(no subject)
Shortly after handing my roommate my half of the rent for this month, he said he was moving and that the electric would be shut off in 2 weeks. I was planning on moving at the end of the month anyways but cutting my time in half has left me with no option but to move in with Lorie and Josh.
Josh. The same person that I can barely look in the face because I know what he's done, the lies he's told me and my sister, and the outright shattering of what I thought of him as a father figure. I have nothing but contempt for him. Contempt is not a word I ever thought I would use towards anyone. Yet, here I am, using that word and meaning it with every fiber of my being.
On top of this, the story my roommate has told me has started to leak like a sieve. He showed me the new Scentsy pots he bought for the house. Why would you buy house stuff for here if you're moving in 2 weeks? I also noticed that there is a makeshift bedroom set up in our living room. TV, bed, dresser, stereo, pretty much everything you could expect of someone moving in. It belongs to one of his friends that lived in Branson. He went to Branson 2 nights ago for just one night and came back early that morning. It was after this trip that he announced that I needed to find somewhere else to live. It looks more like I'm getting kicked out on the street so his drug-dealing buddy can move in with him. Why he would lie to me is beyond me, because I've never, not once, done wrong by him.
The odds have stacked up against me trusting anything that anyone has ever told me, no matter how close we are or might have been. I don't want to be like that but I am now.
Honestly, with everything I've had to deal with in the last 2 years, I'm surprised that I've kept from being committed. And right now... I feel like I should be. This is it, I think. This is that final straw.
I feel lost. And alone. Isolated from everyone that cares. I can't do this again. I don't have it in me.
Josh. The same person that I can barely look in the face because I know what he's done, the lies he's told me and my sister, and the outright shattering of what I thought of him as a father figure. I have nothing but contempt for him. Contempt is not a word I ever thought I would use towards anyone. Yet, here I am, using that word and meaning it with every fiber of my being.
On top of this, the story my roommate has told me has started to leak like a sieve. He showed me the new Scentsy pots he bought for the house. Why would you buy house stuff for here if you're moving in 2 weeks? I also noticed that there is a makeshift bedroom set up in our living room. TV, bed, dresser, stereo, pretty much everything you could expect of someone moving in. It belongs to one of his friends that lived in Branson. He went to Branson 2 nights ago for just one night and came back early that morning. It was after this trip that he announced that I needed to find somewhere else to live. It looks more like I'm getting kicked out on the street so his drug-dealing buddy can move in with him. Why he would lie to me is beyond me, because I've never, not once, done wrong by him.
The odds have stacked up against me trusting anything that anyone has ever told me, no matter how close we are or might have been. I don't want to be like that but I am now.
Honestly, with everything I've had to deal with in the last 2 years, I'm surprised that I've kept from being committed. And right now... I feel like I should be. This is it, I think. This is that final straw.
I feel lost. And alone. Isolated from everyone that cares. I can't do this again. I don't have it in me.