counted_stars | Narrative | I can't seem to find my way up from the basement...
I remember how it smelled in the Vivarium more than anything else- salt water and dead fish with this stale quality that clung to the back of your throat. The look of the place faded from my mind- it was so generic, like every stupid sci-fi movie temple I'd ever watched on late night TV with Gert.
But the smell stayed. I saw Casablanca once when I was little. I thought the memory of a heartbreak was supposed to include what color your lover was wearing, but no. The night Alex Wilder broke my heart, it smelled like dead fish.
I came out of the freeze spell disoriented, no memory of anything that had happened in the short time I'd been out. Alex was the only one standing and a thousand scenarios played in my head- we'd get out, Alex and I. He'd pull some genius plan out of his ass and we'd take our parents down. Together.
But when Alex looked at me, I knew I'd been betrayed... that all this time, he'd been working for them. We'd cast aside any loyalty to our blood when we formed our crazy little band of misfit runaways and here he was, clinging to his parents still, believing, after everything we'd seen, after the murder of that innocent girl.... He still trusted them. And worst still, he expected me to go along with it.
You have to betray something to be a traitor, Nico.
First rule of gaming, Nico. A good dungeon master always makes his players feel like they're in control, especially when they're not.
He was so full of shit. I was so angry at him, I could have ripped his damn heart out, but I couldn't manage it- he had my staff, he had everything, and I was just one weak-hearted Goth girl whose first love turned out to be a freakin' liar. People always whine about how much crap they got from their first boyfriends.
Mine wanted to destroy the world so we could repopulate it and fix it ourselves.
Not if you were the last boy on earth, loser. Punching him didn't make me feel as good as I thought it would. Every time I land a punch now, I still remember the way it felt to shake off the bruised knuckles, watch Alex falter, and then it all went to hell from there.
First Karolina woke up, then she attacked-for me, I'd realize later... Always for me, until she found Xavin and even then.... I don't even know. Anyway. Then Gert and Old Lace, and even if my boyfriend sob story had a body count, I can at least try to force a smile and say I watched him get tackled by a dinosaur.
And then he threatened Karolina, bound her and threatened to execute her like an animal, a girl he'd called his friend, his real family, only weeks before. You're lying. That's all you do. I wanted to believe that. I really did.
I knew better.
Luckily, Chase showed up. And then Molly- that crazy kid- destroyed the Gibborhim's sacrifice, ruining everything our parents had worked for and putting them out of favor with their token gods. We could have won. I could have grabbed Alex and let our parents die there, for all I cared- let them reap what they sowed. Dramatic justice and all that crap.
But Alex...
In the moments that happened next, I'm glad all I remember is the fish smell, that he went too fast for the smell of burning flesh and bone to hit me. He took the fall for his parents, the Gibborhim didn't even flinch when they destroyed him, leaving nothing but a smoldering pile of ash. It was less than a second.
And then nothing.
Our parents went down that day, but it was Alex I mourned, even if I held that secret as close to me as anything, knowing what my friends would say if they knew I still had feelings for him, long after there was nothing left of him, but the smell of fish in the Vivarium and the smoldering ash on the floor.
But the smell stayed. I saw Casablanca once when I was little. I thought the memory of a heartbreak was supposed to include what color your lover was wearing, but no. The night Alex Wilder broke my heart, it smelled like dead fish.
I came out of the freeze spell disoriented, no memory of anything that had happened in the short time I'd been out. Alex was the only one standing and a thousand scenarios played in my head- we'd get out, Alex and I. He'd pull some genius plan out of his ass and we'd take our parents down. Together.
But when Alex looked at me, I knew I'd been betrayed... that all this time, he'd been working for them. We'd cast aside any loyalty to our blood when we formed our crazy little band of misfit runaways and here he was, clinging to his parents still, believing, after everything we'd seen, after the murder of that innocent girl.... He still trusted them. And worst still, he expected me to go along with it.
You have to betray something to be a traitor, Nico.
First rule of gaming, Nico. A good dungeon master always makes his players feel like they're in control, especially when they're not.
He was so full of shit. I was so angry at him, I could have ripped his damn heart out, but I couldn't manage it- he had my staff, he had everything, and I was just one weak-hearted Goth girl whose first love turned out to be a freakin' liar. People always whine about how much crap they got from their first boyfriends.
Mine wanted to destroy the world so we could repopulate it and fix it ourselves.
Not if you were the last boy on earth, loser. Punching him didn't make me feel as good as I thought it would. Every time I land a punch now, I still remember the way it felt to shake off the bruised knuckles, watch Alex falter, and then it all went to hell from there.
First Karolina woke up, then she attacked-for me, I'd realize later... Always for me, until she found Xavin and even then.... I don't even know. Anyway. Then Gert and Old Lace, and even if my boyfriend sob story had a body count, I can at least try to force a smile and say I watched him get tackled by a dinosaur.
And then he threatened Karolina, bound her and threatened to execute her like an animal, a girl he'd called his friend, his real family, only weeks before. You're lying. That's all you do. I wanted to believe that. I really did.
I knew better.
Luckily, Chase showed up. And then Molly- that crazy kid- destroyed the Gibborhim's sacrifice, ruining everything our parents had worked for and putting them out of favor with their token gods. We could have won. I could have grabbed Alex and let our parents die there, for all I cared- let them reap what they sowed. Dramatic justice and all that crap.
But Alex...
In the moments that happened next, I'm glad all I remember is the fish smell, that he went too fast for the smell of burning flesh and bone to hit me. He took the fall for his parents, the Gibborhim didn't even flinch when they destroyed him, leaving nothing but a smoldering pile of ash. It was less than a second.
And then nothing.
Our parents went down that day, but it was Alex I mourned, even if I held that secret as close to me as anything, knowing what my friends would say if they knew I still had feelings for him, long after there was nothing left of him, but the smell of fish in the Vivarium and the smoldering ash on the floor.