rockstar wails were Freddie by way of Axl. Soaked: His voice was so pure and clean and just breathtakingly beautiful. I really, really had to get hold of myself so I didn’t cry, and Kim had her hand pressed over her mouth for most of that song, so I think she was feeling it the same way I was. I have never heard a voice like that in my life and it’s a goosebumps experience to hear it and feel it up close. Sleepwalker: Adam just gets so into this song, it’s clear he’s channeling something and someone that ripped his heart out. And Monte’s guitar solo in this song is scorching. It’s kind of awesome to see someone with Adam’s talents completely geeking out over another musician, and they’re clearly a little in love with each other’s skill and how well they compliment each other.
After Sleepwalker, Adam sat down on his bench and talked a little - which he does very little of in the show. He said something about how Sleepwalker is about how breakups suck. He then said, sometimes they leave us asking questions. And then they went into WWFM. I don’t know if this is the usual dialogue at that point or not, but I found it interesting as it doesn’t fit with what he’s previously said about WWFM, and to me it kind of gave that song a completely different meaning. Idk, maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all, but I found it intriguing and don’t remember any tinhats beeping about it so I thought I’d bring it up! Everyone has mentioned how he looks when he sings “I’m a freak, but thanks for loving me, ‘cause you’re doing it perfectly,” and they’re all right. He looks deeply grateful and touched and happy, and it seems like a very heartfelt thank-you to his fans.
The show ended with IIHY, and band and dancer introductions. There was no “glitterbaby” or anything else ratberty, and all the interactions they had were so clearly choreographed. We can assure anyone who ever had a doubt, there is absolute NO sexual tension between those two. They kind of laughed a little together like buddies, and the little contact that occurred was perhaps the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen, and most of it was initiated by Tommy, IMO because he likes the attention from the fans - his motives have nothing to do with Adam. Adam has a lot more chemistry with the dancers - girls included - then he has with Tommy. And in one very cute moment during IIHY, Adam is face to face with Monte and pointing directly at him. Also, he didn’t do his “steering wheel” move on the “rolling in Maserati’s” line, which was a bummer because we were all set to do it with him! He likes messing with us, apparently!
This was the first night that he didn’t play Broken Open. Perhaps he thought it didn’t fit into the set - we all thought it had an odd placement, so maybe that’s all there is to it. But at the same time, Kris has stopped playing INTK, so… idk.
When Adam came back out for the encore, I was a little bummed that they started to play Mad World, because I’m kind of tired of it and it also seems like an odd song to be an encore. No matter how peppy the rendition is, it’s still a sad song. But he sounded great as always, and we were prepared to go home happy. But then, MW didn’t really end… it morphed…into WLL!!!
Now, I had told all of you that if I got to see Adam perform WLL, I would be ded, and that we were packing a shovel because Kim would be required to bury me. I am, clearly, still alive, but not for lack of effort on Adam’s part. I had to resist dying because we couldn’t find a sparkly enough shovel for the occasion. OH MY GOD. This version of WLL was nothing like the stair-writhing experience from the night before. This one wasn’t as aggressive or blatant. There were slow hip rolls instead of writhing, subtle smirks instead of all-out leering… this one was more subtle, smokier, more of a slow-burn seduction, and it left the crowd kind of dazed and blissed out in post-orgasmic exhaustion.
*stops to catch my breath*
Chapter 9: All the other stuff I haven’t mentioned yet.
First, he is so, SO beautiful. Yes, this is not new information. Every picture and video tells us this. But he is just so much more beautiful in person. He looks taller, even in bare feet (which do ~things to me for some reason), he looks thin but strong and muscular and his legs are days long in those leather pants. His eyes are blue from 30 feet away. We’ve concluded that he is magic. How can he do these bizarre things to his hair and still have it look so shiny and soft? He shaves half of it off in some weird way, then puts a band of rhinestones from the corner of his eye to his ear, and it looks gorgeous under the lights. And what does he use to get those things to stay on during a sweaty performance, yet not be too harsh on his skin? Is it magic? Kim suggests perhaps angel spit.
People always say he’s better looking in person, and I always dismissed it, because, really, how? But it’s true. He is even more gorgeous in person, and even though it’s not physically possible, it’s still true.
The dancers are incredibly talented, the lasers are amazing, the projections are gorgeous. Most of this I know only because I saw other people’s videos. During the show, none of those things existed other than out of the corner of my eye - I could not look away from Adam. I know they worked so hard on those projections, but they were completely lost on me - I saw nothing but him.
During the show, a casino employee came out into the crowd and stood near us to keep an eye on the drunk girls who were still trying to cause trouble. She said that they hadn’t known what to expect when they booked Adam, because most of the people in the office had never heard of him, and had been a bit overwhelmed and extremely happy with the response. We learned that it was the largest venue thus far on the Glam Nation tour, and that as of that morning, they had less than 100 tickets remaining. So if it wasn’t a sellout, it was a very near thing.
After the show ended, we made our way out of the venue with many very very happy people, lots of hugging going on, and total strangers gushing to each other about how amazing Adam was. We walked past 3 gorgeous boys in matching leather vests that looked like Skingraft. We finally got to the merch table where I wrestled off my torture-device shoes and spent WAY too much money on a shirt, AND a keychain, AND a dogtag necklace which is really, really pretty btw! The keychain tbh is not worth the $10 it cost, but everything else is very high-quality and really nice, and the keychain will still look really cute on my rearview mirror. It turns out, the merch is all from a very high-end 5th Avenue company, so no wonder it’s really nice and kind of ungodly expensive! Some of you may recall me fussing about the size range of the tshirts, that they came only in S, M, L, and some XL - nothing smaller or larger. The newest shirt, black with the celestial “A” on the front and tour dates on the back - is available from XS to 2X, so if you’re smaller or larger, go get that one! There were quite a few guys in line appreciating the bigger size. Merch was selling like crazy; I think everyone at the show must have bought something. The eye of Horus shirt seemed to be the best seller, but the weird green face tshirt was also oddly popular!
Chapter 10: Our night isn’t over yet.
We left the merch area and found a much-needed bathroom, and had fun along the way pointing out exactly who was there for Adam - it was not a difficult task. EVERYONE was sparkly, and we were so happy that his Idol all-girl fanbase has definitely expanded and there were lots of boys there. I wish I had taken a picture of the floor in the bathroom stall… it was covered in gold and silver glitter! Apparently Adam isn’t the only one who pisses glitter - his fans do, too!
We called for our shuttle back to the hotel, and went in search of the pickup area. The casino has several entrances, and they all look the same, and we ended up at the wrong area. We turned around to come back, and walked past a small crowd of maybe 8 people. I glanced over and did a double-take, then shook myself and said, no, self, that’s just a very devoted fan. But I didn’t quite believe myself… so I stopped Kim and said, “Was that…MONTE?” We turned around and went back, and yes, it was indeed MONTE PITTMAN. Just standing there at valet parking. We asked if he’d mind taking a picture with us, and he was so sweet! He and Kim chatted about their Texas roots, and he asked if we had come from Texas that day. I told him, no, I live in Indy, we drove from there, and he said “WHERE?” I said, Indianapolis, and he cracked up laughing and said he thought I’d said INDIA. We had a laugh over the hell of a “drive” that would be… meanwhile, several people who I think didn’t even realize who he was, were standing around with their jaws dropped, catatonic when we asked them to take a picture for us… I finally literally put my camera in some girl’s hand and told her to take a picture…
It’s a horrible picture, I’m grinning like an idiot, the glitter makes me look demonic, Kim is making a face, and Monte is a very little guy… Kim and I both had to lean down many inches to not tower over him. He does have very pretty blue eyes, rimmed in blue mascara and glittery blue liner, and I wanted so badly to ask him just how he gets his hair to do that…thing…that it does. Then some entitled bitch asked him if Adam was coming out the same way, and he said he really didn’t know… we couldn’t believe how rude she was to ask that! You’ve got Monte Pittman, who is pretty damn amazing in his own right, standing in front of you, and you ask about someone else? ROOD.
Anyway, after we got the picture, we thanked him and told him how much we enjoyed the show, he thanked us for coming, and we went off giggling like schoolgirls and trying to remember what the fuck we were even doing before we got all sidetracked!
We finally got our shaking knees to work and found the right exit, where we ran into the same couple who had been on the shuttle with us on the way to the casino. They were absolutely astonished and on an Adam high just like we were! The man just kept saying, “Incredible. Incredible show! He is INCREDIBLE!”
Chapter 11: Wow, screaming, flailing, shaking and crying take a lot out of a girl.
We got back to the motel and asked the desk clerk to recommend a good place to get something to eat. He mentioned Taco Bell, McDonalds, yadda blah ick. He then mentioned a 24-hour sit-down full service restaurant down the street called…The Purple Steer. THE PURPLE STEER. We could not resist a place with a name like that. We changed into our Adam shirts and more comfortable shoes, left on the glitter and bling, and headed to the Purple Steer, which has a foyer the most awful shade of lavender in the history of the world. It had to have been on sale; there is no way anyone chose to paint anything that color for any other reason. Anyway, the food was cheap, and enormous, and really good, and we finally went back to the hotel to process our experiences and reassure each other that it all happened. We really did see Adam, we really did meet Monte, it actually was real!
We slept a bit and got ready to head home, and despite a shower I still had glitter on my face and in my hair. We had a moment of “did we dream this?” before heading back to the Purple Steer for breakfast, which turned into another picture-taking event starring my breakfast - blueberry pancakes that were stacked about 3 inches high on a platter covered in about a gallon of blueberry topping and a mountain of whipped cream. It was so ridiculous it deserved a photo shoot. After being utterly defeated by my giant breakfast and managing to eat less than half of it, we headed home, still fuzzy-brained and not quite sure any of it was real except the glam hangover. The first thing I did when we got home? Bought tickets to the Indy show. Maybe this time I’ll be able to tear my eyes away from Adam long enough to actually take note of everything else. This tour is a once-in-a-lifetime shot, because we’ll never again see Adam in a small venue with GA tickets for $45.
Kim went home on Saturday, which was sad because seriously, she’s at least 10 kinds of awesome, and now it’s time to get back to being a normal person who does laundry and goes to work, at least until August 31st, when my glam side will once again rise up and take over! I feel like I should say something witty to sum up this TL;DR but Adam is far too epic to summarize. And the glam hangover still hasn’t fully dissipated.
Chapter 1: What’s a little B&E between friends?
Our journey began on Wednesday, happily and uneventfully, at least at first. We went out on Wednesday evening, and returned to find that my husband, who lost his keys a week ago, had gone out and neglected to leave the house key in its hidey-hole for us to get back in. Now, my husband is a creature of habit, so after poking around outside the house in the dark hoping to find an open door or window - which would be unlikely as I keep them all carefully locked so as to prevent anyone getting in without a key, and isn’t irony a bitch- we got back in the car and headed to the local allegedly Irish pub. Hubby goes there often, but I had never set foot in this place that calls itself as a great place for live music and is actually a hole in the wall with a concrete floor and a jukebox. We go in and find hubby, who insists that he left the key under the mat. We insist that he certainly did not. He searches his person and turns up no clues as to the key’s whereabouts. Kim and I plan to leave so that we can go break into my house. Hubby somehow inadvertently (yeah, suuuuuuure, icu hubby) gropes the ass of the cute blond guy beside him. We decide to stay. Somehow the 2 of them end up drunkenly referring to themselves as asshole (blond guy) and dickboy (hubby) - because, according to them, an asshole is the natural sidekick of a dickboy. Idek, but my husband has suddenly become infinitely more interesting. We laughed, we danced, Kim got hit on by a baker who tried to woo her with his delicious looking buns, and his pastries weren’t bad, either *ba-dum ching!* Eventually we dragged ourselves back home where the breaking and entering portion of the evening began. We began checking windows, hoping for one that could be forced open, yet certain we’d have to break one. And then, hallelujah! Kim discovered a window that could be wiggled open. Thankfully, she is little, and hubby boosted her up and through the window, including a hilarious moment where she is balanced with her feet through the window and her ass on his head. He turns to me with this utterly perplexed look in his eyes that says “I just met this woman, why is her ass on my head?” She wiggles through the window and right into the kitchen sink, then lets us in where we immediately spy the prodigal key, on the counter, just inside the door. And thus the tone for our adventure was set.
Chapter 2: Oh really now; aka The Interloper.
The next morning, after a restful 90 minutes of sleep, I got up, sucked down 4 cups of coffee, and went to work, where I continuously looked at my watch and calculated the number of hours until show time, a constant dialogue of “Adam minus 8 hours and counting.” Finally, after finishing a class so slow it was moving in sloth time, students staring blank-eyed back at me until finally we waded through the day’s material and I headed home in unusually heavy traffic, people driving half the speed limit, the world intent on keeping us there, 169 miles from Adam. When I got home, Kim and hubby had gone out for lunch, and I set about Glamming and Adamizing my makeup. Approximately 9 seconds after entering my house, however, there came a knock at the door. I opened it to find my neighbor, who will hereafter be known by her more appropriate moniker, Crazy Lady. I had no more than opened the door when Crazy Lady leans in and says, “Your man, was right here,” she says, gesturing to my front porch, “with another woman.” So after I reminded Crazy Lady that her business was not, in fact, on my porch, but across the street at her own house where I strongly encouraged she return her nosy ass to, I called hubby to see when he’d be returning Kim so that I might whisk her away. He answered his phone “hey baby, we’re just over at the Motel 6.” He’s a cheap bastard, apparently, and I told him he could’ve at least sprung for a classier place. They came home and Kim and I finally set out for Hammond, glittery and fabulous, and utterly impressed that Kim had broken into my home and run off with my husband in less than 24 hours and I was perfectly happy with both events.
Chapter 3: The Road.
The homewreckin’ hussy and I ;) finally got on the road and had a very pleasant drive to Hammond, about 3 hours from Indy. We tinhatted, flailed, and glamberted all over the car, checked into the motel and got busy adding colored hair extensions, more glitter, more liner, more jewelry, and some very high heels. It was now nearly 6pm, the doors were opening at 6:30, and we just knew we’d end up in the absolute back of the venue unable to see anything. We discovered that the motel shared a shuttle with the Ramada next door, and we got a free ride to the casino that we weren’t expecting (yay)! We were only about 10 minutes away, and both of us were feeling giddy and giggly and a little bit shaky by the time we got there. I think I legit squeed when we passed the casino entrance and saw a huge sign saying “Adam Lambert TONIGHT” in sparkly blue!!
Chapter 4: We Refuse to be Cockblocked!
Little did we know, we’d have to fight for our right to rock out. We entered the casino and had to pass a security checkpoint. They asked if we were there for the concert, and I wanted so badly to ask how they guessed - was it the glitter or the blue and fuschia hair extensions or the loads of bling? They weren’t checking anything but ID for entry to the casino - we could’ve walked in with a gun if we wanted, but ID was apparently very important! Since we weren’t driving, both of us had left our IDs in the hotel!!! D: I SWEAR TO RA my heart stopped. They were adamant that we couldn’t get in without ID, and we thought we were going to have to go back to the hotel, get them, come back, probably miss Orianthi entirely, and be a mile from the stage. I told the security guy that I didn’t see anything stating that ID was required. He said it was because of the age requirement. I told him I’m 34, we’re good. He said he needed proof. Kim told him I’m a professor, I’m clearly over 21. He still wouldn’t budge. I told him I had my credit cards with my name on them, and our tickets also with my name on them. Kim gave him sadface and told him how she’d travelled all the way from Texas and would cry if we couldn’t get in. He asked to see the tickets, saying the ID requirement should be printed on them. I handed them over, he inspected, we gave puppy dog eyes (and I’m quite sure he could see the imminent carnage if he didn’t let us in), and he finally…FINALLY…gave us the nod to go through, warning us to stay away from any other security posts until after the show. I’m quite sure he didn’t want to deal with the mess of glitter and snot and tears we’d have dissolved into if he hadn’t let us in!! We thanked him about 8643 times and then took off before he could change his mind! We set out in search of the venue…conveniently called “The Venue” because apparently their fancy names budget was meager, and after several up and down escalators (which I am fucking petrified of and which Kim had a ball making fun of me about) and brief pauses to stare at pretty Adam’s pretty promo pic on the casino screens, we finally reached our destination!
Chapter 5: Giant Drinks and Diversity
We made our way to the Venue entrance where our tickets were checked and we were unnecessarily told where the “floor” area was… unnecessary because it was pretty obvious that the floor was…well…the floor. We were given exceptionally green paper bracelets, and the ticket taker found great amusement in positioning them carefully so as to not cover the armfuls of bracelets we were both wearing. We went in and stopped in wander and awe. It was nearly 7pm - and the floor was maybe 1/4th filled. We found a spot we liked, just right of center stage, maybe 10 rows back and flailed for 2 full minutes about how close we were! We were SO late and STUNNED to get such an awesome spot! I held the position and tried to look intimidating - not that tough in 4.5 inch stripper shoes, I gotta say - while Kim found us some BIG ASS DRINKS made with a SHIT TON OF GOOD VODKA. We spent a few minutes looking at the slowly assembling crowd - women in their 60s with leggings and high heels and long sparkly tops. Drunk girls in their early 20s who were just determined to get into a catfight. Couples of every age, and race, and orientation. Lots and lots of pretty sparkly boys. One very tall, very pretty boy with Adam’s hair and makeup and style. One tall cute guy behind me who was screaming I LOVE YOU ADAM 10 minutes before even Orianthi hit the stage. He was legit flailing and I feared he’d just collapse in a heap when he actually got to see Adam. And speaking of tall, are Adam’s fans all giants? I’m 5’9… and had on huge shoes… and still couldn’t see over the woman in front of me who was in flats.
Chapter 6: Our New Friends, the Glam Nation Virgins.
While we settled into our little piece of Venue floor and sipped our drinks, we struck up a conversation with 2 absolutely adorable gay boys with the most amazing tattoos. One had chain links and other things all the way down one very nicely toned arm; the other had piano keys, clefs, and music scales from shoulder to wrist. They were brothers from Chicago, and had brought their great-grandmother to gamble while they were at the concert. We learned that one of them was a singer who auditioned for AI season 9 and was known as the “T-Mobile” guy because he had come from his job at T-Mobile straight to the audition. He says he plans to audition again next season, so keep an eye out for Julian! The other brother was a makeup artist and fashion designer, and we had an in-depth discussion about applying liner to the waterline, and Kim was the lucky recipient of an eyeliner touchup by his skilled, professional hands! We also had in-depth discussions about Adam’s pretty, Adam’s clothes, Adam’s makeup, oil spills and Obama (how did that get in there?) gender, sexual orientation, attraction, and appreciation of beauty, and then attention was switched to my nails which were proclaimed to be fierce.
During the intermission, one of our new friends turned to me and said “I can’t wait to see what he’s wearing!” After a second to process this, I asked if he hadn’t seen any pics, YouTubed vids, etc, and he said “oh, no baby, we were waiting to see it in person!” We squeed and flailed and were a little too excited at the prospect of getting to see these boys see it for the first time! I swear it was like watching your kids open their Christmas presents. More on that later.
Chapter 7: Orianthi
Orianthi was GORGEOUS. She is amazing. Stunning. She rocked and shredded and wailed, she played pop and rock and blues, she covered Prince, she was all over the stage, and did I mention she was GORGEOUS? The guy behind me - the one I was sure was gonna pass out over Adam - nearly passed out over Orianthi. He didn’t know who she was until she played a song he knew, at which point he totally lost his shit, screaming “OHMIGODOHMIGOD SHE DOES THIS SONG??? O-M-G I LOVE THIS SONG!! THIS IS MY JAM!!!” There were some minor sound problems during her set, but she was still phenomenal. By this time, the rest of the crowd had arrived, and the entire floor was full by the end of her set.
Chapter 8: DEJKLSDFGHJKERTJIXDCFGVBHJNKGFHJKAUIOTRFJKSADAMM!!
Orianthi’s performance ended and the crew started bringing in Adam’s set. The entire crowd collectively took several steps forward and erupted at every recognizable piece of the set. They set up Adam’s mic at the front of the stage, and I think Kim and I both kept staring at it, stunned that in a few minutes, Adam was going to be RIGHT. THERE.
It seemed to take days for the crew to finish. A giant picture of Adam in cd-cover regalia appeared on the projection screen. Crowd went nuts. Crew kept working. Adam’s stairs were set up. Crowd went nuts. Crew kept working. The lights went down. The Brad Walsh FYE remix came on, and the temperature in the venue went up about 10 degrees. The dancers took their positions on the stage (holy hell Terrence has a great bod). The band came out. And then Adam appears at the top of the stairs, looking 10 feet tall and completely otherworldly in tophat and fringed jacket.
Adam. What can I say about Adam? There are no words for Adam. They haven’t been invented yet. Hell, a new language needs to be invented to describe Adam. The second he stepped on the stage, the crowd just surged and erupted and the entire venue started to shake and vibrate. He is so beautiful, and so magnetic. He has his own gravitational force. I think for the first 2 songs we stood with our mouths hanging open, just could not process what we were seeing. The one thing I took away from those first 2 songs, other than “OMG he’s amazing and UNFFFFFF” was how incredibly happy he looked. His smile when he came to the front of the stage was just pure joy. It must be a great feeling for him to look out into a sea of people in glitter and rhinestones and know that it’s all for him, and - warning - this may be the cheesiest, most glamberty thing I’ve ever said - even though my shoes made my feet hurt, and the 6 pounds of glitter on my eyes irritated my skin, it was so worth it to dress up in sparkles and colored extensions and tons of jewelry and come together with this giant group of people, all buying into his vision of peace and love and partying together, and be part of something that puts that smile on his face.
Then the pure dripping sex of Ring of Fire finally jarred me from my stupor. Dear Lord that man is walking, talking, sex on legs and I kinda had a ~moment when I realized, I am in the same room, 30 feet away from THOSE PANTS. I tried to take pictures during the show, but my camera sucks and it was evident nothing was going to come out very well, so before long I gave up and just soaked up everything. When ROF ended, I remembered to glance over at our friends, the Glam Nation Virgins, to see how they were holding up. One had his hand over his mouth, which was hanging open, and the other had a hand pressed to his chest like he was trying to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest. I thought through most of the show that these boys were just pretty chill, but the look on their faces afterwards - it wasn’t “chill,” it was more like they were having a religious experience!
Some moments that stood out: Sure Fire Winners: Those rockstar wails were Freddie by way of Axl. Soaked: His voice was so pure and clean and just breathtakingly beautiful. I really, really had to get hold of myself so I didn’t cry, and Kim had her hand pressed over her mouth for most of that song, so I think she was feeling it the same way I was. I have never heard a voice like that in my life and it’s a goosebumps experience to hear it and feel it up close. Sleepwalker: Adam just gets so into this song, it’s clear he’s channeling something and someone that ripped his heart out. And Monte’s guitar solo in this song is scorching. It’s kind of awesome to see someone with Adam’s talents completely geeking out over another musician, and they’re clearly a little in love with each other’s skill and how well they compliment each other.
After Sleepwalker, Adam sat down on his bench and talked a little - which he does very little of in the show. He said something about how Sleepwalker is about how breakups suck. He then said, sometimes they leave us asking questions. And then they went into WWFM. I don’t know if this is the usual dialogue at that point or not, but I found it interesting as it doesn’t fit with what he’s previously said about WWFM, and to me it kind of gave that song a completely different meaning. Idk, maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all, but I found it intriguing and don’t remember any tinhats beeping about it so I thought I’d bring it up! Everyone has mentioned how he looks when he sings “I’m a freak, but thanks for loving me, ‘cause you’re doing it perfectly,” and they’re all right. He looks deeply grateful and touched and happy, and it seems like a very heartfelt thank-you to his fans.
The show ended with IIHY, and band and dancer introductions. There was no “glitterbaby” or anything else ratberty, and all the interactions they had were so clearly choreographed. We can assure anyone who ever had a doubt, there is absolute NO sexual tension between those two. They kind of laughed a little together like buddies, and the little contact that occurred was perhaps the least sexy thing I’ve ever seen, and most of it was initiated by Tommy, IMO because he likes the attention from the fans - his motives have nothing to do with Adam. Adam has a lot more chemistry with the dancers - girls included - then he has with Tommy. And in one very cute moment during IIHY, Adam is face to face with Monte and pointing directly at him. Also, he didn’t do his “steering wheel” move on the “rolling in Maserati’s” line, which was a bummer because we were all set to do it with him! He likes messing with us, apparently!
This was the first night that he didn’t play Broken Open. Perhaps he thought it didn’t fit into the set - we all thought it had an odd placement, so maybe that’s all there is to it. But at the same time, Kris has stopped playing INTK, so… idk.
When Adam came back out for the encore, I was a little bummed that they started to play Mad World, because I’m kind of tired of it and it also seems like an odd song to be an encore. No matter how peppy the rendition is, it’s still a sad song. But he sounded great as always, and we were prepared to go home happy. But then, MW didn’t really end… it morphed…into WLL!!!
Now, I had told all of you that if I got to see Adam perform WLL, I would be ded, and that we were packing a shovel because Kim would be required to bury me. I am, clearly, still alive, but not for lack of effort on Adam’s part. I had to resist dying because we couldn’t find a sparkly enough shovel for the occasion. OH MY GOD. This version of WLL was nothing like the stair-writhing experience from the night before. This one wasn’t as aggressive or blatant. There were slow hip rolls instead of writhing, subtle smirks instead of all-out leering… this one was more subtle, smokier, more of a slow-burn seduction, and it left the crowd kind of dazed and blissed out in post-orgasmic exhaustion.
*stops to catch my breath*
Chapter 9: All the other stuff I haven’t mentioned yet.
First, he is so, SO beautiful. Yes, this is not new information. Every picture and video tells us this. But he is just so much more beautiful in person. He looks taller, even in bare feet (which do ~things to me for some reason), he looks thin but strong and muscular and his legs are days long in those leather pants. His eyes are blue from 30 feet away. We’ve concluded that he is magic. How can he do these bizarre things to his hair and still have it look so shiny and soft? He shaves half of it off in some weird way, then puts a band of rhinestones from the corner of his eye to his ear, and it looks gorgeous under the lights. And what does he use to get those things to stay on during a sweaty performance, yet not be too harsh on his skin? Is it magic? Kim suggests perhaps angel spit.
People always say he’s better looking in person, and I always dismissed it, because, really, how? But it’s true. He is even more gorgeous in person, and even though it’s not physically possible, it’s still true.
The dancers are incredibly talented, the lasers are amazing, the projections are gorgeous. Most of this I know only because I saw other people’s videos. During the show, none of those things existed other than out of the corner of my eye - I could not look away from Adam. I know they worked so hard on those projections, but they were completely lost on me - I saw nothing but him.
During the show, a casino employee came out into the crowd and stood near us to keep an eye on the drunk girls who were still trying to cause trouble. She said that they hadn’t known what to expect when they booked Adam, because most of the people in the office had never heard of him, and had been a bit overwhelmed and extremely happy with the response. We learned that it was the largest venue thus far on the Glam Nation tour, and that as of that morning, they had less than 100 tickets remaining. So if it wasn’t a sellout, it was a very near thing.
After the show ended, we made our way out of the venue with many very very happy people, lots of hugging going on, and total strangers gushing to each other about how amazing Adam was. We walked past 3 gorgeous boys in matching leather vests that looked like Skingraft. We finally got to the merch table where I wrestled off my torture-device shoes and spent WAY too much money on a shirt, AND a keychain, AND a dogtag necklace which is really, really pretty btw! The keychain tbh is not worth the $10 it cost, but everything else is very high-quality and really nice, and the keychain will still look really cute on my rearview mirror. It turns out, the merch is all from a very high-end 5th Avenue company, so no wonder it’s really nice and kind of ungodly expensive! Some of you may recall me fussing about the size range of the tshirts, that they came only in S, M, L, and some XL - nothing smaller or larger. The newest shirt, black with the celestial “A” on the front and tour dates on the back - is available from XS to 2X, so if you’re smaller or larger, go get that one! There were quite a few guys in line appreciating the bigger size. Merch was selling like crazy; I think everyone at the show must have bought something. The eye of Horus shirt seemed to be the best seller, but the weird green face tshirt was also oddly popular!
Chapter 10: Our night isn’t over yet.
We left the merch area and found a much-needed bathroom, and had fun along the way pointing out exactly who was there for Adam - it was not a difficult task. EVERYONE was sparkly, and we were so happy that his Idol all-girl fanbase has definitely expanded and there were lots of boys there. I wish I had taken a picture of the floor in the bathroom stall… it was covered in gold and silver glitter! Apparently Adam isn’t the only one who pisses glitter - his fans do, too!
We called for our shuttle back to the hotel, and went in search of the pickup area. The casino has several entrances, and they all look the same, and we ended up at the wrong area. We turned around to come back, and walked past a small crowd of maybe 8 people. I glanced over and did a double-take, then shook myself and said, no, self, that’s just a very devoted fan. But I didn’t quite believe myself… so I stopped Kim and said, “Was that…MONTE?” We turned around and went back, and yes, it was indeed MONTE PITTMAN. Just standing there at valet parking. We asked if he’d mind taking a picture with us, and he was so sweet! He and Kim chatted about their Texas roots, and he asked if we had come from Texas that day. I told him, no, I live in Indy, we drove from there, and he said “WHERE?” I said, Indianapolis, and he cracked up laughing and said he thought I’d said INDIA. We had a laugh over the hell of a “drive” that would be… meanwhile, several people who I think didn’t even realize who he was, were standing around with their jaws dropped, catatonic when we asked them to take a picture for us… I finally literally put my camera in some girl’s hand and told her to take a picture…
It’s a horrible picture, I’m grinning like an idiot, the glitter makes me look demonic, Kim is making a face, and Monte is a very little guy… Kim and I both had to lean down many inches to not tower over him. He does have very pretty blue eyes, rimmed in blue mascara and glittery blue liner, and I wanted so badly to ask him just how he gets his hair to do that…thing…that it does. Then some entitled bitch asked him if Adam was coming out the same way, and he said he really didn’t know… we couldn’t believe how rude she was to ask that! You’ve got Monte Pittman, who is pretty damn amazing in his own right, standing in front of you, and you ask about someone else? ROOD.
Anyway, after we got the picture, we thanked him and told him how much we enjoyed the show, he thanked us for coming, and we went off giggling like schoolgirls and trying to remember what the fuck we were even doing before we got all sidetracked!
We finally got our shaking knees to work and found the right exit, where we ran into the same couple who had been on the shuttle with us on the way to the casino. They were absolutely astonished and on an Adam high just like we were! The man just kept saying, “Incredible. Incredible show! He is INCREDIBLE!”
Chapter 11: Wow, screaming, flailing, shaking and crying take a lot out of a girl.
We got back to the motel and asked the desk clerk to recommend a good place to get something to eat. He mentioned Taco Bell, McDonalds, yadda blah ick. He then mentioned a 24-hour sit-down full service restaurant down the street called…The Purple Steer. THE PURPLE STEER. We could not resist a place with a name like that. We changed into our Adam shirts and more comfortable shoes, left on the glitter and bling, and headed to the Purple Steer, which has a foyer the most awful shade of lavender in the history of the world. It had to have been on sale; there is no way anyone chose to paint anything that color for any other reason. Anyway, the food was cheap, and enormous, and really good, and we finally went back to the hotel to process our experiences and reassure each other that it all happened. We really did see Adam, we really did meet Monte, it actually was real!
We slept a bit and got ready to head home, and despite a shower I still had glitter on my face and in my hair. We had a moment of “did we dream this?” before heading back to the Purple Steer for breakfast, which turned into another picture-taking event starring my breakfast - blueberry pancakes that were stacked about 3 inches high on a platter covered in about a gallon of blueberry topping and a mountain of whipped cream. It was so ridiculous it deserved a photo shoot. After being utterly defeated by my giant breakfast and managing to eat less than half of it, we headed home, still fuzzy-brained and not quite sure any of it was real except the glam hangover. The first thing I did when we got home? Bought tickets to the Indy show. Maybe this time I’ll be able to tear my eyes away from Adam long enough to actually take note of everything else. This tour is a once-in-a-lifetime shot, because we’ll never again see Adam in a small venue with GA tickets for $45.
Kim went home on Saturday, which was sad because seriously, she’s at least 10 kinds of awesome, and now it’s time to get back to being a normal person who does laundry and goes to work, at least until August 31st, when my glam side will once again rise up and take over! I feel like I should say something witty to sum up this TL;DR but Adam is far too epic to summarize. And the glam hangover still hasn’t fully dissipated.