FILLED: Pregnancy Testwkw99August 4 2011, 23:29:24 UTC
Pregnancy Test
“Art knows.”
She can’t sleep. She tosses and turns and finally throws the covers off and heaves herself out of bed with a sigh. It’s no use. She can’t get Raylan’s words out of her head and she can’t stop thinking about what might happen if Art decides to follow up on what Raylan’s sure he’s figured out.
God! How could she have been so stupid? Gary. Fuck Gary. She paces back and forth in front of the window, hugging herself. This is all his fault. Seeing all that money…those dusty, long forgotten bills …right after he told her about mortgaging the house for a horse? A goddamn horse? But Gary didn’t take that money, she did. And Gary didn’t pull Raylan into this mess, that was her. Again. Damn.
Her cell phone vibrates on the nightstand. She doesn’t need to check it. There’s only one person who’d call this late and she can’t talk to him. As much as she wants to, she just can’t. She’s sure he’s angry and he has every right to be. All of this is going to hang like smoke in the air between them. She’s blown this second chance and now… Oh, hell.
She picks up the sack lying next to her purse on the dresser and pulls out the box. She reads the back, then tears it open and reads the instructions. Twice. She sighs. Might as well pee on the damn stick and get it over with. She already knows what the result is going to be.
She calls the doctor’s office in the morning, but they can’t fit her in until the end of the week. Her lawyer, however, can see her that afternoon. Gary should get the papers by tomorrow. At least that’s done, or it will be soon.
Sleep doesn’t come any easier this night. Raylan’s called two more times and two more times she’s ignored it. What is there to say? Sorry I went crazy, put your job in jeopardy and risked going to jail, and oh, by the way, I’m probably pregnant. Yeah. That sounds like a plan.
She throws up her morning coffee and fights nausea the rest of the day. She’s not sure if it’s a symptom or just the power of suggestion. Somehow she sleepwalks through work. Gary calls when he gets the papers, sad and regretful until he senses that she’s reached the point of indifference and he’s not going to get anywhere. When he turns mean and spiteful, she tells him to talk to her lawyer and hangs up on him.
Raylan isn’t in the courthouse and his car isn’t in the parking lot. She drives by the motel. He isn’t there, either. She needs to see him. She dreads seeing him. He calls again. She doesn’t answer the phone.
That night she lies in bed and wonders if she’s crazy. She takes a deep breath. Doing one crazy thing doesn’t make her crazy, right? But then she wonders if it’s only one thing. Taking back up with Raylan, as much as she loves him…isn’t that crazy? Getting pregnant with his child, surely that’s crazy? As much as she’d like to, she can’t claim complete ignorance on that. She’s not stupid. She knew Raylan assumed she was using her diaphragm faithfully or he would have taken precautions himself. She was always so conscientious when they were married, and her vigilance had never failed them, well, except for once…, but she tucks that thought away.
This time though, she’d thrown caution to the wind. Caught up in the unexpected delight of being with him again, she didn’t want to be bothered with the preparation and planning and the litany of other contrivances that seemed to saddle their previous relationship with pattern. This time she didn’t want anything, anything at all, to come between them.
She lays a hand on her belly and thinks about how to tell him. She tries to imagine all the possible reactions he might have, but she can’t see past anger. It’s not a trap; she didn’t do this on purpose, but she can see how he might think so.
He loves her. She knows he loves her. But with all the shit she’s put him through, she wouldn’t blame him if he called it quits. A baby changes things though. He would never, ever walk away from his child. And she doesn’t want him to stay with her because of that.
In the middle of the night she gets up and fishes the second stick out of the box. She pees again and sits in the dark and waits and prays, what for, she isn't sure.
“Art knows.”
She can’t sleep. She tosses and turns and finally throws the covers off and heaves herself out of bed with a sigh. It’s no use. She can’t get Raylan’s words out of her head and she can’t stop thinking about what might happen if Art decides to follow up on what Raylan’s sure he’s figured out.
God! How could she have been so stupid? Gary. Fuck Gary. She paces back and forth in front of the window, hugging herself. This is all his fault. Seeing all that money…those dusty, long forgotten bills …right after he told her about mortgaging the house for a horse? A goddamn horse? But Gary didn’t take that money, she did. And Gary didn’t pull Raylan into this mess, that was her. Again. Damn.
Her cell phone vibrates on the nightstand. She doesn’t need to check it. There’s only one person who’d call this late and she can’t talk to him. As much as she wants to, she just can’t. She’s sure he’s angry and he has every right to be. All of this is going to hang like smoke in the air between them. She’s blown this second chance and now… Oh, hell.
She picks up the sack lying next to her purse on the dresser and pulls out the box. She reads the back, then tears it open and reads the instructions. Twice. She sighs. Might as well pee on the damn stick and get it over with. She already knows what the result is going to be.
She calls the doctor’s office in the morning, but they can’t fit her in until the end of the week. Her lawyer, however, can see her that afternoon. Gary should get the papers by tomorrow. At least that’s done, or it will be soon.
Sleep doesn’t come any easier this night. Raylan’s called two more times and two more times she’s ignored it. What is there to say? Sorry I went crazy, put your job in jeopardy and risked going to jail, and oh, by the way, I’m probably pregnant. Yeah. That sounds like a plan.
She throws up her morning coffee and fights nausea the rest of the day. She’s not sure if it’s a symptom or just the power of suggestion. Somehow she sleepwalks through work. Gary calls when he gets the papers, sad and regretful until he senses that she’s reached the point of indifference and he’s not going to get anywhere. When he turns mean and spiteful, she tells him to talk to her lawyer and hangs up on him.
Raylan isn’t in the courthouse and his car isn’t in the parking lot. She drives by the motel. He isn’t there, either. She needs to see him. She dreads seeing him. He calls again. She doesn’t answer the phone.
That night she lies in bed and wonders if she’s crazy. She takes a deep breath. Doing one crazy thing doesn’t make her crazy, right? But then she wonders if it’s only one thing. Taking back up with Raylan, as much as she loves him…isn’t that crazy? Getting pregnant with his child, surely that’s crazy? As much as she’d like to, she can’t claim complete ignorance on that. She’s not stupid. She knew Raylan assumed she was using her diaphragm faithfully or he would have taken precautions himself. She was always so conscientious when they were married, and her vigilance had never failed them, well, except for once…, but she tucks that thought away.
This time though, she’d thrown caution to the wind. Caught up in the unexpected delight of being with him again, she didn’t want to be bothered with the preparation and planning and the litany of other contrivances that seemed to saddle their previous relationship with pattern. This time she didn’t want anything, anything at all, to come between them.
She lays a hand on her belly and thinks about how to tell him. She tries to imagine all the possible reactions he might have, but she can’t see past anger. It’s not a trap; she didn’t do this on purpose, but she can see how he might think so.
He loves her. She knows he loves her. But with all the shit she’s put him through, she wouldn’t blame him if he called it quits. A baby changes things though. He would never, ever walk away from his child. And she doesn’t want him to stay with her because of that.
In the middle of the night she gets up and fishes the second stick out of the box. She pees again and sits in the dark and waits and prays, what for, she isn't sure.
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