Dean's Apartment - Thursday

[normal_i_am]

Another day. Another bottle. Or two. Or six.

Sam was trying very hard not to think about the things Mary said yesterday. Thinking about those things could only end in tears.

Really he was trying not to think at all.

The alcohol helped.

Thank you, John Winchester, for teaching your son how to cope with his emotions.

[open if you want Sam.

Comments

[sleepswthdemons]

Phoebe had been dealing with her grief as best as she could since hearing about Dean. However, there was someone else in the village that needed someone more -- and who was probably feeling quite alone right now. She definitely knew how that felt.

So, after making sure the twins were taken care of and leaving a note for Cole and Anders about where she was, Phoebe found herself knocking on the door to Dean's apartment for Sam.

[normal_i_am]

Sam wasn't in the mood to deal with people today.

"Go 'way."

[sleepswthdemons]

Phoebe shook her head and opened the door.

"That's not going to work with me," she said quietly as she came in and shut the door behind her. The emotions rolling off Sam almost caused her to start crying again, but she managed to work with her shields and fight back that urge.

She walked across the room and sat down next to him.

[normal_i_am]

Sam hadn't showered in... well, he couldn't remember how long. So he no doubt reeked of body odor and alcohol.

He didn't say anything when Phoebe sat down but he held out the bottle of Jack Daniels to offer her a drink.

[sleepswthdemons]

Phoebe hadn't drank any alcohol since she had found out she was pregnant, so she only took a small drink.

"Drinking won't help forever," she finally said softly. "But while it does still work, it works almost completely."

She said almost because she remembered how she had been when she thought Cole was dead and gone -- and before people got her to start trying to deal.

"I recommend Cuervo, though. The aftertaste sucks, but it burns everything away for a lot longer than Jack Daniels."

[normal_i_am]

That was unexpected. But Sam nodded. "I'll go pick some up."

He was just going to ignore the part about it not helping forever.

[sleepswthdemons]

"I've been there," she whispered. "More times than I care to think about. I know how much it tore me up when Prue was killed... and then when I lost Cole right after that. So, I know certain things that most people say aren't going to help and I know that the biggest desire you have when they start in is to throw something at them." She looked at him. "Because they don't know. They can sympathize and they can try to empathize, but they don't know how it feels. They don't know that their well meant words do nothing but scrape over your emotions and make the pain that much harder to deal with."

[normal_i_am]

"Prue and Cole didn't give their lives to save yours," Sam said. "So you don't get it either."

[sleepswthdemons]

"The hell they didn't," Phoebe said, not snapping at him, no matter how much she wanted to. "Prue was always putting her life on the line to protect Piper and I, Sam. Do you know why she died? Because I wasn't there to help recite the damn spell to try to kill the Source's assassin. I wasn't there because I was trying to free Cole who took in the Source because he was tricked into doing it to protect me. He was possessed and he died because of me. Prue died because of me. So you don't you even try to say that I don't get it. You're not the only one who had someone give their life for you."

[normal_i_am]

"Dean traded his soul to a demon to bring me back from the dead," Sam said. "If he had died on a hunt, that would be different. Hunters don't have long life spans. But he made the choice."

[sleepswthdemons]

"No, it wouldn't be different, Sam. Cole gave up his life and his soul to the Source of all Evil. Prue was killed because an assassin was sent by the Source to kill the Charmed Ones and the doctor we were protecting. I've been involved in both scenarios and I can tell you that neither one is better than the other." She sighed. "Cole chose, and Prue was killed in the line of duty. Both fucking hurt like hell and made me want to die and lash out at everyone who cared about me."

[normal_i_am]

"Dean left me. On purpose."

Yeah, Sam was gonna be stuck on that for a while.

He took another swig from the bottle.

[sleepswthdemons]

Phoebe sighed. "Yeah, and Cole left me. Dean and Cole made the same choice. They did what they did because they loved us and wanted us to be safe and alive. And yeah, we get pretty pissed at them that they made that choice and left us."

Because, Phoebe understood that kind of sadness and that anger that you later felt guilty for.

"I'm not going to tell you that it will get better and I'm not going to tell you that it will all be okay." She took another drink from his bottle, because, well. It was Phoebe and it seemed like the thing to do. "But don't try telling me that I don't get it. Because you're wrong."

[normal_i_am]

He still disagreed, but at least she wasn't yelling at him. Or hitting him. So he refrained from arguing further.

"I broke up with Meg."

[sleepswthdemons]

Yelling at him or hitting him had never entered Phoebe's mind.

She digested that news, and realized that she would need to visit Meg as well.

"Why?" She had a feeling she knew the reasons behind that.

[normal_i_am]

"Keep her safe," he said. "Everyone I love gets killed."