bah.
ok, so today...work, and then I decided not to play this afternoon - few reasons, Andrew was being and arse about it, plus guitar and vocals on their own sound kinda shit, especially when you are as shit as me. plus I just didnt have the confidence to do it. so I abandoned that idea. and I've been at home, getting depressed, all afternoon. so I decided to start on my room, which I suppose is something. I really wanted to do something for Children In Need...and I dont know, I'm still in two minds about wether not doing it was the right thing. still, too late now. I just feel like everything I do or have tried to do has fucked up recently...well it has been doing, more so, for the last couple of years really, and I have to get myself out of this rut, but I dont see what I can do. the only thing I can think of is keep plugging away and hope I start to feel better. I feel like a fucking class A failure right now, and I hate it. and last night it took me a hell of a lot of willpower not to revert to old methods of coping, but I managed it, so I guess thats something positive. plus the director of this year's LRP panto really REALLY wants me to do it, and I have been giving it some serious thought, but I am still not sure. I suppose it's nice to be wanted, and apart from certain things I will enjoy it, I know I will. or I think I will anyway. and today I kinda got involved in a bit of "it was him, no it was him, he didn't say that...etc" with relation to my last post, and it's gone too far (my fault I'll admit) so fuck it, I cant be doing with it. can those involved just pissing forget it, please, because it's doing my head in. it doesnt matter anymore.