Scrubs Board Secret Santa fic: These Moments - Part 3/3
Title: These Moments
Author: Normative Jean
Rating: PG
Genre: Romantic comedy
Characters: Robin, Patrick, Mac, Maxie, Georgie, Cooper, Dillon, Noah, Alexis, Kristina, Molly, Robert, Anna
Pairings: Scrubs! Maxie/Coop, Georgie/Dillon, Noah/Alexis (roll with it)
Summary: All Robin wanted was a nice, quiet Thanksgiving dinner with her family and friends. She really should have known better.
Notes: This was my present to
lapiccolina for Secret Santa, and she is graciously allowing me to post it to the board. I think she likes sharing the insanity or something. This is an AR that diverges from canon somewhere around September/October. Thanks to
empressearwig for editing; any mistakes left are mine.
Part 1 can be found here.
Part 2 can be found here.
*****
These Moments - Part 3
As it turned out, divide and conquer was maybe not the best course of action. Divide and conquer meant that Robin and Patrick were relegated to seats on opposite sides of the table, unable to communicate except through frantic facial tics and furtive glances. It was a decidedly poor method of communication.
“Noah, I have to say that it was a surprise to see you here today,” Anna was saying as she stroked Noah’s forearm. “A pleasant surprise, certainly, but a surprise nonetheless.”
Noah looked across the table at Alexis, who was currently enraptured by Robert’s attentions. “Well,” he stuttered before clearing his throat and trying again. “That is, Alexis and I are here at Robin’s invitation.”
Robert smirked at Anna briefly. “My daughter had always been the soul of kindness,” he told Alexis. “And I must say, however pleasantly surprised my dear ex-wife is, I can assure you that I am doubly so.”
Alexis quirked an eyebrow at Robin. “That Robin,” she said dryly. “She always has everybody’s best interests at heart.”
Robin was seriously reconsidering speaking to Alexis again for at least a week. “Dad,” she said, rather forcefully, “so, how’ve you been? I know you can’t talk about your actual mission, but I’m sure you have some interesting stories you can share.” She smiled brightly. “Please.”
Robert eyed his daughter carefully. He hadn’t missed the looks she was exchanging with Patrick, who was sitting on the other side of his own father and kept trying to interrupt his conversation with Anna. Robert had been a spy for far too long not to know what Robin and Patrick were up to, and their attempts at interceding in Robert’s and Anna’s affairs was almost cute in its simplicity.
“Now, darling,” Robert said, waving off her barely-concealed panic. “I’m sure that no one wants to hear about my treks through the Amazon while I was tailing South American arms dealers.”
Anna snorted delicately. “Yes, we all know that tailing is your specialty,” she muttered under her breath.
“I’d much rather talk about this fascinating woman sitting beside me,” Robert finished, carefully ignoring Anna’s eyes.
“But Uncle Robert,” Maxie piped up, propping her chin in one hand as she leaned forward on the table. “We’d love to hear all about your adventures.” She kicked Dillon’s leg under the table. “Wouldn’t we?” she said, ignoring his yelp and her sister’s pout.
“Oh!” Dillon squeaked when Maxie kicked him again. “Right! Yes, of course we want to hear about your adventures!” He looked helplessly at Georgie. “What was I supposed to do?” he whispered. “She’s hurting me!”
Robert stared his step-niece down. “No,” he said tightly. “I’m rather sure that we wouldn’t like to hear about me.”
Robin cocked her head to the side, nodding impatiently at Patrick. He finally picked up on her signals; he had been distracted trying to casually move some of the serving platters close enough between his father and Anna that they wouldn’t be able to touch anymore without getting an elbow full of butter.
“Oh! What? No!” Patrick said quickly. “I want to know all about your adventures. I want to know all about what Anna’s been doing. I mean, really, no one understands what you two get up to except for, um, you two.”
Robin pressed a hand against her forehead. He was not helping matters.
Anna waved him off. “Oh, posh! That’s not true at all.” She frowned briefly at Robert, but swiftly returned her gaze to Noah. “Isn’t that so, Noah? We had rather a lot in common this summer, I thought.”
At that, Alexis’s eyebrows disappeared beneath her bangs. “Really,” she said pointedly to Noah.
Noah gulped and looked frantically to Anna and Patrick for clarification. Anna was staring coolly at Robert, who was returning her glare with equal attention. Patrick was stuck staring at Robin, his jaw dropped open in shock. Well. Noah could at least admit to himself that he really wanted a drink at that moment.
“Anna,” he said tentatively. “Is it really necessary to bring that thing up right now?”
“What?” she asked, never taking her eyes off Robert. “I thought we had a bloody brilliant time this summer.”
Dillon leaned forward slightly to watch the action. “Seriously,” he whispered to Georgie, “so much better than the Quartermaines.”
“Dillon!” Georgie hissed. “You are not helping!”
“You haven’t taken your eyes off the other end of the table since we sat back down,” Maxie reminded her. “So I don’t think you’re in any position to judge him.”
Georgie opened and closed her mouth several times as she tried to think of a response, finally settling on, “I am just trying to help Robin keep an eye on things,” primly.
Cooper snorted. “Okay, even I’m entertained. It’s like professional wrestling.”
“Only with the possibility of seeing live ammo,” Dillon quipped.
“Scorpio family dinners: they’re like battle, in a way,” Maxie sighed. “What’s Mac doing?”
Mac, for his part, was very successfully ignoring Robert and Anna’s antics, choosing instead to carefully spear the mini potatoes with his fork and eat them, one at a time. He was really getting too old for this.
“Honestly, Robert,” Anna argued. “If you ever bothered to visit your daughter, you’d know all about what happened this summer with Eli Love.”
Robert choked on his laugh. “Eli Love? That old rock star you were obsessed with the entire time we were together?”
Noah coughed delicately. Alexis looked between him and Robert. “Eli Love performed at a benefit concert near here this summer. AIDS awareness, right?” she asked Robin.
“Yes,” Robin replied quickly. “Eli Love was actually in town for a little while, and we met him, and-“
“You know,” Alexis interrupted when a thought hit her. “It just occurred to me how alike Noah and Eli Love look.” Robin and Patrick tensed, Noah turned red, and Anna grinned broadly. The pieces were starting to fall into place. “Oh, don’t tell me…”
Patrick nodded, trying to take control of the conversation on his side of the table. “Yeah. Look, the short version is that Eli was a patient of mine and Robin’s, and he wasn’t medically cleared to perform, and Dad looked enough like him that with a little training…”
“And since Anna’s followed that pop tart’s every move since Robin was a child, she stepped up to ‘help’ him learn everything?” Robert finished, a smug grin on his face.
Anna refused to let him fluster her. “For once, Robert, you’re actually correct.” She smiled at Noah. “And we grew quite close during that time.”
Kristina chose that moment to tug on her mother’s sleeve. “Mommy, what’s everybody talking about?”
Alexis was having trouble holding back her laughter. The panicked and mildly sick looks on Robin’s and Patrick’s faces at the sight of Anna latching onto Noah suddenly made perfect sense, as did Noah’s nervousness when Anna had arrived. Alexis was by no means an insecure woman; she found the whole situation rather amusing. And frankly, she figured she ought to be thanking Anna for bolstering Noah’s confidence enough to get back in the dating pool. Alexis was glad to know what must have finally given Noah enough courage to cross the line from ‘medical confidante and friend’ to ‘significant other.’
“Mommy and her friends are just talking about a singer they all like very much.”
Kristina nodded thoughtfully. “You and Dr. Noah and Dr. Patrick and Dr. Robin and Dr. Robin’s mommy and daddy all like the one guy?”
“That’s right, sweetie,” Alexis replied between chuckles.
“You know,” Robert smiled, leaning forward to look at Kristina. “I don’t believe this young lady and I have been formally introduced yet.” He raised an eyebrow at Anna. “That seems to be an epidemic tonight.”
Anna gritted her teeth and said nothing.
“Hello,” Kristina said politely. “I’m Kristina Adela Davis.” She stuck out a hand in front of her mother, almost knocking over a pitcher of iced tea before Robin was able to catch it.
Robert shook Kristina’s hand firmly. “That’s an awful lot of names for such a little girl,” he said. “I remember Robin had trouble keeping all of her names straight as a child.”
“Robert Xavier Scorpio,” Anna hissed, gripping a butter knife tightly.
Patrick looked at Robin in a panic. They hadn’t discussed what to do if someone got a hold of weaponry!
Mac found himself tightening his hold on his own knife. His brother had a damn big mouth sometimes.
“Oh!” Kristina said brightly. “I’ve got lots more names, too! Kristina Adela Corinthos Davis Cassadine!”
Anna’s jaw dropped, and Robin buried her face in her hands, knowing what was coming next.
“Corinthos?” Anna repeated in shock.
“Cassadine?!” Robert yelped.
“Oh man, I wish I had my camera,” Dillon sighed regretfully, earning him an elbow in the gut from Georgie.
Robert looked from Kristina to Alexis to Robin, then back to Alexis. “Cassadine?” he said again.
Alexis sighed internally. She was really so sick of that reaction. “On my side,” she said bluntly. “I’m Mikkos Cassadine’s daughter.” She was sure Robert was a very nice man, but really, he had tried to use her to make his ex-wife jealous, and all while Alexis’s date was sitting right across from him. She supposed it was her Cassadine blood that was happy to be able to turn the tables, so to speak. “Robin’s never told you…?”
“No, she bloody well has not!” Robert boomed, jumping out of his chair and turning on his brother. “Why the bloody hell are there Cassadines in your house?”
Mac stood too, smacking his hands down on either side of his plate. “Oh, I don’t know!” he grimaced sarcastically. “Because they’re not all insane?”
Kristina tugged on Alexis’s sleeve again, more insistently. “Mommy, are we insane?”
Anna figured the entire façade had gone quite far enough. “No, darling. The mean man is just saying silly things.” Her eyes flashed furiously at Robert. “Right?” she asked insistently.
Robert opened his mouth to retort, but caught the sad look on Kristina’s face in time to swallow his comment. “Of course,” he replied, just as tightly as Anna was speaking. He turned his attention to Alexis. “No offense. You actually seem like quite a lovely woman. I’m assuming you get that from your mother’s side.”
Alexis snorted delicately. “Of course I do. You think I think being Mikkos’s bastard child is anything to be particularly proud of?”
“Mommy, what’s a bastard?”
“We don’t say words if we don’t know what they mean,” Alexis answered. “Trust me, I’m well aware that I have an literal evil stepmother who would sooner see me and my children in the ground than risk us sharing in the Cassadine fortune.”
“Helena’s still alive!?”
“Honestly, Robert,” Mac sighed. “Everybody knows that.”
“Well I didn’t!”
Anna rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you the one who was keeping such close tabs on everyone while we thought you were dead?”
“Pie!” Robin shouted quickly. “Who wants pie? I think it’s time for pie! Patrick, help me get the pies!” She motioned him towards the kitchen, and Patrick practically knocked over his chair, he stood up and ran for the other room so fast.
“This is not working!” Patrick hissed as soon as he and Robin were in the relative safety of the kitchen.
“I thought things might be getting better once the Eli Love thing was out in the open,” Robin hyperventilated. “But then everything got so, so much worse.”
Patrick opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Robert’s booming voice, “For the thousandth time, I am sorry for what I did! How many different ways do I have to say it before you forgive me, you insane woman!”
“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Robin panicked.
“Breathe!” Patrick ordered, shoving his hands to his hips. “There has got to be a way to fix this.”
“I don’t think there is, Patrick.”
“Robert, after that stunt you pulled playing dead for fifteen years, I don’t think you’re in any position to lecture me on good parenting!”
“I am not one of the best neurosurgeons in the country for nothing!” he snapped. “If I can perform some of the most delicate brain surgeries in the world, then I can think of a way to fix this mess.”
“Patrick,” Robin tried to explain, “this is my family, and they are all crazy people. No amount of planning is going to make things better. I should have realized that before, but I’ve been so determined to have a normal holiday that I’ve ignored my instincts all day.”
And really, Robin should have known that trying for a quiet, normal family Thanksgiving was just asking for trouble. It was like being stuck in a Greek tragedy, in a way; Robin always had the indescribable feeling that someone was out there somewhere, orchestrating every insane thing that happened in Port Charles, just for their own sick amusement. Frankly, Robin was just happy that no one had died today.
“And what do you mean, your daughter’s boyfriend is a mob informant, Mac? What the hell is going on in this family?!”
“Oh, shut up, Robert! Officer Barrett is willingly putting himself in the line of fire, which, hey! That sounds familiar!”
“You don’t get to judge my boyfriend, Uncle Robert!”
“Don’t call me ‘Uncle!’”
“Patrick,” she said again. “Maxie’s in there cheering for whatever conversation topic results in the most carnage, and Georgie’s pretty much encouraging her in that little endeavor; Uncle Mac looks like he’s either going to have a stroke or stab my dad with the carving fork, whichever happens first; and my parents are doing some bizarre jealousy dance around each other, the true meaning of which I don’t even want to begin to contemplate, that involves heavy flirting with your dad and his girlfriend.” She flapped her hands helplessly. “Tell me what, exactly, about any of that you think you can make normal?”
Patrick stared at her, torn between anger that she didn’t believe they could come up with a brilliant last-minute plan like they always did at the hospital, and resignation. Patrick was brilliant, however, and he ultimately knew that resistance was futile. In Port Charles, the house always won.
“Fine,” he sighed sadly. “Let’s just bring out the pies and try to get through the rest of the evening in one piece. What’s the worst that could happen?”
*****
Someday, Patrick would learn to stop asking that question.
He and Robin reentered the room with just enough time to set the pies down on the table, almost return to their seats, and see Anna finally snap and throw the object closest to her at Robert.
That object was a spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes.
Robert returned the favor by throwing a scoop of cranberry sauce at Anna. The potatoes had partially blinded him, however, and caused his aim to go wide. Noah had the good sense to duck, leaving Cooper to take the hit.
“Wow, he really is in the line of fire,” Dillon said. Maxie defended her man with a well-aimed handful of broccoli casserole.
Looking back on things, no one was terribly surprised that all hell broke loose after that.
*****
Robin ducked under the table just in time to avoid a flying glob of olive tapenades, wincing when she heard the sharp plop it made as it hit the back of her chair. After a moment, Patrick appeared beneath the table as well. He was gaping incredulously at the chaos going on above them, although his attempt at stoicism was somewhat diluted by the gravy dripping down his hair, courtesy of a surprisingly strong-armed Kristina.
“So,” he said breathlessly. “That was a spectacular failure. I’m actually kind of impressed.”
“This really wasn’t how I expected the day to end,” Robin laughed giddily, somewhat hysterically. “Something being set on fire, sure. Maybe one of Alexis’s kids would wander away somewhere and get lost. But a food fight?”
Patrick cocked his head as he considered this. “You said it yourself, it’s our families.”
Robin dropped her head and sighed. “Fair point. Unfortunately.”
Someone screamed at the other end of the table and Robin turned around in time to see a turkey wing wetly land on the floor.
“Okay, seriously, we have got to get out of here,” Robin pleaded.
Patrick nodded, and pointed towards the relatively clear path under the table towards the doorway. “If we can avoid being kicked or having anything dropped on us, I think we can make it.”
Another squeal came from above them, followed by Georgie shrieking, “Oh my god, Dillon, I spent hours on that pie!”
Robin nodded desperately. “Let’s go. Please.”
They managed to make it to the end. As they were climbing out from underneath it, however, someone knocked into the table, jostling all the contents on top. Unfortunately, some of those contents happened to be balanced precariously near the space Robin was fleeing from, and they happened to fall to the ground just as she was standing up. Luckily for the carpeting, Robin stood between it and the cranberry sauce.
Robin shrieked, shaking her head to clear it of the goopy mess. Patrick wasn’t wasting any time, however, and dragged her out of the war zone dining room and into the safety of the living room and entryway.
“Again!” Robin cried. “I’m wearing cranberries for the second time today!”
Patrick wiped at the gravy that still dripped down his face. “Well. That was interesting.”
Robin fell against his chest, mixing the condiments they were wearing slickly together. “Again,” she moaned.
Patrick wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He couldn’t suppress the chuckle that bubbled up in his chest. Patrick thought that he might finally be getting used to the insanity that followed Robin around wherever she went, and he was certain that he would never get bored with her.
“It could be worse,” he offered.
Robin kept her face buried against Patrick’s sweater. Her pitiful, “How?” came out slightly muffled.
“Well…this could have happened in public.”
Robin was completely silent for a moment, so still that Patrick couldn’t even feel her breathing. Then, just when he was starting to worry, Robin burst out laughing, a real, full laugh that she hadn’t been able to do all day.
“God!” she choked out between giggles. “Can we just get out of here while we still can?”
Patrick was never going to refuse Robin when she asked that question. “Absolutely. I have a shower big enough for two people with our names on it, and another pie waiting for us when we get out.” He nudged her suggestively. “Which won’t be for quite a while.”
Letting out another round of giggles, Robin nodded. “That sounds perfect. Wait.” She looked up at him quizzically. “Another pie?”
Patrick actually flushed. “Eh…I told you. Mike’s a romantic, and he’s rooting for me to not screw things up this time.”
Robin pouted slightly as she tried to process this, the answer hitting her in a flash. “Oh my god!” she squeaked. “Please tell me that Mike did not bake you some sort of sex pie!”
“Okay.” Patrick grinned much too widely. “I won’t.”
It was, Robin realized, still far from the most disturbing thing she’d heard all day. And besides, she had never been one to turn down free Patrick or free pie.
“Let’s go,” she smiled, pulling him towards the front door. “But you’d better have whipped cream.”
Patrick grinned lasciviously. “Why, Dr. Scorpio, don’t you know me at all?”
As they closed the door on the distant sounds of the food fight still going strong, Robin’s voice could be heard echoing down the driveway, full of laughter and love.
“For the pie, Patrick, the pie!”
The End
Author: Normative Jean
Rating: PG
Genre: Romantic comedy
Characters: Robin, Patrick, Mac, Maxie, Georgie, Cooper, Dillon, Noah, Alexis, Kristina, Molly, Robert, Anna
Pairings: Scrubs! Maxie/Coop, Georgie/Dillon, Noah/Alexis (roll with it)
Summary: All Robin wanted was a nice, quiet Thanksgiving dinner with her family and friends. She really should have known better.
Notes: This was my present to
lapiccolina for Secret Santa, and she is graciously allowing me to post it to the board. I think she likes sharing the insanity or something. This is an AR that diverges from canon somewhere around September/October. Thanks to
empressearwig for editing; any mistakes left are mine.
Part 1 can be found here.
Part 2 can be found here.
*****
These Moments - Part 3
As it turned out, divide and conquer was maybe not the best course of action. Divide and conquer meant that Robin and Patrick were relegated to seats on opposite sides of the table, unable to communicate except through frantic facial tics and furtive glances. It was a decidedly poor method of communication.
“Noah, I have to say that it was a surprise to see you here today,” Anna was saying as she stroked Noah’s forearm. “A pleasant surprise, certainly, but a surprise nonetheless.”
Noah looked across the table at Alexis, who was currently enraptured by Robert’s attentions. “Well,” he stuttered before clearing his throat and trying again. “That is, Alexis and I are here at Robin’s invitation.”
Robert smirked at Anna briefly. “My daughter had always been the soul of kindness,” he told Alexis. “And I must say, however pleasantly surprised my dear ex-wife is, I can assure you that I am doubly so.”
Alexis quirked an eyebrow at Robin. “That Robin,” she said dryly. “She always has everybody’s best interests at heart.”
Robin was seriously reconsidering speaking to Alexis again for at least a week. “Dad,” she said, rather forcefully, “so, how’ve you been? I know you can’t talk about your actual mission, but I’m sure you have some interesting stories you can share.” She smiled brightly. “Please.”
Robert eyed his daughter carefully. He hadn’t missed the looks she was exchanging with Patrick, who was sitting on the other side of his own father and kept trying to interrupt his conversation with Anna. Robert had been a spy for far too long not to know what Robin and Patrick were up to, and their attempts at interceding in Robert’s and Anna’s affairs was almost cute in its simplicity.
“Now, darling,” Robert said, waving off her barely-concealed panic. “I’m sure that no one wants to hear about my treks through the Amazon while I was tailing South American arms dealers.”
Anna snorted delicately. “Yes, we all know that tailing is your specialty,” she muttered under her breath.
“I’d much rather talk about this fascinating woman sitting beside me,” Robert finished, carefully ignoring Anna’s eyes.
“But Uncle Robert,” Maxie piped up, propping her chin in one hand as she leaned forward on the table. “We’d love to hear all about your adventures.” She kicked Dillon’s leg under the table. “Wouldn’t we?” she said, ignoring his yelp and her sister’s pout.
“Oh!” Dillon squeaked when Maxie kicked him again. “Right! Yes, of course we want to hear about your adventures!” He looked helplessly at Georgie. “What was I supposed to do?” he whispered. “She’s hurting me!”
Robert stared his step-niece down. “No,” he said tightly. “I’m rather sure that we wouldn’t like to hear about me.”
Robin cocked her head to the side, nodding impatiently at Patrick. He finally picked up on her signals; he had been distracted trying to casually move some of the serving platters close enough between his father and Anna that they wouldn’t be able to touch anymore without getting an elbow full of butter.
“Oh! What? No!” Patrick said quickly. “I want to know all about your adventures. I want to know all about what Anna’s been doing. I mean, really, no one understands what you two get up to except for, um, you two.”
Robin pressed a hand against her forehead. He was not helping matters.
Anna waved him off. “Oh, posh! That’s not true at all.” She frowned briefly at Robert, but swiftly returned her gaze to Noah. “Isn’t that so, Noah? We had rather a lot in common this summer, I thought.”
At that, Alexis’s eyebrows disappeared beneath her bangs. “Really,” she said pointedly to Noah.
Noah gulped and looked frantically to Anna and Patrick for clarification. Anna was staring coolly at Robert, who was returning her glare with equal attention. Patrick was stuck staring at Robin, his jaw dropped open in shock. Well. Noah could at least admit to himself that he really wanted a drink at that moment.
“Anna,” he said tentatively. “Is it really necessary to bring that thing up right now?”
“What?” she asked, never taking her eyes off Robert. “I thought we had a bloody brilliant time this summer.”
Dillon leaned forward slightly to watch the action. “Seriously,” he whispered to Georgie, “so much better than the Quartermaines.”
“Dillon!” Georgie hissed. “You are not helping!”
“You haven’t taken your eyes off the other end of the table since we sat back down,” Maxie reminded her. “So I don’t think you’re in any position to judge him.”
Georgie opened and closed her mouth several times as she tried to think of a response, finally settling on, “I am just trying to help Robin keep an eye on things,” primly.
Cooper snorted. “Okay, even I’m entertained. It’s like professional wrestling.”
“Only with the possibility of seeing live ammo,” Dillon quipped.
“Scorpio family dinners: they’re like battle, in a way,” Maxie sighed. “What’s Mac doing?”
Mac, for his part, was very successfully ignoring Robert and Anna’s antics, choosing instead to carefully spear the mini potatoes with his fork and eat them, one at a time. He was really getting too old for this.
“Honestly, Robert,” Anna argued. “If you ever bothered to visit your daughter, you’d know all about what happened this summer with Eli Love.”
Robert choked on his laugh. “Eli Love? That old rock star you were obsessed with the entire time we were together?”
Noah coughed delicately. Alexis looked between him and Robert. “Eli Love performed at a benefit concert near here this summer. AIDS awareness, right?” she asked Robin.
“Yes,” Robin replied quickly. “Eli Love was actually in town for a little while, and we met him, and-“
“You know,” Alexis interrupted when a thought hit her. “It just occurred to me how alike Noah and Eli Love look.” Robin and Patrick tensed, Noah turned red, and Anna grinned broadly. The pieces were starting to fall into place. “Oh, don’t tell me…”
Patrick nodded, trying to take control of the conversation on his side of the table. “Yeah. Look, the short version is that Eli was a patient of mine and Robin’s, and he wasn’t medically cleared to perform, and Dad looked enough like him that with a little training…”
“And since Anna’s followed that pop tart’s every move since Robin was a child, she stepped up to ‘help’ him learn everything?” Robert finished, a smug grin on his face.
Anna refused to let him fluster her. “For once, Robert, you’re actually correct.” She smiled at Noah. “And we grew quite close during that time.”
Kristina chose that moment to tug on her mother’s sleeve. “Mommy, what’s everybody talking about?”
Alexis was having trouble holding back her laughter. The panicked and mildly sick looks on Robin’s and Patrick’s faces at the sight of Anna latching onto Noah suddenly made perfect sense, as did Noah’s nervousness when Anna had arrived. Alexis was by no means an insecure woman; she found the whole situation rather amusing. And frankly, she figured she ought to be thanking Anna for bolstering Noah’s confidence enough to get back in the dating pool. Alexis was glad to know what must have finally given Noah enough courage to cross the line from ‘medical confidante and friend’ to ‘significant other.’
“Mommy and her friends are just talking about a singer they all like very much.”
Kristina nodded thoughtfully. “You and Dr. Noah and Dr. Patrick and Dr. Robin and Dr. Robin’s mommy and daddy all like the one guy?”
“That’s right, sweetie,” Alexis replied between chuckles.
“You know,” Robert smiled, leaning forward to look at Kristina. “I don’t believe this young lady and I have been formally introduced yet.” He raised an eyebrow at Anna. “That seems to be an epidemic tonight.”
Anna gritted her teeth and said nothing.
“Hello,” Kristina said politely. “I’m Kristina Adela Davis.” She stuck out a hand in front of her mother, almost knocking over a pitcher of iced tea before Robin was able to catch it.
Robert shook Kristina’s hand firmly. “That’s an awful lot of names for such a little girl,” he said. “I remember Robin had trouble keeping all of her names straight as a child.”
“Robert Xavier Scorpio,” Anna hissed, gripping a butter knife tightly.
Patrick looked at Robin in a panic. They hadn’t discussed what to do if someone got a hold of weaponry!
Mac found himself tightening his hold on his own knife. His brother had a damn big mouth sometimes.
“Oh!” Kristina said brightly. “I’ve got lots more names, too! Kristina Adela Corinthos Davis Cassadine!”
Anna’s jaw dropped, and Robin buried her face in her hands, knowing what was coming next.
“Corinthos?” Anna repeated in shock.
“Cassadine?!” Robert yelped.
“Oh man, I wish I had my camera,” Dillon sighed regretfully, earning him an elbow in the gut from Georgie.
Robert looked from Kristina to Alexis to Robin, then back to Alexis. “Cassadine?” he said again.
Alexis sighed internally. She was really so sick of that reaction. “On my side,” she said bluntly. “I’m Mikkos Cassadine’s daughter.” She was sure Robert was a very nice man, but really, he had tried to use her to make his ex-wife jealous, and all while Alexis’s date was sitting right across from him. She supposed it was her Cassadine blood that was happy to be able to turn the tables, so to speak. “Robin’s never told you…?”
“No, she bloody well has not!” Robert boomed, jumping out of his chair and turning on his brother. “Why the bloody hell are there Cassadines in your house?”
Mac stood too, smacking his hands down on either side of his plate. “Oh, I don’t know!” he grimaced sarcastically. “Because they’re not all insane?”
Kristina tugged on Alexis’s sleeve again, more insistently. “Mommy, are we insane?”
Anna figured the entire façade had gone quite far enough. “No, darling. The mean man is just saying silly things.” Her eyes flashed furiously at Robert. “Right?” she asked insistently.
Robert opened his mouth to retort, but caught the sad look on Kristina’s face in time to swallow his comment. “Of course,” he replied, just as tightly as Anna was speaking. He turned his attention to Alexis. “No offense. You actually seem like quite a lovely woman. I’m assuming you get that from your mother’s side.”
Alexis snorted delicately. “Of course I do. You think I think being Mikkos’s bastard child is anything to be particularly proud of?”
“Mommy, what’s a bastard?”
“We don’t say words if we don’t know what they mean,” Alexis answered. “Trust me, I’m well aware that I have an literal evil stepmother who would sooner see me and my children in the ground than risk us sharing in the Cassadine fortune.”
“Helena’s still alive!?”
“Honestly, Robert,” Mac sighed. “Everybody knows that.”
“Well I didn’t!”
Anna rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you the one who was keeping such close tabs on everyone while we thought you were dead?”
“Pie!” Robin shouted quickly. “Who wants pie? I think it’s time for pie! Patrick, help me get the pies!” She motioned him towards the kitchen, and Patrick practically knocked over his chair, he stood up and ran for the other room so fast.
“This is not working!” Patrick hissed as soon as he and Robin were in the relative safety of the kitchen.
“I thought things might be getting better once the Eli Love thing was out in the open,” Robin hyperventilated. “But then everything got so, so much worse.”
Patrick opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Robert’s booming voice, “For the thousandth time, I am sorry for what I did! How many different ways do I have to say it before you forgive me, you insane woman!”
“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” Robin panicked.
“Breathe!” Patrick ordered, shoving his hands to his hips. “There has got to be a way to fix this.”
“I don’t think there is, Patrick.”
“Robert, after that stunt you pulled playing dead for fifteen years, I don’t think you’re in any position to lecture me on good parenting!”
“I am not one of the best neurosurgeons in the country for nothing!” he snapped. “If I can perform some of the most delicate brain surgeries in the world, then I can think of a way to fix this mess.”
“Patrick,” Robin tried to explain, “this is my family, and they are all crazy people. No amount of planning is going to make things better. I should have realized that before, but I’ve been so determined to have a normal holiday that I’ve ignored my instincts all day.”
And really, Robin should have known that trying for a quiet, normal family Thanksgiving was just asking for trouble. It was like being stuck in a Greek tragedy, in a way; Robin always had the indescribable feeling that someone was out there somewhere, orchestrating every insane thing that happened in Port Charles, just for their own sick amusement. Frankly, Robin was just happy that no one had died today.
“And what do you mean, your daughter’s boyfriend is a mob informant, Mac? What the hell is going on in this family?!”
“Oh, shut up, Robert! Officer Barrett is willingly putting himself in the line of fire, which, hey! That sounds familiar!”
“You don’t get to judge my boyfriend, Uncle Robert!”
“Don’t call me ‘Uncle!’”
“Patrick,” she said again. “Maxie’s in there cheering for whatever conversation topic results in the most carnage, and Georgie’s pretty much encouraging her in that little endeavor; Uncle Mac looks like he’s either going to have a stroke or stab my dad with the carving fork, whichever happens first; and my parents are doing some bizarre jealousy dance around each other, the true meaning of which I don’t even want to begin to contemplate, that involves heavy flirting with your dad and his girlfriend.” She flapped her hands helplessly. “Tell me what, exactly, about any of that you think you can make normal?”
Patrick stared at her, torn between anger that she didn’t believe they could come up with a brilliant last-minute plan like they always did at the hospital, and resignation. Patrick was brilliant, however, and he ultimately knew that resistance was futile. In Port Charles, the house always won.
“Fine,” he sighed sadly. “Let’s just bring out the pies and try to get through the rest of the evening in one piece. What’s the worst that could happen?”
*****
Someday, Patrick would learn to stop asking that question.
He and Robin reentered the room with just enough time to set the pies down on the table, almost return to their seats, and see Anna finally snap and throw the object closest to her at Robert.
That object was a spoonful of mashed sweet potatoes.
Robert returned the favor by throwing a scoop of cranberry sauce at Anna. The potatoes had partially blinded him, however, and caused his aim to go wide. Noah had the good sense to duck, leaving Cooper to take the hit.
“Wow, he really is in the line of fire,” Dillon said. Maxie defended her man with a well-aimed handful of broccoli casserole.
Looking back on things, no one was terribly surprised that all hell broke loose after that.
*****
Robin ducked under the table just in time to avoid a flying glob of olive tapenades, wincing when she heard the sharp plop it made as it hit the back of her chair. After a moment, Patrick appeared beneath the table as well. He was gaping incredulously at the chaos going on above them, although his attempt at stoicism was somewhat diluted by the gravy dripping down his hair, courtesy of a surprisingly strong-armed Kristina.
“So,” he said breathlessly. “That was a spectacular failure. I’m actually kind of impressed.”
“This really wasn’t how I expected the day to end,” Robin laughed giddily, somewhat hysterically. “Something being set on fire, sure. Maybe one of Alexis’s kids would wander away somewhere and get lost. But a food fight?”
Patrick cocked his head as he considered this. “You said it yourself, it’s our families.”
Robin dropped her head and sighed. “Fair point. Unfortunately.”
Someone screamed at the other end of the table and Robin turned around in time to see a turkey wing wetly land on the floor.
“Okay, seriously, we have got to get out of here,” Robin pleaded.
Patrick nodded, and pointed towards the relatively clear path under the table towards the doorway. “If we can avoid being kicked or having anything dropped on us, I think we can make it.”
Another squeal came from above them, followed by Georgie shrieking, “Oh my god, Dillon, I spent hours on that pie!”
Robin nodded desperately. “Let’s go. Please.”
They managed to make it to the end. As they were climbing out from underneath it, however, someone knocked into the table, jostling all the contents on top. Unfortunately, some of those contents happened to be balanced precariously near the space Robin was fleeing from, and they happened to fall to the ground just as she was standing up. Luckily for the carpeting, Robin stood between it and the cranberry sauce.
Robin shrieked, shaking her head to clear it of the goopy mess. Patrick wasn’t wasting any time, however, and dragged her out of the war zone dining room and into the safety of the living room and entryway.
“Again!” Robin cried. “I’m wearing cranberries for the second time today!”
Patrick wiped at the gravy that still dripped down his face. “Well. That was interesting.”
Robin fell against his chest, mixing the condiments they were wearing slickly together. “Again,” she moaned.
Patrick wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He couldn’t suppress the chuckle that bubbled up in his chest. Patrick thought that he might finally be getting used to the insanity that followed Robin around wherever she went, and he was certain that he would never get bored with her.
“It could be worse,” he offered.
Robin kept her face buried against Patrick’s sweater. Her pitiful, “How?” came out slightly muffled.
“Well…this could have happened in public.”
Robin was completely silent for a moment, so still that Patrick couldn’t even feel her breathing. Then, just when he was starting to worry, Robin burst out laughing, a real, full laugh that she hadn’t been able to do all day.
“God!” she choked out between giggles. “Can we just get out of here while we still can?”
Patrick was never going to refuse Robin when she asked that question. “Absolutely. I have a shower big enough for two people with our names on it, and another pie waiting for us when we get out.” He nudged her suggestively. “Which won’t be for quite a while.”
Letting out another round of giggles, Robin nodded. “That sounds perfect. Wait.” She looked up at him quizzically. “Another pie?”
Patrick actually flushed. “Eh…I told you. Mike’s a romantic, and he’s rooting for me to not screw things up this time.”
Robin pouted slightly as she tried to process this, the answer hitting her in a flash. “Oh my god!” she squeaked. “Please tell me that Mike did not bake you some sort of sex pie!”
“Okay.” Patrick grinned much too widely. “I won’t.”
It was, Robin realized, still far from the most disturbing thing she’d heard all day. And besides, she had never been one to turn down free Patrick or free pie.
“Let’s go,” she smiled, pulling him towards the front door. “But you’d better have whipped cream.”
Patrick grinned lasciviously. “Why, Dr. Scorpio, don’t you know me at all?”
As they closed the door on the distant sounds of the food fight still going strong, Robin’s voice could be heard echoing down the driveway, full of laughter and love.
“For the pie, Patrick, the pie!”
The End