I crouched down next to her when she finished yelling, still holding the bamboo in my hand. Should just leave her locked inside of this thing for a few hours, not take care of the feet that were already starting to swell up. "That was a very good punch. Strong, but not strong enough. If you were stronger, you wouldn't be locked inside of that."
Don't lock her up. The box was going to be so much fun to use. If she'd been a wreck coming out of the trunk, she'd be even worse after an hour in there. I came around behind her and cracked the bamboo against her back. "I'm going to let you out of there in a moment. I'll carry you back to the bedroom and you're going to soak your feet in the tub. Fight me on the way there and I'll hold you under water for a while, only letting you up for a tiny breath of air before shoving you in again. Are we clear?"
She didn't answer right away, so I hit her again in the same spot and smiled when I saw blood start to stain the t-shirt. This time I got a nod. Good girl. I dropped it to the floor and then undid the restraints. Picked her up in my arms and carried her back to the bedroom. My nose was still bleeding and leaked onto Faith's shirt.
The water was still in the tub, so I set her down on the edge of it and then lowered her feet in. "Do you want anything to eat? You're not going to move from that spot for at least an hour." Maybe longer if the swelling didn't go down.
I wanted to tell him that my punch was still strong enough to break his fucking nose, but I didn't. Instead I just laid still, like a good girl, right? Nothing I could do, I was doomed. Fucking finished. Except I never really was finished, was I? Just kept goin' on and on and on. Repetition. Hell. It was all the same thing and I barely even gasped out when he smacked me with that stupid fucking stick again. I wanted to rip it out of his hands and thrust it through his chest. I used to be able to do that. I used to be able to kill him, fucking kill him for good. Now I coudln't do shit and it just kept gettin' worse and worse.
I wondered what would have happened if I'd fought back earlier, if I would've escaped. If I had dragged that clerk into the back office of that conveniance store with me. Would I have gotten away? No. Probably woulda just killed me for real.
So he set the rules and I followed along, desperately tryin' to catch up to him as he dragged me along with him on his psychotic journey. He finally let me go and picked me up bodily, before moving upstairs and into the bathroom. I sat up on the edge of the tub, leaning sideways as I let my feet slide into the cold water. Too cold, it hurt. But I kept my feet in the icy tub anyway, because he said...for an hour. So now I had to sit still for another hour, and it was gonna be hard but I was gonna do it.
The thought of food turned my stomach and I knew I'd been gettin' not enough of it lately. But I'd just eaten and even that sandwich had made me want to be sick. But I held it in, baby steps. Baby steps to get better, harder, stronger, faster, closer to kill his fucking crazy ass.
"No." I finally said quietly, tilting my head down and letting dark hair fall into my face. "I'm not hungry."
No food? Fine. I turned my back on her and walked over to the mirror. Blood had started to dry on my face and was staining my shirt. My nose still hurt a lot, but it wasn't worse than some of the things I'd gone through as a vampire. I would heal. I wasn't sure if Faith would ever heal. She just kept pissing me off and I'd do more damage.
Pulled my shirt off and tossed it into the corner before cleaning my face up. It was very weird to have a reflection after all these years. Didn't think I looked too bad for someone who had technically existed for over two hundred years. Can't understand why Soulboy always used that stupid hair gel, I looked fine without it.
I grabbed another cloth, getting it damp before caming back over to where Faith was. Could see goosebumps on her arms and knew the water was too cold, but she hadn't said anything about it. I let some of the water out, adding warm water to what was already there. "Going to clean what I did to your back. Hold still."
Lifted up her shirt and wiped down the bloody welt that ran across her shoulders. "You wouldn't get hurt if you didn't piss me off. You know that, right?" Of course she did, but everything she did pissed me off somehow. Now that the wound was dealt with, I could check on her feet.
Sat down on the edge of the tub next to her, sticking my own feet into the water. Much better now that it wasn't freezing. "Let me see your feet, Faith." She scooted over and then brought them out of the water. "I don't think you're going to be able to walk on those today. Might be able to walk tomorrow if we wrap them up in something first." I started to rub the damaged flesh the way Darla used to do for me. Didn't help too much, but it was better than nothing.
"I know." I said quietly, just tellin' him whatever he wanted to hear because now I couldn't even fucking walk. Fucking psychopath. Just breaking me down over and over and over again, and I wondered if I'd ever get my powers back. He was dust in the fucking wind if I did, no doubt. I'd stake him so fast it'd make his head spin. God, I missed being a slayer. Silently cursing everything I'd ever fucked up because I'd taken it all for granted. What I'd been, what I'd done, who I could've become.
I missed B. Didn't think I'd ever say that, but I did. Because even when she wasn't there she was always there. That connection binding us together until one of us was dead. Besides Angel she was my only connection to the outside world at all when I'd been in prison. Even if she didn't wanna be, she couldn't help it. Long lonely nights I'd snuggle up close to her and she would bristle but she couldn't deny me. I was too in her head, in her heart. She couldn't get rid of me. But now she was gone and I just felt empty and lonely.
I hissed as he rubbed his hands over my swollen bruised feet. Did he think that was actually gonna help? Still, I didn't move or flinch because the slightest thing would set him off again. Too afraid to even say anything he was so damn moody. Prozac baby. He needed some, stat. I wondered if he'd hurt my feet to make sure I wouldn't stab him to death in his sleep. He said I'd run free in this cabin, except now I couldn't run or do much of anything. At least it wasn't the trunk. I could take anything but the trunk. So desperate not to get locked back up in there again I'd do just about anything he wanted me to do.
"Sorry I hurt you." I finally said in a low voice, keeping my chin tilted down as his hands worked over the damaged tissue on the soles of my feet. "Didn't mean it."
Except I did. Meant it so fucking much, and there was a little spark of glee in me that I could still inflict some small amount of violence. Maybe he was right. I was still strong.
I'd done too much damage again. Hadn't meant for her not to bee able to walk, I just couldn't make myself stop when she started to scream. "She locked me in one of those thing just outside of Rome. Kept me in there for days, coming back to tease me with food I couldn't reach. Drained people in front of me."
Heard Faith gasp a little and I made my fingers ease up. "She didn't use bamboo. Instead she burned the souls of my feet every night for a week until it was the only thing I felt. Because I had pissed her the fuck off." I set her feet back into the water very gently.
My hand came out, cupping her chin and tilting Faith's face so I could see her eyes. Good, the hatred was still burning strong. "Always remember that it could be worse. I was taught by the best, and I enjoy what I do. Everything I do is for your own good. If it doesn't kill you, your body will heal and become stronger."
Sighing, I slowly stood up and pushed the button on the tub, letting the water swirl down the drain. I could grab her by the hair and make her walk to the bed, just to hear the shrieks. But, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her back to the bed, turning the covers down before setting her on top of the mattress.
I took one of the extra pillows and stuck it under her feet. Then I hunted down the tv remote and set it next to her. "You've had enough for right now. Just lie there and relax. We'll have more lessons in the morning." Started to leave the room, but I paused. "I'm going to get myself something to eat, you want anything?" She should eat, help recover her strength.
I watched him carefully as he told me yet another pointless story about his vampire whores. Darla and Dru, I was gettin' so fucking sick of hearin' about them. Not that I'd tell him that. Ever. Sick fuck probably got off on that bitch burnin' the soles of his feet every night too. Not that it mattered, he'd been a vampire then. He'd heal a lot quicker than my annoying weak human healing. God, I hated it so much. Wanted to tear all of my skin off until nothin' existed but me without him. Couldn't remember what things were like before him. Before the trunk.
After his little song and dance he picked me up and carried me to the bed before stuffing some pillows under my feet and puttin' the remote next to me. This was the scariest part, and the part I liked best. When he was nice to me. Scary cause I had no fucking clue when he'd snap again and it always seemed to come from out of nowhere when he did.
I let out a deep breath I'd been holdin' when he told me I was down for hte night. Thank fucking God. Didn't think I could take anymore of it. Knew I couldn't.
"Am kinda hungry." I finally admitted, lookin' up at him tentatively as my fingers closed around the remote. The thought of food still made my stomach turn, but the thought of pissin' him off again was more terrifying. So I'd say anything, do anything. No more fight left, at least not right now.
So many things I wanted to do to her, but I had to hold myself back. She was close to the edge, and if I pushed too hard, I'd fail in what I was trying to accomplish. He always failed and I didn't want to be like him. I hated him, what he'd done to us. Tainted by that fucking soul, thinking he could hide who he really was. He was me, but he couldn't see it.
I walked to the kitchen, trying to calm my mind down. I needed to hurt something, smash things to bits, cut something open and watch as the life slowly drained from its eyes. I'd have to take this agression out on something soon before I turned on her again. If that happened, walking would be the least of her problems.
Didn't know what she'd want to eat, so I decided that as long as she was behaving for the moment, she could get a treat. Got out some chocolate ice cream from the freezer and filled a bowl. Made myself a sandwich and ate it before I went back to the room.
Sat down on the bed next to her, handing Faith the bowl. She stared at it for so long that I thought I could hear the damn thing start to melt. "What? It's ice cream, eat it." She flinched and I bit my lip. I mumbled something that made her give me a look.
"I need you to do something for me." I stretched myself out on the bed next to her, lying my head down on the pillow. "Touch me." She choked on her ice cream. "Not like that. Like you did that night in the hotel, with my hair. I want you to do it again, help keep me grounded before I lose it."
I could already feel it building back up. "I can't stop myself, but maybe you can help. Don't want to hurt you more tonight, but if I don't stay distracted..." I really didn't need to finish that. Looked over at her and waited.
Choked on my ice cream when he told me to touch him. Touch him? Was this one of those 'give me head or I'll throw you in the trunk deals'? Honestly I thought he'd get it by now that I wasn't just gonna do that without biting it off. Course, things had changed in seven days. I wasn't sure I could keep tryin' to provoke him. He'd kill me eventually and maybe I just wanted to push him closer to it. Cause if he killed me, at least it'd be over. But on the other hand I really didn't wanna die. Was holdin' onto what I had left so fucking tightly. There wasn't much, but it still existed.
The choices were simple. Do what he asked or bear the brunt of his anger again. It wasn't a hard choice. God I didn't wanna end up in the trunk again or that little box downstairs. Didn't want his hands around my throat squeezing the air out of me again.
Putting the ice cream bowl down on the night stand I turned over on my stomach and laid my head against his chest. My arm wrapped around his waist and I snuggled in close to him. Wasn't a snuggler but I would make the exception this time. I felt dangerously close to crying again as I held onto him.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I'll be good. Don't put me in there again, don't lock me up. I'll be so good." I promised him numbly as I desperately held onto him. Wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but if it didn't work I'd try something else. Try and try and try and it wouldn't matter because the end result was always the same. Small, dark, enclosed spaces. I hated them so much, ever since my mom locked me in my closet that first time.
Hadn't expected her to wrap around me like this, but it felt very fucking nice. I brought my arm around to her back very slowly, moving my fingers as gently as I could in small circles. Knew her back was one big mess of bruises and wounds, so I had to be careful.
I bet if I put her in that little box for more than a couple of hours Faith would shatter completely. Someone had locked her up a very long time ago for the fear to be this deep. "Not going to lock you up tonight. You're safe." That was a laugh. Safe. With me. Managed to keep myself from giggling because I know she'd get all tense again.
Closing my eyes, I let my body start to relax, trying to squash down all the rage that never seemed to stop. Maybe I should sleep in the other room tonight, just in case. If I couldn't stop myself, she would end up bleeding before dawn.
"I'm going to give you a choice, Faithy. You can sleep alone tonight, or I can stay right where I am." It wasn't like she could run away, not tonight. And I highly doubted that she would try to kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up and then she'd be in that box before she could even blink.
His fingers traced gentle patters on the skin of my back and I clung to him more tightly. Whatever I was doin? It seemed to be workin' cause he felt all relaxed pressed up underneath me. Usually he was tense with anger, like a hurricane surrounding me all the time. Now he was nice, and this was the best and the worst time. I couldn't make up my mind, but I clung desperately to it and to him.
Letting a shaky breath out again I listened to him give me my choice. Choices. He was always givin' 'em to me and I was virtually always makin' the wrong one. Over and over again until I wondered if there even was a right one. No matter what I chose it always ended with more screaming. Held onto him more tightly silently begging him not to get angry with me again.
"I want you to stay." I finally said, and I wasn't sure if I meant it or not. In some ways I did, in the way where if he left I'd be all alone again. No one but myself, and I started lookin' forward to him after all that alone time. Especially when he was nice like this, because I could just pretend he was Angel. My wicked Angel who loved me best because he killed all the other girls. He didn't take them home and twist them into knots.
"Just stay here. I'll be good." I promised again, afraid I wash holding him tightly when what he needed was tenderness. I'd never been very good with tenderness. I was more a wham, bam thank you m'am kinda girl. He was showin' me though, I wasn't what I used to be. But I could be strong again. He would teach me.
Don't lock her up. The box was going to be so much fun to use. If she'd been a wreck coming out of the trunk, she'd be even worse after an hour in there. I came around behind her and cracked the bamboo against her back. "I'm going to let you out of there in a moment. I'll carry you back to the bedroom and you're going to soak your feet in the tub. Fight me on the way there and I'll hold you under water for a while, only letting you up for a tiny breath of air before shoving you in again. Are we clear?"
She didn't answer right away, so I hit her again in the same spot and smiled when I saw blood start to stain the t-shirt. This time I got a nod. Good girl. I dropped it to the floor and then undid the restraints. Picked her up in my arms and carried her back to the bedroom. My nose was still bleeding and leaked onto Faith's shirt.
The water was still in the tub, so I set her down on the edge of it and then lowered her feet in. "Do you want anything to eat? You're not going to move from that spot for at least an hour." Maybe longer if the swelling didn't go down.
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I wondered what would have happened if I'd fought back earlier, if I would've escaped. If I had dragged that clerk into the back office of that conveniance store with me. Would I have gotten away? No. Probably woulda just killed me for real.
So he set the rules and I followed along, desperately tryin' to catch up to him as he dragged me along with him on his psychotic journey. He finally let me go and picked me up bodily, before moving upstairs and into the bathroom. I sat up on the edge of the tub, leaning sideways as I let my feet slide into the cold water. Too cold, it hurt. But I kept my feet in the icy tub anyway, because he said...for an hour. So now I had to sit still for another hour, and it was gonna be hard but I was gonna do it.
The thought of food turned my stomach and I knew I'd been gettin' not enough of it lately. But I'd just eaten and even that sandwich had made me want to be sick. But I held it in, baby steps. Baby steps to get better, harder, stronger, faster, closer to kill his fucking crazy ass.
"No." I finally said quietly, tilting my head down and letting dark hair fall into my face. "I'm not hungry."
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Pulled my shirt off and tossed it into the corner before cleaning my face up. It was very weird to have a reflection after all these years. Didn't think I looked too bad for someone who had technically existed for over two hundred years. Can't understand why Soulboy always used that stupid hair gel, I looked fine without it.
I grabbed another cloth, getting it damp before caming back over to where Faith was. Could see goosebumps on her arms and knew the water was too cold, but she hadn't said anything about it. I let some of the water out, adding warm water to what was already there. "Going to clean what I did to your back. Hold still."
Lifted up her shirt and wiped down the bloody welt that ran across her shoulders. "You wouldn't get hurt if you didn't piss me off. You know that, right?" Of course she did, but everything she did pissed me off somehow. Now that the wound was dealt with, I could check on her feet.
Sat down on the edge of the tub next to her, sticking my own feet into the water. Much better now that it wasn't freezing. "Let me see your feet, Faith." She scooted over and then brought them out of the water. "I don't think you're going to be able to walk on those today. Might be able to walk tomorrow if we wrap them up in something first." I started to rub the damaged flesh the way Darla used to do for me. Didn't help too much, but it was better than nothing.
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I missed B. Didn't think I'd ever say that, but I did. Because even when she wasn't there she was always there. That connection binding us together until one of us was dead. Besides Angel she was my only connection to the outside world at all when I'd been in prison. Even if she didn't wanna be, she couldn't help it. Long lonely nights I'd snuggle up close to her and she would bristle but she couldn't deny me. I was too in her head, in her heart. She couldn't get rid of me. But now she was gone and I just felt empty and lonely.
I hissed as he rubbed his hands over my swollen bruised feet. Did he think that was actually gonna help? Still, I didn't move or flinch because the slightest thing would set him off again. Too afraid to even say anything he was so damn moody. Prozac baby. He needed some, stat. I wondered if he'd hurt my feet to make sure I wouldn't stab him to death in his sleep. He said I'd run free in this cabin, except now I couldn't run or do much of anything. At least it wasn't the trunk. I could take anything but the trunk. So desperate not to get locked back up in there again I'd do just about anything he wanted me to do.
"Sorry I hurt you." I finally said in a low voice, keeping my chin tilted down as his hands worked over the damaged tissue on the soles of my feet. "Didn't mean it."
Except I did. Meant it so fucking much, and there was a little spark of glee in me that I could still inflict some small amount of violence. Maybe he was right. I was still strong.
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Heard Faith gasp a little and I made my fingers ease up. "She didn't use bamboo. Instead she burned the souls of my feet every night for a week until it was the only thing I felt. Because I had pissed her the fuck off." I set her feet back into the water very gently.
My hand came out, cupping her chin and tilting Faith's face so I could see her eyes. Good, the hatred was still burning strong. "Always remember that it could be worse. I was taught by the best, and I enjoy what I do. Everything I do is for your own good. If it doesn't kill you, your body will heal and become stronger."
Sighing, I slowly stood up and pushed the button on the tub, letting the water swirl down the drain. I could grab her by the hair and make her walk to the bed, just to hear the shrieks. But, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her back to the bed, turning the covers down before setting her on top of the mattress.
I took one of the extra pillows and stuck it under her feet. Then I hunted down the tv remote and set it next to her. "You've had enough for right now. Just lie there and relax. We'll have more lessons in the morning." Started to leave the room, but I paused. "I'm going to get myself something to eat, you want anything?" She should eat, help recover her strength.
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After his little song and dance he picked me up and carried me to the bed before stuffing some pillows under my feet and puttin' the remote next to me. This was the scariest part, and the part I liked best. When he was nice to me. Scary cause I had no fucking clue when he'd snap again and it always seemed to come from out of nowhere when he did.
I let out a deep breath I'd been holdin' when he told me I was down for hte night. Thank fucking God. Didn't think I could take anymore of it. Knew I couldn't.
"Am kinda hungry." I finally admitted, lookin' up at him tentatively as my fingers closed around the remote. The thought of food still made my stomach turn, but the thought of pissin' him off again was more terrifying. So I'd say anything, do anything. No more fight left, at least not right now.
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I walked to the kitchen, trying to calm my mind down. I needed to hurt something, smash things to bits, cut something open and watch as the life slowly drained from its eyes. I'd have to take this agression out on something soon before I turned on her again. If that happened, walking would be the least of her problems.
Didn't know what she'd want to eat, so I decided that as long as she was behaving for the moment, she could get a treat. Got out some chocolate ice cream from the freezer and filled a bowl. Made myself a sandwich and ate it before I went back to the room.
Sat down on the bed next to her, handing Faith the bowl. She stared at it for so long that I thought I could hear the damn thing start to melt. "What? It's ice cream, eat it." She flinched and I bit my lip. I mumbled something that made her give me a look.
"I need you to do something for me." I stretched myself out on the bed next to her, lying my head down on the pillow. "Touch me." She choked on her ice cream. "Not like that. Like you did that night in the hotel, with my hair. I want you to do it again, help keep me grounded before I lose it."
I could already feel it building back up. "I can't stop myself, but maybe you can help. Don't want to hurt you more tonight, but if I don't stay distracted..." I really didn't need to finish that. Looked over at her and waited.
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The choices were simple. Do what he asked or bear the brunt of his anger again. It wasn't a hard choice. God I didn't wanna end up in the trunk again or that little box downstairs. Didn't want his hands around my throat squeezing the air out of me again.
Putting the ice cream bowl down on the night stand I turned over on my stomach and laid my head against his chest. My arm wrapped around his waist and I snuggled in close to him. Wasn't a snuggler but I would make the exception this time. I felt dangerously close to crying again as I held onto him.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I'll be good. Don't put me in there again, don't lock me up. I'll be so good." I promised him numbly as I desperately held onto him. Wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but if it didn't work I'd try something else. Try and try and try and it wouldn't matter because the end result was always the same. Small, dark, enclosed spaces. I hated them so much, ever since my mom locked me in my closet that first time.
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I bet if I put her in that little box for more than a couple of hours Faith would shatter completely. Someone had locked her up a very long time ago for the fear to be this deep. "Not going to lock you up tonight. You're safe." That was a laugh. Safe. With me. Managed to keep myself from giggling because I know she'd get all tense again.
Closing my eyes, I let my body start to relax, trying to squash down all the rage that never seemed to stop. Maybe I should sleep in the other room tonight, just in case. If I couldn't stop myself, she would end up bleeding before dawn.
"I'm going to give you a choice, Faithy. You can sleep alone tonight, or I can stay right where I am." It wasn't like she could run away, not tonight. And I highly doubted that she would try to kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up and then she'd be in that box before she could even blink.
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Letting a shaky breath out again I listened to him give me my choice. Choices. He was always givin' 'em to me and I was virtually always makin' the wrong one. Over and over again until I wondered if there even was a right one. No matter what I chose it always ended with more screaming. Held onto him more tightly silently begging him not to get angry with me again.
"I want you to stay." I finally said, and I wasn't sure if I meant it or not. In some ways I did, in the way where if he left I'd be all alone again. No one but myself, and I started lookin' forward to him after all that alone time. Especially when he was nice like this, because I could just pretend he was Angel. My wicked Angel who loved me best because he killed all the other girls. He didn't take them home and twist them into knots.
"Just stay here. I'll be good." I promised again, afraid I wash holding him tightly when what he needed was tenderness. I'd never been very good with tenderness. I was more a wham, bam thank you m'am kinda girl. He was showin' me though, I wasn't what I used to be. But I could be strong again. He would teach me.
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