I'm stuck in self-pity mode.
I came really close to passing out earlier. It was really scary. My heart started racing, I was sweating, shaking, my vision went blurry, my ears were ringing and my hearing went all fucked...I grabbed a wet wash cloth, a trash can, turned on my fan in my bedroom and layed down. It's probably just from not eating much. I have went straight into a strict diet. I'm going totally low fat, cutting WAY down on carbs too. Yesterday I had some cottage cheese, a pickle and a few bites of low fat yogurt...this morning I had some Fritos (slip up), had a few bites of steak tonight and now I'm eating some sugar free no carb Jello ha. I have dropped 6 lbs in 3 days though. Super excited to see results so soon. I have a goal of losing 40 lbs. Hopefully I can do it in about 4 mos. I will keep it off. I'm swearing it to myself.
I really need to get out and do something with myself, maybe I wouldn't be so down. It seems I cry every day. Nothing really in particular triggers it, I just do. I'm doing the monthly girl thing, sure that has something to do with it.
I need my Caitlin. She's here until February from Germany. She says she may come visit like Thursday. I will be the happiest girl in the world while she's here <3
I keep fucking asking myself over and over in my mind...WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DID I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH? WHAT THE FUCK DID I SEE IN HER? WE ALL KNOW SHE WAS SHITTY TO ME. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN OVER HER SO LONG AGO. AND WHYYYY AM I STILL THINKING/TALKING ABOUT HER??!! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUT OOOOOOOF MMMMMMMMYYYYY HEEEEEEEEEAD STUPPPPPPPPPID BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!#$%@#$%^$#%$%&^ :)
I really need to get out and do something with myself, maybe I wouldn't be so down. It seems I cry every day. Nothing really in particular triggers it, I just do. I'm doing the monthly girl thing, sure that has something to do with it.
I need my Caitlin. She's here until February from Germany. She says she may come visit like Thursday. I will be the happiest girl in the world while she's here <3
I keep fucking asking myself over and over in my mind...WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DID I FUCKING LOVE HER SO MUCH? WHAT THE FUCK DID I SEE IN HER? WE ALL KNOW SHE WAS SHITTY TO ME. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN OVER HER SO LONG AGO. AND WHYYYY AM I STILL THINKING/TALKING ABOUT HER??!! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUUUUUUUUUUUUT OOOOOOOF MMMMMMMMYYYYY HEEEEEEEEEAD STUPPPPPPPPPID BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!#$%@#$%^$#%$%&^ :)