The days were beginning to blur for me. My limbs slowly falling asleep amidst screaming and crying and begging and bleeding. I couldn't see where one part of me started and the other began, it all just meshed together in one big swirl of black. Occasionally there would be the reprieve of screaming until I was raw and then passing out for a few hours. I'd nod on and off and those few sweet moments of unconsciousness were what I held onto. I was learning that food and water was a luxury, but that wasn't a new lesson. I'd been learning that one forever. But it just kept going on and on until I thought that maybe I just didn't exist anymore.
Sometimes I'd remember things that I'd learned in prison. Insanity and repetition and circles of hell. I remembered Sisyphus from a book that my shrink had made me read. It was a myth about a man kept having to push a boulder up a giant hill. As soon as he got it to the top it would roll back down and he'd have to start all over again. There was no point, and so that was hell. This was hell, locked in the trunk of the car in the blistering heat. I died thousands of times in seven days, but none of them ever took.
I was hungry and so I ate when he offered it to me. I didn't know what his intentions were or if I was ever being good or bad. We were both so unpredictable but he took the cake on that. Maybe now that he was human they could give him some Prozac or something. No, I doubted that anti-psychotic drugs that weak would do anything for him. This sort of dependency made me wretch because I began looking forward to him when he took me out of the trunk. He was crazy, but he was something. Something other than the things I thought about in that trunk. The memories that visited me. He was a distraction and I began to long for his company. Even when he was angry, it was better than the trunk.
Of course I had no idea whether I was being good or bad anymore, because neither seemed to please him constantly. I never had any idea what to expect except more pain and rage.
When he untied me, I sat up and rubbed my swore wrists a little bit. The air conditioning felt good against my skin, but nothing else felt good. Everything else hurt. He was watchin' me like a hawk and I wasn't sure what to do or say or if I should do either because it might piss him off again. Just waitin' for him to smack me and tell me to get him a beer, bitch. Fucking crazy motherfucker. I'd kill him if I could. Slice him in half and show him that I'd been payin' rapt attention during his little lectures.
Eyeing him carefully I slowly stood up on the floor and walked to the window. Gazing outside into the desert I could see he was right. Nothing but sand and cacti for as far as you could see. My wet hair clung to the back of my neck so I wrung it out with my hands before turnin' around to look at him.
"What are we doing here?" I finally dared to ask, no clue if it would provoke him and hopefully not.
I watched her closely, checking for any signs that her sanity had gone for good. One of these times I'd push Faith too far and she'd break for good. Of course if that happened, I would just have to put her out of her misery, after I made her bleed some more for disappointing me. But it looked like she still had all her marbles as she slowly got off the bed.
She'd lost that grace in her movement that all Slayers seemed to have, but I knew it was buried inside of that body, the same as the rest of her skills. It would be a challenge to bring her back to what she was, but Faith would have to believe she was capable of it first. Convince the mind and the body will follow.
I walked over to where she was standing, making sure to give her enough space so I didn't seem quite so threatening. "We are here to mend your body. Not just the bruises, but to help you become what you were meant to be. You're still a caterpillar, but I'm going to help you become a butterfly again."
Reaching out, my fingers touched the bottom of her shirt. She flinched at first, but when no blow came, I saw her body start to relax. Lifting up the piece of clothing, I looked at the design carved into her flesh. Angry, raw, maybe infected. "I want you to sit on the bed, I'm going to clean that up before you get sick from it. No doctors out here."
My hand curled into a fist without me even thinking about it and she moved to the bed. Smart girl. I walked into the bathroom, grabbing bandages, alcohol, and a cloth. "Lie down." She shot me a look, but did what I asked. "This is going to sting, but it has to be done." Poured the alcohol into the cloth and then pressed it as gently as possible against the wounded flesh. She bucked off the bed and I put my hand on her hip to help anchor her down. "Almost done." I added more alcohol and did it again, and she kept herself on the bed this time. "Good girl."
Covered it up with the bandages before turning to her. "Now Faithy, do you want to learn how to be strong again? I'm going to teach you all kinds of tricks. You've got most of the knowledge inside your head, but you've lost your edge. Told you before that I'm going to let you be free while you're here. If you don't want to learn, then I'll just have to keep myself entertained." I gave her a smile and I know it wasn't nice.
It stung something wicked, the etching on my skin. Now I understood his little butterfly fetish. I was cocooned, trapped all the time now in that trunk. But he said I was gonna be strong again, and for some fucked up reason I believed him. If he built me back up enough I'd stab him to death, over and over and over again. I'd show him a hellish repetition. Choking back another scream as he put the bandage on it, I let my eyes wander along the patterns in the ceiling. I'd gotten good at trying to distract myself with random things.
Still laying flat on my back I felt all my sore muscles tense up as he smiled that sick little smile down at me. Did I want to play his game? No. Would I play his game to avoid the trunk? You bet your ass I would. I was sick of bein' hog-tied and tossed around. Swallowing hard I nodded up at him.
"I want to learn." I finally said after I found my voice again. Watched him for a second as he backed away slightly and sat at the edge of the bed. Did he have to stay so close? But I didn't want him to go away. When he went away it was just me and I hated those times. Wanted him to stay. Unless I could leave and find Angel, but that wasn't happening. Not in the desert.
"Can I have a cigarette?" I asked him after a minute. I wanted a smoke, not one of those PCP laced smokes. Shit. He needed to find another drug, that was making him crazy....er.
My smile turned genuine when Faith said she wanted to learn. Part of me had been hoping she'd say no just so I could add some more bruises to her body. I moved a little further away to the edge of the bed and thought about what I was going to show her next. "Sure, you can have one. You've been very good since I let you out this time."
Getting up, I walked over to one of the bags on the dresser and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I lit it and handed it to her. "Follow me, I want to show you where we're going to work on fixing your body." She didn't seem very gung-ho about this, but that might change. Faith knew the sooner she was strong again, the sooner she could make me pay for what I'd done. It would help her train harder.
I lead her down the hall, pointing out a library and the extra bedroom. Then we reached the training room. I turned on the light and stepped inside. She followed me, looking nervous. Half of it was a weight room and the other half was full of torture equipment. I loved it. "If you behave, you'll get to use the weights and things, if you don't..." I moved over to a box that was smaller than the car trunk. "I'll put you in there for a while."
So many toys just waiting to be used. I turned back and saw how pale Faith had gone. She looked about ready to bolt. Shook my head, walking over to where she was. "Breathe, Faith. As much as I'd love to try some of these things out on you, your body is too messed up right now." I reached out and cupped her face. "You have to heal first. So try not to piss me off, or we'll find out exactly how much pain you can take before passing out."
Grabbing her elbow, I dragged her over to the weight room side. "You think you're weak, but you're not. You just need to get used to your new body like I did." I stood there for a second and then a thought popped into my head. "Hit me. Put your full weight into it and hit me in the face. I won't get angry, I promise." I had to see how strong she was so we could go from there.
What the fuck? This was like some kinda sick playground of torture. My eyes widened as I took in all the little toys he had in here. Fucking bastard. He was doin' it so I'd just do whatever he told me and tow the line, like that one little reminder hangin' right over my head. Hated him so much. Wanted him to die. When he put his hand on my face and tilted me up to look at him I wanted to cry again and I had no idea why. But I could the burning behind my eyes and it pissed me off so fucking bad. I hated him.
Maybe he was right though, maybe I just needed to re-adjust to plain old Faith. I'd gotten in my fair share of scraps over the years even before I became a slayer. Always fighting, and I usually won. I was small, but I could still be tough. Strong enough to slit his throat when he didn't expect me to.
Giving him a confused look, I took a step backwards as he asked me to hit him. He promised he wouldn't get angry but I never knew when he was testin' me or what exactly would piss him off. So fucking unpredictable. Wanted to though. Wanted to hit him so bad it hurt, everything hurt. But he was tellin' me too, and I didn't wanna end up back in the box.
What if I started and couldn't stop? What if I killed him? What if he lost his shit and killed me. My whole body was pounding with murderous rage as my fist shot out and clocked him so hard in the nose that I heard a snap. Blood started spurting out of his nostrils and he instantly yelled and clamped a hand over his now broken nose. Shit.
"You told me to!" I yelled at him defensively, stepping backward. "You fucking told me to!"
Her fist slammed into my nose and I heard it crunch. Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it. I clutched my nose, feeling the blood pour over my fingers. It felt crooked and I knew I'd have to fix it now before it started to heal wrong. Putting one of my hands on either side of my nose, I twisted it back into place, letting out a bellow of pain. Then I turned to look at Faith.
Blood was leaking down my face and I ignored it. Blocked out the pain, focusing on her. She started to back up as I stalked across the room. "Yeah, I told you to." I shook my head a little, spraying blood in all directions. Damn this hurts. "You're strong, that just proved it." I'd promised not to get angry and I hadn't. But I hadn't promised not to do anything else.
Glanced around the room and saw something I wanted to try out. I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her over to something that looked like a bench where someone's hands and legs would be locked into place in front of them. She struggled against me, but I was still stronger. I forced her down onto the bench, locking her legs and hands into place.
"You know what this thing is?" Of course she didn't, but I did. I picked up a piece of bamboo that was lying next to the device. Swung it next to her face a couple of times so she'd hear the noise. I smiled at her bare feet and came around in front of her. "I didn't say to break my nose, did I?" She started to say something and I tuned it out.
With a growl, I brought the bamboo across the souls of her feet as hard as I could. She cried out in pain and I smiled. "You aren't allowed to break anything unless I give you permission." Cracked it again and again until my arm got tired. Her feet were now black and blue and I knew she wasn't going to be able to walk on them for at least a day. "I'm allowed to break you, but you can't break me. Not yet, not until I say so, and you're stronger. Understand?"
I knew it was happening and I couldn't do anything about him. He stalked towards me, but at least this time he didn't have the murderous rage thundering behind his eyes. He kept squinting in pain from the broken nose and I almost wanted to smile, but I didn't. I wanted to be good, I didn't wanna be tied down in the trunk anymore. Didn't wanna end up in that little box. Never gonna get outta this, never gonna escape. Where was Angel?
The bamboo smacking against my feet with force made me scream, but really he'd done worse. Sometimes I thought I was screaming just because he liked to hear it. Jerking against the restraints on my ankles and wrists I tried to get free, my feet felt like too throbbing slabs of meat. Wasn't even sure I could walk on them ever again. They hurt so fucking bad.
But I'd hurt him. Hurt him wicked bad. First stabbing him in the thigh, then kicking him hard in the junk, breaking his nose, not to mention all the other bites and jabs I'd managed to get in over the week.
"You told me to." I couldn't help but breathe out again at him when he finally stopped. "You told me to hit you! Told me to hit you in the face as hard as I could and I did! I fucking did it cause you told me to!" Breathing hard I immediately stilled and got wicked quiet. Last thing I needed was to get him all pissed off again. "I'm sorry, don't lock me up."
I crouched down next to her when she finished yelling, still holding the bamboo in my hand. Should just leave her locked inside of this thing for a few hours, not take care of the feet that were already starting to swell up. "That was a very good punch. Strong, but not strong enough. If you were stronger, you wouldn't be locked inside of that."
Don't lock her up. The box was going to be so much fun to use. If she'd been a wreck coming out of the trunk, she'd be even worse after an hour in there. I came around behind her and cracked the bamboo against her back. "I'm going to let you out of there in a moment. I'll carry you back to the bedroom and you're going to soak your feet in the tub. Fight me on the way there and I'll hold you under water for a while, only letting you up for a tiny breath of air before shoving you in again. Are we clear?"
She didn't answer right away, so I hit her again in the same spot and smiled when I saw blood start to stain the t-shirt. This time I got a nod. Good girl. I dropped it to the floor and then undid the restraints. Picked her up in my arms and carried her back to the bedroom. My nose was still bleeding and leaked onto Faith's shirt.
The water was still in the tub, so I set her down on the edge of it and then lowered her feet in. "Do you want anything to eat? You're not going to move from that spot for at least an hour." Maybe longer if the swelling didn't go down.
I wanted to tell him that my punch was still strong enough to break his fucking nose, but I didn't. Instead I just laid still, like a good girl, right? Nothing I could do, I was doomed. Fucking finished. Except I never really was finished, was I? Just kept goin' on and on and on. Repetition. Hell. It was all the same thing and I barely even gasped out when he smacked me with that stupid fucking stick again. I wanted to rip it out of his hands and thrust it through his chest. I used to be able to do that. I used to be able to kill him, fucking kill him for good. Now I coudln't do shit and it just kept gettin' worse and worse.
I wondered what would have happened if I'd fought back earlier, if I would've escaped. If I had dragged that clerk into the back office of that conveniance store with me. Would I have gotten away? No. Probably woulda just killed me for real.
So he set the rules and I followed along, desperately tryin' to catch up to him as he dragged me along with him on his psychotic journey. He finally let me go and picked me up bodily, before moving upstairs and into the bathroom. I sat up on the edge of the tub, leaning sideways as I let my feet slide into the cold water. Too cold, it hurt. But I kept my feet in the icy tub anyway, because he said...for an hour. So now I had to sit still for another hour, and it was gonna be hard but I was gonna do it.
The thought of food turned my stomach and I knew I'd been gettin' not enough of it lately. But I'd just eaten and even that sandwich had made me want to be sick. But I held it in, baby steps. Baby steps to get better, harder, stronger, faster, closer to kill his fucking crazy ass.
"No." I finally said quietly, tilting my head down and letting dark hair fall into my face. "I'm not hungry."
No food? Fine. I turned my back on her and walked over to the mirror. Blood had started to dry on my face and was staining my shirt. My nose still hurt a lot, but it wasn't worse than some of the things I'd gone through as a vampire. I would heal. I wasn't sure if Faith would ever heal. She just kept pissing me off and I'd do more damage.
Pulled my shirt off and tossed it into the corner before cleaning my face up. It was very weird to have a reflection after all these years. Didn't think I looked too bad for someone who had technically existed for over two hundred years. Can't understand why Soulboy always used that stupid hair gel, I looked fine without it.
I grabbed another cloth, getting it damp before caming back over to where Faith was. Could see goosebumps on her arms and knew the water was too cold, but she hadn't said anything about it. I let some of the water out, adding warm water to what was already there. "Going to clean what I did to your back. Hold still."
Lifted up her shirt and wiped down the bloody welt that ran across her shoulders. "You wouldn't get hurt if you didn't piss me off. You know that, right?" Of course she did, but everything she did pissed me off somehow. Now that the wound was dealt with, I could check on her feet.
Sat down on the edge of the tub next to her, sticking my own feet into the water. Much better now that it wasn't freezing. "Let me see your feet, Faith." She scooted over and then brought them out of the water. "I don't think you're going to be able to walk on those today. Might be able to walk tomorrow if we wrap them up in something first." I started to rub the damaged flesh the way Darla used to do for me. Didn't help too much, but it was better than nothing.
"I know." I said quietly, just tellin' him whatever he wanted to hear because now I couldn't even fucking walk. Fucking psychopath. Just breaking me down over and over and over again, and I wondered if I'd ever get my powers back. He was dust in the fucking wind if I did, no doubt. I'd stake him so fast it'd make his head spin. God, I missed being a slayer. Silently cursing everything I'd ever fucked up because I'd taken it all for granted. What I'd been, what I'd done, who I could've become.
I missed B. Didn't think I'd ever say that, but I did. Because even when she wasn't there she was always there. That connection binding us together until one of us was dead. Besides Angel she was my only connection to the outside world at all when I'd been in prison. Even if she didn't wanna be, she couldn't help it. Long lonely nights I'd snuggle up close to her and she would bristle but she couldn't deny me. I was too in her head, in her heart. She couldn't get rid of me. But now she was gone and I just felt empty and lonely.
I hissed as he rubbed his hands over my swollen bruised feet. Did he think that was actually gonna help? Still, I didn't move or flinch because the slightest thing would set him off again. Too afraid to even say anything he was so damn moody. Prozac baby. He needed some, stat. I wondered if he'd hurt my feet to make sure I wouldn't stab him to death in his sleep. He said I'd run free in this cabin, except now I couldn't run or do much of anything. At least it wasn't the trunk. I could take anything but the trunk. So desperate not to get locked back up in there again I'd do just about anything he wanted me to do.
"Sorry I hurt you." I finally said in a low voice, keeping my chin tilted down as his hands worked over the damaged tissue on the soles of my feet. "Didn't mean it."
Except I did. Meant it so fucking much, and there was a little spark of glee in me that I could still inflict some small amount of violence. Maybe he was right. I was still strong.
I'd done too much damage again. Hadn't meant for her not to bee able to walk, I just couldn't make myself stop when she started to scream. "She locked me in one of those thing just outside of Rome. Kept me in there for days, coming back to tease me with food I couldn't reach. Drained people in front of me."
Heard Faith gasp a little and I made my fingers ease up. "She didn't use bamboo. Instead she burned the souls of my feet every night for a week until it was the only thing I felt. Because I had pissed her the fuck off." I set her feet back into the water very gently.
My hand came out, cupping her chin and tilting Faith's face so I could see her eyes. Good, the hatred was still burning strong. "Always remember that it could be worse. I was taught by the best, and I enjoy what I do. Everything I do is for your own good. If it doesn't kill you, your body will heal and become stronger."
Sighing, I slowly stood up and pushed the button on the tub, letting the water swirl down the drain. I could grab her by the hair and make her walk to the bed, just to hear the shrieks. But, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her back to the bed, turning the covers down before setting her on top of the mattress.
I took one of the extra pillows and stuck it under her feet. Then I hunted down the tv remote and set it next to her. "You've had enough for right now. Just lie there and relax. We'll have more lessons in the morning." Started to leave the room, but I paused. "I'm going to get myself something to eat, you want anything?" She should eat, help recover her strength.
I watched him carefully as he told me yet another pointless story about his vampire whores. Darla and Dru, I was gettin' so fucking sick of hearin' about them. Not that I'd tell him that. Ever. Sick fuck probably got off on that bitch burnin' the soles of his feet every night too. Not that it mattered, he'd been a vampire then. He'd heal a lot quicker than my annoying weak human healing. God, I hated it so much. Wanted to tear all of my skin off until nothin' existed but me without him. Couldn't remember what things were like before him. Before the trunk.
After his little song and dance he picked me up and carried me to the bed before stuffing some pillows under my feet and puttin' the remote next to me. This was the scariest part, and the part I liked best. When he was nice to me. Scary cause I had no fucking clue when he'd snap again and it always seemed to come from out of nowhere when he did.
I let out a deep breath I'd been holdin' when he told me I was down for hte night. Thank fucking God. Didn't think I could take anymore of it. Knew I couldn't.
"Am kinda hungry." I finally admitted, lookin' up at him tentatively as my fingers closed around the remote. The thought of food still made my stomach turn, but the thought of pissin' him off again was more terrifying. So I'd say anything, do anything. No more fight left, at least not right now.
So many things I wanted to do to her, but I had to hold myself back. She was close to the edge, and if I pushed too hard, I'd fail in what I was trying to accomplish. He always failed and I didn't want to be like him. I hated him, what he'd done to us. Tainted by that fucking soul, thinking he could hide who he really was. He was me, but he couldn't see it.
I walked to the kitchen, trying to calm my mind down. I needed to hurt something, smash things to bits, cut something open and watch as the life slowly drained from its eyes. I'd have to take this agression out on something soon before I turned on her again. If that happened, walking would be the least of her problems.
Didn't know what she'd want to eat, so I decided that as long as she was behaving for the moment, she could get a treat. Got out some chocolate ice cream from the freezer and filled a bowl. Made myself a sandwich and ate it before I went back to the room.
Sat down on the bed next to her, handing Faith the bowl. She stared at it for so long that I thought I could hear the damn thing start to melt. "What? It's ice cream, eat it." She flinched and I bit my lip. I mumbled something that made her give me a look.
"I need you to do something for me." I stretched myself out on the bed next to her, lying my head down on the pillow. "Touch me." She choked on her ice cream. "Not like that. Like you did that night in the hotel, with my hair. I want you to do it again, help keep me grounded before I lose it."
I could already feel it building back up. "I can't stop myself, but maybe you can help. Don't want to hurt you more tonight, but if I don't stay distracted..." I really didn't need to finish that. Looked over at her and waited.
Choked on my ice cream when he told me to touch him. Touch him? Was this one of those 'give me head or I'll throw you in the trunk deals'? Honestly I thought he'd get it by now that I wasn't just gonna do that without biting it off. Course, things had changed in seven days. I wasn't sure I could keep tryin' to provoke him. He'd kill me eventually and maybe I just wanted to push him closer to it. Cause if he killed me, at least it'd be over. But on the other hand I really didn't wanna die. Was holdin' onto what I had left so fucking tightly. There wasn't much, but it still existed.
The choices were simple. Do what he asked or bear the brunt of his anger again. It wasn't a hard choice. God I didn't wanna end up in the trunk again or that little box downstairs. Didn't want his hands around my throat squeezing the air out of me again.
Putting the ice cream bowl down on the night stand I turned over on my stomach and laid my head against his chest. My arm wrapped around his waist and I snuggled in close to him. Wasn't a snuggler but I would make the exception this time. I felt dangerously close to crying again as I held onto him.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I'll be good. Don't put me in there again, don't lock me up. I'll be so good." I promised him numbly as I desperately held onto him. Wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but if it didn't work I'd try something else. Try and try and try and it wouldn't matter because the end result was always the same. Small, dark, enclosed spaces. I hated them so much, ever since my mom locked me in my closet that first time.
Hadn't expected her to wrap around me like this, but it felt very fucking nice. I brought my arm around to her back very slowly, moving my fingers as gently as I could in small circles. Knew her back was one big mess of bruises and wounds, so I had to be careful.
I bet if I put her in that little box for more than a couple of hours Faith would shatter completely. Someone had locked her up a very long time ago for the fear to be this deep. "Not going to lock you up tonight. You're safe." That was a laugh. Safe. With me. Managed to keep myself from giggling because I know she'd get all tense again.
Closing my eyes, I let my body start to relax, trying to squash down all the rage that never seemed to stop. Maybe I should sleep in the other room tonight, just in case. If I couldn't stop myself, she would end up bleeding before dawn.
"I'm going to give you a choice, Faithy. You can sleep alone tonight, or I can stay right where I am." It wasn't like she could run away, not tonight. And I highly doubted that she would try to kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up and then she'd be in that box before she could even blink.
Sometimes I'd remember things that I'd learned in prison. Insanity and repetition and circles of hell. I remembered Sisyphus from a book that my shrink had made me read. It was a myth about a man kept having to push a boulder up a giant hill. As soon as he got it to the top it would roll back down and he'd have to start all over again. There was no point, and so that was hell. This was hell, locked in the trunk of the car in the blistering heat. I died thousands of times in seven days, but none of them ever took.
I was hungry and so I ate when he offered it to me. I didn't know what his intentions were or if I was ever being good or bad. We were both so unpredictable but he took the cake on that. Maybe now that he was human they could give him some Prozac or something. No, I doubted that anti-psychotic drugs that weak would do anything for him. This sort of dependency made me wretch because I began looking forward to him when he took me out of the trunk. He was crazy, but he was something. Something other than the things I thought about in that trunk. The memories that visited me. He was a distraction and I began to long for his company. Even when he was angry, it was better than the trunk.
Of course I had no idea whether I was being good or bad anymore, because neither seemed to please him constantly. I never had any idea what to expect except more pain and rage.
When he untied me, I sat up and rubbed my swore wrists a little bit. The air conditioning felt good against my skin, but nothing else felt good. Everything else hurt. He was watchin' me like a hawk and I wasn't sure what to do or say or if I should do either because it might piss him off again. Just waitin' for him to smack me and tell me to get him a beer, bitch. Fucking crazy motherfucker. I'd kill him if I could. Slice him in half and show him that I'd been payin' rapt attention during his little lectures.
Eyeing him carefully I slowly stood up on the floor and walked to the window. Gazing outside into the desert I could see he was right. Nothing but sand and cacti for as far as you could see. My wet hair clung to the back of my neck so I wrung it out with my hands before turnin' around to look at him.
"What are we doing here?" I finally dared to ask, no clue if it would provoke him and hopefully not.
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She'd lost that grace in her movement that all Slayers seemed to have, but I knew it was buried inside of that body, the same as the rest of her skills. It would be a challenge to bring her back to what she was, but Faith would have to believe she was capable of it first. Convince the mind and the body will follow.
I walked over to where she was standing, making sure to give her enough space so I didn't seem quite so threatening. "We are here to mend your body. Not just the bruises, but to help you become what you were meant to be. You're still a caterpillar, but I'm going to help you become a butterfly again."
Reaching out, my fingers touched the bottom of her shirt. She flinched at first, but when no blow came, I saw her body start to relax. Lifting up the piece of clothing, I looked at the design carved into her flesh. Angry, raw, maybe infected. "I want you to sit on the bed, I'm going to clean that up before you get sick from it. No doctors out here."
My hand curled into a fist without me even thinking about it and she moved to the bed. Smart girl. I walked into the bathroom, grabbing bandages, alcohol, and a cloth. "Lie down." She shot me a look, but did what I asked. "This is going to sting, but it has to be done." Poured the alcohol into the cloth and then pressed it as gently as possible against the wounded flesh. She bucked off the bed and I put my hand on her hip to help anchor her down. "Almost done." I added more alcohol and did it again, and she kept herself on the bed this time. "Good girl."
Covered it up with the bandages before turning to her. "Now Faithy, do you want to learn how to be strong again? I'm going to teach you all kinds of tricks. You've got most of the knowledge inside your head, but you've lost your edge. Told you before that I'm going to let you be free while you're here. If you don't want to learn, then I'll just have to keep myself entertained." I gave her a smile and I know it wasn't nice.
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Still laying flat on my back I felt all my sore muscles tense up as he smiled that sick little smile down at me. Did I want to play his game? No. Would I play his game to avoid the trunk? You bet your ass I would. I was sick of bein' hog-tied and tossed around. Swallowing hard I nodded up at him.
"I want to learn." I finally said after I found my voice again. Watched him for a second as he backed away slightly and sat at the edge of the bed. Did he have to stay so close? But I didn't want him to go away. When he went away it was just me and I hated those times. Wanted him to stay. Unless I could leave and find Angel, but that wasn't happening. Not in the desert.
"Can I have a cigarette?" I asked him after a minute. I wanted a smoke, not one of those PCP laced smokes. Shit. He needed to find another drug, that was making him crazy....er.
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Getting up, I walked over to one of the bags on the dresser and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. I lit it and handed it to her. "Follow me, I want to show you where we're going to work on fixing your body." She didn't seem very gung-ho about this, but that might change. Faith knew the sooner she was strong again, the sooner she could make me pay for what I'd done. It would help her train harder.
I lead her down the hall, pointing out a library and the extra bedroom. Then we reached the training room. I turned on the light and stepped inside. She followed me, looking nervous. Half of it was a weight room and the other half was full of torture equipment. I loved it. "If you behave, you'll get to use the weights and things, if you don't..." I moved over to a box that was smaller than the car trunk. "I'll put you in there for a while."
So many toys just waiting to be used. I turned back and saw how pale Faith had gone. She looked about ready to bolt. Shook my head, walking over to where she was. "Breathe, Faith. As much as I'd love to try some of these things out on you, your body is too messed up right now." I reached out and cupped her face. "You have to heal first. So try not to piss me off, or we'll find out exactly how much pain you can take before passing out."
Grabbing her elbow, I dragged her over to the weight room side. "You think you're weak, but you're not. You just need to get used to your new body like I did." I stood there for a second and then a thought popped into my head. "Hit me. Put your full weight into it and hit me in the face. I won't get angry, I promise." I had to see how strong she was so we could go from there.
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Maybe he was right though, maybe I just needed to re-adjust to plain old Faith. I'd gotten in my fair share of scraps over the years even before I became a slayer. Always fighting, and I usually won. I was small, but I could still be tough. Strong enough to slit his throat when he didn't expect me to.
Giving him a confused look, I took a step backwards as he asked me to hit him. He promised he wouldn't get angry but I never knew when he was testin' me or what exactly would piss him off. So fucking unpredictable. Wanted to though. Wanted to hit him so bad it hurt, everything hurt. But he was tellin' me too, and I didn't wanna end up back in the box.
What if I started and couldn't stop? What if I killed him? What if he lost his shit and killed me. My whole body was pounding with murderous rage as my fist shot out and clocked him so hard in the nose that I heard a snap. Blood started spurting out of his nostrils and he instantly yelled and clamped a hand over his now broken nose. Shit.
"You told me to!" I yelled at him defensively, stepping backward. "You fucking told me to!"
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Blood was leaking down my face and I ignored it. Blocked out the pain, focusing on her. She started to back up as I stalked across the room. "Yeah, I told you to." I shook my head a little, spraying blood in all directions. Damn this hurts. "You're strong, that just proved it." I'd promised not to get angry and I hadn't. But I hadn't promised not to do anything else.
Glanced around the room and saw something I wanted to try out. I grabbed her by the arm and dragged her over to something that looked like a bench where someone's hands and legs would be locked into place in front of them. She struggled against me, but I was still stronger. I forced her down onto the bench, locking her legs and hands into place.
"You know what this thing is?" Of course she didn't, but I did. I picked up a piece of bamboo that was lying next to the device. Swung it next to her face a couple of times so she'd hear the noise. I smiled at her bare feet and came around in front of her. "I didn't say to break my nose, did I?" She started to say something and I tuned it out.
With a growl, I brought the bamboo across the souls of her feet as hard as I could. She cried out in pain and I smiled. "You aren't allowed to break anything unless I give you permission." Cracked it again and again until my arm got tired. Her feet were now black and blue and I knew she wasn't going to be able to walk on them for at least a day. "I'm allowed to break you, but you can't break me. Not yet, not until I say so, and you're stronger. Understand?"
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The bamboo smacking against my feet with force made me scream, but really he'd done worse. Sometimes I thought I was screaming just because he liked to hear it. Jerking against the restraints on my ankles and wrists I tried to get free, my feet felt like too throbbing slabs of meat. Wasn't even sure I could walk on them ever again. They hurt so fucking bad.
But I'd hurt him. Hurt him wicked bad. First stabbing him in the thigh, then kicking him hard in the junk, breaking his nose, not to mention all the other bites and jabs I'd managed to get in over the week.
"You told me to." I couldn't help but breathe out again at him when he finally stopped. "You told me to hit you! Told me to hit you in the face as hard as I could and I did! I fucking did it cause you told me to!" Breathing hard I immediately stilled and got wicked quiet. Last thing I needed was to get him all pissed off again. "I'm sorry, don't lock me up."
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Don't lock her up. The box was going to be so much fun to use. If she'd been a wreck coming out of the trunk, she'd be even worse after an hour in there. I came around behind her and cracked the bamboo against her back. "I'm going to let you out of there in a moment. I'll carry you back to the bedroom and you're going to soak your feet in the tub. Fight me on the way there and I'll hold you under water for a while, only letting you up for a tiny breath of air before shoving you in again. Are we clear?"
She didn't answer right away, so I hit her again in the same spot and smiled when I saw blood start to stain the t-shirt. This time I got a nod. Good girl. I dropped it to the floor and then undid the restraints. Picked her up in my arms and carried her back to the bedroom. My nose was still bleeding and leaked onto Faith's shirt.
The water was still in the tub, so I set her down on the edge of it and then lowered her feet in. "Do you want anything to eat? You're not going to move from that spot for at least an hour." Maybe longer if the swelling didn't go down.
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I wondered what would have happened if I'd fought back earlier, if I would've escaped. If I had dragged that clerk into the back office of that conveniance store with me. Would I have gotten away? No. Probably woulda just killed me for real.
So he set the rules and I followed along, desperately tryin' to catch up to him as he dragged me along with him on his psychotic journey. He finally let me go and picked me up bodily, before moving upstairs and into the bathroom. I sat up on the edge of the tub, leaning sideways as I let my feet slide into the cold water. Too cold, it hurt. But I kept my feet in the icy tub anyway, because he said...for an hour. So now I had to sit still for another hour, and it was gonna be hard but I was gonna do it.
The thought of food turned my stomach and I knew I'd been gettin' not enough of it lately. But I'd just eaten and even that sandwich had made me want to be sick. But I held it in, baby steps. Baby steps to get better, harder, stronger, faster, closer to kill his fucking crazy ass.
"No." I finally said quietly, tilting my head down and letting dark hair fall into my face. "I'm not hungry."
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Pulled my shirt off and tossed it into the corner before cleaning my face up. It was very weird to have a reflection after all these years. Didn't think I looked too bad for someone who had technically existed for over two hundred years. Can't understand why Soulboy always used that stupid hair gel, I looked fine without it.
I grabbed another cloth, getting it damp before caming back over to where Faith was. Could see goosebumps on her arms and knew the water was too cold, but she hadn't said anything about it. I let some of the water out, adding warm water to what was already there. "Going to clean what I did to your back. Hold still."
Lifted up her shirt and wiped down the bloody welt that ran across her shoulders. "You wouldn't get hurt if you didn't piss me off. You know that, right?" Of course she did, but everything she did pissed me off somehow. Now that the wound was dealt with, I could check on her feet.
Sat down on the edge of the tub next to her, sticking my own feet into the water. Much better now that it wasn't freezing. "Let me see your feet, Faith." She scooted over and then brought them out of the water. "I don't think you're going to be able to walk on those today. Might be able to walk tomorrow if we wrap them up in something first." I started to rub the damaged flesh the way Darla used to do for me. Didn't help too much, but it was better than nothing.
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I missed B. Didn't think I'd ever say that, but I did. Because even when she wasn't there she was always there. That connection binding us together until one of us was dead. Besides Angel she was my only connection to the outside world at all when I'd been in prison. Even if she didn't wanna be, she couldn't help it. Long lonely nights I'd snuggle up close to her and she would bristle but she couldn't deny me. I was too in her head, in her heart. She couldn't get rid of me. But now she was gone and I just felt empty and lonely.
I hissed as he rubbed his hands over my swollen bruised feet. Did he think that was actually gonna help? Still, I didn't move or flinch because the slightest thing would set him off again. Too afraid to even say anything he was so damn moody. Prozac baby. He needed some, stat. I wondered if he'd hurt my feet to make sure I wouldn't stab him to death in his sleep. He said I'd run free in this cabin, except now I couldn't run or do much of anything. At least it wasn't the trunk. I could take anything but the trunk. So desperate not to get locked back up in there again I'd do just about anything he wanted me to do.
"Sorry I hurt you." I finally said in a low voice, keeping my chin tilted down as his hands worked over the damaged tissue on the soles of my feet. "Didn't mean it."
Except I did. Meant it so fucking much, and there was a little spark of glee in me that I could still inflict some small amount of violence. Maybe he was right. I was still strong.
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Heard Faith gasp a little and I made my fingers ease up. "She didn't use bamboo. Instead she burned the souls of my feet every night for a week until it was the only thing I felt. Because I had pissed her the fuck off." I set her feet back into the water very gently.
My hand came out, cupping her chin and tilting Faith's face so I could see her eyes. Good, the hatred was still burning strong. "Always remember that it could be worse. I was taught by the best, and I enjoy what I do. Everything I do is for your own good. If it doesn't kill you, your body will heal and become stronger."
Sighing, I slowly stood up and pushed the button on the tub, letting the water swirl down the drain. I could grab her by the hair and make her walk to the bed, just to hear the shrieks. But, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her back to the bed, turning the covers down before setting her on top of the mattress.
I took one of the extra pillows and stuck it under her feet. Then I hunted down the tv remote and set it next to her. "You've had enough for right now. Just lie there and relax. We'll have more lessons in the morning." Started to leave the room, but I paused. "I'm going to get myself something to eat, you want anything?" She should eat, help recover her strength.
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After his little song and dance he picked me up and carried me to the bed before stuffing some pillows under my feet and puttin' the remote next to me. This was the scariest part, and the part I liked best. When he was nice to me. Scary cause I had no fucking clue when he'd snap again and it always seemed to come from out of nowhere when he did.
I let out a deep breath I'd been holdin' when he told me I was down for hte night. Thank fucking God. Didn't think I could take anymore of it. Knew I couldn't.
"Am kinda hungry." I finally admitted, lookin' up at him tentatively as my fingers closed around the remote. The thought of food still made my stomach turn, but the thought of pissin' him off again was more terrifying. So I'd say anything, do anything. No more fight left, at least not right now.
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I walked to the kitchen, trying to calm my mind down. I needed to hurt something, smash things to bits, cut something open and watch as the life slowly drained from its eyes. I'd have to take this agression out on something soon before I turned on her again. If that happened, walking would be the least of her problems.
Didn't know what she'd want to eat, so I decided that as long as she was behaving for the moment, she could get a treat. Got out some chocolate ice cream from the freezer and filled a bowl. Made myself a sandwich and ate it before I went back to the room.
Sat down on the bed next to her, handing Faith the bowl. She stared at it for so long that I thought I could hear the damn thing start to melt. "What? It's ice cream, eat it." She flinched and I bit my lip. I mumbled something that made her give me a look.
"I need you to do something for me." I stretched myself out on the bed next to her, lying my head down on the pillow. "Touch me." She choked on her ice cream. "Not like that. Like you did that night in the hotel, with my hair. I want you to do it again, help keep me grounded before I lose it."
I could already feel it building back up. "I can't stop myself, but maybe you can help. Don't want to hurt you more tonight, but if I don't stay distracted..." I really didn't need to finish that. Looked over at her and waited.
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The choices were simple. Do what he asked or bear the brunt of his anger again. It wasn't a hard choice. God I didn't wanna end up in the trunk again or that little box downstairs. Didn't want his hands around my throat squeezing the air out of me again.
Putting the ice cream bowl down on the night stand I turned over on my stomach and laid my head against his chest. My arm wrapped around his waist and I snuggled in close to him. Wasn't a snuggler but I would make the exception this time. I felt dangerously close to crying again as I held onto him.
"I'm sorry." I muttered. "I'll be good. Don't put me in there again, don't lock me up. I'll be so good." I promised him numbly as I desperately held onto him. Wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but if it didn't work I'd try something else. Try and try and try and it wouldn't matter because the end result was always the same. Small, dark, enclosed spaces. I hated them so much, ever since my mom locked me in my closet that first time.
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I bet if I put her in that little box for more than a couple of hours Faith would shatter completely. Someone had locked her up a very long time ago for the fear to be this deep. "Not going to lock you up tonight. You're safe." That was a laugh. Safe. With me. Managed to keep myself from giggling because I know she'd get all tense again.
Closing my eyes, I let my body start to relax, trying to squash down all the rage that never seemed to stop. Maybe I should sleep in the other room tonight, just in case. If I couldn't stop myself, she would end up bleeding before dawn.
"I'm going to give you a choice, Faithy. You can sleep alone tonight, or I can stay right where I am." It wasn't like she could run away, not tonight. And I highly doubted that she would try to kill me in my sleep. I'd wake up and then she'd be in that box before she could even blink.
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