[Pinch hit] [Fic] Code 621-Delta 34K -Free Birdy
Title: Code 621-Delta 34K -Free Birdy
Author: Valliika
Recipient: stalkerbunny
Rating: Pg
Warnings: Angry Norway doesn't always use such nice grammar. Neither do drunkards.
Summary: It is NEVER a good idea to leave Denmark, Iceland, and Finland drunk and unsupervised.
Notes: So, human names. Iceland=Jokull, Mathias=Denmark, Norway=Olaf.
An over exuberant blond threw open the door to the President’s office and rushed in.
“Mr. President! Mr. President!”
The president put down his pen and rubbed his temples. He could feel a headache forming already.
“What is it this time, Alfred? Oh, please don’t tell me you and Tony had another fight again. Honestly, I can’t keep passing all of these near alien-invasions off as government tests …” Alfred threw his hands onto the president’s desk, eyes tight in all seriousness.
“It’s worse. Way worse.” The president looked confused.
“Are Arthur and Francis drunk on the White House lawn again?”
“Even worse than that!”
“What could be worse than tha-“
“Code 621-Delta 34K - Free Birdy”
“No, not Code 621-Delta 34K - Free Birdy!”
“I’m afraid so.”
The president leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do. Make the call, Alfred.”
Alfred pursed his lips and pouted, “But I wanna be the Hero!”
“No Alfred.”
“Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?”
“I’ll buy you a milkshake and burger if you do.”
Alfred dialed faster than he ever had in his entire life.
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
Olaf stood impatiently outside Mathias’ door, pounding against the old wood with his fist.
“I know you two are in there! If you know what is good for you, then you will both drag your sorry asses out here right this second!”
Without warning, the door suddenly flew open and Olaf was knocked to the ground in a hug by a very, very drunk Dane. He hugged the other tighter and tighter, giggling all the while completely oblivious to the imminent danger in the form of a very, very pissed Norwegian. Tino soon joined them at the door, clutching his sides and laughing.
“Haha, you totally got him! That’s...uh… oh yeah. Ten! You owe me ten...wait, what currency did we bet in again?”
“I think it was eggs.”
“No way! It was turnips. Definitely turnips!”
Olaf heard the sound of a car pulling up, and twisted his neck to get a better view. Much to his relief, it was Berwald.
“Berwald. A little help please?”
Berwald sighed and helped pull Mathias off the other.
“Moominpapa!” Tino yelled as he ran towards Berwald. However, after three feet he stumbled and landed face first into the snow. Tino made no attempt to move however, instead opting to break out into a rousing rendition of the Finnish national anthem to his audience of the many ice crystals. Berwald looked to Olaf for help.
“He’s your wife.”
Berwald grunted and pulled his spouse out of the snow just as he started the second verse. He carried him over to the car and buckled him into the backseat. He then proceeded to do the same with Mathias, who had escaped Olaf’s hold on him, and was now flirting with a nearby tree.
By the time he had Mathias strapped in, Tino had already passed out and Olaf was riding shotgun. Berwald joined his friends in the driver seat, slammed the door shut, and took off for the airport.
“Why ‘r we bring’n' th’m?”
“We already have to deal with Jokull tonight. I don’t want these two doing anything else while we’re gone.”
“Should b’ illegal fer them ta dr’nk.”
“Or at least for them to leave the country when drunk.”
“…Still c’n’t b’lieve yer br’ther flew h’mself ta ‘merica ‘n one p’ce.”
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
“Be free my brothers! Fly home! That’s it!” Jokull smiled before grabbing the axe and swinging it into the wall of glass to his right, “Be free! Fly away!” The little black birds squawked in protest.
“Oh no! Have you all forgotten how to fly? This is very serious! But do not fret, I will teach you.”
Jokull dropped the axe and picked up the nearest little bird. “Just flap your wings and fly away!” he yelled before throwing the bird up into the air. It squawked and screeched as it barely cleared the hanging lights in the exhibit, before crashing back down into the water, swimming as far away from the crazy man as it could.
“No, no, no! You have to flap them in the sky! It doesn’t work in the water! The air! The air! Really, what self-respecting bird doesn’t know how to fly?” Jokull sighed and picked the axe back up again.
“Maybe you just need more room is all! Yeah, more room…”
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
“No way! Tino! Tino! You’ve gotta see this hat!”
“Wow! The fire looks so real!”
“I know, right?”
“Mathias, one: you are a complete idiot and two: your hair is on fire.”
Mathias looked up at his hair. Then at Olaf. Then back to his hair. Then at a lamppost. Then back to Olaf before finally understanding what he had been told.
“My hair’s on fire! Quick somebody do something!”
Tino grabbed a plastic Viking hat and shoved it on Mathias’ head. Berwald and Olaf waited for the hat to ignite while Tino stood grinning and proud of himself. When Mathias didn’t burst into flame like everything else around them, they decided to ignore what had just happened and continue to search for Jokull in the wreckage.
“Did he really feel the need to completely trash this place?”
“H’s yer br’th’r.”
“…”
The four continued through the decimated zoo when a loud crash could be heard. Ahead of them, birds rose to the skies and goats ran for their lives. Moments later, the building burst into flames.
“D’fin’ntly yer br’th’r.”
“Shut it.”
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
Jokull was trying to take out the back wall of the zoo when they finally found him.
“Hey Jokull! What’s up buddy?”
“Thank you, Mathias. That really helped us sneak up on him.”
“Glad to be of help.”
Olaf had to fight back the urge to strangle his partner.
“Hey Mathias. Lookie! Isn’t that your axe? I swear it looks exactly the same!” Tino yelled, pointing at Jokull.
Mathias turned to look where his friend was pointing. He had to squint his eyes a little to focus on what he was seeing.
“Hey, that is my axe! Damn it, Jokull! Who said you could steal my axe?” Denmark grabbed two pieces of splintered wood and tossed one of them to Tino who had some trouble catching it. Mathias’ eyes narrowed and he twisted the horn on his plastic Viking hat back into place.
“Let’s get him! Charge!”
Tino and Mathias ran screaming at Jokull.
“For Denmark!”
“For Moomin!”
Berwald and Olaf looked at each other before sitting on a half broken bench and watching the three drunkards fight.
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
Mathias plopped down on a screaming Jokull’s back.
“No fair! You cheated!”
“And you stole my axe!”
Tino joined the Dane on Jokull’s back, “So, how do we know when we’ve leveled up?”
Mathias blinked, “Gee… I dunno,” he turned to Olaf and Berwald, “Hey, how do we know when we’ve leveled up?”
Olaf smirked, “When Alfred stops asking for money to pay for the damages.”
“Awwww….. that’s no fun.”
“Too bad.”
Jokull squeaked and squirmed underneath his friends, “Okay guys, I give up! Please get off of me! You’re heavy!”
“Never! You’re our prisoner for life vile viking!”
Berwald and Olaf simply did not know what to do from there.
“You three are complete idiots.”
Tino smiled up at them. “Yeah, but we’re your idiots!”
“Y’r still pay’n fer the damages.”
“…perkele…”
Hope you like it!
Note: [part 2] Now, I had also come up with a much darker, more serious story from this same prompt [with the snapped bit, not the drunk bit] and I started to write it. However I could not complete it in the three days I had to pinch hit T-T. [It’s at eight pages, and 1/5th of the way done]. I still intend to finish it; I’ll just post it to the main comm. or something still saying it came from your prompt though. So be on the look-out for that. :D
Author: Valliika
Recipient: stalkerbunny
Rating: Pg
Warnings: Angry Norway doesn't always use such nice grammar. Neither do drunkards.
Summary: It is NEVER a good idea to leave Denmark, Iceland, and Finland drunk and unsupervised.
Notes: So, human names. Iceland=Jokull, Mathias=Denmark, Norway=Olaf.
An over exuberant blond threw open the door to the President’s office and rushed in.
“Mr. President! Mr. President!”
The president put down his pen and rubbed his temples. He could feel a headache forming already.
“What is it this time, Alfred? Oh, please don’t tell me you and Tony had another fight again. Honestly, I can’t keep passing all of these near alien-invasions off as government tests …” Alfred threw his hands onto the president’s desk, eyes tight in all seriousness.
“It’s worse. Way worse.” The president looked confused.
“Are Arthur and Francis drunk on the White House lawn again?”
“Even worse than that!”
“What could be worse than tha-“
“Code 621-Delta 34K - Free Birdy”
“No, not Code 621-Delta 34K - Free Birdy!”
“I’m afraid so.”
The president leaned back in his chair and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Well, I guess there’s only one thing to do. Make the call, Alfred.”
Alfred pursed his lips and pouted, “But I wanna be the Hero!”
“No Alfred.”
“Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?”
“I’ll buy you a milkshake and burger if you do.”
Alfred dialed faster than he ever had in his entire life.
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
Olaf stood impatiently outside Mathias’ door, pounding against the old wood with his fist.
“I know you two are in there! If you know what is good for you, then you will both drag your sorry asses out here right this second!”
Without warning, the door suddenly flew open and Olaf was knocked to the ground in a hug by a very, very drunk Dane. He hugged the other tighter and tighter, giggling all the while completely oblivious to the imminent danger in the form of a very, very pissed Norwegian. Tino soon joined them at the door, clutching his sides and laughing.
“Haha, you totally got him! That’s...uh… oh yeah. Ten! You owe me ten...wait, what currency did we bet in again?”
“I think it was eggs.”
“No way! It was turnips. Definitely turnips!”
Olaf heard the sound of a car pulling up, and twisted his neck to get a better view. Much to his relief, it was Berwald.
“Berwald. A little help please?”
Berwald sighed and helped pull Mathias off the other.
“Moominpapa!” Tino yelled as he ran towards Berwald. However, after three feet he stumbled and landed face first into the snow. Tino made no attempt to move however, instead opting to break out into a rousing rendition of the Finnish national anthem to his audience of the many ice crystals. Berwald looked to Olaf for help.
“He’s your wife.”
Berwald grunted and pulled his spouse out of the snow just as he started the second verse. He carried him over to the car and buckled him into the backseat. He then proceeded to do the same with Mathias, who had escaped Olaf’s hold on him, and was now flirting with a nearby tree.
By the time he had Mathias strapped in, Tino had already passed out and Olaf was riding shotgun. Berwald joined his friends in the driver seat, slammed the door shut, and took off for the airport.
“Why ‘r we bring’n' th’m?”
“We already have to deal with Jokull tonight. I don’t want these two doing anything else while we’re gone.”
“Should b’ illegal fer them ta dr’nk.”
“Or at least for them to leave the country when drunk.”
“…Still c’n’t b’lieve yer br’ther flew h’mself ta ‘merica ‘n one p’ce.”
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
“Be free my brothers! Fly home! That’s it!” Jokull smiled before grabbing the axe and swinging it into the wall of glass to his right, “Be free! Fly away!” The little black birds squawked in protest.
“Oh no! Have you all forgotten how to fly? This is very serious! But do not fret, I will teach you.”
Jokull dropped the axe and picked up the nearest little bird. “Just flap your wings and fly away!” he yelled before throwing the bird up into the air. It squawked and screeched as it barely cleared the hanging lights in the exhibit, before crashing back down into the water, swimming as far away from the crazy man as it could.
“No, no, no! You have to flap them in the sky! It doesn’t work in the water! The air! The air! Really, what self-respecting bird doesn’t know how to fly?” Jokull sighed and picked the axe back up again.
“Maybe you just need more room is all! Yeah, more room…”
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
“No way! Tino! Tino! You’ve gotta see this hat!”
“Wow! The fire looks so real!”
“I know, right?”
“Mathias, one: you are a complete idiot and two: your hair is on fire.”
Mathias looked up at his hair. Then at Olaf. Then back to his hair. Then at a lamppost. Then back to Olaf before finally understanding what he had been told.
“My hair’s on fire! Quick somebody do something!”
Tino grabbed a plastic Viking hat and shoved it on Mathias’ head. Berwald and Olaf waited for the hat to ignite while Tino stood grinning and proud of himself. When Mathias didn’t burst into flame like everything else around them, they decided to ignore what had just happened and continue to search for Jokull in the wreckage.
“Did he really feel the need to completely trash this place?”
“H’s yer br’th’r.”
“…”
The four continued through the decimated zoo when a loud crash could be heard. Ahead of them, birds rose to the skies and goats ran for their lives. Moments later, the building burst into flames.
“D’fin’ntly yer br’th’r.”
“Shut it.”
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
Jokull was trying to take out the back wall of the zoo when they finally found him.
“Hey Jokull! What’s up buddy?”
“Thank you, Mathias. That really helped us sneak up on him.”
“Glad to be of help.”
Olaf had to fight back the urge to strangle his partner.
“Hey Mathias. Lookie! Isn’t that your axe? I swear it looks exactly the same!” Tino yelled, pointing at Jokull.
Mathias turned to look where his friend was pointing. He had to squint his eyes a little to focus on what he was seeing.
“Hey, that is my axe! Damn it, Jokull! Who said you could steal my axe?” Denmark grabbed two pieces of splintered wood and tossed one of them to Tino who had some trouble catching it. Mathias’ eyes narrowed and he twisted the horn on his plastic Viking hat back into place.
“Let’s get him! Charge!”
Tino and Mathias ran screaming at Jokull.
“For Denmark!”
“For Moomin!”
Berwald and Olaf looked at each other before sitting on a half broken bench and watching the three drunkards fight.
o\/\/\/\/\/\/o
Mathias plopped down on a screaming Jokull’s back.
“No fair! You cheated!”
“And you stole my axe!”
Tino joined the Dane on Jokull’s back, “So, how do we know when we’ve leveled up?”
Mathias blinked, “Gee… I dunno,” he turned to Olaf and Berwald, “Hey, how do we know when we’ve leveled up?”
Olaf smirked, “When Alfred stops asking for money to pay for the damages.”
“Awwww….. that’s no fun.”
“Too bad.”
Jokull squeaked and squirmed underneath his friends, “Okay guys, I give up! Please get off of me! You’re heavy!”
“Never! You’re our prisoner for life vile viking!”
Berwald and Olaf simply did not know what to do from there.
“You three are complete idiots.”
Tino smiled up at them. “Yeah, but we’re your idiots!”
“Y’r still pay’n fer the damages.”
“…perkele…”
Hope you like it!
Note: [part 2] Now, I had also come up with a much darker, more serious story from this same prompt [with the snapped bit, not the drunk bit] and I started to write it. However I could not complete it in the three days I had to pinch hit T-T. [It’s at eight pages, and 1/5th of the way done]. I still intend to finish it; I’ll just post it to the main comm. or something still saying it came from your prompt though. So be on the look-out for that. :D