Always a Silver Lining
I had a very lonesome day today. I've been dreaming a lot lately, usually about men. Not sexual dreams (although I wouldn't say no to one or two, lol), but dreams where a man is there with me. In a way, I guess my subconscious is trying to make up for what I lack in waking life, but at the same time, it make me miss the real warmth of another person's hand in mine, or even a good, solid male hug. For all that I'm so cerebral, I still have my moments where I truly long for human contact and comfort.
Sometimes I wonder if I don't have an invisible sign that says "you can look, but don't touch". Or maybe, "Come say hi!...But don't get too close". Maybe I'm just give off that Amazon warrior woman vibe: "I'm your equal, but don't dare make me your lover"
But whatever it is, I've been feeling lately like I'm a sort of disposable friend. The opposite of a fair weather friend. I'm there when you need me, but easily forgotten when the trouble has past.
All of these sad, lonesome thoughts have been swirling through my head.
And yet...On the way home from tutoring, I had my iPod plugged in, an upbeat song playing through the earphones, and I was walking with a bounce in my step and peace in my heart. Then like the cherry on a sundae, The path I was walking revealed a huge stretch of dried leaves all piled on the side of the path. Without even a moments hesitation, I leapt into the leaves and walked on, kicking up leaves like a 5 year old. I was aware of the big goofy grin on my face, but there was nobody around and I didn't care! For one shining moment, all the loneliness was gone.
And it was good.
Sometimes I wonder if I don't have an invisible sign that says "you can look, but don't touch". Or maybe, "Come say hi!...But don't get too close". Maybe I'm just give off that Amazon warrior woman vibe: "I'm your equal, but don't dare make me your lover"
But whatever it is, I've been feeling lately like I'm a sort of disposable friend. The opposite of a fair weather friend. I'm there when you need me, but easily forgotten when the trouble has past.
All of these sad, lonesome thoughts have been swirling through my head.
And yet...On the way home from tutoring, I had my iPod plugged in, an upbeat song playing through the earphones, and I was walking with a bounce in my step and peace in my heart. Then like the cherry on a sundae, The path I was walking revealed a huge stretch of dried leaves all piled on the side of the path. Without even a moments hesitation, I leapt into the leaves and walked on, kicking up leaves like a 5 year old. I was aware of the big goofy grin on my face, but there was nobody around and I didn't care! For one shining moment, all the loneliness was gone.
And it was good.