you dont mean anything to me.
you dont mean anything to me at all.
last night i had probably one of the worst dreams in the world.
first i was pregnant. and i love the thought of it, a pregnant little belly... except this one was really sick and almost haunting. i was laying on my bed and i lifted up my shirt to touch my belly and this little parasite of a baby was doing all sorts of turns. it made my own stomach feel sick seeing its little hand sort of go up. oh i shudder at the thought.
but i still loved the babe, but for some reason i had to get an abortion. i was reaching the 3 month mark and i couldnt get rid of it, but for some reason they still allowed it. i got a glimpse of the red mound of cells and i was so horrified. i woke up feeling really ill.
i hung out with mr.b yesterday (thats what we call him) and i had a really great time. i mean, it was the same running around the city, eating ice cream at the cheesecake factory, watching movies at my place... and well.
so i wanted to kiss him. i wanted to kiss him with his ring on my spike and tongue to tongue and i couldnt. i'm really afraid of getting close with him and opening up to him because i know its just going to lead into heartache. i mean i try so hard to get back on my own two feet again to be wisked (sp) away by this knight and shining armor and to be what? fall in love, fall out of love, more heartache. its more trouble than its really worth? im sure he can mean the world to me... but i never want to be in love ever again.
and you know whats the real kick in the balls? i like him so much that i dont want to do anything physical with him because itll only be just that- physical. i want to give myself emotionally and... i'm rage.
this sucks so bad.
oh and ps. shawn you have the emotional capacity of... a peanut.
anyway, to expand a little more on what we did (i love you konstantina)... we met up on 3rd and spring-- haha, yes at the starbucks. theres really nothing to do in the city, especially at 2:30p except go to the movies but my shit headed self already promised my ex that id see xmen with him. anyway, we sat around reading the stranger trying to find things to do this weekend. he told me about his life, why he ended up here (craziest story EVER), and what he wants to do with himself, why he decided to talk to me, how i have the prettiest toes, eyes, lips, i twirl when i walk a little... geez okay blush. around the artist lofts on 2nd, there are a bunch of galleries. we cruised the galleries, then went back into the city and had icecream (only i crave icecream when its this cold)
we played the, "what do you think i'll order game" and lots of jinxies. who loves hot fudge sundaes more? mr.B ITS CERTAINLY, ME! he was so baffled at the fact that the hot fudge came in a little gravy bowl and i let him eat out of it. we went up to cap hill for some shopping (okay he dresses so good) and he bought me socks and a new hat... :) it was really random .
he's random, i can so fall in love with him. i like how he hums and when he rides the bus he closes his eyes. i like how he always has an arm around me and always asks if im warm. i like how he doesnt hesitate to hold my hand and is over the moon crazy about me. ahh.
so . can i go on forever? probably, i see him on saturday :)
say something profound about how im over shawn (and i'm not) and why i should kiss mr.b and... i'm just a wreck pretty much. but more a lovedrunkwreck.
last night i had probably one of the worst dreams in the world.
first i was pregnant. and i love the thought of it, a pregnant little belly... except this one was really sick and almost haunting. i was laying on my bed and i lifted up my shirt to touch my belly and this little parasite of a baby was doing all sorts of turns. it made my own stomach feel sick seeing its little hand sort of go up. oh i shudder at the thought.
but i still loved the babe, but for some reason i had to get an abortion. i was reaching the 3 month mark and i couldnt get rid of it, but for some reason they still allowed it. i got a glimpse of the red mound of cells and i was so horrified. i woke up feeling really ill.
i hung out with mr.b yesterday (thats what we call him) and i had a really great time. i mean, it was the same running around the city, eating ice cream at the cheesecake factory, watching movies at my place... and well.
so i wanted to kiss him. i wanted to kiss him with his ring on my spike and tongue to tongue and i couldnt. i'm really afraid of getting close with him and opening up to him because i know its just going to lead into heartache. i mean i try so hard to get back on my own two feet again to be wisked (sp) away by this knight and shining armor and to be what? fall in love, fall out of love, more heartache. its more trouble than its really worth? im sure he can mean the world to me... but i never want to be in love ever again.
and you know whats the real kick in the balls? i like him so much that i dont want to do anything physical with him because itll only be just that- physical. i want to give myself emotionally and... i'm rage.
this sucks so bad.
oh and ps. shawn you have the emotional capacity of... a peanut.
anyway, to expand a little more on what we did (i love you konstantina)... we met up on 3rd and spring-- haha, yes at the starbucks. theres really nothing to do in the city, especially at 2:30p except go to the movies but my shit headed self already promised my ex that id see xmen with him. anyway, we sat around reading the stranger trying to find things to do this weekend. he told me about his life, why he ended up here (craziest story EVER), and what he wants to do with himself, why he decided to talk to me, how i have the prettiest toes, eyes, lips, i twirl when i walk a little... geez okay blush. around the artist lofts on 2nd, there are a bunch of galleries. we cruised the galleries, then went back into the city and had icecream (only i crave icecream when its this cold)
we played the, "what do you think i'll order game" and lots of jinxies. who loves hot fudge sundaes more? mr.B ITS CERTAINLY, ME! he was so baffled at the fact that the hot fudge came in a little gravy bowl and i let him eat out of it. we went up to cap hill for some shopping (okay he dresses so good) and he bought me socks and a new hat... :) it was really random .
he's random, i can so fall in love with him. i like how he hums and when he rides the bus he closes his eyes. i like how he always has an arm around me and always asks if im warm. i like how he doesnt hesitate to hold my hand and is over the moon crazy about me. ahh.
so . can i go on forever? probably, i see him on saturday :)
say something profound about how im over shawn (and i'm not) and why i should kiss mr.b and... i'm just a wreck pretty much. but more a lovedrunkwreck.