will someone tell me what the English equivalent for aargheuuurghhh is?

Mar 23, 2005 13:18

'coz it's how I feel today. I have done some majorly stupid shit recently, which I regret, seriously. the first thing started just before Tammi's 25th - and kinda came to a head at said party. I got very close to someone who has been a very very good friend to me, and it felt so nice to actually be wanted...unfortunatley, the paranoid/irrational side of my brain was running on overdrive that night and most of the next day - two reasons, the first is I didn't want to rush into anything. fair enough, right? and the second was that if it went balls up I didn't want to hurt her (which I ended up doing anyway...cabbage) and I didn't want to lose her as a friend (I fucked that one up as well)...I was meant to go and see her the following Monday, but felt like shit (ie I was ill, nothing else) so I didn't. and then...I don't know. someone else started showing an interest in me...and I got very, very confused. having previously made the decision to get my head straight (not just about this, about other stuff too) and to not get into anything until I was serious, I kind of pulled myself back from the whole thing...I dunno, to try and get some perspective. in doing all this I have inadvertently (I think thats right, lol) caused trouble for two friends... so hey, I guess I am a sh*t. I basically just wanna say I am sorry to everybody involved. I feel horrible for all this...the sensible thing would to have just not been anything more than a friend to either of them. but nooo, as I hate hurting people I had to jump in with both feet, which resulted in me hurting someone I care a lot about. I'm gonna stop rambling now and get to the point - to the two people involved, I'm sorry. I shouldnt have f*cked you about, you didn't deserve it. I just hope that first person can find it in her heart to forgive me. altho I don't blame you if you don't want to, I don't deserve it.

on a lighter note...anybody fancy coming to the Leeds festival with me? line up can be found on www.leedsfestival.com or www.meanfiddler.com, and if anybody who wants to come can let me know before the end of April, we can book it and organise everything. we've been trying to organise it for the last 2 years so we'll make it this year! like I say, if anybody fancies coming with, let me know. day tickets are £60, weekend (all three days) camping is £100+.

Peace, Love and Jelly Babies,
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