OOC: A bit about Moist von Lipwig
Moist is the Postmaster of the Ankh Morpork Post Office, not precisely by choice, but he rose to the challenge after the opportunity was thrust upon him.
All About Moist
Moist has an honest face, and an innate ability to not be noticed, meaning people rarely remember what he looks like, which is why he's been able to so successfully spend most of his life being people other than Moist.
He's an expert conman, swindler, forger, and generally underhanded and devious liar and fraud who assumes identities like others don new clothes. He doesn't do it for the money, not really, what he loves is the joy, the excitement, the pop-crackle-and-fizz of the perfect con. He prefers to swindle dishonest men, because there are many more of them, they're much less likely to go the authorities, and it's 'more sporting'.
He can pick locks and pockets with great skill, speed-read and rapidly acquire sufficient knowledge on any subject to sound like an expert to anyone who's not. He's talented with finances and figures, with words - he can make them sit up and dance - and at spotting a con.
A student of human nature, he understands that the key to any swindle, any con, is that people want to believe. Even though part of them knows it doesn't happen, they want to believe that this is the time they'll get lucky, that they'll get something for nothing. He's excellent at it (he'd acquired some 150,000 dollars before he got caught) and excels at getting and keeping the attention of a crowd, at being the centre of attention, and tends to lifting anything of value he happens across.
The Events of Going Postal: the extremely abridged version (WARNING: contains spoilers)
Moist was happily conning people as Albert Spangler when Lord Vetinari caught up with him, had him hanged to within half an inch of his life, and offered him a choice: become the Ankh-Morpork Postmaster and restore the Post Office to its former glory or die. Moist, not being stupid and sure he'd be able to get away, chose the former.
Mr Pump (a golem) was assigned to him as parole officer, meaning any attempts to escape were doomed to fail, so he was stuck, despite finding out that the previous four people who tried to resurrect the Post Office died, quite gruesomely.
He ended up facing off against the completely ruthless and lethal Reacher Gilt - a conman, swindler and cad of the first order, one who's talents Moist himself viewed with awe, and who controlled The Grand Trunk company (think semaphore line that connects cities and villages), which he stole by manipulating numbers and people. Reacher initially views the Post Office as a mild inconvenience, but comes to see Moist as a threat.
Along the way, Moist met Adora Belle Dearheart (AKA: Spike), of whom he's quite fond, and who - it turns out - lost her job when she let through two forged bank draughts that Moist - in one of his previous personas - had forged. She is also the daughter of the man who brought the Grand Trunk to life and had it stolen from him, and her brother was killed by Reacher Gilt when he tried to start a rival to the Grand Trunk.
He believes he's unprincipled, but prides himself on never having hurt anyone, on shunning violence. That certainty was challenged when Mr Pump calculated that he'd killed 2.3 people, by attrition, by numbers, and he came face to face with Adora and what he'd caused.
The more he learned of him, the more Moist came to define himself as Not Reacher Gilt, and set out to prove it. He brought the Grand Trunk swindle to light, stopped Reacher, and saved the Post Office, then was left with the ennui that always descended on him when a con was done. He'd won, Mr Pump was reassigned, there was nothing stopping him from grabbing the money and running back to his old life - but it was only reflex. He didn't want to go.
Moist believes all he is is a fraud, a liar, but he's not, even if he can't recognise it. He did realise that it didn't have to end, though, that he could keep going, keep pretending to be the hero everyone thought he was. As long as he kept telling himself he could stop anytime, he wouldn't have to.
This is where Going Postal leaves him, determined to keep the Post Office running, to resurrect the Grand Trunk, to keep being the person he's pretending to be.
Where from Canon is Moist von Lipwig?
Moist at Fandom comes from a time after the end of Going Postal, after he's resurrected the Grand Trunk and set everything to rights. He's bored, looking for something new to hold his attention.
It's the only explanation for why he's willing go and look at the Sorting Engine when it's reported as behaving oddly.
He will come to regret this. Quite soon, as the general uniqueness of Fandom, the presence of the undelivered mail - and mail wants to be delivered, it wants to be read - and the Sorting Engine all combine to find a new Postmaster: Moist von Lipwig, and the Fandom Sorting Engine steals him from Ankh-Morpork, and brings him to Fandom, along with Gladys (a golem).
Golems in general, Gladys in particular
Gladys is a golem, and golems are made from fired clay, roughly human shaped, and powered by a 'chem' in their heads (a strip of paper scripted in an ancient language): its magic powers and defines them, and limits what they can and may do. Powered by fire, it burns inside them, they have smouldering, glowing eyes, that will flare up or bank in response to the golem's reactions/emotions.
Golems: "Speak Like This All The Time." If you're modding Gladys, this is how she talks. (I say she, but she's no more a 'she' than a rock is.)
Gladys is a ton of almost unstoppable power, though she is made of clay, so can be destroyed by - for example - extremely rapid changes of temperature or a well placed sledgehammer. Minor cracks and chips can be repaired with ceramic cement.
Golems have a unique perspective on the world: they live to work, it's not just what they do, it's what they are. They've infinite patience because, for them, time is not a barrier to anything (they believe the universe is doughnut shaped, everything that happens will come around again). Unless they're destroyed, they will not stop, they follow instructions absolutely literally. They work 24/8 (or 24/7 once in Fandom), except for a rest-day once a week. For convenience sake, this will be on Sundays.
Appearance wise, Gladys is 7 ft tall, very broad, and a patchy coloured grey. Golems have no sex, they are referred to as 'Mr' for convenience sake, but there were some issues with having a 'Mr' cleaning the ladies' toilets and so a golem became Gladys. Who wears a dress.
Gladys is moddable by Post Office customers/employees, obedient to instructions given by Moist or others who work at the Post Office, will answer any questions asked, be helpful to customers, deliver the mail and defend the Post Office or people if necessary.
Paste, Friend, and Execute
If you want to add Moist to your friends list, (and yes, I'm stealing this shtick from krycek_rat *gives pie and cookies and ponies*), then just go to the Admin Console, paste the below into the box, and hit execute!
friend add norglomofnit townies
And, lastly, as a reward for making it all the way to the end, (and if you did, you totally deserve one) I give you:
Going Postal, the full text in HTML format, which can be downloaded here!
All About Moist
Moist has an honest face, and an innate ability to not be noticed, meaning people rarely remember what he looks like, which is why he's been able to so successfully spend most of his life being people other than Moist.
He's an expert conman, swindler, forger, and generally underhanded and devious liar and fraud who assumes identities like others don new clothes. He doesn't do it for the money, not really, what he loves is the joy, the excitement, the pop-crackle-and-fizz of the perfect con. He prefers to swindle dishonest men, because there are many more of them, they're much less likely to go the authorities, and it's 'more sporting'.
He can pick locks and pockets with great skill, speed-read and rapidly acquire sufficient knowledge on any subject to sound like an expert to anyone who's not. He's talented with finances and figures, with words - he can make them sit up and dance - and at spotting a con.
A student of human nature, he understands that the key to any swindle, any con, is that people want to believe. Even though part of them knows it doesn't happen, they want to believe that this is the time they'll get lucky, that they'll get something for nothing. He's excellent at it (he'd acquired some 150,000 dollars before he got caught) and excels at getting and keeping the attention of a crowd, at being the centre of attention, and tends to lifting anything of value he happens across.
The Events of Going Postal: the extremely abridged version (WARNING: contains spoilers)
Moist was happily conning people as Albert Spangler when Lord Vetinari caught up with him, had him hanged to within half an inch of his life, and offered him a choice: become the Ankh-Morpork Postmaster and restore the Post Office to its former glory or die. Moist, not being stupid and sure he'd be able to get away, chose the former.
Mr Pump (a golem) was assigned to him as parole officer, meaning any attempts to escape were doomed to fail, so he was stuck, despite finding out that the previous four people who tried to resurrect the Post Office died, quite gruesomely.
He ended up facing off against the completely ruthless and lethal Reacher Gilt - a conman, swindler and cad of the first order, one who's talents Moist himself viewed with awe, and who controlled The Grand Trunk company (think semaphore line that connects cities and villages), which he stole by manipulating numbers and people. Reacher initially views the Post Office as a mild inconvenience, but comes to see Moist as a threat.
Along the way, Moist met Adora Belle Dearheart (AKA: Spike), of whom he's quite fond, and who - it turns out - lost her job when she let through two forged bank draughts that Moist - in one of his previous personas - had forged. She is also the daughter of the man who brought the Grand Trunk to life and had it stolen from him, and her brother was killed by Reacher Gilt when he tried to start a rival to the Grand Trunk.
He believes he's unprincipled, but prides himself on never having hurt anyone, on shunning violence. That certainty was challenged when Mr Pump calculated that he'd killed 2.3 people, by attrition, by numbers, and he came face to face with Adora and what he'd caused.
The more he learned of him, the more Moist came to define himself as Not Reacher Gilt, and set out to prove it. He brought the Grand Trunk swindle to light, stopped Reacher, and saved the Post Office, then was left with the ennui that always descended on him when a con was done. He'd won, Mr Pump was reassigned, there was nothing stopping him from grabbing the money and running back to his old life - but it was only reflex. He didn't want to go.
Moist believes all he is is a fraud, a liar, but he's not, even if he can't recognise it. He did realise that it didn't have to end, though, that he could keep going, keep pretending to be the hero everyone thought he was. As long as he kept telling himself he could stop anytime, he wouldn't have to.
This is where Going Postal leaves him, determined to keep the Post Office running, to resurrect the Grand Trunk, to keep being the person he's pretending to be.
Where from Canon is Moist von Lipwig?
Moist at Fandom comes from a time after the end of Going Postal, after he's resurrected the Grand Trunk and set everything to rights. He's bored, looking for something new to hold his attention.
It's the only explanation for why he's willing go and look at the Sorting Engine when it's reported as behaving oddly.
He will come to regret this. Quite soon, as the general uniqueness of Fandom, the presence of the undelivered mail - and mail wants to be delivered, it wants to be read - and the Sorting Engine all combine to find a new Postmaster: Moist von Lipwig, and the Fandom Sorting Engine steals him from Ankh-Morpork, and brings him to Fandom, along with Gladys (a golem).
Golems in general, Gladys in particular
Gladys is a golem, and golems are made from fired clay, roughly human shaped, and powered by a 'chem' in their heads (a strip of paper scripted in an ancient language): its magic powers and defines them, and limits what they can and may do. Powered by fire, it burns inside them, they have smouldering, glowing eyes, that will flare up or bank in response to the golem's reactions/emotions.
Golems: "Speak Like This All The Time." If you're modding Gladys, this is how she talks. (I say she, but she's no more a 'she' than a rock is.)
Gladys is a ton of almost unstoppable power, though she is made of clay, so can be destroyed by - for example - extremely rapid changes of temperature or a well placed sledgehammer. Minor cracks and chips can be repaired with ceramic cement.
Golems have a unique perspective on the world: they live to work, it's not just what they do, it's what they are. They've infinite patience because, for them, time is not a barrier to anything (they believe the universe is doughnut shaped, everything that happens will come around again). Unless they're destroyed, they will not stop, they follow instructions absolutely literally. They work 24/8 (or 24/7 once in Fandom), except for a rest-day once a week. For convenience sake, this will be on Sundays.
Appearance wise, Gladys is 7 ft tall, very broad, and a patchy coloured grey. Golems have no sex, they are referred to as 'Mr' for convenience sake, but there were some issues with having a 'Mr' cleaning the ladies' toilets and so a golem became Gladys. Who wears a dress.
Gladys is moddable by Post Office customers/employees, obedient to instructions given by Moist or others who work at the Post Office, will answer any questions asked, be helpful to customers, deliver the mail and defend the Post Office or people if necessary.
Paste, Friend, and Execute
If you want to add Moist to your friends list, (and yes, I'm stealing this shtick from krycek_rat *gives pie and cookies and ponies*), then just go to the Admin Console, paste the below into the box, and hit execute!
friend add norglomofnit townies
And, lastly, as a reward for making it all the way to the end, (and if you did, you totally deserve one) I give you:
Going Postal, the full text in HTML format, which can be downloaded here!