And I feel nothing.....not sane
I was like a shadow, a ghost haunting some random cabin in the desert of New Mexico. Did exactly what he told me to do and stayed the hell out of his way. Anytime he came into a room I was in, I just clung to the wall and moved to the next one, hopin' he'd be busy doin' whatever it was he did. Sometimes I heard him tinkering around in the kitchen, makin' food. Then sometimes he was in the training room, pounding his fists into the punching bag so hard I was sure his fists musta been raw and bleeding. So much rage in him, could feel it pourin' off him and invading the entire cabin. I spent most of the day with my feet propped up, still nursing the wound on my hand. Nothin' like gettin' stabbed to bring a girl right down from an untimely prison release. Stab wound to the hand, gettin' tied up and thrown in a trunk for a week, listenin' to a psychopath ramble on and on and on about the most fucked up shit I'd ever heard.
Wasn't sure what I was gonna do, but he was right about one thing. Didn't heal like I used to, and I needed to rest up and get better if I was gonna make it outta this thing alive. Constantly mouthin' off to him just to mouth off wasn't really doin' me any good. Course I never could keep my rage in check and I was sure he pissed me off as much as I pissed him off. If not more so. Problem was I wasn't really sure what my options were or if I had any left at all. I was a wanted fugitive, a murderer. I'd killed my prison guard in that moment of confusion and I'd get life for real this time. No more twenty five year parole. Those bitches in the joint were always anxious to throw down with my ass, and now I couldn't wipe the floor with them automatically anymore. I was as good as dead if I went back there. Only a matter of time before one of 'em would pull a knife on me and that'd be that. Angel was a total fucking nutjob now and he was the only one I could go to. The only one. Fucked. Finished.
Mostly I was just takin' advantage of all this time to myself without bein' locked in the trunk. Without his angry face hovering over mine. Even went outside just for a little bit and when he didn't try and stop me I knew he was right about the bein' miles from anything. He knew I wouldn't run if there was no where to run too. Or maybe he just thought his threats of gettin' tied to a cactus were badass enough to get me to tow the line. Just walked around the perimeter of the house for the most part. My arms crossed over my chest, as I sat down on the porch and let my bare feet rest on the warm sand for a little while. When the sun started to go down, I walked back into the cabin and immediately saw Angelus passed out on the couch. Snoring away like a big baby. Could smell the burnt ash in the air and I knew he was a high as a fucking kite and probably passed out. Well, good. Now I could snoop around.
Walkin' up and over to him, I frowned. Could remember what he was like, askin' me to touch him. And not cause he wanted a hot piece of slayer ass but because he just....what? Wanted comfort? He got so calm when I was touchin' him just...outta nowhere. Didn't know what to make of that, and really? Wasn't about to be disecting my sudden sick desire to comfort a maniac. Still, I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and gently pulled it up and over him. It was wicked hot outside, but with the air conditioning on in here sometimes it got a little chilly. As soon as I had covered him up I recoiled instantly remembering the rage in his eyes earlier. Sick, bad, so fucking twisted and tied up in knots it hurt.
Quickly I turned my back to him and walked into the trainin' room. Had to be weapons and stuff in here right? Always could beat him over the head with a kendo stick until he stopped movin'. Was sort of a tempting thought but I was too afraid that he'd be faster than me. Instead, I began looking through drawers, passing by equipment that I wasn't even sure what it did exactly. Just knew I didn't wanna know. Finally I found what I was lookin' for, a crowbar. That was really all it was gonna take. Gripping the cool steel in my good hand I walked over to that little fucking box. The one he kept threatening to throw me in. No way. Wasn't goin' in there, not a chance in hell. Raising the crowbar over my head I smashed it down on the box, and watched the give way and splinter in half. I just kept at it, smashin' and bashin' til it was nothin' but a pile of fucking limber. Hmm....if I was still a slayer I would think about all the handy stakes that would make. Wasn't anymore though. Wasn't anything anymore. Except a pretty little knot to get twisted all up over and over again.
When I was done, I pushed a few strands of sweaty dark hair out of my face. Standin' in the middle of the room and breathin' hard I didn't hear anything. Hadn't occured to me that he could wake up in the middle of that with the noise I made, but he hadn't. Out like a light. It also occured to me that I hadn't really cared as long as I destroyed that thing. No way was I lettin' him lock my ass in something that small. Still clutching the crowbar in one hand I began moving down the hallway looking for an office or something. Somewhere where there'd be a phone. Didn't believe that this place didn't have one, I mean they had to have some kinda communication. Couldn't call Angel Investigations, no one there gave a rat's ass about me. Except Angel and now he was gone. That only left one option that I really really hated. Had to call Buffy. I had no fucking right to ask her for help, not after what I did to her. But she'd already proved to me once that it didn't matter if I deserved it, she'd have my back when I really needed her. When we were on the rooftop and the Council was after me....again. She'd had my back then, and I'd just stolen her body and fucked her boyfriend.
Finally I found an office. Computer and a desk filled with papers and books. Had to be a phone in there somewhere. Maybe Angelus didn't even know about it, or maybe he had just hoped I wouldn't snoop around. Walking inside, I closed the door behind me quietly before scanning the room. Had to be a phone. I walked to the desk and opened up the desk drawer. Quickly I shoved papers and paper clips and other crap aside and there it was. Not exactly a choice hiding place, but props for tryin'.
Setting the phone on the desk, I picked up the received and punched in Buffy's number before I could change my mind. If anyone could help me now it was gonna be her. All I had to do was keep my cool, and talk to B and she'd....do that thing she always did. You know, that hero thing that I was never any good at. She'd find me, she'd help me, she'd make it all better again. Just had to hope the sleeping psycho would stay sleeping long enough for this to work. I almost held my breath until I heard the familiar voice pick up. Her voice.
"Buffy?" I asked quietly, and I could already feel my voice startin' to crack just hearing her. "What happened? Do you feel it? It's gone."
(Open for B & the psycho later)
Wasn't sure what I was gonna do, but he was right about one thing. Didn't heal like I used to, and I needed to rest up and get better if I was gonna make it outta this thing alive. Constantly mouthin' off to him just to mouth off wasn't really doin' me any good. Course I never could keep my rage in check and I was sure he pissed me off as much as I pissed him off. If not more so. Problem was I wasn't really sure what my options were or if I had any left at all. I was a wanted fugitive, a murderer. I'd killed my prison guard in that moment of confusion and I'd get life for real this time. No more twenty five year parole. Those bitches in the joint were always anxious to throw down with my ass, and now I couldn't wipe the floor with them automatically anymore. I was as good as dead if I went back there. Only a matter of time before one of 'em would pull a knife on me and that'd be that. Angel was a total fucking nutjob now and he was the only one I could go to. The only one. Fucked. Finished.
Mostly I was just takin' advantage of all this time to myself without bein' locked in the trunk. Without his angry face hovering over mine. Even went outside just for a little bit and when he didn't try and stop me I knew he was right about the bein' miles from anything. He knew I wouldn't run if there was no where to run too. Or maybe he just thought his threats of gettin' tied to a cactus were badass enough to get me to tow the line. Just walked around the perimeter of the house for the most part. My arms crossed over my chest, as I sat down on the porch and let my bare feet rest on the warm sand for a little while. When the sun started to go down, I walked back into the cabin and immediately saw Angelus passed out on the couch. Snoring away like a big baby. Could smell the burnt ash in the air and I knew he was a high as a fucking kite and probably passed out. Well, good. Now I could snoop around.
Walkin' up and over to him, I frowned. Could remember what he was like, askin' me to touch him. And not cause he wanted a hot piece of slayer ass but because he just....what? Wanted comfort? He got so calm when I was touchin' him just...outta nowhere. Didn't know what to make of that, and really? Wasn't about to be disecting my sudden sick desire to comfort a maniac. Still, I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and gently pulled it up and over him. It was wicked hot outside, but with the air conditioning on in here sometimes it got a little chilly. As soon as I had covered him up I recoiled instantly remembering the rage in his eyes earlier. Sick, bad, so fucking twisted and tied up in knots it hurt.
Quickly I turned my back to him and walked into the trainin' room. Had to be weapons and stuff in here right? Always could beat him over the head with a kendo stick until he stopped movin'. Was sort of a tempting thought but I was too afraid that he'd be faster than me. Instead, I began looking through drawers, passing by equipment that I wasn't even sure what it did exactly. Just knew I didn't wanna know. Finally I found what I was lookin' for, a crowbar. That was really all it was gonna take. Gripping the cool steel in my good hand I walked over to that little fucking box. The one he kept threatening to throw me in. No way. Wasn't goin' in there, not a chance in hell. Raising the crowbar over my head I smashed it down on the box, and watched the give way and splinter in half. I just kept at it, smashin' and bashin' til it was nothin' but a pile of fucking limber. Hmm....if I was still a slayer I would think about all the handy stakes that would make. Wasn't anymore though. Wasn't anything anymore. Except a pretty little knot to get twisted all up over and over again.
When I was done, I pushed a few strands of sweaty dark hair out of my face. Standin' in the middle of the room and breathin' hard I didn't hear anything. Hadn't occured to me that he could wake up in the middle of that with the noise I made, but he hadn't. Out like a light. It also occured to me that I hadn't really cared as long as I destroyed that thing. No way was I lettin' him lock my ass in something that small. Still clutching the crowbar in one hand I began moving down the hallway looking for an office or something. Somewhere where there'd be a phone. Didn't believe that this place didn't have one, I mean they had to have some kinda communication. Couldn't call Angel Investigations, no one there gave a rat's ass about me. Except Angel and now he was gone. That only left one option that I really really hated. Had to call Buffy. I had no fucking right to ask her for help, not after what I did to her. But she'd already proved to me once that it didn't matter if I deserved it, she'd have my back when I really needed her. When we were on the rooftop and the Council was after me....again. She'd had my back then, and I'd just stolen her body and fucked her boyfriend.
Finally I found an office. Computer and a desk filled with papers and books. Had to be a phone in there somewhere. Maybe Angelus didn't even know about it, or maybe he had just hoped I wouldn't snoop around. Walking inside, I closed the door behind me quietly before scanning the room. Had to be a phone. I walked to the desk and opened up the desk drawer. Quickly I shoved papers and paper clips and other crap aside and there it was. Not exactly a choice hiding place, but props for tryin'.
Setting the phone on the desk, I picked up the received and punched in Buffy's number before I could change my mind. If anyone could help me now it was gonna be her. All I had to do was keep my cool, and talk to B and she'd....do that thing she always did. You know, that hero thing that I was never any good at. She'd find me, she'd help me, she'd make it all better again. Just had to hope the sleeping psycho would stay sleeping long enough for this to work. I almost held my breath until I heard the familiar voice pick up. Her voice.
"Buffy?" I asked quietly, and I could already feel my voice startin' to crack just hearing her. "What happened? Do you feel it? It's gone."
(Open for B & the psycho later)