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I know there have been many times in my life that I have been lost and confused, such as when i didn't have a job for 6 months or when my mom decided she wanted to move to florida and leave me and my bro to fend for ourselves. But this time it's....... alittle bit more complicated then that. I mean from an outsiders perspective I should be good because I have a job and a place to live, but I just don't know in this case.
I've sat and I've rolled it over in my head until I've given myself a headache or wanted to cry, and I just don't know. There are so many negatives to the few positives that I come up with, its enough to discourage me. I've spoken to my cousin Amanda about it, basically she's the only thing keeping me positive on this whole situation. She thinks I should go for it cuz I'll never know what the outcome will be until I try. But if I give into my selfishness and put myself out there, something keeps tellin me I'll regret it. Damn it pisses me off I wish I could just pick up the phone and let it all out but I'm such a chicken shit!!! This has been urking me for about 8 months now. At first I tried to play it off and pretend that these thoughts and scenerios were not in my head. But then they started to come to me in dreams. How the hell do you ignore dreams especially when there about what you know you want but you keep denying to yourself??
::::: sighs::: I don't know......I wish I did but I don't.
I've sat and I've rolled it over in my head until I've given myself a headache or wanted to cry, and I just don't know. There are so many negatives to the few positives that I come up with, its enough to discourage me. I've spoken to my cousin Amanda about it, basically she's the only thing keeping me positive on this whole situation. She thinks I should go for it cuz I'll never know what the outcome will be until I try. But if I give into my selfishness and put myself out there, something keeps tellin me I'll regret it. Damn it pisses me off I wish I could just pick up the phone and let it all out but I'm such a chicken shit!!! This has been urking me for about 8 months now. At first I tried to play it off and pretend that these thoughts and scenerios were not in my head. But then they started to come to me in dreams. How the hell do you ignore dreams especially when there about what you know you want but you keep denying to yourself??
::::: sighs::: I don't know......I wish I did but I don't.