(no subject)
wanna hear something crazy? its almost been one month since we broke up. God, it seems as if it was yesterday, i still remember it so clearly. and its almost our one year and 8 month anniversary. almost 2 fucking years. sorry, didn''t mean to start crying. i've actually been doing real good. of coarse i havent been letting myself think about it. but now that i am, damn. i never in a million years thought i would be even a day without my wonderful matty dan. and here i am almost a month. i think i can stand it if we neer date again, i might even be able to handle not being friends again, and maybe i could live without ever talking to him again, i know that i cant go on with him hating me like he does. he really hates me. i hear it in his voice when he calls casey (her phone is really loud, so i can hear him then they talk). i've never had someone hate me before and to have matt, of all people, who hates no one, hate me, is beyond what i can handle. i understand that he doesn't like me, i understand he doesn't wanna talk to me. but hate? god, what have i done, how can i have made this amazing man harden his heart and hate?
i keep remembering all these little things and its the little things that tear the biggest wholes.
like how he used to make fun of the way i said matt (the t's sounded silent)
or how one night we were supposed to get pitures professionally done, but he decided to hang with the boys instead so i pouted and gave him a weak hug when he picked me up from work. so he got to his go kart place in portland, turned around and drove all the way back to my house for a real hug.
or how he said thank you instead of i loveyou (except right before bed) because if he said it too much i might get spoiled.
or how i asked him to buy me a ring and he said that he couldn't because my fingers were to fat (i have long, skinny fingers)
he was so wonderful, and funny and beautiful and oh man.,
i keep remembering all these little things and its the little things that tear the biggest wholes.
like how he used to make fun of the way i said matt (the t's sounded silent)
or how one night we were supposed to get pitures professionally done, but he decided to hang with the boys instead so i pouted and gave him a weak hug when he picked me up from work. so he got to his go kart place in portland, turned around and drove all the way back to my house for a real hug.
or how he said thank you instead of i loveyou (except right before bed) because if he said it too much i might get spoiled.
or how i asked him to buy me a ring and he said that he couldn't because my fingers were to fat (i have long, skinny fingers)
he was so wonderful, and funny and beautiful and oh man.,